Multiplicity
A Ranma fanfic by Mike Breslau
Disclaimer: You know the drill: better folks than I own the characters that appear in this scribbling.
That same morning Kasumi was in her kitchen preparing for a large feast. Ranma was coming soon - good food, and lots of it, would be needed sometime today. There was a polite knock on the door. Kasumi hurried to answer it; she was almost beaten to the door by Akane.
"Is that Ranma?" thought Nabiki. She hurried downstairs from her bedroom.
Ranma entered with a small bow and a slight smile. "Good morning, everyone." He didn't look like someone who had been "roughing it" for months - he was clean and neat. He didn't have a backpack. Was he staying at a hotel?
Akane stared. She didn't remember Ranma being this good-looking.
The dopey duo (Soun and Genma) came rushing up, followed closely by Nabiki.
"Boy, are you mph..." Genma suddenly seemed to be unable to continue. Genma struggled to unclench his jaw and pry open his lips.
Nabiki noticed the resemblance to Darth Vader's remote choking technique and prayed that it never happened to her. She'd be helpless if she couldn't talk.
"Be quiet, old man," said Ranma resignedly, "I'll let you talk when I need you to talk." He addressed Soun. "Mr. Tendo, I have come to discuss paying court to your daughter," he said solemnly.
"Yatta!" Soun exclaimed. Genma also tried to make celebratory noises, but he was having difficulty.
"Notice what I just said," began Ranma. "Paying court does not mean engagement, it is not a proposal of marriage, and I didn't even specify which daughter."
Soun sobered up. "What do you mean, Ranma? You are already engaged to Akane." Genma stopped struggling with his jaw and listened attentively.
"Akane has never consented to this engagement, she was forced into it. I too was forced unwillingly into an arrangement made by two drunken old fools before I was even born." Ranma turned to Nabiki. "I don't think this 'honor pledge' would stand up in a court of law. Isn't that right, Nabiki?"
The middle Tendo promptly replied, "I am not a lawyer, but I'm sure it wouldn't have any legal standing."
"It's not a matter of contract law, it's a matter of honor!" protested Soun loudly.
"Your honor, or mine?" asked Ranma pointedly. "I will never accept marriage to a person I hardly know. And judging by the results, neither of you 'adults' has the faintest idea of what a good marriage is."
Soun started crying, which didn't surprise anyone. "But...But..." He was watching his decades-old dreams go up in smoke - again.
Ranma continued, "I want to 'pay court' to all your daughters so that I can get to know them and they can get to know me. Then if one of them and I seem to be a good match we can consider getting engaged."
"But you and I already know each other," protested Akane.
"Do we?" replied Ranma. "I insulted and belittled you without ever trying to get to know you. I'm sorry for that. You jumped to conclusions and never listened to me before malleting me. Do even know who I am or what I can do?"
Akane grinned impishly. "Well, you just silenced Genma without much effort, something nobody else could do."
Human Genma produced a sign reading "Hey!"
Kasumi giggled politely. Ranma effortlessly sat seiza three feet above the floor. The Tendos boggled. Ranma continued, "Kasumi, you seem to be interested in someone else. Is that true?" Kasumi reddened. "Well, I am interested in someone, but he acts so silly. I was hoping for a more mature man. I admit I have found you attractive, Ranma, and I wouldn't mind if you paid attention to me." She blushed further.
"Nabiki, could you live with a man who has no money and needs none?" Nabiki paused. "Not needing money" was as alien to her thinking as "not needing oxygen." She replied, "I don't know. What do you mean?" Ranma looked thoughtfully at Nabiki, who suddenly found herself clad in a tan and brown silken gown of elegant but simple design, with elaborate floral embroidery around the waist. She tried to estimate the value of this gown and nearly fainted.
Akane and Kasumi approached Nabiki and examined her gown. "Oh look," said Akane, "the label reads 'Ranma.' It's very nice. I wish I had one..."
Ranma shrugged. Akane found herself wearing a similar gown in bright yellow with dark blue trim. A moment later Kasumi was wearing a gown with a light grey top and medium blue skirt. "Oh my!" exclaimed the three sisters in eerie unison.
"Ranma, what became of the clothes we were wearing?" asked Kasumi. "They're upstairs on your beds, cleaned and pressed. Your apron is hanging in the kitchen."
Nabiki examined her own gown more closely. "It doesn't have any seams..." she wondered aloud.
"It was woven in one piece to fit your body," explained Ranma.
Nabiki almost fainted. Genma produced a sign reading, "Dressmaking is not very manly, son!" He was promptly attacked by Akane and Kasumi, saving Ranma the bother of rebuttal.
"Akane, could you stand living with someone who was so much better than you in the martial arts?" asked Ranma. "And in everything else too," silently thought Kasumi.
Akane looked down at the floor, and then answered softly, "I've been living with someone who outclassed me ever since you and your 'friends' came to Nerima. I don't like it, but I've gotten used to it. Is sitting seiza in midair a martial art? I'd like to learn that..."
Before Ranma could answer an inhuman scream of anguish and terror came from upstairs. "Aagh! My eyes, my eyes!"
Ranma grinned gleefully. "Oh good, Happosai is home. Let's go check up on him. Kasumi, would you go first?"
Kasumi had no idea why she should go first, but she agreed and went upstairs. After looking in Happosai's room she realized that "oh my!" just wouldn't cut it.
Nabiki had awakened from her introspection and she trailed the others as they went upstairs. Every inch of the floor, walls, and ceiling of Happosai's room had been covered with large glossy tasteful playmate-style nude pictures of Cologne. Happosai had tried to remove the pictures, but they seemed to be invulnerable, protected by a thin film of iron air. Nor could he escape from the room via the door or windows, the rigid air wouldn't allow him to exit. He couldn't even turn the lights off. It was the perfect hell for a man of his predilections. Kasumi stood near the doorway and kept Soun and Genma from getting a good look inside. She didn't think either male parent could stand the sight. It was difficult enough for a woman to see it.
"Let me out of here," pleaded Happosai as he pounded on the unyielding air in the doorway.
"Maybe later," answered Ranma as he led the others back downstairs.
Genma found he had recovered the power of speech. "Are you just going to leave him there?" he asked Ranma.
"I could. He survived sealed in a cave for ten years; he'll be all right. Maybe I'll add soundproofing so he can't disturb us."
They were interrupted by another anguished scream from upstairs. "Aargh! Where are my silky darlings?"
Ranma grinned evilly. "Happosai has just discovered that every one of his stolen panties has been replaced by men's cotton briefs. And each pilfered bra has been transformed into two yarmulkes."
Nabiki smiled. Kasumi giggled.
"Yarmulkes?" asked Akane.
"Skullcaps," explained Ranma. Ranma now addressed all three Tendo sisters. "Now for the most important question of all: can any of you live happily with a man who can be in four places at the same time? And possibly married to several women?"
Much head-scratching ensued. "What do you mean by that, Ranma?" asked Akane.
"There is only one Ranma - one mind, one memory, one soul. But, I currently have four bodies and all that goes with them: eight eyes, eight hands, and so on. Each of my bodies knows and feels everything that any of my other bodies does. I didn't bring all four bodies here to avoid freaking you out. Presently, one of my bodies is in the Cat Cafe, another is in Ucchan's, and the last is upstairs taking care of Happosai."
"I find that a little hard to believe," observed Nabiki.
Another Ranma came down the stairs. He suggested "Why don't you call them and confirm it? Do you know their phone numbers?"
"Unfortunately, I do," muttered Nabiki after looking back and forth between the two Ranmas several times. An episode of the Twilight Zone would be easier to understand than this situation. She went to the phone and dialed the Neko Han Ten. "Hello, Cologne. Is Ranma there? Yes, he's here too - twice! May I speak with him? Thanks." She spoke with Ranma on the phone while keeping her eyes on the local Ranmas. Soon after she had hung up the telephone rang.
Nabiki answered it. "Hello Ukyo. Yes, he's here too. Okay, may I speak with him?" She looked dazed when she hung up.
"Okay, give, Saotome," commanded Nabiki. "What are you doing? Why? And what do you hope to gain from it?"
One of the Ranmas answered at length. "You see, I spent much of the time on my training trip reproducing and then improving upon every martial arts technique I had ever seen, or even heard of. For example, Herb can fly, and now so can I." His body morphed into a frightful demon. "Behold Soun's demon head technique, improved." His audience backed up quickly. The demon morphed into Ranko. "I had to copy some elements of my Jusenkyo curse to make the demon solid instead of illusionary. Now I have limited control over my curse. It's not cured; it's just tamed. I reluctantly improved upon Happosai's techniques..." Ranma exhibited his father's underwear - while six feet away from Genma.
Genma made a quick check and protested indignantly, "Hey! Show some respect, Son."
"Earn some respect, Pop," Ranma responded. She tossed the garments to Genma, who scuttled away.
"Nabiki, I needed to become powerful enough to control the entire Wrecking Crew if need be. I think I've done that. The Amazons assure me that they know of no one near my level in the last 3,000 years. It irks them no end that I consider myself a male." Kasumi giggled. It was the female Ranma who had just declared herself a male. The male Ranma continued the explanation. "Now the question is what am I going to do with the rest of my life? Will I marry one woman, four women, or none? Can I catch up on my education and learn all the things my father prevented me from learning? Just learning all the kanji is hard enough...Do I have any aptitudes besides martial arts? I could probably be a good dancer, or perhaps a doctor...There are so many things I don't know - it's frightening."
"What about being in four places at once?" asked Nabiki pointedly. "What's up with that?"
Female Ranma explained, "I wanted to improve upon the Amazon's 'splitting cat hairs' technique by making several real, independent copies of myself. I considered various ways of doing that. For example, I could simply reproduce myself, memories and all. But, if I did that then I couldn't undo any of the created Ranmas - that would be murder. Frankly, the idea was sort of unethical. The simplest way was to go back in time: live 10 minutes here, go back 10 minutes, live 10 minutes there, and repeat as needed. There are two problems with this approach: I could create paradoxes, which would be a bad thing, and the other is that I don't know how to time-travel yet. After much thought, I came up with the method you see before you - and it worked better than I expected."
Akane sighed. "You know, I don't think I'll ever be as good as you are at martial arts. Sometimes I envy you, Ranma."
Male Ranma replied, "Sometimes I envy you, Akane. You have something resembling a normal life, you have friends and admirers, you have a loving family. You didn't go on a ten-year training trip, filled with hundreds of painful and hazardous 'training methods' of the craziest sort. The Neko Ken was only one of Pop's many stupid ideas."
He addressed his father. "Pop, do you want to tell them about the wolves and the couch, or the rocks and the cliff, or the hornets nests, or the lead weights and the waterfall, or..."
Genma hurriedly interrupted to cut him off. "A martial artist's life is fraught with peril, Ranma. You wouldn't be what you are today without my training!"
Ranma replied hotly, "Your so called 'training' could have and should have left me dead many times over, Pop! By my count, there were more than 2,000 times when I should have been badly crippled or lost limbs, and hundreds of times when I should have died. You'd be childless now if I weren't so damn lucky and good at the Art!"
Nabiki was an expert on probabilities. She looked skeptical and made a "time out" hand signal. "Come off it, Ranma, that's impossible. If things were as bad as you claim, then the probability of your surviving is close to zero. Are you sure you have your facts right?"
Ranma paused to consider Nabiki's observation. His eyes grew wide. Finally, he said, "I do have my facts right, Nabiki. Someday we'll have to get Genma to confess everything. You're right, I shouldn't be alive and healthy today. Unless..." Ranma looked thoughtful. "Unless something or someone was protecting me for the entire training trip. If a kami or guardian angel took a particular interest in me..."
"Why would a kami look after the welfare of a young child?" asked Nabiki.
Ranma looked solemn. "The only reason I c'n think of is that they were saving me because they need a hero for some tough job that nobody else could do. That's a scary thought." "There's one other possibility," suggested the other Ranma. "If someday I learn how to time-travel, then I am uniquely qualified to protect my younger self from harm."
Nabiki shuddered. "I don't like either of those possibilities. You might be being groomed to fight something that would make Saffron look like a piece of cake. It would be even worse if you learned time-travel. Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely."
Akane whimsically suggested "Maybe Ranma will become the superhuman evil that he's being groomed to fight. Now that there are several of him, it's a real possibility!"
Ranma shook his heads. "There's only one of me, not several." He refrained from mentioning his encounter with the goddess. He'd gotten the impression that humans were not supposed to know that deities were walking the Earth, and besides, that encounter would not clarify the situation. Gods were watching over him at least some of the time, but since they wouldn't interfere they wouldn't protect him either. Or would they? Was his remarkable healing ability natural or supernatural? Perhaps 'his' goddess was merely an observer and other deities had protected him in the past. He felt a chill of apprehension. If the gods were interfering to protect his younger self that would mean he had a vitally important challenge in his future.
Kasumi winced, then shook her head. "I suspect Ranma might not be a suitable match for any of the girls he knows. We're all human; he's become a demigod. If he married one of us, then we'd be so far outclassed that it isn't funny. Ranma, perhaps you should court a kami."
Ranma shook his heads again. "Kami are hard to find. If you girls won't be my mates, I'd like it if you'd at least be my friends."
That same afternoon there was a knock at the door of the Saotome home. Nodoka opened the door. "Ranma, what a pleasant surprise! Do come in." She led the way into the living room. "We weren't expecting you for a few weeks yet. Was your training trip successful?"
"Very successful. I've mastered many martial arts techniques, and even invented a few new ones." Nodoka paused. "Yet you don't sound very happy, my son."
"I'm not. I've had months to train and think, without interruptions or distractions. During the day it's okay; I work on my martial arts, and I love it. At night I have time to think about my life, and I don't like it at all. I realize that there are so many things that I don't know that people my age are expected to know. There are so many things I haven't done that other young men have done. I don't know what I want to do with the rest of my life, or who I'll marry."
"Ranma, everybody who is your age has those same problems. Late teens are the times for figuring out who you are, what you want to do, and who you'll pair up with. It's natural for you to be concerned."
Ranma appeared to change the subject. "Mom, do you want me to be manly?"
Icy fear gripped Nodoka's heart. "Yes, Ranma, it's important to me that you are manly," she replied stiffly.
"You've never explained to me what your idea of 'manly' is, so I can't tell if you'll approve of me or not. What is manly, mom?"
Nodoka's apprehension grew. "Well, that's kind of heard to explain..."
"So you'll know it when you see it. Okay. Is Genma manly enough for you?"
"My husband is a big disappointment! He shirks responsibility, he drinks too much, he cheats at shogi, and he hasn't been 'manly' with me since you were born." Nodoka tried hard not to cry. Why was this so hard?
"Is Soun manly then?" "No, Soun is a spineless failure. He isn't good for anything except watering the lawn!"
"You got that right," thought Ranma. Aloud, "Is Happosai manly?"
"Don't be ridiculous. Happy is a pervert. He is an excellent martial artist and otherwise a source of shame and anger. Happosai only thinks he is manly." "You're not making this easy, Mother. Can a woman be manly? A tomboy perhaps?"
Nodoka's voice grew cold. "Of course not. Women should be feminine; men must be manly! Where are you going, Ranma?"
"Is Ranko Tendo manly enough for you, Mother?"
Now Nodoka was blindsided by Ranma's change in direction. "Ranko is too manly for a girl, and not manly enough for a man."
Ranma took a deep breath to calm himself. "Mother, I am Ranko Tendo." Nodoka's hand went to the bundle she always carried. "What?"
"Sit down, Mother, this may take a while, and you won't like it." Ranma explained in detail how Genma 'trained' him, and how it affected his life. He demonstrated his Jusenkyo curse using glasses of hot and cold water fetched from the kitchen. He did not cover the results of his most recent training trip. Nodoka sat immobile, listening intently as her world crumbled around her.
Nodoka finally spoke, her voice quiet and controlled. "Ranma, are you prepared to fulfill the contract you made a dozen years ago?"
Ranma looked her in the eye and replied seriously, "If I complete the pledge I made when I was only six and didn't understand what I was doing, will you swear on your honor to destroy the contract, absolve me of all honor obligations, and judge me sufficiently 'manly'?"
"I do so swear," said Nodoka very quietly. Her heart was breaking, but honor was honor and duty was duty.
"Very well," said Ranma, "I will do as you desire. Let's go out back. You can be my second." When they arrived in the back yard Nodoka was surprised to see that arrangements had already been completed; evidently Ranma was expecting this outcome. There was a large white cloth spread on the ground, topped with a small pad and writing instruments, a gleaming tanto, a glass of sake, and a small mound of salt. She was surprised to see Ranma dressed in immaculate white robes; she hadn't noticed him changing his clothes. Nodoka unwrapped her sword and withdrew her honor blade from its sheath and held it ready. Without hesitation Ranma knelt down and picked up the ink brush. He wrote, "Is this honorable enough to please you? Am I manly now?" He picked up the tanto and looked his mother in the eye.
Nodoka thought Ranma looked disappointed; whether with himself or with her she could not be sure.
Bowing his head, Ranma picked up the tanto and slit his belly open to end his life in the prescribed ritual manner. Inwardly shaken but outwardly controlled, Nodoka cut off his head with her honor blade to shorten his final suffering. Ranma's head dropped to the cloth and rolled away slightly, dripping blood. Nodoka stood, as cold as an icicle. She resolved to follow Ranma to the afterlife, but not until she had dealt properly with Genma. Turning slowly, she walked back into her now-empty home.
Wanda the wonder wombat looked around her nest in great confusion. It was a very nice nest, with a great view of the Australian landscape, and it was hers. The problem was that, with the exception of Wanda, wombats do not make nests - they live in underground burrows. No wonder she was confused. Wombats are similar to Ranma's father in many respects. They are pudgy and lazy, but they are very strong and can move quickly when required. They are clever and playful. Wombats, like Genma, are generally solitary and shun crowds once they reach adulthood. Too bad there wasn't a spring of drowned wombat. Wanda, despite her specie's name, had no womb, nor was she related to bats. No wonder she was confused. Wanda does not appear again in this story. Pity that.
Author's Notes In the next chapter Ranma explains why he hadn't told Nodoka that he wouldn't stay dead. It's hard on her, but she deserves it (in my opinion).
