Chapter 13: Searching for Something More
"Aunt Mimi…can you read me more of that story please?" Courtney asked, "I like it when you read to me that book you read to daddy when you come over."
"I'm not sure because you wouldn't want your dad to get angry at me for reading you something that is not for your age."
Mimi protested as she was helping the little girl get ready for bed. Roger had a business dinner to go with some of the record producers for Spark Records. The others came by and all decided to head out to the Life Café for some drinks, but Mimi stayed behind to look after Courtney. She absolutely adored her and the little girl obviously loved Mimi a lot not because she was dating Roger, but she also loved bonding with her to provide some female influence in her life, since her mother wasn't around.
"Please Aunt Mimi please read to me A Walk to Remember please?" Courtney asked.
"You know your dad will run a fit with me if I try to read you a story about teenage love and falling in love but okay," Mimi smiled as she tucked the girl into bed, "I'll start from the last part that I read to your dad the other night okay?"
"I'm listening," Courtney replied as Mimi sat on the bed next to her and started reading.
"I stared at it, mesmerized, and slowly ran my hand over the top, brushing my fingers over the well-worn leather as tears filled my eyes. Jamie reached out and rested her hand on mine. It was warm and soft. I glanced at her, not knowing what to say. Jamie had given me her Bible," Mimi read out loud, "Thank you for what you did for me, she whispered to me. It was the best Christmas I ever had. I turned away without responding and reached off to the side where I'd set my glass of punch. The chorus of Silent Night was still playing, and the music filled the room. I took a sip of the punch, trying to soothe the sudden dryness in my throat."
"What happened next Aunt Mimi?" Courtney asked as she started to yawn, "Please keep reading I'm not tired."
"But you're yawning and a little chica next to me is starting to get drowsy," Mimi smiled giving the girl a hug, "You're starting to fall asleep on me."
"Please keep reading! What happens next to Jamie and Landon?"
"As I drank, all the times I spent with Jamie came flooding my mind. I thought about the homecoming dance and what she'd done for me that night. I thought about the play and how angelic she looked. I thought about the times I'd walk her home and how I helped collect jars and cans filled with pennies for the orphans," Mimi continued reading, "All these images were going through my head, my breathing suddenly went still. I looked at Jamie, and then I looked up at the ceiling and around the room, doing my best to keep my composure, then back to Jamie again. She smiled at me and I smiled at her and all I can do is wonder…how I ever fallen in love with a girl like Jamie Sullivan."
"That's cute…Landon is falling in love with Jamie," Courtney smiled, "Does…he end up telling Jamie he loves her and do you live happily ever after?"
"Well that will be another night Miss Courtney Davis," Mimi said, "It's hard to explain the concept of love to someone your age because you are so young. In this case of Landon Carter, he started falling for Jamie soon after he recognized his feelings for her. It takes time for someone to realize that they are in love with each other...even if the other person you're in love with maybe obvious to your feelings because they don't know what they really want or maybe they're afraid of something."
"Why is it every time Mark and the others decide to go drinking at the Life Café they always leave my favorite girl and my little miracle girl out of the activities?" they heard Roger standing at the doorway of Courtney's room, "Let me guess…A Walk to Remember right? I figured that you read the rest of Chapter 9 to my kid and specifically hinted about the concept of falling in love to my seven year old."
"Daddy were you here the whole time listening to Aunt Mimi read to me?" Courtney asked.
"You could say that," Roger replied as he joined Courtney and Mimi on the bed, "Why you are interested in having this book read to you sweetie? You know that this is for grownup people right? In my opinion you are seven years old and way too young to be learning about falling in love…you wait until you're maybe sixteen and you can start dating. As for you Mimi…you had to finish the rest of the chapter without me didn't you?"
"Every time I read this when I come over you fall asleep on me half way through every chapter," Mimi teased, "What is Mr. Tough Guy lacking his sensibility to appreciate a chick flick book?"
"You're dating Aunt Mimi…should that mean you love her by now?" Courtney asked. This was the second time the subject of love came across Roger's mind and somehow his daughter was now the second person to ask about him falling in love.
"Whoa slow down there tiny," Roger replied, "Aunt Mimi and I have only been going out for a few months so that isn't something to discuss yet. You missy need to get to bed now…it's already way past your bedtime. Besides tomorrow marks our yearly spring visit to Coney Island and we need to wake up early to get to the docks. Sweet dreams Courtney."
"Good night daddy," Courtney replied falling asleep, "Good night Aunt Mimi...I love you both."
"Listen…I know that you got your competition coming up and I don't want to be a bother with asking you to come out with us," Roger replied, "But this is something we usually do every year even when April was alive…head down to Coney Island as a celebration of the arrival of springtime. It's Palm Sunday so that's when the rides at Astroland Amusement Park begin to operate and that's usually the time when head there."
"I can take at least one day to celebrate the arrival of spring with you," Mimi smiled kissing Roger, "Baby…I wouldn't miss it for the world and even if I take a day off I want to be part of this too with you guys. I know it would mean a lot to Courtney because she likes seeing us together…look don't think me hanging around with your daughter I'm trying to take April's place as Courtney's mother. No matter what April will always be Courtney's mother and that will not replace that okay? I just…like hanging around with the two of you because I feel…"
"You feel that sense of closure right?" Roger asked, "I know that you're not trying to replace April by trying to act like a mother to Courtney…actually I'm surprised because she opens up to you in a way I can't because she needs a strong female influence in her life. I could say that my daughter is in love with you Mimi a lot and she obviously adores being around you. It makes me smile knowing that you're helping to bring joy and happiness to my daughter's life in ways I can't imagine."
"What about you Roger?" Mimi asked as the two sat on the couch, "Do you think that you being with me is bringing you joy in your life? I like being with you because you make me feel whole and I know this is all new still…but I feel like my feelings for you are becoming deeper. I'm feeling things that I don't know about and I want to feel that with you."
"I wish I could feel what you're feeling too," Roger sighed, "But…I still need some time to discover my true feelings for you. I've been through a lot and ever since I've been with you I feel like I'm regaining parts of myself I lost since April died slowly, but somehow something inside of me tells me I don't deserve it…I don't deserve Courtney, or you for that matter. I push back fearing that I'm going to repeat the same mistakes twice and I don't want to risk that again. That's why…I'm unsure how to express my feelings for you, all that matters to me is that I'm with you and that is all I can ask for today."
"I understand Roger…and I won't push you," Mimi said as the two cuddled, "I wish…I could read sometimes if you are able to express how you really feel for me. Sometimes I fear that you're letting the past hold you back but just let go sometimes and take a leap of faith and then you'll figure out there is really more than you're searching for."
The next day, the seven Bohemians and Courtney all met up at the docks to head off to Coney Island for the day. Mark brought his video camera to record the day, while Courtney brought her digital camera to take some pictures during the day. They all brought food to eat for the day so they wouldn't have to spend too much on buying food. Mimi, Angel and the girls were taking Courtney on all the children rides at the Astroland Amusement park. Roger and the boys watch them riding the carrousel, the spinning teacups and the bumper cars.
"Palm Sunday…2pm eastern standard time," Mark narrated filming, "Today marks our yearly spring retreat visit to Coney Island and Angel, Mimi, Joanne, Maureen, and Courtney are on the bumper cars trying to see who can hit who harder. Joanne and Maureen are paired up in one car and these two are obviously doing a horrible job trying to correspond as a team. Mimi and Courtney are doing great while Angel is the lone driver this time. Collins didn't have the guts to step in and ride since he hates bumper cars."
"Look whose talking Cohen," Collins joked, "You're as chicken shit as me to step in because you're worried to get whipped lashed by the girls."
"Hey I got a very high priced camera I couldn't risk damaging!" Mark protested, "Besides imagine getting man handled by the girls in there!"
"Trust me no one knows hell than a woman's fury," Roger teased, "And judging by the fun those girls is having…anyone want in on the next ride?"
"Count me in bitches!" Collins replied, "Mark are you in?"
"If you guys stop hassling me about the camera fine I'll go on," Mark said as Mimi, Courtney, Angel, Joanne and Maureen came off from the bumper cars, "Did you girls have fun?"
"I would of if Maureen here didn't keep on trying to fight me for control of the steering wheel when I was the one in the driver seat!" Joanne argued.
"Oh c'mon pookie it's called bumper cars and you don't try to go around people," Maureen argued, "Besides…next time you should let me drive!"
"Hey at least you weren't the one backed into a corner by a seven year old and mad chica over here," Angel replied, "Anyways…I'm up for another ride."
"Count us in too!" Joanne and Maureen replied, "But this time Maureen drives."
"I want my own car!" Mimi added as she turned to Courtney, "Sorry squirt that means you're riding with your dad."
"You are all so dead when the two of us are in there together!" Roger said as he took his daughter's hand, "Well shall we my little miracle girl?"
"Why certainly I want in!" Courtney smiled as they all headed back onto the bumper cars ride.
Everyone except for Maureen, Joanne, Roger and Courtney each took a bumper car and each of them began to bump one another as if it was a race. Mark attempted to film but he was too busy being bumped by Collins, while Angel was going after Maureen and Joanne. Mimi was in her own bumper car when she saw Roger and Courtney driving towards her and the two bumper cars instantly collided with one another.
"You Davis' are nothing but trouble makers," Mimi teased, "Like father like daughter the pair of you! Wait till I get this car out of the corner and…Mark! Angel!" Both Mark and Angel's bumper cars trapped Mimi in the corner and Mark was having a hard time steering and filming.
"Turn the wheel the other way and pay attention to the arena!" Angel instructed, "Mark I'm stuck here!"
"This is complicated than usual," Mark complained as Collin's car, follow by Maureen and Joanne all soon collided leaving Roger and Courtney's bumper car the only one out, "Okay everyone back up before Roger runs the bumper car into us!"
"I can't if Maureen and Joanne back up!" Collins yelled.
"I told you guys you're so dead!" Roger laughed as he bumped into everyone else, "Hang tight sweetie daddy is getting payback here!"
"Hurry up and back up!" Mimi yelled, "C'mon you guys my road rage boyfriend is out in the open free and ramming into us!"
"Honeybear turn the wheel c'mon!" Joanne yelled.
"This one is going to be a big one!" Roger laughed as he rammed into the others one more time, however the ride completely stopped signaling that their time was up, "Oh man I guess the fun is over sweetie…c'mon let's go."
"That was fun daddy," Courtney smiled as they all exited the ride, "It was funny when they all got stuck in the corner, especially Aunt Mimi."
"Well I wouldn't have been stuck if a particular filmmaker was paying attention driving instead of filming the entire ride," Mimi replied as her and Roger held hands, "C'mon Mark I wouldn't have been backed up into that corner if it weren't for you."
"Yeah thanks for causing the pile up Mark!" Maureen teased.
"Alright people stop I'm sorry okay?" Mark sighed, "So…where to next? Does anyone have any cash on them to play some games?"
"Can we eat first and then play some games?" Courtney asked.
"My daughter has a point c'mon let's eat first," Roger replied as everyone agreed, "There's a table there we can sit at and eat."
After they finished eating, Roger and the others played a few games for awhile. Courtney was taking pictures with her dad, her aunts and uncles while Mark continued to film. Roger and Mimi were playing a game of ring toss and Roger won two teddy bears for both Mimi and Courtney while Mimi won a stuffed dog for Roger. Courtney wanted to go on the spinning tea cups next so her and Mimi went on together while Roger used Courtney's digital camera to take pictures. The others were off going on some of the more adult rides knowing that Courtney wasn't old enough to ride them. The way Roger saw the excitement and interaction between Mimi and Courtney put a smile on his face and at the same time made him wonder to the last time he ever smiled like that when he was here with April and Courtney. Roger wondered off to the ferriswheel as his mind began to drift off.
(FLASHBACK)
"So shall we go on?" April asked pushing Courtney's stroller, "C'mon Roger."
"What about Courtney? Who's going to watch her?" Roger replied as he tried to back out from going on, "I…don't think we're allowed to bring an infant on the ferriswheel."
"Something tells me that you're afraid of heights aren't you?" April asked, "That's okay…I understand that you and I don't blame you. I'm also afraid of heights…but I want to ride it so I can face my fear."
"Well I got a few tickets here why don't you go on then?" Roger offered, "That way you can ride it or are you afraid to go on by yourself?"
"I'll take that as an offer," April smiled taking the tickets, "At least I'm the bravest between the two of us to go on a ferriswheel that is over fifty feet. You're going to stay here and watch me from up above and make sure you keep an eye on our little miracle girl."
"Yes…just go on the ride dear," Roger smiled as they kissed, "I'll be waiting." April went on the ferriswheel by herself and he watched as his wife at least over fifty feet in the air enjoying the ride. She was yelling every single time after one rotation to her husband.
"I can't believe you're missing out on so much fun Roger Davis!" April yelled, "You don't know what you're missing and the view from atop here is amazing! My chicken shit of a husband is afraid of heights and he can't come on for one ride with me!" After the ride was over, April came off and met up with Roger and Courtney as she picked up her baby daughter from the stroller.
"Did you enjoy yourself?" Roger asked, "Although you were deliberately trying to make me look like an ass for not going on. Alright I admit…I kind of have a fear of heights that's why I didn't want to go on the ferriswheel. I see that April Ericson Davis had a wonderful time on top of ferriswheel. What was it like riding it?"
"Now suddenly you're taking an interest," April replied, "For a guy who is a afraid of heights and refuse to go on a little ride like the ferriswheel shows that you need to work on facing your fears. Being up there is a nice overview and while you're up there…it's like you're free and on top of the world. I was glad to be up there and it would have been nice if you were able to be there with me."
"I promise…next time we'll go on together," Roger replied taking her hand, "Next time I'll go on and that way I'll show you I'm not afraid of heights."
"How can you be sure?" April asked, "How can you be sure you can honestly go on there and face your fears? You don't have to go on next time because I'm making you go on…I'll let you go on when you're able to show that you got nothing to fear anymore. One day…I know whether it's you and I, or just you and Courtney I want to see you on that ride okay?"
"You seem very pushy don't you?" Roger asked.
"You seem very persistent to resist any opportunities," April replied as the two of them walked and pushed the stroller, "The next time you show up here somehow you'll end up on the ferriswheel and you won't least expect it...that Roger is what we call luck or sheer fate. If I'm not going to be the one to drag you on then someone else will."
(END OF FLASHBACK)
"I'm so dizzy but that was fun!" Roger heard Courtney and Mimi coming over, "Everything is spinning Aunt Mimi including you! Daddy did you see us on the spinning teacups?"
"Yeah and just to check let me see if your vision is in tact," Roger teased waving a finger in front of Courtney, "Is everything still spinning?"
"No not yet…Uncle Mark!" Courtney smiled as she saw Mark and the others coming back.
"Hey squirt how's it going?" Mark replied, "Are you enjoying yourself?"
"Aunt Mimi and I went on the spinning teacups," Courtney replied, "We were spinning really fast and we're both dizzy. Daddy…you haven't been on a ride yet why don't you go on with Aunt Mimi just the two of you."
"I see your mother's pushiness in you Courtney Josephine Davis," Roger teased, "For your information I was a step ahead of you there."
"Yeah since when we're you going to ask me?" Mimi replied.
"I was just going to ask you right about now," Roger smiled taking Mimi's hand, "So Miss Marquez do you want to go on a ride with me? To show my generosity you get to pick any ride and I will go on it's a promise."
"Of course Mr. Davis let's go," Mimi replied as she dragged Roger to the ferriswheel, "Okay I want to go on this one you and me together on this one." Roger looked a bit nervous again as it was the ferriswheel and Mimi could see Roger had a fear of this ride but she was determine to go on one ride with Roger.
"Huh Mimi…you see huh…" Roger hesitated, "I…I'm…kind of afraid of…heights."
"Okay so my boyfriend has a fear of heights…but it didn't stop him from going on top of his rooftop of the loft," Mimi replied as the two of them handed their tickets and got on in one of the carts putting down the lap bar, "But…I'm sure he's not going to let that stop him from going over fifty feet up in the air. I promise you won't fall and I think it's about time you face your fears."
A few moments later the ride began to start up and Roger was gripping tight on the lap bar and shutting his eyes. Mimi slightly laughed at his vulnerability and his amused by her boyfriend's reaction to keep his eyes shut. Mimi didn't know whether or not it was wise to link arms with Roger knowing that he doesn't really do height, however the ride suddenly stopped.
"Huh…okay what is going on?" Roger asked keeping his eyes closed, "Is it okay…is the ride over yet?"
"Why don't you open your eyes Roger," Mimi insisted as Roger slowly opened his eyes and realized he was up in the air, "Now look out because for now the ride stopped and their letting some people off and on."
"Oh my god…I'm panicking and we've stopped why did we stop?" Roger asked panicking, "I'm fifty feet in the air…and how are we expect to possibly calm down and…" Mimi suddenly gives his a kiss just to get him to relax, "Okay…that can maybe keep me calm."
"The view is amazing up here Roger if you can stop making me out with me for a minute to look at it," Mimi smiled as she turned Roger's head to the overview, "What do you see?"
"Okay I think…I can do this," Roger hesitated as he suddenly started to relax, "Wow…that is beautiful and I'm seeing this from over fifty feet in the air because of you…and she was right somehow I would end up here on top of this ride. She wanted me to go on here not to face my fears…but to see and feel what it's like to be on top of the world. I don't really talk much and I'm afraid to open up and I lack trust and compassion…but I know I trust you and being up I'm not afraid to say…I think I'm searching for something more than what I have right now."
"And what is that?" Mimi asked as the ride began to move for one more rotation, "What are you searching for?"
"I…think…I'm falling in love with you," Roger slowly replied, "I don't know how to explain it but when you asked last night if I'm happy being with you made me realize it. The night in the park you told me you're falling in love with me is that true?"
"Yes I meant it," Mimi smiled, "I'm falling in love with you and I don't know what I'm doing."
"You're in the same vote as me," Roger said as they found themselves at the start again signaling their time was up, "Well I guess…that ends things there." The two of them got off and they were walking towards the others who were eating ice cream at a nearby table with Courtney.
"Something tells me that something happened while you two were dangling over fifty feet in the air?" Collins asked, "Anyways…I wouldn't even bother."
"I at least conquered my fears of heights thanks to her," Roger smiled as the two sat together with Courtney holding hands, "So Courtney are you ready to go home?"
"Can we leave in about an hour?" Courtney asked as she was going through some of her photos that were taken, "Daddy look at my pictures!"
"Yeah we'll print them when we get home," Roger smiled as he viewed all the pictures and handed the camera back, "I think they're beautiful sweetie."
"I want to take a picture of you two," Courtney replied as she took a picture of Mimi and Roger together, "There that's better you two look cute."
"I think you should start reading books your age," Mimi teased, "I probably agree with your dad I've been reading too much A Walk to Remember to you."
"If you want you can take one more picture of us to keep you quiet," Roger teased as Courtney took another picture of Roger and Mimi together, "Are you better now? Hey since you're the one hiding behind that digital camera why don't you come here and take a picture with us for a change?"
"Okay just a minute…Aunt Angel!" Courtney called as Angel came, "Can you take a picture of me, daddy and Aunt Mimi together?"
"Sure thing chica," Angel replied as Courtney joined Roger and Mimi and took a picture of the three of them, "Okay everyone say cheese! Just to be on the safe side I'll take one more."
"Thanks Angel," they replied as Roger and Mimi were walking behind the others around Coney Island.
Courtney was holding both Roger and Mimi's hands while the two of them swung her. Up ahead Mark and the others observed the three of them together and they felt happy for Roger to finally find what he was searching for. Mark was filming them together and enjoying themselves as if they were one happy family.
"That looks cute the three of them together," Mark said to the others, "They look like one happy family together…something that Roger would also want too…love and family again."
