My Dwindling Sanity
Rating: M
Pairings: ItaNeji, AkatsukiLeaderNeji, some Uchihacest if you look real hard
Warnings: Swearing. OOCness. Yaoi (slash, boyboy romance). Spoilers for anyone who doesn't know about Oro-chan, the whole Hyuuga Main/Branch House crap, and the Akatsuki. Sexual content (nothing lemony/limey, more … introspective thoughts on smexy boys and insinuation). Minor spoilers for anyone who doesn't know about the Sound Four. (AKA the "Stuff-Sasuke-in-a-bucket-and-hope-he-goes-ebil"). And probably character bashing, though I try not to go TOO far. AND NOW IT'S A CROSSOVER!
Genre: Humor, Romance
Word Count: 1, 045 (ha ha I got to a thousand again!)(less than last time, though. DAMN!)
Disclaimer: Please see my Profile for details.
A/N: Aye-o! I'm back again! Three quick things:
ONE! It was amaya moore who came up with Hunny randomly popping up. Hunny is from "Ouran High School Host Club," and if you remember from last chapter, his stuffed pink bunny Usa-chan was at Sasuke's sleepover.
TWO! I am BEGGING you guys for ideas. I have no idea what I'm doing with this anymore, and any suggestions are welcome. I might NOT use them, but then again … I might!
THREE! Chapter six of my drabble collections "Seasons" is an ItaNeji drabble that I wrote with "My Dwindling Sanity" in mind. If you like this story, I suggest checking it out!
THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH FOR REVIEWING! whee XD, Yersi Fanel, amaya moore, and lone-wolf987. If I missed someone who reviewed chapter four, I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!
Enjoy!
xXxXxXx
Itachi brushed a lock of his BEAUTIFUL and PERFECT hair out of his face as he painted Neji's nails. They were sitting cross-legged on Neji's bed as they attempted to figure out a plan.
But Neji was squirming from Itachi-proximity, and Itachi was getting him as riled up as possible from his ministrations while simultaneously making his nails perfect, and Gaara (no longer half-tanuki) was rolling on the floor, playing with his sand.
So they were going nowhere, when suddenly the door was blasted open ONCE AGAIN.
Neji was pissed. "What the FREAKING CRAP?" Itachi ignored them in favor of Neji's nearly done nails, and Gaara (lying on his back and pawing the air) craned his neck to see who had come in.
A small blonde boy, followed by a supremely tall black-haired boy entered amidst all the wreckage.
"WHERE IS USA-CHAN!!" the small boy wailed, tears gathering in the corner of his eyes. But suddenly, he was a raving monster with sharp teeth and snarls, barely being restrained by the other boy (who had a hand on his shoulder). "GIVE HIM TO ME!!"
Itachi glanced over his shoulder with slitted eyes. "Is it a pink bunny?"
"YES!"
"Again, Sasuke has him."
Neji was a little weirded-out. "Um, how did Sasuke manage to get Bear-Bear from Gaara AND this … Usa-chan … from this demon-kid?"
Itachi shrugged, "Demented kleptomania?"
"WHO IS SASUKE?" The little boy demanded.
"Who are you?" Neji countered.
"Oh!" the blonde said, suddenly all smiles and cute hearts and flowers, "I'm Hunny!"
The stoic boy spoke for the first time, "Mori."
Itachi rolled his eyes, fed up with these new distractions. "Look, do you want your Usa-chan thing?"
"Yes!" came the wailed and tearful reply.
"Then sit down and shut up until I'm finished with his nails, and then we'll take you to Sasuke. Okay?"
They nodded their assent.
Looks like the Neji Haters HATERShad two new members. Oh what FUN!
xXxXxXx
MEANWHILE!
"ITACHI!" the Akatsuki leader screamed, blasting the door to Itachi's room with great power and dramatics. "I DEMAND YOU GO BLOW UP THAT SALON YOU ALWAYS HANG OUT AT!"
Kisame, wide-eyed and hyperventilating, whimpered, "Itachi's not here!"
The Akatsuki leader paused. "Oh. Never mind, then." He turned to leave, but froze. Slowly spinning around, he took in Kisame's hunched, frightened stance but, more importantly, what he was holding in his hands.
Itachi's boxers.
Raising one eyebrow, he stated, "I really don't want to know. As a matter of fact, I don't care." And with that he swept out of the room, leaving a petrified Kisame and a still-broken door, barely hanging on by one hinge.
There was a blissful silence for about three seconds.
Deidara skipped by, took one look at the wreckage, and hollered for Tobi to come pick things up, as Kisame-baka was in a coma, and he was busy, yeah.
xXxXxXx
Hinata stared at Sasuke's TV screen. It had taken a total of ten minutes to fix it so that the cameras she had hidden in Neji's room were broadcasting directly to her location. She had witnessed the arrival of the two new guests.
Glancing at Sasuke, who was clutching "Usa-chan" and whimpering, she growled.
"Idiot! Why are you so damn stupid?" she demanded, hands on her hips.
"Hey shut up!" was his oh-so-elegant response.
Rubbing her temples, Hinata turned to The Light Bulb of DOOM™ who was currently floating near a chalkboard.
"Ok, new plan. Because of Sasuke's SUPREME IDIOCY, we'll have to spend extra time fortifying our defenses against the new members of Neji-bitch's asinine little club." Hinata said tightly.
Out of the blue, Sasuke's window exploded, revealing that the Akatsuki leader had come to his home! What an honor!
"Who the hell are you?" Sasuke yelled, abandoning Usa-chan for this new arrival.
The new arrival drew himself up to his full height and said ominously, "I am leader of the Akatsuki!" And, just for the hell of it, he leaned down and whispered, "Boo!" at Sasuke, who squeaked and hid behind Hinata, who wasn't impressed.
"I'm not impressed. What do you want?"
Offended, the Akatsuki leader crossed his arms over his chest. "Am I to understand that this is the headquarters of the Neji Haters?"
Hinata raided an eyebrow. "What's it to you?"
"Yeah!" Sasuke added from behind Hinata, ducking his head to fit his taller bulk behind hers.
The Akatsuki leader brushed a bit of lint from his shoulder and replied loftily "I'm quite interested in this Neji, and am willing to assist you in your fight against him if you will allow me to do what I wish with him when we have won."
Sasuke scrunched his face up, "Ew."
Hinata was unconvinced. "So you just decided to randomly pop up and help us at the exact moment we became out-numbered?"
"That, and seeing Kisame touching Itachi's underwear was a bit traumatic," the Akatsuki leader said with a shudder. "I need a good, distracting battle to get my mind off things."
Sasuke's eyes widened and he bared his teeth as he hissed "Itachi?"
Hinata rolled her eyes. "Yes, Itachi. Get your head out of your ass and pay attention to the story."
"So, we cool?" the Akatsuki leader asked, wiping more lint from his sleeve. Fucking lint!
She thought about it.
The Light Bulb of DOOM™ flashed its consent. Sasuke was in "grr must be an avenger" mode and couldn't care less.
Hinata shrugged. "Fine."
And lo, did the Neji Haters and the Neji Haters HATERS gain new members in the battle for … uh … what are they fighting each other for?
Well, Sasuke was trying to stop Neji from killing him, Neji had his pride burned by Sasuke and was thus enraged, Hunny (and Mori) and Gaara wanted their respective stuffed animals back from Sasuke, Itachi was just going along with Neji because he wanted to screw Neji and fuck with Sasuke's mind, the Akatsuki leader wanted to screw Neji as well so was helping Hinata beat the Neji Haters HATERS down so that he could cart Neji away for himself, Hinata wanted Neji to be submissive to her, and The Light Bulb of DOOM™ had been offended by Neji and therefore had to punish him!
…
What the crap?
TBCMerry Christmas all! Hoped you guys like the new chap!
(Insert standard demand/plea/bribe/threat for reviews)
