Hey guys I know this a small chapter but I didn't get much time to write this weekend ( I went away with my boyfriend –will now fiancée, I got engaged ) and I wanted to give you a little bit more before the end

Hope you enjoy it

Erin

The results were not what we wanted, stage 3 lung cancer, from all the years basically living at the pub and breathing in all the smoke.

It was 3 months after we got the results and were told there isn't much we can do for him I look leave to look after my dad full time, just so he was comfortable and I knew he was ok, it was all anyone could do was pray and wait, this waiting was worse, a 1000 times worse then labour, even worse then waiting to see if Sam was ok after he got shot 2 years ago while on the job.

I was in a living hell watching my dad die and not being able to do anything, and everyone knows it what I hate the most.

As a family we spend every waking moment together Sam worked 4 days a week now so he could spend more time with us, day by day week by week I was watching him slip away.

It was close to 6 months now after getting the news and I awoke to Sam yelling my name and to call for help, my dad was coughing up blood.

Within the hour I had called frank that had sent Gail over who was lucky to be off duty to look after the kids and we were at the hospital, Sam was off calling everyone while I waited for information on how my dad was.

As a cop waiting in a hospital for answers was hard, but as a daughter and cop was even harder, it probably didn't help I knew basic medical terms and with the few new pieces I was taught after dad got sick so with the case at hand waiting is a good thing, it means his not dead, yet, and they are helping him live for just a little bit longer, or so I hoped.

Hope is all I have at this moment in time- all I hope is that I can say goodbye and tell him I love him, and I hope and pray his not in pain, is that wrong that Im maybe ok with him dying as long as his no longer in pain yet its all I want it all I have wanted for along while for me in anyway I could to take his pain away even just for a small moment in time.

Not just his cancer pain but the pain for watching his wife (my mum)walk out and away, his pain from not feeling like he was a good enough father to me, his pain from watching me try and make the McNally name right again after his pain got to much for him to handle.

Dr Knight came out from my dads room and asked if we could speak alone- I had not realised half of the station, Traci and Jerry Barber, Frank and Noelle Best, Oliver and Zoe Shaw, Chris Diaz was there while Gail still stayed with my kids Nick and Lisa Collins, Dov Epstein, Daniel Johnson and Pete Sun even Luke Callaghan had shown up. As we walk down the hall a little I looked back into Sam's eyes he gave me a small smile and I could see he was trying to keep his tears and fears away.

My ray of hope, I knew was getting smaller.