"Mommy..." Ella called from the bottom of the staircase. She miserably dragged her feet into the living room where Addison was.

Addison set down her wine glass and opened her arms to make it easier for the child to deposit herself into them. Ella nuzzled her head into her mother's neck. Her hot skin pressed against Addison's and alerted her to the fever.

"You not feeling well, baby?" Addison asked softly and felt Ella nod her head in response. She pulled away and placed her hand over Ella's forehead. "You've got a crazy high fever, El. Let's get you some Tylenol and put you to bed, okay?"

She felt Ella's arms tighten around her neck. "No!" she whined. "I always throw up when I drink that nasty goo!"

"Okay...what if I give you the one for big girls? You can take a pill." Addison suggested.

"I can't swallow pills!" she continued to whine right beneath Addison's ear.

Addison sighed, giving up on the thought that she would ever be able to get through the chapter she was suppose to read before her class the next day. Ella wiggled out of her arms to release an endless chain of coughs.

"How about we stay down here?" Addison suggested. "We can watch TV until you fall asleep. Sound good?"

Ella nodded her head and settled her head down on her mother's lap before curling the rest of her body in a little ball to contain body heat from escaping. Every so often her fever cause a chill to run through her body and she would shiver until she felt a warm pair of arms around her. Eventually she lost interest in the cartoon and looked up at Addison.

"I want a baby brother...or sister." she declared. Her fever had spiked at this point and she delirious, saying anything and everything that came to her mind without thinking.

Addison looked down at her, her brows arched perfectly. She tried to brush away a few strands of hair away from her daughter's face but instead came to realize that the fever had gotten higher. She was tired and sick and she wasn't thinking straight. There was no harm in letting her have her moment. "Do you?" Addison asked. "Are you sure? Cause my brother says that after I was born no one bothered to play with him anymore because they were too busy playing with me. That happens, ya know...the baby needs a lot of attention."

"Yeah, I know." Ella responded enthusiastically. "But you'll never forget me, right? Even if there is a new baby that needs you to love him too... that doesn't mean you won't have enough love with share with me and Daddy, right?"

"Ella, love doesn't come in a set quantity." Addison answered. "I will always love you and your father with or without a baby."

"So will you get one for me? Or since Daddy says you guys know Santa, will you call him and ask him to get one for me?" Ella begged, her innocent voice getting weaker and weaker as her desire for sleep became stronger and stronger.

"Santa doesn't take requests for siblings, honey. That's not his department. But...it's been on my mind too. I'll talk to your father about it and if we both agree than we'll see if we can score you a little brother or sister."

"Promise?" Ella asked. She tried to keep her eyes open long enough to finish the conversation but that didn't go so well. Her eyes began to flutter closed but her battle to keep them open was not dying down. As soon as she realized she was falling asleep her eyes would pop open again.

"I promise, Ella." Addison swore, running her fingers in her hair. "You'll feel a lot better if you let yourself fall asleep." she advised in a whisper.

"You'll be here when I wake up, right?"

Addison nodded, "There is no where else I'd rather be." she answered, letting a smile grace her lips the second Ella's eyes finally gave into slumber.

"Were you down here all night?" Derek asked with a yawn as came into the room a few hours later. He saw Addison on the couch with Ella's head on her lap. The TV was on, showing some random cartoon. "Why isn't she in bed?"

Addison looked up at him with tired bloodshot eyes. She had slept only three hours the previous night because she had to study. She had hoped to sleep well that night but that obviously hadn't gone as planned. "She was up almost all night, fell asleep two or three hours ago. I didn't want to move her. She looks too comfortable to move."

"Oh." Derek answered simply, another yawn preventing anymore words for a few more seconds. "Coffee?"

Addison shook her head in responce. "I need to go to sleep. I'm exhausted beyond words. Do me a favor and take her up to bed."

Derek carefully lifted his daughter off the couch and into his arms. He carried her up the stairs with Addison behind him. He put her down on the bed and stepped aside so she could tuck her in. After covering her little shivering body with a blanket, Addison leaned over and placed a kiss on her fevered forehead. As they walked out of the room Derek slipped his arm around her and pulled her closer.

"Is everything okay? You seem a bit shaken."

She shook her head and smiled a smile like no other. "I'm fine. Just have a few things on my mind." she promised to tell him later but later never came. Her desire to have a baby eventually died down and he never knew it existed in the first place.


There was a time when Ella Shepherd would look to her parents marriage as if it was made of steel. Nothing could come between them, nothing could tear them apart. That obviously didn't apply anymore. Their marriage couldn't take anymore at the point they had reached. It was delicate and fragile, cracked and broken beyond repair but still too precious to throw away. At least that's how Ella say. If it were up to Addison, she'd throw it all away in a blink of an eye and start running.

"Can I ask you something?" Ella asked awkwardly. For the first time since Addison moved back in there was role reversal. Derek had been the one on call for the night, leaving Addison to stay with Ella for the night. He was positive that it wasn't a great idea, not because he didn't trust her but because he knew it would be horribly uncomfortable for the both of them.

Ella was suppose to be asleep, it was past midnight and she had been lying still in her bed for two hours. Addison had been mere feet away with a dim light on to allow her to catch up on all the charts she'd been neglecting. The voice startled her and caused her to drop the pen in her hand. She had been too caught up with her work to pay attention to whether or not Ella had ever fallen asleep.

"It's late, you've got school tomorrow. I'm sure if can wait." she answered.

"But it can't... I can't sleep until I know." she insisted. Give that the trailer was so small, all Ella had to do was prop herself up and she'd be able to see right through the so call door into the bedroom straight into the eyes of the woman who was once her mother.

"Okay. One question."

"Would it have been different if you had kids?" Ella asked hesitantly, looking at Addison for just a second before diverting her glance somewhere else.

Addison didn't know how to answer the question. The truth was she didn't know. It could have been different, it could have been the same. "I uh.."

Ella interrupted her before she could go any further. "I know you said you're gonna leave and I'm not trying to change your mind or anything but... I'm curious. If you had real kids with him would you fight harder for this?"

"You are a real kid, Ella. You're not a figment of our imaginations."

"I mean like...your real kid. Like if you and him created a child together...Or if you were really my mother. Would you try?"

"I don't know." Addison answered honestly. "I may have tried harder, I may have never screwed up because I wouldn't want my children to lose their father. But in this case...you wouldn't lose your father. You'd lose me and I'm not so sure that that's the worst thing that could happen to you, Ella. The sooner you understand that, the easier it will be to move on."

"But..."

"Or we could have had kids and I would have cheated and I'd break their hearts and your father's heart. My kids would hate me and they'd have no father to turn to... so... it could be worse."

Ella stared at her blankly for a few seconds. "But why can't you see this from the other side... it's exactly like you said. Yeah, you did cheat and yeah, we did leave and it didn't work out the second time around but it's the same thing. You leaving would mean I have no maternal figure in my life."

"Meredith..."

Ella stopped her before she could finish the sentence. "Is not my mother. You are...no matter how much we try to convince ourselves other wise. I hear the word and you're the first person I think of! Who am I suppose to have these late night talks with?"

"Ella, I promise you...when I'm gone you won't even realize I'm missing. And if you were to ever need me...you could email."

"Email? 12 years as my mother and I'm suppose to keep in touch with you by email..." Ella scoffed, turning over to face the wall. "You know what...Just go. I don't care. Give up on your marriage, leave me. I don't care. It doesn't even matter anymore."


Random fact: While I was writing the first chapter, which was meant to be a one shot...I saw John Travolta's daughter on TV and her name is Ella. That's where the name came from. Amelia came from my obsession with princess diaries. That one story I deleted with the name Stephanie came from Full House...In other words, I don't actually put thought into naming characters. I hear a name on TV and go with it.

Anyway, Thoughts? Would love to know. Btw, I'm running out of ideas for flashbacks. If you have any, please let me know.