Chapter twelve: A last goodbye
Lyra sat down on the bench under the shade of a willow tree and the company of the tulips and glanced at the clock tower across the street. Five minutes until 5. She sighed and fidgeted, wanting to see Will for the last time, but at the same time dreading it. She knew what she was going to say, she had even practice on Pan, much to his annoyance. He looked up at her now from her lap, worried as usual.
"Oh, Pan stop it, everything is going to be fine!" Lyra exclaimed patting his head.
Pan furrowed his eyebrows and shook his head, "How do you know the world won't start collapsing immediately?"
Lyra took a deep breath, "I don't but this is our last chance to set things right and part for good." She choked on the last words, holding back tears. Pan snuggled closer to her and they waited in silence until the vortex took them into a new world.
Will landed on his back looking up at the milky-way. He blinked, sat up and discovered he was on the top of a small hill that was covered in long grass and wild flowers that were swishing in the wind. He saw a good sized boulder a little ways off and headed towards it, keeping an eye out for Lyra.
As he sat on top of the boulder he heard a trickle of water and realized that there was a spring bubbling from beneath the rock. He laid his head back on his hands and gazed at the stars, thinking that there couldn't have been a better place for their last meeting. He started as he felt a weight on his chest.
"How did you sneak up on me like that?" Will laughed.
"I've had years of practice." Lyra joked and kissed his forehead. She hesitated, her body poised over his as her hair draped down around him, enveloping them in their own private world. She giggled at the irony. A flash of pain flashed across Will's face and Lyra's smile faltered and she sat up, pulling Will with her. He stroked her face, as if it was the most delicate, beautiful thing he had ever seen. Then he ran his fingers gently through her hair until his hand rested on her shoulder.
Her eyes had closed under his calming touch and he pulled her towards him until her head rested on his chest, just under his chin.
"I love you. I will ALWAYS love you, no matter what." Will whispered into her ear. She shivered from the cold wind and hugged him closer, not wanting to let go.
"I love you too Will. And I will never love anyone else, I promise you that. I've caused you enough pain already, so I promise to only ever love you and no one else." Her hands clenched at his shirt as she held back tears. Will reached around and gently unwound her fingers from his clothes and pushed her shoulders back so he could see her face.
"No." Will's voice came out faint and pained.
"No? what do you mean no?" Lyra shook her head, confused.
"You have to move on Lyra, you can't live in the past fore-"
"But I can't! I don't want to love anyone but you Will, not ever!" Lyra's voice rose and cracked a tear finally broke through. Will took her hands and pleaded with her,
"It's my last request of you, please! I want you to move on and have a life without me, be happy don't let me hold you back." Lyra stared at him as more tears streamed down her face. She was unable to hold back the sobs that now racked her body.
"How can you bare to think of me with anyone-"
"I can't!" Will interrupted her, the pain was clear in his voice, "but I love you too much to be the thing holding you back from happiness. As painful as it will be, it would be worth it if you were really happy." Will dropped her hands and looked up at the stars willing his tears not to come. He listened to Lyra trying to control her sobs as he watched a shooting star spin past the moon.
"Alright..." Will looked down surprised,
"Alright?"
"On one condition, you promise to do the same. I couldn't live with myself if I moved on and you didn't..." She trailed off, gazing across the plain. He studied her for a while and finally nodded his head,
"I promise." Lyra's glazed eyes came back into focus as she took in his tightly controlled face. She hadn't realized until now that he had really loved her this much. She had always thought she was the one who loved him the most, who would give up any and everything to have him. But now she knew that the real sign of true love was the willingness to do anything to make the other happy, even at the cost of her own happiness.
A smile broke across her face, and more tears streaked her cheeks as she leaned in and rested her forehead on his,
"But, no matter what, I'll always love you, even if I end up with someone else, you were my first love." Will pushed a strand of hair out of her face and kissed her one last time. They lost themselves in the scent of each other, of the soft brush of their lips together, of the tickle of Lyra's hair. Will pulled her into his lap and hugged her as close as he could without hurting her. He wanted to remember the way she fit into the curve of his neck and the flat of his chest. Her light hair under his chin. Her figures traced the lines of his cheek bone and then his collar bone until they came to rest over his heart, where she put her palm flat against his heart and could feel it racing under her touch. They both smiled content and together if only for a minute.
Slowly Will lifted Lyra and set her down in the tall grass beside the rock. His hand lingered in hers until they both turned and their fingertips slid apart. Neither looked back, they both knew how much more painful it would be if they actually said goodbye and then attempted to pull away. It was best left this way. With the warmth of each other still felt on their skin, and no more tears, for now.
