AN: Once upon a time, I got angry and depressed, and I wrote a one shot where I killed Demyx. Now I present to you, chapter nine, of that same one shot…
Warning: Self Mutilation (you had to see that coming)
Music: Skillet "Sometimes" "Last Night", and a few more. Otep "Perfectly Flawed". Leona Lewis. And Avril Lavigne.
Disclaimer: I reserve the right to kill any character I wish. Though I do not technically own them, I control their actions, and what I do to them, reflects upon my mood. Also, I don't own any of that music.
Chapter Nine: Life Doesn't Hand Out Miracles
Sometimes feeling something means taking matters into your own hands. And what might be taboo to the people around you becomes your only relief, the only thing that makes you feel. And I really need to feel, I just need to feel something, anything. I'm aware Kairi is holding my right hand, and there's popcorn in my left, but I just don't feel anything. When did this happen to me?
I should be able to laugh with Kairi when something funny happens on the large screen in front of us, but I can only fake it. My arm should be sneaking around Kairi's shoulder but it's not. I'm just so empty. Once again the theatre erupted in laughter all around me, and I was forced to go along with it, though I had no idea what was so funny. I couldn't really say I was sad either, I was just nothing, I was completely unfeeling. Do I even exist? Am I really sitting here? Who's to say I'm not some shade going about pretending to live because I have nothing better to do. Actually, that sounds exactly like me. "Kairi, I'll be right back. Bathroom." I pointed to the exit and she nodded her understanding.
As I numbly walked out of the theatre, I grabbed my arm and ran my thumb over the underside of it, a habit I had gotten into whenever I wanted to make myself feel. I really should love Kairi, she deserves so much better than me. But sometimes I do things I don't really want to, because I want someone to be as messed up as me, I want someone to understand this numbness that I feel. Or don't feel I suppose. It's cruel, and I know it, but I want to feel better when Kairi holds me, I don't want to be jealous of her happiness. And that results in my tantrums, and that beautiful, loving woman getting hurt over and over. But she always forgives me. What am I going to do when she doesn't?
The morbid thoughts of what would happen to me if Kairi left me filled my head as I entered the bathroom. I briefly caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I made my way towards the stalls. My eyes looked dead. I looked dead. Sure my hair was fluffy and spiked like usual, my teeth brushed, face washed, highly presentable, but dead. It's like I'm here but not. I couldn't believe no one had randomly pressed their fingers against my neck and checked my pulse, just to make sure. I wasn't even sure.
I locked myself in a stall, ignoring the men at the urinals, leaned against the door and threw my head back. The worst thing about not feeling is not being able to cry. When I told my entire high school that Roxas was gay, to take the attention off me, I felt guilty, and I cried. I cried a lot, so much in fact, that I thought I'd run out of tears. But I never did. I always had more tears to shed. But they never made me feel better. And that's when it started.
Every time I said something cruel, it resulted in five. Every time I made him cry earned me ten. And when I heard him cry himself to sleep, I did it until he was done, and I didn't allow myself to sleep. I didn't deserve to sleep when my twin is crying because I couldn't handle it if my parents knew the truth about me. I had to be perfect for them. They could never know I was in love with my best friend. They couldn't know that the only reason I joined sports was to be with him. Yes him, not her. But after everything they told Roxas, I couldn't tell them. I was weak when I should have stuck up for my brother.
Instead of doing what I should have, I told the school my brother's secret. I teased him along with everyone else; I watched my friends kick the shit out of him and did nothing to stop it. And after four years of having a crush on my best friend, when he finally realized it, and kissed me for the first time…I-I shoved him away and told him to get out, one fag was more than enough for one household. My parents were shocked. How could that good boy Riku, be homosexual. But at least they had one good son; a normal son, who didn't associate with the wrong type. My betrayal to Riku earned me twenty, ten on each arm, and they to this day are the deepest.
At some point I lost my ability to feel anything other than these punishments. Eventually it stopped being a punishment and turned into a sense of relief. It was a way to wake me up from the coma I'd fallen into. I needed to wake up now. I needed to feel something. I needed my release.
Reaching deep into my jacket pocket, I searched for the tiny piece of metal that I carried with me wherever I went. When my fingers brushed over the cool smooth surface of the razor, the first sense of release washed over me, and I gripped it tightly. After the razor blade was freed from the confines of my jacket I rolled my sleeve up, and stared at the ragged mess that made up my abused arm. Some were closed and almost forgotten, others were infected from being reopened so many times, and a few were still open and oozing from the last time.
With a skill, perfected over years of punishment and release, I brought the blade down on my wrist and opened one of the forgotten scars. Immediately, I could feel the stinging pain of the blade slicing from one side of my wrist to the other, and the enormous guilt of everything I've ever done flooded through me. Guilt from m betrayal to my own twin and to Riku, for what I've done to Kairi, for feeling this way towards men, not women, for being so weak, so lost, so numb, so empty, that I need to sneak into a bathroom and slice my wrist open while on a date with my girlfriend. No, this doesn't make me feel good, but it makes me feel. And that's all I wanted, just to feel, to feel anything.
One cut was never enough, and lately I needed it more and more. Sometimes I even did it more than once in a day, because I always needed more, and right now was one of those moments. I wasn't nearly fulfilled, I needed another release, so I continued to bring the blade down, continued to slice it through my scared skin, continued to watch the blood seep out and drip to the ground. When I ran out of room I switched arms. And even though the voice in my head told me to stop, that it was too much, I continued. I wanted to feel the guilt, because it was better than being numb, and I wanted the pain because I knew I deserved it.
No slice of the blade could ever fix anything. I'd done too much wrong, and I could never right them. I'd thought of cutting just a bit deeper, removing the problem that is me from the world, but that wouldn't fix anything either. Besides, I deserved to live with this guilt. I deserved to feel empty. I deserved to live this hell. These thoughts and more rushed through my head as the blade slipped from my hand and blackness started to take over my vision. Before I knew what was happening my legs gave out and my head slammed onto the dirty, cold, blood covered tile floor. I guess the voice was right. That was too much.
oOo
Sora's taking too long. In all the time we've dated it's been quite common for him to take forever in the bathroom but this was getting ridiculous. I knew something was wrong with Sora, there was something he wasn't telling us. And I've been trying to be patient with him. I was allowing him to come to me when he was ready. But his disappearance is starting to worry me.
This is all Roxas' fault. When he came out, Sora changed. Then that bastard Riku made a move on poor Sora. My darling Sora has been traumatized. First his brother, then his best friend. I thought for sure when those two moved away that Sora would improve, but he didn't. He continued to fake happiness, very well I might add. He had everyone fooled. All of our friends, his parents, our teachers, I was the only person who noticed that the book's cover doesn't match what's inside. That all smiles and sunshine surface, opens to reveal a hurricane of emotions. I still haven't figured out how to translate the text, but I've been trying my best to help him. I just want him to trust me, then I can put him back together.
I looked at my light pink watch for the umpteenth time and sighed. I had to find him. I could feel it in my heart, something was wrong. I walked down the ugly carpeted halls, searching for any sign of Sora, until finally I came across the men's bathroom. "Excuse me?" I asked an employee and he gave me a questioning look. "Did you see a young guy, kind of short, with blue eyes, and spiky brown hair go in there?" I pointed into the men's room.
"Uh, yeah, a little while ago." The man answered me.
"Did he ever come out?"
"Um no, I don't think he did."
My stomach instantly sank. Maybe he just missed him? Maybe Sora was in the car waiting for me. Maybe everything was okay. Maybe this feeling was for nothing. But still, without thinking of consequences, I rushed forward down the hallway and into the men's bathroom, completely ignoring the employee running behind me, telling me I couldn't go in there. My love was in here and I could tell he was in trouble, something was terribly wrong.
My feet carried me faster than they ever had before; all in an attempt to get to the man I loved more than life itself. Finally after what seemed like an eternity of running I turned the corner into the bathroom and saw…nothing, sinks, stalls, urinals, all normal things to find in a bathroom. I was beginning to think maybe just maybe I'd been worried for nothing when I looked down and immediately screamed, "Sora!" Then man behind me told someone to call an ambulance and rushed away while I walked closer.
The first thing I saw was the blood coming from under a stall towards the back of the bathroom. Blood shouldn't be in here, especially fresh blood. And then I saw it, an arm lying in that newly shed blood, attached to a very recognizable hand, that still had the ring I gave him on his thumb. "Oh my God, Sora." I cried as I picked up speed to reach him, the coppery smell of blood getting stronger the closer I got to him. As soon as I reached him, I fell to my knees and pulled him out from under the door. "Sora, Sora, wake up." I cried again, but he didn't move. He remained limp in my arms.
Quickly, I tore my white, light pink stripped sweater off and wrapped it around Sora's blood soaked arms. Why didn't I know how bad it was? How had I not realized. I should have known. I saw that he wasn't as happy as he appeared; I thought it was weird that he always wore long sleeves, and the way he kept disappearing. This is my fault, I should have asked more questions, I should have paid more attention, I should have been a better girlfriend. But that was the past I had to do what I could do for him now.
While continuing to hold my newly bought sweater to Sora's wrist, I pulled my phone out, dialed the first number I could think of, and tried to compose myself by the time it was answered. "Hello, Strife household, how can…"
"H-he…b-blood…and I…I'm, h-he…Mrs. S-strife, what d-do I-I d-do?" Apparently I failed at composing myself, but it's a very difficult thing to do when your boyfriend is bleeding to death in your arms.
"Kairi sweetie, you need to calm down, now try it again. What is wrong?" Mrs. Strife's calming voice came through the phone and I took a few deep breaths.
"Sora is bleeding…a lot, and I'm scared. I don't know what to do and he won't wake up."
"Kairi, did you call 911?"
"Um, no?"
"Do that now, don't call me first!"
Oh my God, how could I be so stupid? Without saying good bye, I hung up and started dialing those three numbers, just as two paramedics walked in with a stretcher. "Oh thank God!" I exclaimed. The paramedics can save him, right? No matter how bad it seems, they have to save him, right? Right?
oOo
He was going to kill himself. And he was going to do it in the place he went to yesterday, I thought as I ripped out of Axel's parking space narrowly missing a car I hadn't been paying attention to, and ignoring their blaring honk. Well, mostly ignoring it, with one bloody finger I let them know their message had been heard, and that I don't really give a flying fuck. Working all three pedals with what little experience I had, I tore through the parking lot at top speeds, forcing students to jump out of my way. I was vaguely aware that my arm was still bleeding, but I didn't care. Nor did I care that I'd caught the attention of the campus police, I just kept driving.
That slow, determined walk that said Demyx both had a purpose and none at all told me his intentions. Some people may have missed it, but I knew. I knew his plans just as well as him. Or I would have, if I knew where the hell he was going. I knew he turned left out of the lot, but other than that I had no idea. I had to get in his head and figure out where the hell he was going. If I made the wrong choice, he was gone. I wouldn't reach him in time, and he'd be lost forever. I'd never be able to tell him how much I love him. I'd never be able to convince him that he's the most beautiful interesting and astonishing person I've ever met. I'll never be able to tell him that he saved my life.
It all came down to this decision; if I were Demyx, where would I go to die? More specifically, where would I go to die, in this direction? Well, he can get to his home going in this direction, but that's too far. Maybe he'll want to be symbolic and go to the stadium where he and Axel had their first date. No, that doesn't sound like Dems. Fuck! Okay, new direction; if I were Demyx, how would I want to die? He wouldn't cut, I knew that. He can't even hurt a fly. And he'd want to make sure it worked the first time, so hanging's out, so is shooting. He could miss, plus he doesn't own a gun. He wouldn't want to be able to back out of his decision either. And then it hit me; He's going to the cliffs.
I rapidly shifted gears and floored it now that I knew where I was going. If I was wrong in this, Demyx was lost to me forever, if I was right, I may be able to save him. If only the damn fucking cars would get the hell out of my way! Screw no passing zone, ignoring all laws and my own safety I started passing cars. My only thoughts were of Demyx. I had to find his piece of shit car, and I was grateful that Axel's chevelle could lap Demyx's beater any day. That gave me just one more advantage, one more chance to get to him in time.
I desperately continued to weave in and out of cars, leaving a trail of collisions in my wake, and not caring in the least. It was almost frightening, how I could be so worried for one person and not give the tiniest damn about anyone else, or myself. My only goal was Demyx, and it seemed nothing would be getting in the way of that. Or so I thought. As I flew around a sharp curve I had to slam on Axel's breaks when I was met with a jam of red lights. Construction, just what I needed. By the looks of it they were paving one side of the road so it was down to one lane and there were four cars waiting in front of me.
I gripped the wheel tightly, unable to do anything else as the flagger continued to wave the other side pass. Didn't they realize a life was in danger, have they no idea what kind of a hurry I'm in? I could actually feel the adrenaline rushing through me. My body was tingling and jumpy, my heart was racing, the blood on my hand was still trickling down my arm, though it had dried in some areas, and my feet lay waiting at the pedals for the moment I was give n the go ahead. Just as I was starting to get unbearably impatient, I saw the flagger tell the other side to stop and I ripped out of my spot and tore down the one way street, earning fingers, beeps, and yells from the cars who were supposed to go ahead of me, not to mention the furious fist shaking of the flaggers, whom I'd completely ignored. But I still didn't care. The only thing I concerned myself with was Demyx living another day.
Once back on the right side of the road I floored it again, and thanks to the minor block of traffic, I would make good distance before I ran into more cars again. Damn them all to hell for getting in my way. I continued to easily pass any car I came across, only playing a few games of chicken, in which I always won, until finally, I saw it. That blue, no red, or maroon, whatever; that 1989, blue with red sparkles and random spots of rust, beat to shit Sundance gave me hope that I still had time.
I had a chance. I might still be able to save him. The only problem; that crappy car can move better than I realized and he's almost to the cliffs. I pressed the gas, which was already pressed to the floor, with all my strength to no avail. I just couldn't move faster. My adrenaline was speeding up, my heart continued to race, I was getting closer to Demyx, so close. It felt like it was taking eternity, but he wasn't driving as fast s me, and I was catching up.
Finally, I was only two cares behind the Sundance, and I could almost see him in my arms again, hear his voice, feel his breath against my neck, his hands in my hair and slinking down my back. I had so much more to do with Demyx. I couldn't lose him. I hadn't told him everything I had to say, I haven't held him nearly long enough. Nor have I looked upon him as many times as I'd like. Axel had his chance, but I have yet to show Demyx everything I have to give. My heart and soul, I put it all into every little thing I do for him. He needs to know, needs to realize, he is not disposable. If he leaves, the world may not cry, but I will.
My heart sunk as Demyx reached the cliffs, and I still had two cars blocking my path, while a semi was coming from the other direction. I honked my horn, bumped into their bumper, but they only went slower, and I was left to watch as Demyx sped across the cliff, not slowing down in the least. I felt the tears falling down my face as I continued my attempt to pass these god awful cars. It would take a miracle to save him now. Unfortunately, life doesn't hand out miracles.
oOo
"You think we should do what!?" I heard Mrs. Strife yell from inside Sora's hospital room.
"I think he needs a break Liz." Mr. Stirfe answered in a calm and mild manner.
"Oh great, our son nearly dies, by his own hand, so let's sent him away! He needs us now more than ever. He doesn't need a break, a break from what!?"
"Liz, we had no idea what was going on with him. We thought he was happy. He was always surrounded by friends, hanging out with his girlfriend, and smiling, there were no clues. He needs a break from pretending. He needs to be somewhere that he can start over fresh, and not have to worry about putting on a show for everyone." No, no, no, they can't take Sora away from me. What are they thinking? I almost lost him and they want to send him away. How am I going to make him happy if he's not near me?
"How am I going to take care of my baby if he's so far away?" Mrs. Strife demanded in a soft voice.
"I'm calling Cloud tonight and having him drive Sora to Roxas' school tomorrow."
"That soon?"
"When you have money protocol doesn't always apply."
"I wasn't talking about how you got him into the school. I meant we barely have time to say good bye." I heard a sigh and then the rusting of clothing. Why, why, did she back down? Why is Mrs. Strife letting him send her son away?
"Okay Liz. We'll keep him home this week, and have him at the new college by Saturday. Is that enough time?"
"It'll have to be." Mrs. Strife surrendered. I can't believe they're sending him away, and to that crappy brother of his no less. The want him to kill himself don't they?
After Mr. and Mrs. Strife left the room, each giving me a hug before walking away, I tentatively moved into the room and sat down in a chair next to Sora's bed. You would never know by looking at him in his sleep, just how depressed he was. Of course, we hadn't even known when he was awake. It really made me wonder what had gone so horribly wrong. How did we get to this point?
It had to be a nightmare. I wasn't really sitting next to my boyfriend's hospital bed, and underneath those bandages, a battlefield of scars and stitches didn't await my reluctant eyes. The arms he'd been hiding from me for four years were perfectly smooth, normal, and unmarred, he was just shy, like he said, just shy. That had to be it. Sora was too happy to do this to himself. This all had to be a horrible nightmare. That was the only answer.
With tears filling my eyes I leaned over Sora's sleeping body and rested my head against his chest, allowing my tears to fall. It hurt so bad to know he'd been suffering this entire time, and even worse to know that I had missed it. Roxas started all of this. Everything was fine until that asshole caused problems. He would pay for this, for everything he's done to Sora.
I jumped and sucked in a breath of air when I felt fingers thread through my hair. Was Sora actually touching me, without me telling him to? He'd actually taken the initiative to run his hand through my hair, the way I'd always wanted him to. I lifted my head and met his sad cerulean eyes. I could see it now. He wasn't bothering to hide his true feelings anymore. When my eyes met the emptiness of his, I knew, this boy is depressed, he is lost and he needs help. This is not a dream. This is real, and it is serious. "Sora?"
"I'm sorry Kairi." He whispered to me in a broken voice. It was like he cut away all the layers that had hid him from the world for so long while he was in that bathroom, and all that was left was the real him; the Sora that has been hiding from us this entire time, the Sora that is screaming for help.
"Why didn't you tell me Sora?" I asked, taking one of his hands in my own and climbing on the edge of the bed.
oOo
"Why didn't you tell me Sora?" Kairi asked as she climbed onto the bed with me. She still had tears in her eyes, which made me feel real guilty about getting caught. I never wanted to hurt her. I never wanted anyone to have to know about this. It was supposed to stay secret, but I fucked up.
"I'm sorry Kairi…"
"Don't you dare say, 'I wanted to tell you, I just couldn't'!"
"I wasn't going to Kairi. I never wanted to tell you. I never wanted anyone to know. I'm a perfectionist, and having you all know what I've been doing to make myself feel, ruins that façade of the perfect happy young guy, with a loving girlfriend, and amazing fault free life." I admitted and Kairi's saddened face quickly turned to rage.
"Sora, I would have helped you!" I nodded and allowed her to believe that delusion. "Did you talk to your parents?"
"They're here?!" How disappointed are they in me?
"Of course. I called them. I was really scared Sora."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to Kairi." I really hadn't. I didn't want anyone to be burdened by me. "No I did not talk to my parents."
"They're sending you away. Sora, they're taking you away from me!" Kairi threw herself around my neck, kissing every part of my face she could reach, while I did nothing. I was too shocked to move. Why were they sending me away? Was I going to an insane asylum? I'm not insane! I'm not even suicidal. It was an accident, an accident. I don't want to die, I just want to feel!
I've spent my entire life being perfect for my parents. I did everything in my power to be the perfect son for them. I pushed myself over the edge to get straight A's. I cleaned and helped around the house as much as possible. I convince them I wasn't completely head over heels in love with my best friend. I destroyed my twin brother to keep my parents from finding out I'm not their perfect son. Roxas had already told them he was different. I didn't want them to know I was broken too.
If I told them, they'd look at me different. I couldn't bare that. It was better to be unhappy than to face that judgment from my parents and all of the people who were supposed to be my friends. What I should have done, was stay quiet about Roxas, tell Riku nicely, that I wasn't interested, and not immediately go to Kairi and ask her if she'd like to go out. I never should have gotten others involved. But I panicked. I thought if I didn't have a girlfriend they'd figure out that there's something wrong with me. I thought if I was accepting of Roxas, that they'd find out it's because I'm the same as him. I couldn't let Riku kiss me, despite it being the best moment of my life, because my parents may have walked in. All I ever wanted was to be their prefect boy, but I can't be that and be gay. And now, because I hurt myself so that I could feel, they're putting me in a crazy house. Do they even love me anymore? Is cutting worse than being gay? "Where are the sending me?" I asked quietly, fearing the answer.
"They're sending you to your brother's school. They seem to think you need a break." Kairi's distaste was clearly heard in her voice.
"R-r-roxas' school?" I asked. Thy couldn't send me there, not after everything I did to him. He chose that school to escape from us, from me. They couldn't do that to him. "I-I can't go there. H-he won't want me there."
"Who care what that fag wants or doesn't want. Sora what's important is what you need, and what you nee-…"
"What about what Roxas needs?! Roxas needs his space from me. He deserves to have time away from us, from me. And they're going to ruin that for him!"
"What about you Sora?!"
"Who cares about me!?"
"I do!"
"Well, I care about Roxas. And he doesn't need me getting in the way of his new start. I've had it so easy compared to him. When he moved away, I was happy, not because the 'fag' was leaving town. No, I was happy, because I knew anywhere was better than here. I knew that he was getting a second chance. And now they're going to ruin it for him!"
"Sor-…"
"It's not fair!" Tears started rolling down my face. "He was shunned for being who he is, for not hiding himself from the world. And I was praised for being the good child but that's not what I am. It was all a lie. Roxas' life sucked because he told the truth, and I was pampered for lying. Roxas should be allowed his independence. I'd rather be sent to a nut house, than ruin his life again."
"How can you say that Sora? Your whole life wasn't a lie, you just had a secret. But now we know. We know about your 'problem' and we still love you. What's not fair is your parents sending you away. Roxas isn't even involved in this. It's all about you."
"It's always about me! Why is it always about me? You know what Kairi, you don't know what my problem is. I'm still lying to you all. And I don't want to hear one more word about Roxas not mattering!" I pushed Kairi off of me, threw the blankets off of my legs, and pulled my IV out, which wasn't really a good idea. I now had blood everywhere, because as it turns out, that was a transfusion IV. Oh well, I stood up and faced a very concerned looking Kairi, "One more thing, I admire my brother, for doing what I never could!" Then I turned around intending to leave, only to be stopped by the nurse watching me.
"Back in bed child." She demanded and I scrunched my face, trying to look frustrated and intimidating at the same time. But the smile on the young nurses face told me I was about as intimidating as a kitten. "You're cute. Bed!" She insisted once more.
I raised my index finger in her face and opened my mouth to tell the nurse that dared to laugh at my mean face just what I thought of her demands. Unfortunately, black spots started to fill my vision and the last thing I saw was the nurse's hands trying to catch me.
oOo
My eyes slowly flittered open and met the horrifying site of the supposedly white hospital ceiling. It looked gray in my opinion, but whatever. When my eyes landed on the fluorescent light I let out a groan and threw my hand over my eyes. At least whatever was underneath me was soft, somebody must have put me back on the bed. "Sora?" Oh God, what now?! I let out another groan and rolled over in the opposite direction of the voice, "Sora!"
"What Dad?" I submitted. What else could I do? He's my dad, what he says goes.
"Kairi said she told you our plans?" My heart was breaking. He didn't sound the least bit angry. It was all disappointment. And in my world, rejection and disappointment were the worst possible outcomes of any situation.
"I can't go to Roxas' school. He went there to get away from us." I explained quietly, putting on my best 'I'm so sorry I'm the worst son in the world' voice.
"Sora, you are hurting yourself, and I don't know why, nor do I understand why you're doing it. But you have no choice in this. You are going to Roxas' school. I think it will be good for you. It'll be a new start for you. And Sora, I know you miss Roxas, despite his…abnormalities. You've been hiding your feelings for a while now, I think it's time you do something for you. You want to see your brother don't you?"
I do. In fact, one night, after a particularly bad punishment I'd give myself, I wanted, no needed Roxas so bad that I'd packed my bags and stole my parent's car. I didn't even make it to the halfway point however, when Kairi called. Her dad was in a mood again, and she needed somewhere to go. I immediately turned the car around and met her at my house. That was the closest I'd ever gotten to Roxas. But I think about him every day. He's my place to run to, my shelter from the storm, my shoulder to cry on. And I betrayed him to help myself. I wanted nothing more that to make it up to him, to beg at his feet, and convince him how awful I know I am. I feel like part of me is missing without him. Maybe it is about time we get put back together, but what if that's not what he wants?
"Well, no matter what you want, Cloud's taking you to Roxas' college Friday, and you'll be there by Saturday morning." My dad stated. I'm going to see Roxas…in one week. I was both excited and worried. How would he feel about this? Does he even like me anymore? How could he? I'm an asshole. "You're going to share a room with him. I've sorted everything out already."
"Okay." I said quietly.
"Sora, doesn't your friend Riku go to the same college as Roxas?" My mother asked.
Shit!
oOo
After a few more moments of sitting quietly on the bathroom floor, Roxas and I finally left. We were feeling better after having talked; he just had a weird way of being able to calm me down. Yet another reason I was becoming more and more obsessed with him. "So Roxy, do you want to go to the cafeteria, or my room?"
"In your extraordinarily friendly mood, I think your room might be dangerous." Roxas smirked.
"I might take offense to that." I said as I wrapped an arm around his shoulder.
"Somehow I doubt that." Roxas commented as he shoved my arm off of himself, only to have me replace it once again.
"Well, at some point you'll have to come back to my room with me, you left your stuff there." Roxas shook his head and laughed.
"You'll do anything to get me in your room again, huh?'
"Maybe." After that we feel silent and I followed Roxas, who happened to be moving in the direction of my dorm. I couldn't help that my eyes just happened to linger on his ass the entire way. Was he actually going to lead me to my room? I didn't have any bad intentions; I really wasn't planning on ravishing him…yet. But just to know he might trust me enough to go back to my room with me was nice. Maybe I could get him to spend more time with me in there. Maybe one day I can trust myself not to destroy his life like I did Demyx's.
"Hey Axel?"
"Hmm."
"Why'd you get those tattoos?" Roxas asked so innocently, so adorably that he was making it incredibly difficult for me not to jump him right here and now.
"Summer break before senior year, I got drunk. Zexion, the ever sober and responsible one, thought it'd be funny to dare me to get my face tattooed. This," I pointed just beneath my eyes, "Is the result." Roxas immediate fell into hysterical laughter again. Why is it that he always seems to be laughing at me? He was doubled over in the middle of the hallway, attracting eyes, and laughing his ass off without care of what anyone thought of him. It kind of reminded me of myself. "What's so funny Roxy?"
"You," Roxas, still clutching his stomach pointed a finger at me, "Y-you, got y-your f-face tattooed, o-on a dare."
"I don't find it funny." I mumbled as Roxas continued to laugh. Honesty, isn't he going to run out of air soon? "Besides, it's damn sexy."
"I-if I dared you to drive off a cliff, would you do it?" Roxas asked after recovering a bit.
"Honestly, if I was drunk enough, yes." That shut all of his laughter up and he stood up straight and tall, or as tall as he could appear.
"Hmm," Roxas placed his index finger on his lips as his face turned thoughtful. "That's not good. I think…yeah, I think you are no longer allowed to drink, you are going to be drug and alcohol free from now on." My jaw dropped as Roxas clapped his hands together in finalization. "Don't worry, I'll help you."
"Wait, wait, wait! Hold up just a minute." I commanded as Roxas started walking way. Using more that my usual amount of hand gestures I began to telling Roxas exactly why he couldn't tell me what to do. Then out of nowhere, in a completely unexpected act, Roxas grabbed my wrists, forcing my arm gestures to a standstill, and pulled me towards him so our faces were only about five inches apart, effectively shutting up my rant.
Slowly a smile covered his face, and he spoke, "I just wanted to see if you could keep talking," He momentarily looked down at my hands and continued, "I guess you can't."
I was shocked. I was violated. I was, I was seriously turned on. Roxas was still holding my wrists and I could only stare at him. There were no limits to what he would do or say to me, and I loved it. Demyx would never be so bold, but Roxas…Ah, Roxas wouldn't be afraid to challenge me. When Roxas finally dropped my arms I regained my composure and stuck a finger in his face, " I was ranting at you."
"Yeah, well, I lost interest when I realized I don't care. You're not going to drink anymore, and that's final."
God I love this man, but what gives him the right. I turned away from the blond in an attempt to storm away. It would have been epic, the perfect exit, except someone got in my path and when I kept walking and this brown haired midget stood still we both tumbled to the floor in a tangle heap. I heard the kid I was on top of squeek in pain and as I worked to untangle our legs I apologized, "Sorry man didn't see you. But really what the hell?! Couldn't you tell I was attempting to make a dramatic exit?!" Truly, when you see someone trying to storm away, you can tell, and you get out of their way. What was this kid thinking, standing behind in my getaway path.
"Um, n-no, sorry, I…um."
I then I turned around and saw the stuttering kid just as Roxas spoke, "Sora."
AN: Ah, cliffhangers, what a glorious invention.
Wouldn't it be awesome if I ended the story here? -evil thoughts- I'm just kidding. There's a bit more left, I have two more chapters planned out. So, no worries, you'll get another chapter (which is actually halfway written already).
And the bathroom returns. ^_^ At some point I need to fix that. Or maybe I'll just change the title to "Bathroom Confessions and Revelations" instead of "Details".
I do hope I haven't lost any of you. I promise, there will be more Zexion in the next chapter.
Thanks for any and all reviews favs and alerts.
