Title: Sometimes always, Never
Pairings: SasukexSakura, SakuraxItachi
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Warnings: Language, Character death
Date: 5/4/2010; 1:46a.m.
"You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel." - Unknown
What was I supposed to do? It wasn't as if I could control such things, you know. I might be a medic, I may be the Hokage's apprentice but at the end of the day, I am nothing more than a mortal. I play with death on a daily basis, but he is not mine to command. I engage on a battlefield so few are ever equipped to step onto, and I win more often than I lose.
Nineteen years old, and what do I have to show for it? It had been six years ago that Sasuke had walked away from me, five years past that I had made Chunin. I had been training with the Lady Tsunade for nearly as long as he had been gone. I had made Jonin. When occasion warranted it, I was a medic for the Anbu black ops.
Those, though, were all things I had done. What did I have to show for it?
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I was still that annoying girl that was only twelve years old, hiding a keen intellect behind a wide forehead. Naruto was still the moron that couldn't keep his mouth shut. Kakashi Sensei was still the perverted, tardy nin that he had been when we had been introduced.
Sai, Yamato..both might have improved upon acquaintance, but they didn't really change.
Admittedly I take liberties in saying such a thing. Acquiring emotion and a base (I refuse to give him the credit for actually comprehending such things as emotion) understanding of the human psyche certainly is an adaption, but Sai was..Sai.
And he would never be the third man who was supposed to be on our team.
That dubious honor belonged to the man that had killed the Hokage. Well, admittedly, I was the last of anyone who would have acknowledged Danzo in Tsunade's place, but rank was rank.
And Sasuke, in typical fashion, had damned it-and damned himself.
What sort of man would kill his comrade? It was three years ago that I had come upon him, ready to kill a woman that might have been-could have been, should have been me.
He could have killed me there. Would have, if it hadn't been for Kakashi. And Naruto. Why? Why couldn't I have loved him? Either of them? Certainly an affair with the man who used to be my superior-and still, frequently, was my team leader-would have raised eyebrows.
But anything would have been better than this.
I should have killed Uchiha Sasuke three years ago. He had acquired revenge, and found it hollow. It would have been a fitting end for him. What more did he deserve? A lonely little boy with a tragic past…I could feel sorry for him.
The days, though, of justifying what he was doing were long over. Haku, that beautiful boy we had met as Genin, had taught me something of loyalty. Even Zabuza knew when to end it. Gaara, Utakata, Neji, tragedy was nothing new to me.
Nothing new to us.
We were Shinobi. We had rules by which we lived, for which we were willing to die.
Uchiha Sasuke threw all of that away. He deserved nothing.
Nothing from anyone. He had killed an innocent man (and for all of his faults and all that he had done, I truly believe Uchiha Itachi was a victim-a willing victim, but a victim none the less) for revenge and found a mutated sort of truth.
Truth that drove him to kill Danzo. Go after the Elders of the Leaf, destroy Konoha.
We had rebuilt, though. Stone by stone, our buildings stood taller than they had before. Every bone that mended was stronger than it was previously, every man, woman and child who had survived the onslaught had found their courage.
Konoha had not fallen, and so he would try again.
In blind ambition, shortsighted for his revenge, Sasuke would return. He always did, he couldn't help himself.
Sasuke could not help his desire for revenge any more than I could help my desire for him.
I could justify to the ends of this world and back, the things he had done. Itachi had driven him insane with his provocation. His clan had been killed and Sasuke had been nothing more than a child living on his own. Madara Uchiha had corrupted his mind against Leaf in his own bid for power, vengeance.
I could close my eyes to the reality that lay before me, in this broken body-burned by lightning so hot as to deliver nearly instantaneous death.
I could not, though, close my heart.
I knew. Even as the warmth faded from the body of the man that I had known and even respected, the shades that had kept me from the truth fell from my eyes. With every tear that fell on Kamizuki Izumo's body, the illusions that I had carefully built around myself were stripped away.
There was no other way to end this.
I would have to kill the man I loved.
A/N: Well, this is where it all began. Sakura's revelations over the body of a man she respected but did not love, killed by a man she loved but could never respect.
My writing style will waffle terribly through this. This cast of characters is entirely new to me, and I'm trying to settle into how I like writing them best. I could write it in a story format, or continue on with living in the character's brain, with occasional glimpses of the scene that provoked these thoughts.
Do you have any opinions? I'd love to hear them!
xoxo,
Elle
