Disclaimer i own nothing but original characters. I hope you like this =)
Without You
We were back on the road again, fallowing any leads that could be seals. But it looked like the demons were giving us a time out. In some ways it was nice, no worrying about what would attack us or when. Sam was starting to get frustrated though, you could see it in his eyes, the way he talked now and again. Dean noticed and chose to ignore it for now, but I knew it wouldn't be too long before he would snap back. As for me and Dean we were on rocky ground. There were moments where things felt like the good old days... laughing and joking. But then one look, one look from Dean and everything crashed around my ears and I was back in that room... back in my own little hell. Dean had been off with Castiel, still determined that he wanted to kiss me. That was annoying.
We pulled into a small town for gas and a meal. The place was nice enough and it was a warm day. I climbed out of the back of the Impala and stretched.
"I'm going to call Ruby, see if she's herd anything." Sam said glancing at me then Dean.
"Super." Dean said sarcastically locking the car. Sam grunted and walked off. Dean turned to me and smiled. "Guess it's just us for food then."
"Yeah..." I said walking to the side of him. We started to walk side by side in silence. Things were clearly awkward between us and I hated it. I was in love with this man, actual love, not that crap you feel when your a teenager. It was breaking my heart just being stood near him, seeing him smile, watching him sing badly. Everything he did, I loved... everything but ripping into me. I wished I could just forget all about it, but it seemed the more I tried, the more it would stay forefront of my mind. I sighed heavily.
"You ok?" Dean asked as we walked.
"Peachy." I said sarcastically. Dean looked and me and sighed too. I could sense his frustrations as well which didn't help. Sometimes I hated the werewolf side of me.
"You know...um..." Dean started to say but couldn't finish his sentence. I glanced at him and gave him a half smile.
We walked a but further in silence, each glancing at the other now and again. We were walking when Dean grabbed my arm and pulled me down a small ally. I was totally confused and just went with him. He pushed me up against the brick wall and kissed me, pushing his body against mine. I kissed back passionately wrapping my arms around him. What the hell is happening? Why is he kissing me? Why am I kissing him? W T F??? No stop kissing him Megan, remember what Zach said, you CANT be in love. Screw Zach, I want to be with him, why shouldn't I? Why? Because your going to die... you want to leave him broken for the apocalypse just because you want to be with him? That's selfish to the world. Screw the world. Screw Dean... now there's an idea! Dean pulled out of the kiss and stared into my eyes breathlessly. In that moment everything was perfect.
"I love you." He said and my heart sunk, right in those three little words my world went splat. I looked into his green eyes, they were so passionate, so tender, so damn sexy. So green, I had never met anyone with eyes like Deans. I blinked a few times and looked away and Dean moved away from me slightly. "Not the reaction I was looking for, have to be honest." Dean said joking. I couldn't look into his eyes again.
"Sorry." I said softly. Dean stared at me confused.
"I...um... I don't say that to every girl you know." Dean said feeling awkward. I gave an awkward smile and nodded.
"I'm sorry." I said feeling guilty for ever letting him know how I felt.
"But, I mean, you love me too right?" Dean asked and I looked into his eyes. God yes I love you. I love you to the end of the world and back. You are the man I have always dreamt about. You are perfect.
"I..." I couldn't say it. "It's not that simple." I said biting my bottom lip.
"No. It is." Dean said simply. I sighed.
"It's not." I replied shaking my head.
"Yeah it is." Dean replied.
"God, why does everything we talk about end in a argument?" I said laughing a little and looking away from Dean. He moved closer to me and held my face in his hand. I wanted to move away but couldn't.
"Because I love arguing with you." He said, his breath on my skin sending shivers down my spin.
"Dean," I said softly as he moved even closer and kissed me again. I kissed back again, hopeless to even consider not kissing him. He pulled away again and smiled.
"I know you love me." He said softly looking into my eyes with so much love, so much passion.
"It's not that simple... please...this is so damn hard..." I said fighting to stay in control of my emotions.
"It's not. All you need to do is say three little words..." Dean said smiling into my face. I stared back. What's the worst? He knows you love him, tell him! But Zach and dying... I can't. I cant let him be with me, love me and then just die on him... I can't leave him. I don't want to leave him... A tear rolled down my cheek and Dean wiped it away. "Please... don't do this... not now..." I softly said.
"I need to know." He said stepping back from me. "I need to know how you really feel about me. About us. It's driving me insane. You are all I can think about, you're everything I've ever wanted in a girl. Your smart, pretty, know about cars, know about hunting... you're perfect. And... and I know how I feel about you. I know... I know I love you." Dean started to say ranting. "I can't eat, can't sleep... I can't even think of ways to wind up Sammy! You are in my thoughts 24/7 and no matter how hard I try to fight these feelings; when I'm around you I have to touch you, it kills me not to. And yes I know I have done unspeakable things to you... I have hurt you in way, that I don't know if things will ever be ok again. But even though I know that I still love you. Megan I love you." Dean sighed looking at me desperately hoping I would say those three words. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"I... I, I am..." I was going to say it, even if Zach struck me down there and then. "I l-"
"Dean, Megan! I've been looking all over for you." Sam said standing at the end of the ally looking confused. Dean's face was thunder, and I was relieved. "What?" Sam asked.
"You're timing stinks." Dean said walking up to Sam. I sighed and walked up to him too.
"What's up?" I asked softly Dean glanced at me.
"Ruby had nothing, but Bobby had herd the demons had stopped breaking seals, they were working on taking over as many bodies as they could. Strengthen their army or something. Did I interrupt something?" Sam asked as we both listen to him talk.
"No." "Yes." Me and Dean said at the same time and glanced at each other.
"Yes." "No". We said again and I sighed.
"OK..." Sam said and turned away and walked out of the ally.
"You need to answer me." Dean said softly as we fallowed.
"Don't do this Dean." I replied.
We went for food and checked out how far away the next town was then decided to get a couple of rooms for the night. Sam and I were waiting by the Impala while Dean got the rooms.
"So what did I interrupt?" Sam asked pushing me slightly.
"Nothing." I sighed.
"Sure looked like nothing to me too." He said sarcastically. I looked up at him and glared.
"What's up with you and all your little comments about Dean?" I asked.
"What are you talking about?" Sam asked innocently.
"Oh I dunno the whole implying Dean's too weak to end all this." I said plainly. Sam gave out a bitter laugh and looked away.
"Nothing." He said.
"Well then, nothing was happening back in the ally." I sighed as Dean walked up with the keys.
"Room 13 for us and room 16 for you." Dean said passing the keys to Sam.
"What?"I asked confused.
"You and me are sharing." Dean said with a smile.
"No. Sam give me the key!" I said turning to Sam. He glanced towards Dean. "Don't look at him! Give me the key!"
"Sorry... family before friends... plus he's been kinda gassy lately..." Sam said laughing and walking away. I turned to Dean and growled.
"I'm not sharing." I said firmly.
"Yeah you are. Come on, it's getting late." Dean said walking off. I stood there a few minutes and then a small smile crossed my face. This could be fun... I sighed and walked over to the room. I walked in after Dean and saw two single beds.
"Typical." I sighed dropping my bag on a bed.
"I told you I need an answer." Dean said walking up to me.
"Couldn't we just have mindless sex instead?" I sighed with a small smile. Dean grin and held my shoulders.
"Not this time." He laughed.
"I can't say it." I said softly looking into his eyes.
"Why not?" Dean asked and suddenly everything went white, bright white.
I was stood on a street, a normal street. The sun was shining and it was a nice day. I looked around and people were walking around like nothing was wrong. I pulled out my phone and tried to get some reception but nothing happened. I noticed a dinner on the corner of the street and started to walk towards it when Castiel appeared. I changed my direction to meet him across the street.
"What do you think your doing now?" I asked sighing.
"I am showing you the world which will be created by keeping Dean safe." Castiel said softly.
"Super. Why?" I asked folding my arms over my chest.
"Because I feel it will help you with the conversation you were just having with Dean." Castiel said plainly, I blinked a few times and then kicked Cass, hurting my foot more than him.
"You were ease dropping?! Was Zachariah?!" I asked annoyed.
"No. I have been charged by Zachariah to make sure you do not fall in love with Dean Winchester." Castiel said seriously.
"You're a bit late." I huffed. Castiel just stared at me.
"You can not tell him how you feel." Castiel said in his usual mono tone.
"What? Why?!" I asked confused and he just vanished. "Stupid angels." I muttered and started to walk down the street clueless. I walked for a few blocks when I noticed a garage with some badly sang mullet rock coming out of it. I walked in and looked around. I saw a pair of feet under a ford Mustang.
"Hey leave it on the side and I'll give Peg the money tonight!" Dean shouted from under the car. My heart skipped a beat.
"Dean?" I said softly.
"Yeah, leave it on the side." Dean said again.
"Dean." I said plainly and Dean pushed himself out from under the car. He laid on the trolley looking at me like I was ghost.
"Meg... Megan?" Dean said getting to his feet and walking up to me. "Is that really you?" He asked a smile crossing his face.
"Yeah Dean... all me." I said with a small smile. Dean pulled me into a hug and the next thing I knew I was on the floor with a knife to my neck.
"What are you? Shape shifter? Demon? Ghost?" Dean asked holding the blade mm away from my throat.
"Werewolf, Dean I'm a werewolf... and that's not silver. So let me up... or I'll throw you off me." I said calmly.
"What are you!?" He shouted.
"Me! Dean it's me!" I said widening my eyes.
"Prove it!" Dean said watching my every move. I thought for a second and honestly didn't know how to prove it was me. I chose a simpler option. I pushed Dean off me and got to my feet and had his knife all in the time it took Dean to get back to his feet.
"See, werewolf. Now listen to me, please." I said holding the knife. "I'm Megan O'Connor. You me and Sam, we're trying to stop the seals from breaking. I dunno what's-"
"Seals? When are you from?" Dean asked looking confused.
"2009... why what year is this?" I asked confused.
"2012... who sent you here?" Dean asked walking over to me.
"Cass..." I said putting the knife on the side and looked out to the garage.
"Why? What was happening?" Dean asked standing at the side of me.
"Wow this is awkward... we were talking... you told me you love me.... wanted me to tell you how I felt." I said softly.
"Don't." Dean said firmly. I shook my head and looked at him. His face was so hurt, haunted by something which broke his heart.
"Ok... why?" I asked confused when a small child came running into the garage.
"Daddy! Daddy!" The little girl said running up to Dean. He smiled at her picking her up and pulling her into a hug.
"Hey Mary, how are you today?" He asked smiling at Mary. She had his green eyes and small freckles but red hair.
"Good. Daddy I drew a picture for you!" Mary said smiling, she noticed me and stared, she looked just like Dean. "Who you?" She asked confused.
"This is Megan, a friend of Daddy's. Where's Mommy?" Dean asked looking to the garage doors. In walked a face I wasn't expecting.
"Anna?" I said under my breath to Dean as Anna walked in the room and stopped in her tracks.
"Megan?" She said looking at me confused and worried. Obivously people weren't expecting me to be around.
"Yeah, Megan's here. From out of town. It's ok." Dean said to Anna trying not to scare his kid. Mary was way to busy watching me and trying to figure out how I knew her Daddy.
"Oh.. that's nice. Um come on Mary, we... we should go home and cook Daddy and his friend some food for later." Anna said as Dean past her Mary. Dean kissed Anna's cheek and I turned away. I felt jealous and really confused. I noticed a photo frame with three pictures in it. One was Dean, Anna and Mary sat in the back garden of somewhere. I guessed their home. They were happy really happy, not the kind you fake for photos. Dean was tickeling Anna and Mary was trying to beat up her Daddy. The next was Sam, Bobby, Me, Dean and a few people I hadn't met before. We all had guns and looked like a real hunting group. And the final picture was Dean me and Sam. Sam was resting his elbow on Dean's shoulder while I was stood in the middle with my arm wrapped around Dean's side. I was leaning in on him. I turned back and Anna smiled at me.
"We should talk. Later." Anna said smiling. I nodded as she and Mary walked out, Mary waved and we both waved back.
"So... cute kid...." I sighed walking towards the pictures.
"Yeah Mary's only four and more of a handful than Sam was at that age. She's so smart, she must get it from Anna." Dean said gushing slightly over his baby girl. I smiled and turned to him. "You got any idea why Cass dropped you off here and now?" Dean asked walking up to me.
"Nope. So... you and Anna... she still an angel?" I asked leaning on his desk.
"No. After the big fight... after everything she was allowed to make herself human, to be with me." Dean said looking at the car he was working on.
"Big fight? What happened in the big fight?" I asked confused. Dean sighed and shook his head.
"What we need to do is call Bobby, tell him your here. He'll want to see you again." Dean said turning to me and smiling. His eyes were the same as always. Full of a million thoughts hidden by a cool exterior. He was planning, thinking of a way to tell me about the big fight. There must have been things in the fight he didn't want me to know about.
"What about Sam? I'd like to see how he is in the future." I said softly watching Dean's expression. A flinch. A small flinch and that was all I needed to know. "We both died. ok." I sighed and headed for the door.
"Wait! Where are you going?" Dean asked racing up to me.
"Just getting some fresh air." I said shaking my head. Dean grabbed my arm and I looked into his eyes. He was still in love with me, even though he had Anna and Mary, he was still in love with me. "You don't want to see me, I'm a ghost to you..." I said and pulled my arm free.
"Give me ten minutes to shut the shop and we'll go talk about all of this." Dean said. I nodded.
He drove me back to his house. He still had the Impala with a baby seat in the back for Mary. It was weird seeing him as a dad. Nice but weird. We climbed out of the car and he lived in a normal house on a normal street.
"Is there still supernatural stuff?" I asked walking round to his side.
"Yeah, but its almost not herd of now. There's maybe five or six hunters out there now." Dean said as we walked up the path of his house. "Mary doesn't know about any of it."
"That's good." I said softly as we walked into the house. Mary was sat playing with a doll in the living room as Anna was walking into the room with a juice for her.
"Hey baby, it's good to see you home." Anna said stopping and hugging Dean. She saw me over his shoulder and smiled to me. "It really is good to see you Megan."
"Thanks." I said softly. Anna pulled out of the hug and passed Dean the juice.
"Go talk to your daughter a few minutes. She hasn't seen you all day." Anna said smiling.
"I kinda wanted to talk to Megan about everything...." Dean said glancing at me. Anna glanced at me too.
"Go play with Mary, I have a feeling I might be stuck here a while." I said smiling. Dean sighed and walked over plastering a smile on his face as he walked over to Mary.
"Thanks, come into the kitchen?" Anna asked as she walked off. I fallowed listening to Mary giggle at Dean. Her laughter filled the house. I walked into the kitchen and suddenly Cass was stood in the room.
"Hello?" I said confused. Castiel didn't look right, he was in dark jeans, white shirt and a jumper thing, he still had a thin tie on though. And his hair wasn't spiked up.
"Megan? Megan where are you from?" Castiel said sounding normal.
"What happened to you?" I asked confused. He laughed and smiled at me.
"Life." He said simply. I nodded slowly and turned to Anna.
"Look, I get it. You're with Dean and you have a kid. Great. I just want to know what happened to me and Sam and I will gladly to home." I said and Anna glanced to Castiel. Castiel's face went blank and he nodded to Anna.
"When exactly are you from?" Anna asked.
"2009, er... Dean had just cut the crap out me." I said not really knowing the time.
"Have you met a guy called Chuck?" Castiel asked.
"No..." I said confused. Anna nodded.
"I can't say much, but I know he loves you. He will always love you and I wont ever match up to you. Please, leave if you can. I don't want to see Dean go through loosing you all over again. I don't think he could bare it." Anna pleaded.
"Beg your pardon?" I said confused.
"Megan, you and Dean were a couple just before the um before the fight really began. You died and Dean was a wreck for months after... He nearly died a few times." Castiel explained putting a hand on Anna's shoulder.
"This is all because I told Dean I loved him." I said confused.
"Yes. Let's talk outside." Dean said from behind me. I turned and he was looking pissed at both ex-angels.
"I made them tell me." I said softly. Dean grunted and walked past us all to the back garden.
We walked out into the garden and sat on a small bench next to each other. There were Mary's toys scattered all over the back garden. Dean was watching me, looking at me in awe. It was a little unnerving. I turned to him and gave him a soft smile.
"So you don't want me to tell past you how I feel because I die?" I asked confused.
"You died in my arms. I felt the last breath leave you... and then..." Dean turned away from me. "Then I had to leave your body there..." He said bitterly.
"But, we had time together right?" I said making Dean turn to me.
"Megan," Dean said holding my hand. "You were the first woman I loved. Really loved. You were protecting me when you died. It should have been the other way round."
"It's my job. I have to protect you." I said with a small smile. Dean let out a small laugh and shook his head.
"I should of protected you that once..." He said softly. "You were lying there, you smiled and told me you loved me. For months after every time I was asleep, all I dreamt of was when you told me you loved me the first time. We were in this crappy motel, I made you share a room with me. In those months, too many people died because I wasn't strong enough to fight on."
"You don't want me to say it because it will cost people their lives...." I said looking out into the garden.
"It cost Sam his life." Dean said coldly. My stomach turned.
"What happened?" I asked turning to him in shock.
"He was in Detroit, he did make it... I should have been there for him, but I was drinking away my pain..." Dean said and a tear rolled down his cheek. My stomach turned into a tight knot.
"All this because I said I loved you." I said shaking my head.
"We had a relationship, we were a family. It was like having my heart ripped out when you died. I just think, if I could do it again, I would never of pushed you to tell me how you felt. We would just stay friends and maybe, maybe both of you would be alive..." Dean said turning to look out into the garden.
"Dean, I am... was, whatever, going to die anyway. Castiel had made a deal with a reaper to give me enough time to get you to the apocalypse in one piece." I said and Dean turned back to me smiling.
"Yeah, I know..." Dean said pulling me into a small hug. "Please, break my heart now, then, you know what I mean. Break it then instead of letting me watch you die and then having to carry the guilt of loosing Sammy too." Dean said staring into my eyes. His eyes showed a man who had survived where so many had fallen. He was hurt and confused. Scared and strong.
"I-" I started to say before everything went into a brilliant bright white light again.
"Why not?" Dean asked. I was back in the room and it was as if time had stood still while I went to the future. I blinked confused at where I was and what was happening. Then it all clicked in my head. I looked into Dean's eyes and herd his voice ring in my head. break my heart now, then, you know what I mean. Break it then instead of letting me watch you die and then having to carry the guilt of loosing Sammy too.
"Dean..." I said as tears started to fill my eyes. He started to shake his head.
"I know you how you feel." He said shaking his head softly.
"I can't say it... I will cost you too much in the long run... I can't... I can't I am so sorry." I said as tears rolled down my cheeks.
"No, no this isn't you. I know you love me. Who got to you? Was it Castiel?" Dean asked refusing to take my answer. He grabbed me and pulled me close to him looking down into my eyes. He looked so hurt. "Tell me the truth..." Truth is I love you Dean, I will die for you... but I can't let you lose Sam through me... I can't let you loose yourself because of me. It's too much to loose.
"Don't... don't do this to yourself Dean. Don't." I said pulling out of his arms and walked out the door. I closed it behind me and sighed. Tears were rolling down my cheeks and inside the room I could hear Dean beginning to smash things up in frustration. I rested my head on the door as tears rolled down. My heart was broken, I had just thrown away the best thing to ever happen to me. I knew it was for the right reasons but god it hurt. Dean was shouting. He shouted for Castiel a few times. I swallowed back the tears and walked away from the room. Zachariah appeared in front of me smiling.
"Bite me." I growled as I kept walking. As I reached side by side with Zach he grabbed my arm and held me there.
"I'm glad you made the right choose." Zach said smiling at me.
"Like I said bite me." I growled pulling my arm free. Zachariah smiled and then disappeared. I sighed and looked up to the sky. Save him, save him from all that pain, and I will gladly give you my soul. Fair trade god? A tear rolled down my cheek coldly.
I hope you liked it and it wasn't too short/lame... please rate and review =)
Thanks to everyone who is already reviewing/adding the story/me to fave's! Thank You for being so awesome =)
