Chapter 7: Rooftop Secrets and Confessions
Weeks after Roger's latest ordeal with Courtney, he began to live up to his word and started taking responsibility for Courtney. It was going to take time for Roger to fix things with Courtney, but he promised her no matter what he was going to be there for her. However, Roger may have patched things up with Courtney; he was still trying to deal with everything else around him. His friendship with Mimi was slowly improving, but he still couldn't bring himself to open up about his personal problems. There was something else that was bothering him…he was beginning be exposed to the ideas of love and romance again. It was an opportunity he questioned whether passing up or not.
"Daddy…look at this," Courtney said she led Roger into her room, "Daddy…why is there a hole in the ceiling and why is the roof leaking?"
"Oh man not again," Roger groaned, "Mark! We got a situation! I thought you called Benny about the roofing in our loft and the busted pipes! One of the pipes in Courtney's room burst so she can't sleep in her room until we get that fix."
"Well he's coming by today," Mark added, "Besides…he's collecting the monthly rent. I'm surprised we forgave him for all the crap he put us through in the past. But hey…everyone deserves their second chances don't they? Well he maybe had evicted us at one point, and gate crashed Maureen's protest and sellout when he married Allison Grey, but he's done us some good in the past."
"He did help me…enroll Courtney into St. Patrick's when I fell short," Roger said, "And he did refer me to Charlie at The House of Blues and he did pay for April's funeral…something I couldn't bring my self to do so." Suddenly within minutes the phone rang.
"Hello?" Mark replied picking up the phone, "Yeah Benny okay come up! Roger he's here."
It has been months since Mark and Roger have last seen Benny. Once their old roommate and now landlord, they all had their differences in the past. However, Benny's attitude changed when his son Marcus Coffin was born. Benny's son was born a few months after Courtney and the two kids were classmates at St. Patrick's. Still at times, Benny can be the pompous and sarcastic bastard at times when he came around to see them, but he still had good intentions and a good heart left in him, despite marrying into the upper class society.
"Still the same old place when I still living here," Benny replied coming in the door with Marcus, "Roger, how are things going with you?"
"Been keeping busy with work and raising my daughter," Roger said, "The only two people in our group of friends who actually turned out to be parents. These guys here refuse to handle the responsibility of parenthood. "
"Tell me about it, you think its easy trying to please the wife at home?" Benny said, "The wife tries to raise our son as this upper class prep boy who acts like he's all that. Either that or the fact he hangs around with his grandpa too much at the country club. I take him down here to sometimes snap some sense of reality into my kid."
"You're talking about a six year old boy," Mark said sarcastically, "Probably the sarcasm attribute he got was from his father's side of the family." Courtney came into the room a few minutes later.
"Hi Marcus, Hi Benny," Courtney smiled, "Hey Marcus…do you want to play Hungry Hungry Hippos? It will be fun."
"Do I have to play with her?" Marcus complained, "She's a girl…she'll probably make me play with Barbies and stuff animals…but since we're friends okay let's go."
"Hey…you better watch your mouth next time you say junk like that around my daughter Marcus," Roger warned, "Benny…you got to teach that kid of yours some proper manners or he'll grow up to be like a snob like that excuse you call a wife."
"Okay…I get it teach the kid some manners on treating people who don't have wealth that they are equal," Benny said, "Besides…I only get him on the weekends after Allison kicked me out again. I suppose you guys want to talk about the piping and the roofing in your apartment."
"Yeah we tried calling you for weeks but there has been no reply," Mark replied, "Wait…she kicked you out again? What did you do this time? Sleep with another girl or blew one of her daddy's business proposals?"
"Knock it off it's been like this for six months…the latest being the affair I had with some chick at The Cat Scratch Club," Benny sighed, "Allison went ballistic when she found the phone number of the girl, called her up, confronted her and me and then…sent me packing. She told me I can only set foot on the property to get Marcus and nothing else. I agreed to go with her to marriage counseling twice a week."
"How is that going?" Roger asked, "Did she put the blame of your tattered marriage on you?"
"It takes two to make a marriage work," Benny added, "And she says I'm at fault. You know after Marcus was born, I caught her fooling around with the gardener and when I found out about that…I fired his sorry ass! She went behind my back for 3 months with that. The only reason why we're trying to fix our marriage is for our son's sake. But that lame excuse she calls a father isn't helping fix the problem."
"Dude if I were you I would give you a quick way to fix this all," Mark said.
"And what is that?"
"Get a divorce and get custody of Marcus," Roger and Mark replied, "Better done deal!"
"Oh no way…I invested 6 years in this marriage and I love my wife…but sometimes she can be a pain in the ass," Benny added, "Her father literally has to stick his nose into our business and the way my son is growing up…sooner or later he's going to sellout like…"
"Like his dad?" Roger said, "We know…and we understand why because you loved her, even if it meant stomping on us to do so yeah. At least you got a wife that wasn't on drugs or HIV positive. Marcus is lucky having a mother around…your kid has everything, unlike mine. Well Courtney still has aunts and uncles who care for her, a good education, and oh yeah a HIV positive father who can't predict how long he has to live. Don't forget…she has a dad who literally drove her mother back into her drug habits and even to her death."
"It's been five years Roger quit beating yourself over the fact that you witnessed April getting ran over," Benny said, "Courtney is lucky to have you for a father and hey…you're doing a decent good job when it comes to this fatherhood stuff. At least she looks up to you while I fear my son is going to be brought up believing in social stature. Between you and me and I will quote this on our next session of counseling that my former roommates have it better than I do."
After Benny made a few calls, he notified the guys that their piping would be repaired in a few days and their roof repaired. "Okay so we'll cool until next month…and the repairs would be made in a few days."
"You take that back Marcus!"they heard Courtney yelled, "Don't you say that to me!"
"It's true!" Marcus yelled, "That's what my mommy said!"
"Well you're mommy is a big fat liar!" Courtney yelled back, "And so are you Marcus Coffin!"
"At least I have a mommy!" Marcus yelled back, "You don't because your mommy is not here…because she died!" By that time Roger got really pissed off at Marcus for saying that and he was five seconds away from punching Benny's son in the face. Courtney began to cry.
"What the hell did you say to her?" Roger yelled in rage grabbing Marcus by the shirt, "Don't you ever say that to my daughter you little bastard you got that? Don't you show me disrespect because you're a rich little punk ass kid! You apologize to my daughter or else I'll kick the living shit out of you!"
"Have you gone completely mad Marcus Julian Coffin?" Benny yelling at his son, "Sometimes you don't think of what you say? Heck, you're just like your mother not thinking straight of what you say. What did you tell Courtney?"
"Mommy said that Courtney's mommy was sick because she's poor like Courtney's daddy," he boy replied, "It's true because that is what mommy said. She said Courtney's mommy is dead because she was sick with something more than cold. It's true Uncle Roger."
"If you don't discipline that son of yours Benny I swear I would slap him across the face!"
"Okay Roger calm down," Mark replied holding Roger back while Benny had his son behind him, "Look Benny…I think it's best if you got Marcus out of here before Roger does some damage to your kid. He already swore enough times in front of the kids."
"Look…I'm sorry for what my son said," Benny apologized to Roger, "I'll see that I deal with him when we get home. I'll call the contractors to fix the piping and roofing guys."
"Thanks," Roger said, "You better deal with Marcus."
"You…let's go you're beginning to irritate me," Benny said as he took Marcus out of the loft, "I do apologize again Roger. Give Courtney my sympathies. Take care you two."
"He said that his mommy told me that my mommy was sick," Courtney cried, "Then Marcus said that my daddy was sick and it is not a cold that is was something else. But he said that his mommy said that you and mommy are sick because you're poor. I hate him daddy! I hate Marcus! He's so mean!"
"It's okay sweetie…Marcus is just being dumb," Roger replied counseling his daughter, "Don't you listen to what he says because his mother, Allison thinks she is better than everyone else. She is trying to make Marcus think he's better than you. That boy doesn't know better than his mother."
"He says it's true…daddy is true?" Courtney asked, "Is it true that my mommy was sick and she died because she was sick?"
"Courtney…there are some things you have to understand," Roger sighed, "I can't really explain this to you because you are too young to understand. What happened to your mother is something you need to learn when you are a bit older. Your mommy and I were…sick at one point and I am still today…but I am getting better. Remember how you have your insulin to treat your diabetes? Well daddy…has some special medicine he takes."
"Is it more…than a cold daddy?" Courtney asked, "Did mommy die of a cold or was she really sick? Was she sick because she was very poor like Marcus said?"
"That's not true sweetie," Roger said as he was about to tear up, "Honey…daddy doesn't want to talk about what happened to mommy okay? Don't listen to what Marcus says okay? Your mommy didn't die because she was poor and I wasn't sick because I'm poor okay?"
"I understand daddy," Courtney replied, "I won't listen to what Marcus said because he's a big fat liar like his mommy. I love you daddy…thanks for making me feel better."
"Hey no problem kiddo," Roger smiled hugging his daughter, "I love it when you smile tiny."
"I'm glad that is settled with," Mark added, "Hey listen…I was going to head out to the grocery store to buy some food. It seems like we're low on supplies. You two are up for a trip to the grocery store?"
"Yeah that will be fun," Courtney smiled, "Daddy are you coming?"
"I got some work to do…you go have fun with your Uncle Mark," Roger replied as the two left for the grocery store, "Hey don't forget to buy some milk okay?"
Roger went up to the rooftop a little while later. He was upset with what Benny's son told Courtney about her mother. That basted kid didn't even know anything about the mother of his daughter and he was saying all of this based on what Allison told him. He literally hated Marcus for upsetting Courtney…what was he thinking saying that? He had no right to disrespect April's memory like that and he knows better than to disrespect his family like that…but he literally wanted to kill Marcus for putting him on the spot to explain to Courtney about everything.
He was playing his guitar on the rooftop reflecting on what he tried to tell Courtney about him and her mother. It was hard to reveal in a way that he was sick with HIV and that her mother had it before she was born. Unfortunately, it was only half the truth…he couldn't bring himself to tell her that one day it will kill him. There are some things that Courtney couldn't understand and that he just wanted to let out…especially the reason of why April died. It wasn't the fact that she was a drug addict or HIV positive, it was the fact that his exploitation of his affair with Sophie killed her. He was to blame to April's death. Suddenly he broke down again thinking about it, thinking about how he was at fault for everything and how he will pay the price for it. Suddenly he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Hey…I see you like to admire the view from up here," Roger turned around and saw it was Mimi, "You come up here often?"
"On most days…to think and to be alone with myself," Roger sighed, "I…didn't expect to find you up here. I didn't see you."
"I sometimes like to come up here to practice my routines on my own," Mimi added, "It's just peaceful being up here alone…thinking about life and stuff. I haven't had it easy the last couple of years. There are some things I live to regret and because of that I'm paying the price for it…with my life."
"I should have been dead in the long run Mimi," Roger sighed as he broke down, "You're talking to someone who is to be blamed for driving his wife to their death. I can't even tell my daughter her mother is dead because of me! You want to know about the baggage I'm carrying? That baggage includes the fact my little fling with a client of mine five years ago drove my wife to relapse and use drugs again! I had baggage long ago before Courtney was born! I'm not the perfect father my kid should be looking up to! I destroy lives Mimi…I drive people to their breaking points! My wife and I are not the idealistic parents our daughter sees us…especially when you got a life threatening luggage to carry until you're one day put in that coffin down in Haven Memorial Garden. God…is this what I get for living? To carry this luggage for the rest of my life until you put me in my place?"
"Roger…it's okay just let it out," Mimi said as she started comforting Roger, "Just let it out I understand it's okay."
"I'm tired of living with the shadows of my past!" Roger cried, "It just won't let me be! Look at me I'm a nothing but a hallow shell that can't feel happiness…only pain and guilt!"
"Look at me," Mimi said trying to get him to look at her, "You know what I see. I see a man who is determine to fight and make an effort to defeat the shadows of his past. I see in your eyes courage to get through all the trauma in you life."
"It's just so hard…because it won't leave me alone. It haunts me every night that I am detached from everything I know! I try to hide in my work from everything but no matter what I do…it finds me."
"Then let it go," Mimi assured him, "Get back what you want in your life and take it back."
"It's so hard Mimi that's why I'm so disgruntled about living…but Courtney is what keeps me going," Roger continued, "I couldn't tell the real reason why April died…because she would hate me forever and blame me for taking her mother away. I just wait it's time for me to be put in my place. My wife and I were junkies before Courtney was born…two junkies madly in love and getting high at the same without a care. I thought it good to be born to be wild. Unfortunately…it was what gave us this. I knew from that day forward…our lives would forever change. The day we got our admission test…the dreams of glory and life died. I wanted redemption for everything I did in my life…and I still wait until this day." Suddenly Roger's pager went off signaling his AZT break. When Mimi noticed, her pager went off too and it surprised Roger.
"I can see why…you and I do have a lot in common," Mimi slowly replied.
"You too?" Roger asked shocked, "How…you look like you're…"
"Don't be fooled by your perception," Mimi sighed, "You talk about baggage…I got mine too. I just try to make the best of my days and live my dreams…because I got dreams to remember and follow. So much for two birds in a stone? I can add that to the overall list that will lead to my downfall in life. I was like you once upon a time…living it up for free without a care, getting high off drugs, lived a wild lifestyle stripping in bars, prostituting and sleeping with various customers, I can even be called a home wrecker. I literally blew my chances at glory because my lifestyle…my drug using and my drug admission test is what got me kicked out from Julliard. But my dream is what keeps me in line just like how your daughter keeps you in line."
"Mimi do you feel comfortable talking about this?"
"It's okay…I like to clear the air out on most days and it's hard to find someone to talk to…but I can understand why you are the way you are," Mimi added, "I never felt that burden of carrying the death of a loved one on my shoulders, but I carried the pain of heartbreak. The day my admission's test came in…my mother was devastated. She always wanted to become the prima ballerina she saw me as a child. After I got kicked out of Juilliard, my mother severed any contact with me. I was dead to her now…that's how I got my sense of independence."
"But you still got your dream of becoming a dancer right?"
"It's what keeps me going to live…my sense of independence came at a price. I didn't like the person I became but I grew up. The latest stunt I pulled happened six months ago when I worked at The Cat Scratch Club. I fucked around with this married man who had a wife and kid and then his wife found out about…she went mad. I always wonder what keeps me going everyday in my life and I remember…I want redemption in the form of fulfilling my dream."
"I think I'm beyond redemption. At least your dream redeems you from your past life despite the fact that sooner or later you'll be dead…I'm slowly dying everyday but I can't tell my daughter that either. I can't forgive myself for what I did to April but I loved her with all my heart and I would trade places with her. It's like I'm suppose to be dead now and that the world wants me gone. But when I look at my daughter I understand I'm here for a purpose…for her. I can't leave her alone to face the world alone. I just want to be forgiven for what I did and I want to make peace with my past…to let go."
"Then learn to live each day as if it was your last," Mimi smiled, "No day but today is what I would say. That is what we should do when your face with life threatening luggage like this. It helps to let go of all the regret, guilt, hurt, loneliness and pain you feel inside. Love is the one thing that you be the ultimate redemption and pleasure of living."
"I wish I could love again and live again," Roger said, "I try to smile each day for the sake of my daughter…that's the one blaze of glory I want to find again of living and love."
"I'm sure you'll find it soon," Mimi smiled as the two lean against the railing of the rooftop, "I know you know and I say that as someone who wants the same thing too."
"Would…you help me?" Roger quietly asked, "As a friend that is all I ask from you will you help me?"
"For someone who wants glory and dreams to remember…I can't turn down a cry for help."
"Thank you Mimi," Roger smiled, "I'm sure one day your dream will come true too. How do I try to rediscover what I'm looking for? How do I start living again?"
"Start by taking it one day at time," Mimi said, "You can start today…take it one step at a time. Courtney is your first step by finding the joys of fatherhood and being a parent. Take advantage of that opportunity. Live life through her and relive life all over again. Remember life is about taking a leap of faith too Roger. Once in awhile it's good to expect the unexpected because it can show you value living life."
