Neon Genesis Evangelion: Nobody Dies: Ichi's Birthday Party
Episode 04 – Cleanup
...
And now it was over, and Yui and Gendo were in the spacious office of the Commander, doing the paperwork which the incident had generated. Somehow, Fuyutsuki had managed to disappear such that neither the Magi, nor Yui's instruction of "Rei! Fetch!" had been able to find a trace of him. It was really quite impressive, actually, although, of course, he had had the entire duration of the party to prepare his escape.
He would be back, of course. The question was whether he would be found before Rei would come down on the sugar high she was currently on. As a result, the vents of NERV were aloud with whooping and the sound of someone running around in them very, very fast. The echoes were filling the place, and leaving the staff on edge.
Yui didn't even understand how she could run in those vents. Surely they weren't tall enough...
Rei had, once again, managed to work her way into the vats of liquidised cake before Ichi had been able to finish it all, without breaking any of the seals. And... well, Ichi wouldn't miss the amount that even Rei could eat, considering the size of the cake compared to that of a human scaled one, and as long as Ichi didn't find out (which she had, for her fifth birthday, and there had been a tantrum. An Eva-scaled tantrum), nobody died.
Coincidentally, she was also checking the Magi's estimated figures for the increased rate of accidents for two weeks after the actual party. The statistics were pretty accurate, going by previous precedent. She was also still thankful that Ichi had not managed to work out the cause of the change in Rei's behaviour, because there was a blip in the damage statistics for the 5th birthday. They had found it necessary to get Ichi a second cake that year, to make up for it. And Rei hadn't got any pocket money for three months, and the only reason they had started doing so again was that it had been necessary to put an end to the activities of a diminutive bank robber, who had been taking hostages and holding up armoured cars for utterly trivial amounts.
"So," asked Gendo, his voice distracted, "did you have fun?"
Yui smiled. "Yes, actually. They are so sweet together. I do really wish that... that none of this was necessary, and we could actually be a proper family, but... yes, the look on her face, and how much she enjoyed herself," Yui shook her head. "It makes me feel horribly guilty, but she's just so adorable."
"Glad that it's over until next year?"
"Oh, God, yes." Yui's head collapsed onto her arms, resting on the desk. "Yes, yes, yes."
"So you have seen the network security report?" Gendo asked.
Yui nodded, biting her lip. Gendo took that as all the encouragement he needed.
"Multiple widespread attempted breaches of Unit 01's network by the Ree. In fact, what it resembled most was a present-based directed denial of service attack. Ritsuko and I first suspected that they were trying to overwhelm the defences through sheer numbers, since they were really unsubtle."
"Mmhuhm."
"And then that's when the subtleties started to emerge." The man pushed his glasses back up onto his nose. "Some of those attacks were brilliant. Ones which exploited the overflow errors they'd previously set up. Ones which Ritsuko insisted on calling 'necrosexual' viruses, in which the act of deleting them made them, and all the ones around them replicate faster." He shook his head. "Even some programmes which only worked if they were stopped from working; interrupting the executable changed it into a completely different programme."
Yui nodded. "Yes. It might have actually got problematic had we not been warned in advance that they were going to try that."
There was a click of fingers on a keyboard. "Mmuhuh," agreed Gendo. "We've handed them over to R&D to try to reverse-engineer. On," he added, "completely isolated networks. We can't risk letting the code out into the wider internet."
Both of them shuddered at the idea of the Ree in charge of the global telecommunications system. Because that was basically an inevitability, if their dedicated subversion software was let out into the 'wild'. Much as Yui was loathe to admit it (though Gendo was not), the Reetrix was essentially the digital equivalent of a bioweapons research lab. With very lax handling procedures, and rather malevolent (or, at the very least, careless and unthinking of the consequences) researchers. Who were immune to whatever they cooked up. A fun combination.
There was silence, only interrupted by the clacking of keys as the two worked on the budget. Then;
"Yui?"
"Yes."
"Why do you think Kei told you about what the rest of them were planning?"
"Because I believe that she's a genuinely sweet girl who understands that her sisters would be a bad influence on Ichi, if not restrained, and has the personal maturity to acknowledge that." Yui said in an earnest voice, and then paused. "Or it may have just been a way of getting back at them for whatever reason," she added.
Gendo fixed her with a stare, over the top of his glasses. "Yui..." he began.
...
Ichi lay back upon her bed, a smile on her face. She could feel the very, very pleasing heaviness in her physical body, the change in her metabiochemistry from all that sugar and chocolate feeling nice, and, of course, she had got to have a day of fun with everybody. They'd had the fight, they'd had the presents, they'd had the cake, and she got to spend lots and lots and lots of time with Mommy.
Underneath the contentment, though, was just a hint of melancholia. Because now it was over, and it wouldn't be coming for another year. Maybe the occasional visit from Mommy, maybe, perhaps even a brief contact with her sorta-sisters, but nothing like this. Her one special day, which got to be all about her. Over again. For another year.
Ichi considered herself very lucky to get it at all.
Wriggling slightly, she bounced up and down on her bed, in the little house that stood on the grassy plain which was the dataspace she spent most of her time in. There was something in one of her back pockets, digging into her. Rolling over onto her front, she managed to lever it out. It was a miracle it had got in there in the first place, actually, because, somehow, the intact card was larger than the opening of the top of the pocket, and yet it had not been folded at all.
The handwriting on the front was neat, and precise. And what it said on the crisp white card was quite simple.
Ichi
Tongue sticking out slightly, Ichi tore open the envelope, only to get a sudden, almost blinding emanation of green-white light from the seams where she breached it. Suddenly worried, she tried to smooth it back down, but it tore itself apart, the forces coming from within enough to prevent any of her attempts to block their release.
Blinking heavily, the little girl rolled off her bed, away from the light. Slowly, carefully, a mass of ruffled brown hair poked its way back over the side, to be followed by the rest of her hair.
There appeared to be a tree sprouting from her bed. A very, very, very high resolution tree; in the greenish-white light still emanating upwards, she could see every last bump and wrinkle in it. Flicking her vision to the rarely used information (as opposed to immersion) mode, Ichi could see the massive amount of data associated with it, and the area around it.
Slowly, she climbed back onto her bed. There was... the way to describe it was that there was a plane of difference, where there ceased to be bedroom, and started to be what looked to be a glowing portal to another dataspace; one rich in greenery, the rich, moist scent of wet vegetation wafting through.
There were two notes, flung aside when the envelope tore itself apart. Ichi looked at the larger one first.
Heee~ey Ichi!
Super-Duper-Mega-Awesome-Bestest Eighth Birthday! We were thinking, right, that we never get to give you the best presents, so we thought we'd make up for it by getting you everything we can, to make it up to you. We hope you have so, so much fun with it, because we worked really super-hard to get it to you! We really want to get to spend more time with you, but we can't, and this might try to make up for it.!
Lots and lots and lots of really big Love,
From,
Rei – It was all my idea in the first place!
Iti - I went and made all the trees for you personally. They're all realistic with their growth patterns and stuff!
Siyon - I made the bad guys!
Nana – The environment's going to be really realistic (especially when it breaks) because of me!
Kiko – You're going to look really, really, really adorable in the costumes! All of them!
Hatchi – Minions! You're going to be in charge, so you need minions!
Zyuu – I made you a dragon! He's really, really awesome! Also, the prince.
Kei – I wrote the plot for the story, and also vetted everything, to ensure that Mother will not object to you receiving it.
PS. Lots and lots of superlove! Yay! XOXOXOX!
Her finger tracking the words, Ichi got part way through, before frowning. "Dragon?"
Something chirruped. Ichi poked her head over the dataspace portal, curious to see what was making the noise.
The beast was undeniably draconic; serpentine, even, ophidian, in inclination. Two wings, the wingspan larger than its body, were stretched out, iridescent shimmering light reflecting off the bat-like structure. Two giant golden eyes stared up at Ichi, rich with a certain cunning intelligence, over a maw of adamant teeth. The mainstay of its hide was the rich purple of a Roman emperor, through, overlaying it, like oil on water, was a viridian sheen, which caught the eye and demanded attention. It was undeniably a handsome... nay, majestic beast.
It was also about the size of a large cat.
There were two squeaks of pleasure, one from Ichi, one from the dragon, as they gazed at each other.
"So cute!" managed Ichi, in a tone not entirely unlike the sound of escaping steam; a similarity which only increased as the dragon, with a great flapping of wings, out of the breach, and onto her shoulder. "Oh, you are adorable. I'm going to call you Mr Flappy, and we're going to have so much fun together!"
The dragon cooed at her, producing a similar noise back, as it flopped back onto those parts of her bed which were not taken up by the portal, and accepted a tummy rub.
It was, therefore, a while later when Ichi actually got around to reading the second note.
Dear Ichi,
It is not certain that you will be reading this, so if another person is doing so, I would request that you put it back where you found it, and let Ichi have it. But, nevertheless, Ichi, if you have this, and things had gone as planned, then this will be the only part of Operation: PRESENT which you shall receive. The first note explains the broad circumstances of this gift; this note has the function of explaining things further.
I used my sisters' activities, and their attempts to get other presents to you, as a distraction to get this one gift to you. Contained within is the product of a cooperative work between all eight of us. We have built a fully realised pseudo-medieval dataspace for you, while keeping it as something we hope that you will enjoy. It was hard work, but we believe that it is worth it.
Just for you, our little sister.
Happy Birthday.
With Love,
From,
Kei
PS – The dragon was originally going to be 200 metres long. I had to get Kiko to back me up and overrule Zyuu on that.
PPS – Mother, when you do eventually read this, whether by interception, or by simply looking through Ichi's dataspaces, note how the contents have been vetted, and chosen to be suitable for her. Please let her keep it.
Ichi frowned, and pulled a dictionary from one of her shelves, to look for some of the harder words which were being used. Once that necessary part had been done, she looked down at the dragon, which had fallen asleep while she checked the meanings of some of the unnecessarily long words.
"Come on," she said, softly. "Let's go see what this is about, Mr Flappy."
Scooping the dragon up in both arms, which didn't protest at all at the slightly rough treatment, she clambered up onto the bed, and dropped through into the foreign dataspace.
The little girl found herself deep in a very green, and very, very detailed forest, complete with sparkling streams, wildlife, bits where the-light-broke-the-canopy-just-so, and all the other clichés of fantasy forests. Looking down, too, she seemed to have changed into a very elaborate, multi-layered white dress (which, instinctively, she felt was inappropriate for this kind of place),and reaching up to her head, she felt that the sudden weight on it was a tiara.
Slowly, gazing around at how much effort must have been put into this place, she took steps towards the clearing she could see somewhere ahead of her, dragon still carried in both arms. Emerging, blinking into the sudden sunlight, she could suddenly see an ornate castle, with walls of white marble, and vast towering spires. In a sense, however, even that paled, in comparison, to the mass of people waiting before the walls. They were so detailed. They even all had different faces. And, notably, they also had pictures of her face on tapestried banners.
"All hail Princess Ichi!" the crowd in front of her shouted.
...
"...you knew about the data cache that Kei snuck past security, don't you?"
Yui then smirked. "But of course. And by 'Kei snuck past', you mean, 'I let through', correct?"
Gendo frowned. "In that case, you managed to conceal the changes you made, and made it look like entirely her work. Very well, I might add."
Yui flapped a hand at him. "You old charmer, you!"
There was only one question to be asked. "Why?"
"I did check what was in it, first. I'm not stupid, dear. It was fairly clear that the act of telling me was an attempt to convey my favour, and also distract me from something."
Gendo did not say Because that's what you would have done, but more competently, because he did not appreciate having to sleep on the couch.
"And... well, nothing there was going to be bad for Ichi," Yui continued. "Some of it pushed the boundaries of what I personally would have permitted, but there wasn't anything really dangerous or psychologically harmful. And she'll like them."
The man's eyebrows raised above his glasses. "Even the dragon?"
"Especially the dragon," Yui said through narrowed eyes. "You know how much I wanted a pet dragon when I was her age?" she added, rhetorically.
"A lot?"
"Yes, a lot! I would have killed for it! It would have been a sort of greenish-blue, with golden eyes, and I would have raised it all the way from a hatchling. I would have snuggled it, and taught it to fly, and to breath fire (which would have been blue-white, because that's the hottest colour), and called it 'Inferno, Destroyer of Worlds', and then we would have... well, probably set fire to my brother's room, come to think of it... and I would have shown it to all the girls at school, and it would have been really, really cool!" Yui was turning more than a little red.
Gendo said nothing, in a very telling manner.
Yui coughed.
Gendo continued to say nothing.
"I asked for one for every single birthday between when I was five, and when I was twelve," Yui added, weakly.
Gendo's silence was deafening.
"My father never got me one."
"Because. Dragons. Aren't. Real."
Yui sighed. "Actually, that wasn't his reasoning. He told me that if I wanted one so much, I should work out how to build one myself."
"And is that the traumatic story of why you became a metabiologist?" Gendo asked. His glasses were currently set to opaque, but his wife suspected that he was rolling his eyes at her behind them.
"In retrospect, I think he was joking," Yui admitted.
"Was that a 'Yes' or a 'No'."
"That was a 'No, that's utterly ridiculous to suggest that someone's life could be shaped by something that small', darling," Yui said, in a tone which suggested he was on thin ice.
"I see," the dark-haired man said, taking his glasses off, and cleaning them, as a way of breaking his wife's terawatt-stare. "So... just to make things clear, Kei wasn't using a real hole in the security between the Unit 01 network and Magi 00?"
There was a clattering overhead, as Rei sprinted through the ductwork above the Commander's office, and away again.
Yui shook her head. "Not quite. That would be a..." she paused, "... yes, as I recall, that specific weakness is one of my seventh-level decoys, which requires you to exploit subtle actual weaknesses hidden in the structure of multiple sixth and fifth level ones. Which you can only do if you notice that they're all traps. It's well done, certainly, but the fact is, I was always going to notice the sheer amount of data that you'd have to transfer for all those high-quality VR programmes, when the limited bandwidth I permit them from Magi 00 is taken into account." She paused. "Still, it was enough that it has to be caught on the transfer buffers, for personal approval, rather than any of the Magi defences. It might have actually worked had someone inattentive been on monitoring duties."
Both the man and the woman suddenly sat bolt upright, and simultaneously made a personal note of Don't let Lieutenant Aoba monitor the connection.
"I'll have Ritsuko fix it," Gendo said, adding another note.
"Yes. Do that."
"Of course, that's another escape method caught. We can add it to the Library."
"Yes." Yui paused, a smile creeping across her face, as she stood up to stretch her legs. "I'm actually rather pleased that she used it to get secret presents through to Ichi, rather than an actual escape. Still, not good enough to put one over her mother, eh?"
"No, dear."
"No, not good enough by half."
"Indeed, dear." Gendo paused. "Do you think both Ichi and the Ree are good for each other, really?" he asked, obvious doubt in his voice. "Do you really want to expose them to it?"
Yui nodded, more seriously, stepping around the table. "Yes. At least one way. I'd be more wary of giving them unrestrained access to her, but controlled interactions are a good change for them, and... well, interactions with another more human-baseline mind have to be good," she admitted. "She's not the one who worries me, much as you disagree. And they're so sweet when they're being big-sisterly." She paused. "Trying to be big-sisterly. Trying to be what they think is big-sisterly."
"You should probably just stop."
"Good point." Yui leant down, to give her husband a kiss on the lips.
"You did well, managing to handle all of them like that," he said, when they came up for air. "I couldn't have done it."
That was the last thing which was said for a while. And even the whooping and hollering of the sugar-crazed Rei in the pipes overhead wasn't enough to distract them from their more... pressing business.
Well, apart from when Yui had to throw a shoe at Rei, which the girl easily caught (and then ate) to make her stop watching.
...
And so it was that Princess Ichi, the radiant and very pretty ruler of the kingdom of Nervia, stepped out onto her balcony, and gazed over the landscape.
"It is very pretty, isn't it? I like the trees, and how they have the light shining through them. I wonder if I can move them to my house."
said the Princess. She was not alone, of course, for her trusty, and utterly adorable pet dragon, which sat on her shoulder was with her, as well as her loyal Narrator. But the Princess was troubled, for fell deeds were afoo...
"Awww!" Ichi knelt by the cat-sized dragon, tickling his belly. The purple-green animal started cooing at her, rolling on its back, and emitting little puffs of hot air.
But the Princess was troubled, for...
"I think we should go get you some food, Mr Flappy." She picked up the dragon, nesting him on her shoulder, as she picked him up, still tickling him between his ears.
...fell deeds were afoot.
Ichi turned, and stared at the ceiling, or wherever the voice was coming from. "Well, they're not. Not really."
Yes they are! It says so in the script.
"Yes, but, I mean, they only start happening when I talk to that man with the exclamation mark above his head in the courtyard. Otherwise, it just goes on being happy and fine."
...
"And, so, really, I've been thinking, it wouldn't be okay for me to go talk to the man in the courtyard, because lots of people will get hurt if I do, while if I don't, they get to keep on being happy and fun and okay."
But...
Ichi stared up at the ceiling. "You're not a very nice person, Mr Narrator. You want to make me hurt people. I mean, I wouldn't be a very good Princess if I did. And Mommy might get angry at me if I did."
But there are jumping puzzles! And epic fights where you have to persuade the bad guys that what they're doing it wrong, and so they join your side, and fight against the real bad guy!
"But they're only being bad guys because I talked to that man, if I do." Ichi continued to pet her dragon, who was getting a little agitated. "It means that it's still my fault."
But...
"So, instead, I'm just going to play here, in all those really cool forests with the lovely water effects, and..." Ichi paused, "maybe we can get you some fish, Mr Flappy? Would you like that?"
The dragon cooed, its head bobbing up and down.
"I think you do." The little girl hugged him tighter. "I think you really do. So, Mr Narrator, are there any fish in the streams nearby?"
... yes. Yes, there are.
"Good." Ichi stepped out the door, before poking her head back in. "And don't you dare attack me with monsters or anything, because if you do, I'll leave this worldspace, and not come back ever."
But there's a handsome prince you have to rescue from a wicked wizard!
Ichi wrinkled up her nose. "Why would I want to do that? Can't he rescue himself? Not much of a prince, if he can't fight off a single wicked wizard." She shook her head. "Come on. Let's go get some fish, fish, fishidy fishidy fish," she sung to the little dragon, which joined in with a thin howl, as she skipped through the castle, leaving the Narrator behind.
Because, after all, whatever else she may have been, Ichi was her mother's daughter.
...
