My Dwindling Sanity
Rating: M
Pairings: ItaNeji, AkatsukiLeaderNeji, some Uchihacest if you look real hard
Warnings: Swearing. OOCness. Yaoi (slash, boyboy romance). Spoilers for anyone who doesn't know about Oro-chan, the whole Hyuuga Main/Branch House crap, and the Akatsuki. Sexual content. Minor spoilers for anyone who doesn't know about the Sound Four. (AKA the "Stuff-Sasuke-in-a-bucket-and-hope-he-goes-ebil"). And probably character bashing, though I try not to go TOO far. AND NOW IT'S A CROSSOVER!
Genre: Humor, Romance
Word Count: 803 (FUCK!)
Disclaimer: Please see my Profile for details.
A/N: HOLYFLYINGBLUEMONKEYS! 31 REVIEWS? (hyperventilates) Do any of you realize how AWESOME THAT IS?
THANKS FOR REVIEWING! lone-wolf987, amaya moore, Yersi Fanel, whee XD, Vegetarian Salad (OMFGWTFFTWBBQ!) and Asterixa (heartattack).
(sniffles) YOU GUYS ARE SO FREAKING NICE! (sobs)
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"It's going to rain."
"It's not going to rain."
"I'm telling you, it's going to rain."
"It's not going to rain."
"IT'S GOING TO RAIN!"
"IT'S NOT GONNA FUCKING RAIN!"
Sasuke immediately cowered back as Hinata bared her teeth at him. He scuttled behind the Akatsuki leader, who was watching them, immensely entertained. For amusements sake, he turned to Sasuke.
"Why do you think it's going to rain?"
Sasuke glanced up at him and, very seriously, said, "Mr. Sand told me."
Hinata whirled and threw a priceless vase, which just happened to be lying around, in Sasuke's general direction. It hit him in the mouth and shattered, making his lip bleed.
"OW! YOU BITCH!"
"I'm SICK OF YOUR INSANITY! JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR THREE MINUTES, WILL YOU?"
She turned away placed one hand on her chin, ignoring the Akatsuki leader's smothered laughter and the sniffling Sasuke. The Light Bulb of DOOM™ was the only other sane person here she felt she could talk to, but it had—
With a bright flash of light, guaranteed to make any person go blind or give them an AWESOME idea, the Light Bulb of DOOM™ returned. Hinata's eyes lit up.
"Why don't," she said slowly, "we go on the offensive instead of waiting for them to attack? Sasuke!" she snapped, making Sasuke jump in surprise. Coming to attention, he saluted, knocking his helmet off-kilter (yes, he's still wearing the army fatigues)(though that helmet didn't really protect him against Hinata).
"Fortify the defenses while we're gone."
"Sir! Where are you going, sir!" He barked.
Hinata sent a smirk over her shoulder as she climbed up on the windowsill.
"To put the advantage in out favor."
And she was gone.
The Akatsuki leader gave a low whistle. "Man, if I hadn't already set my sights on that other Hyuuga kid, I would SO do her!"
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"Okay!" Neji said. He said it again to see if he would be any less nervous. "Okay!"
Nope.
The other members of the Neji Haters HATERS were sitting in a half circle, looking at him for their plan.
Neji whimpered. "Itachi?"
Itachi stopped braiding his hair and put his chin on Neji's shoulder, his arms around the other boy's waist. "Mmm?"
Neji stiffened at the feel of Itachi's breath against his neck. He managed to stammer out, "C-Cou-Could yo-you hel-help-EEP!"
Itachi was nibbling on his ear, uncaring of the three other people in the room, his hands slipping a little lower—
"Well, isn't this just so cozy."
Itachi's head snapped up at the sound of Hinata's voice, and Neji whimpered again. (Whether it was in relief or disappointment is unclear)
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Itachi snapped, his voice icy.
"It's my goddamn house, Uchiha," she hissed.
Neji gasped, scandalized. "Hinata!"
She sneered. "Shut up, bitch."
"HEY!" Itachi, detaching himself completely from Neji, and growling, "He's MY bitch."
"You just fucking WISH!"
"It's YOU who's wishing, whore."
"Neji is MINE!"
"HE'S MINE!"
And thus, the two growling masters-of-the-Neji launched themselves at each other, screaming at the top of their lungs.
"SKANK!"
"SLUT!"
In true cat fight fashion, it started with a vicious tug on the hair, followed by an angry red scratch to the face, and they just lost it. Screaming obscenities, they wrestled each other to the floor.
Hunny, Mori, and Gaara, now perched on Neji's bed, watched the pair roll back and forth. Neji just stared, openmouthed.
But it didn't take him long (twenty minutes) before he snapped to it. He barked instructions to Gaara, who complied and pulled the two apart using sand.
They still clawed at the air attempting to get to each other. Their hair was mussed; Hinata looked like she was missing at least a small clump, and the tie that held Itachi's hair back was missing, so his black, glossy locks spilled into his face, which was bleeding sluggishly from a red scratch that cut across his cheekbone. Both their clothes were cut to the quick. You could see Hinata's bra from the tear at her shoulder, and Itachi had thrown his cloak off; his fishnet shirt was torn in several places.
Neji stared at Itachi, swallowing hard. Panting and flustered, Itachi was … was … SO HOT.
At a quick signal from Itachi, Gaara threw Hinata through the window, making her shriek like an angry cat and Itachi smirk, satisfied.
It was that smirk that did Neji in. In two quick strides, he had his hands fisted in Itachi's loose hair and was kissing him fiercely. Hunny, all but silent until now, squeaked and scuttled out of the room, Mori and Gaara in tow.
When they finally came up for air, Itachi looked into Neji's face (now as flushed as his own) and practically sneered. "I told that skank you were mine."
TBC(fidget)(fidget) A little action for my lovely, super-nice, patient reviewers? (panics, flees)
(Insert standard demand/plea/bribe/threat for reviews)
