It had been a few days since Santana last saw the blonde who was beginning to consume all of her waking thoughts. She couldn't quite understand what it was about that girl that had her so mesmerized. She wasn't really one for childish crushes or infatuations. But then again, she really wasn't sure if that was what this whole thing was anyways.
Santana resisted the urge to go back to the store and talk to the girl again straight away. She didn't want to scare her off or seem like she had nothing better to do than go to a grocery store every single day. So in her down time, while she tried to keep her mind on other things, Santana decided to look for a job.
It was almost as if meeting this fascinating blonde stranger had given her a new lease on life. Like all of a sudden, things began to have meaning and purpose again. Through the nagging bleakness that lingered inside of her, Santana felt a spark of inspiration. To do what? She wasn't quite sure yet. All she knew was that she had to do something.
Her chance encounter at the grocery store had somehow reached through, passed her carefully constructed walls and into her own little world, winding a thin thread around her emotions that connected her to reality again. She understood that she had already been so close to breaking free of her self-imposed loneliness. The frustration had already begun to push her over the edge. But this random meeting that somehow managed to rouse her from emotional sleep was the final kick.
Santana refused to sit around in her room and mope anymore. She felt a burning desire to give her life focus. After all, who wants to be around someone who didn't have any drive or passion? People like that were boring. And Santana needed to be interesting again. She had to find herself.
So she scoured the net and looked over some ads in the paper. And when nothing caught her eye, she decided to talk to her Mom. Mrs. Lopez was surprised to say the least by her daughter's newfound attitude towards finding a career and getting motivated. Just a few days ago, she was considering suggesting that Santana go see a psychologist because, with the way she'd been acting, she feared something may have been seriously wrong. But now, everything was different.
However, Mrs. Lopez thought it best not to question why her daughter's mood had shifted from listless to determined and instead just embraced it. They discussed some potential career options together and after some careful deliberation; she proposed that Santana take on a paid internship working with her aunt at the local newspaper. After all, Santana was a journalism major at college and she had always loved to write… so it didn't take much convincing.
Even though Santana had found the motivation to make some changes in her life, she still couldn't bring herself to call up her friends from college and explain why she'd been M.I.A. lately. Even though most of them lived on the other side of the country, she knew it was only right to mend things with them for her own conscience and for the sake of the four years they had spent together in college. But… she just couldn't do it. It felt false. At this point in her life, she didn't need a bunch of fun people to hang out with. She needed a confidant to share honesty and emotions with.
Santana let out a low thoughtful hum as she lay on her bed, listening to the soft music emanating from her laptop across the room. It was strange but… she felt like everything up until now had been leading to this and she'd only been frustrated and miserable before because she was so tired of waiting for this part of her life to arrive. She was standing on the edge of a cliff, her toes hanging just over the rock, so close to free-falling into the unknown that was her future.
A real job?
Becoming an adult?
Was she really ready for all that?
Glancing over to her bedside table, Santana noticed that it was drawing close to midnight and she should probably get to sleep. After all, she had a big day ahead of her tomorrow. First up, she was off to her interview at the local newspaper. Then, who knows. She wasn't going back to hide in her room again that's for sure. Maybe she'd go for a run or find a new recipe to cook for dinner… which would require her to pick up ingredients… from the grocery store. Santana rolled her eyes at herself and smiled. She just couldn't control her wandering mind. She knew she was going to go back eventually. The curiosity was like a leaky tap, constantly dripping thoughts of the blonde mystery girl into her mind. Why put it off any longer?
With an amused sigh, Santana got up to turn off her laptop, changed into some pajamas and slid beneath the covers.
And for the whole night, her dreams were filled with that faceless, beautiful ghost that had haunted her for so long.
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The next morning, as Santana got ready for her interview, she realized that a large portion of her wardrobe was inappropriate for a job at the local newspaper. She needed to look professional. Like a… business woman. And most of her clothing said anything but that.
It took much longer than she had anticipated, but eventually she found a plain white short-sleeve shirt that wasn't too low cut and a simple black skirt that finished just above her knees. Paired with some sheer black stockings, black pumps and a few tasteful accessories; she felt that she was dressed as formally as she could manage.
After readying her hair and makeup, having a quick breakfast, brushing her teeth and printing off a copy of her resume and college transcripts from the downstairs computer, Santana took a deep breath and got into her car with as much optimism as her nerves would allow her. It wasn't like she was going for an interview at the New York Times or anything. But the prospect of getting her foot in the door of a real career was still exciting… and terrifying.
When she pulled into the parking lot, she felt her stomach twisting slightly and the slow elevator ride up to the 8th floor only made things worse. She hated confined spaces. Santana huffed and looked down at her watch. At least she was still early. When the steel doors parted, she threw herself out into the hallway and followed the signs to the office where she needed to go. As she opened the frosted glass door and was just about to address the receptionist behind the desk, she heard her phone go off inside her bag and reached in to check her messages - It was just one from her Mom saying good luck - before turning it on silent.
When Santana looked back up though, she was more than a little surprised to be greeted by a familiar face. 'Kurt?'
'Santana?' The small boy squeaked, a hands free headset sitting atop his perfectly styled hair.
'Hey!' She beamed at her high school friend and moved around the desk to hug him. Her relationship with Kurt had been a strange one to say the least. Throughout most of their time at high school, the two had been cut-throat rivals, their equally competitive, feisty attitudes landing them in more than one conflict during their four years together. But while everyone had always known that Kurt was gay and most people had gotten over it relatively fast, Santana's coming out was… a little more complicated.
During their senior year, Santana finally realized that she couldn't hide her true identity from those around her anymore. She had tried dating a few boys in the past but it just never felt right. She was lying to herself. It took all of her courage and strength but she came out to her parents and her schoolmates.
Her parents took it surprisingly well and even though her Mom cried for a bit and her dad asked some strange questions about whether or not he'd ever have grandchildren, they were quite supportive when it came down to it. At school though, things were different. People pretended to be okay with it… but they weren't. The girls were polite to her face but talked behind her back. And the boys all just thought that she was some 'challenge' or needed to be 'fixed'. She wasn't sure what she hated more… the isolation from the girls who would gossip and stare or the fear and anger she felt when she was propositioned in some really offensive or vulgar way by some random guy she'd never even met before.
Either way. She felt alone. She went from being one of the most popular girls in school, to a nobody. No. More than that. An outcast. A freak.
But, despite their conflicts and differences, Kurt was one of the few people that were there when she needed a friend the most. He knew what it felt like to be on the outside, to be different… and he didn't waste any time at all in asking Santana if she needed a friend during the History class they shared. At first she was hesitant and stubborn, she barely knew the kid after all and what she did know, she didn't really like.
As the comments and rumors went on though, Santana was worn down. She knew she had to accept help when it was offered. And it wasn't long before they moved past their tendency to clash and formed a genuine friendship. They were the only two openly gay kids in the entire school. If they couldn't rely on each other, then who else could they rely on?
'Oh my god! I haven't seen you in ages! How are you?' Kurt practically squealed in excitement as he threw his arms around Santana.
'I'm really good.' She smiled warmly, feeling as if she'd been transported back in time. Even though they'd caught up a few times after high school finished, it was pretty hard to maintain a friendship when they were at college on opposite sides of the country. They eventually lost contact, only speaking rarely through email or Christmas cards. But that didn't mean Santana wasn't genuinely happy to see her friend again.
'You look fantastic! What are you doing here?' Kurt took a step back to eye up Santana's ensemble and rested a hand on his hip.
'I have an interview actually. My aunt is one of the editors here.' She blushed a little as Kurt nodded over-enthusiastically.
'Of course! I heard that someone was coming in for the internship. Nobody ever said it was you though.' He grinned and moved to hold her hand, swinging it between them excitedly.
'And you work here?' Santana asked, knowing the answer already.
'Yeah. I've been here for about six months now. Just something to tide me over while I wait for my big break.' Kurt beamed. He'd wanted to be an actor for as long as Santana could remember. All throughout high school, he was always the lead in every play, the front of everyone chorus line. She smiled at his unwavering cheery attitude. She'd forgotten how much fun it could be to have a friend like him.
Just Santana was about to ask him if he had auditioned for anything lately, a man came up behind Kurt and tapped him gently on the shoulder.
'Has my 11 o'clock appointment arrived yet?' The tall, grey haired gentleman asked.
'Oh. Sorry Mr. J. Yes. Here she is.' Kurt motioned to Santana as she lifted her arm out quickly for a polite handshake.
After she exchanged a few pleasantries with the man, who she learned was the chief editor of the paper; he led her to his office to begin their interview. Santana answered questions courteously and eagerly, doing her best to seem as likeable and friendly as possible. It felt a little fake, all the smiling and nervous laughter, but she knew that it was how she was supposed to act in this kind of situation. Luckily, it didn't take much for the pleasant banter to flow smoothly and the chief was quite impressed with her college transcripts so she didn't have to talk herself up much in order to seem like she deserved the job.
Thanks Mom. Getting good grades in college really was a smart move. Santana mused. While most girls were out getting drunk and hooking up with randoms every night, Santana was putting in the hard work studying. Not that she never partied… she just, found her moderation after some bad experiences in freshmen year.
When the interview was offer, she shook the chief's hand again and sent him her best smile. With an assurance that she would be hearing back from them soon, Santana left his office and walked back over to Kurt sitting behind his big receptionist's desk.
'So, how did it go?' He bounced a little in his chair, a huge grin on his face as he waited for her to reply.
'Yeah pretty good I think. He seemed happy.' Santana shrugged hopefully.
'I'm sure you did wonderful! Oh! And just think, if you get the job, we can be work buddies! It'll be exactly like high school!' Kurt giggled, backtracking a bit when he noticed precariously Santana's raised her eyebrow. 'Well, not exactly like high school. We won't have to deal with all those bitchy girls and mindless football players.' He smiled gently.
'Yeah.' Santana laughed. She realized that she really did want to get this job now. She'd missed her friend more than she thought. 'But even if I don't, we have to catch up real soon. It's been way too long.' Santana quickly took out her phone and handed it to Kurt. 'Give me your number.' She grinned.
'Most definitely!' He quickly tapped away at the phone before standing up to give the Latina another big bear hug. 'Uh! It was great to see you again San!'
'You too.' Santana waved her old friend goodbye as she climbed back into the elevator and exited the building. Well that was certainly unexpected.
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After a quick stop by her house to change into some jeans and a plain black off the shoulder top, Santana found herself back in her car, driving towards that increasingly familiar store once again. It wasn't really a conscious decision. She just kind of gravitated towards the place.
As she got out of her car and was about to walk across the parking lot to the shop, her stomach began to grumble in protest. It was so loud that Santana stopped, draping her hands across her midsection to try and quiet the noise. Ugh. Leave me alone. She rolled her eyes and waited a few seconds. And then as she was about to take another step, it gurgled and growled again. Fine. She sighed. I'll go eat first. Just shut up.
Since she didn't want to risk a potentially embarrassing tummy uproar while she was trying to make conversation with her ever fascinating blonde, Santana decided to head across the street to get some lunch from the sandwich shop. She picked out a nice, healthy sub with lots of vegetables (just like her mother would have wanted) and a bottle of water and sat down at a small table next to the front window.
Santana was about half way through her lunch and was playing Tetris on her phone when she heard the little bell above the shop's door jingle unexpectedly. She didn't bother to look up. She never did in these kind of situations. She was never really one for awkward pleasantries with strangers.
It wasn't until she heard a soft, vaguely familiar voice that her head finally snapped up to look at the girl who had just walked into the small shop. Santana's eyebrows knitted together in shock, her mouth half-open as she stopped mid-chew. No way…
She watched on, entranced as the blonde bought her lunch and thanked the middle-aged woman serving her with a friendly smile. And then, as she spun around, their eyes connected and the girl titled her head in recognition and gave a small wave. Santana looked around her for a second, wondering if maybe the blonde was looking for someone else. But she was the only other person there. Is she waving to me?
As she strode over to Santana, the brunette couldn't do much but thickly swallow the food that was still in her mouth.
'You came through my register the other day right?' The blonde grinned and gestured to Santana thoughtfully.
'Uhh… yeah. That was me.' Santana replied simply. Why was she talking to her?
'I thought I recognized you from somewhere.' The girl nodded to herself. After a few seconds of heavy silence, the blonde motioned towards the other chair at the small table. 'Do you mind? I never really liked sitting by myself.'
Santana quickly shook her head and felt her heart begin to race. 'No, of course not. I'm just… surprised that you recognized me.'
'Well I've always been one for faces.' The girl giggled slightly. 'But maybe it would be better if we did this properly… I'm Brittany.' She extended her hand across the table and after a small moment of hesitation, Santana took it for a gentle shake.
'S-Santana.' Are you fucking serious? Stuttering? What are you like 12? The Latina coughed slightly to try and cover her slip and unscrewed the cap of her water to take a long swig.
'So… Santana… How did your Saturday night go?' Brittany began to unwrap her sandwich carefully.
'It was alright… How bout yours?' In her lap, the brunette's hands had begun to twist and fidget nervously. Was this even happening? So the girl didn't want to sit alone. That makes sense. But why did she want to sit with her? It was so surreal. Being a customer at the grocery store was just a normal, everyday thing but… eating lunch with someone? That felt like a much bigger step.
'It was good. I went to the movies with some friends.' The blonde took a small, delicate bite from her sandwich.
'See anything good?' Santana didn't dare touch her own food. She needed to stay focused.
'No.' Brittany laughed. 'It was some really over the top action movie that nearly bored me to tears.'
Santana returned the chuckle as her fingers began to tap uneasily at the underside of the table. There was a long pause. Fuck. Say something. Anything.
'So… ummm... do you… uh… do you live nearby?' Santana forced herself not to roll her eyes at her own words. She realized that her brain had obviously reverted to one of her practice questions.
'Yeah not too far. But I only moved here a few months ago so I'm still getting used to the area.' Brittany smiled tenderly. Even though Santana was practically on the edge of her seat, praying that the conversation would go smoothly, the blonde seemed perfectly calm and collected. Her eyes radiated softness and warmth.
'Oh okay… I didn't think I'd seen you around before.' Santana felt her cheeks heating up and allowed some of her long dark hair to fall in front of her face as if it would protect her from embarrassing herself. Girls didn't normally have this affect on her. She was usually the one all confident and in charge.
'Yeah… I actually just got into this really great dance school that's not too far from here.'
'Oh? So you're a dancer?' Inside, Santana was panicking. The air felt like it was on fire. She was sure that her whole face was bright red. But she refused to let it get the best of her. She had to keep the conversation going as if everything was normal.
'Yeah. Well… I want to be. The whole college thing wasn't really for me. I tried it for a while but… yeah. I'm only working the register now to save money for the fees and pay my rent.' Brittany laughed. 'Do you go to school?'
Santana shook her head. 'Not anymore. I just graduated from college.' It amazed Santana how comfortable the blonde was about chatting with her. She was obviously just one of those really friendly, sociable people that could start up a conversation with anyone and never felt awkward.
'Oh… Are you working now?' Brittany titled her head to the side a little in interest.
'Sort of. I… I went for an interview today?' Santana shrugged. 'I think it went okay.' She laughed, trying to shrug it off.
Just as Brittany opened her mouth to respond though, Santana's phone erupted with music. She jumped at the unexpected interruption, before fumbling the device with her fingers. It was her Mom calling. Shit… Santana knew straight away that she wasn't going to answer it. Not now. It would be way too weird. So she pressed a button on the side to turn the call to silent and let it ring through to voice mail.
'Sorry about that.'
'It's no problem.' Brittany offered cheerily, wiping her hands together to remove some crumbs. It was then that Santana noticed the girl had finished eating while she was messing with her phone. 'I have to get back to work now anyways. Maybe I'll run into you again sometime?'
'Yeah…' Santana smiled. 'I have to get my food from somewhere right?'
'Yes you do.' Brittany stood from her chair and grinned. 'Bye then.' She sent Santana another small wave as she collected her things and walked out the front door.
Santana just stared at the spot where the blonde had been only a few seconds ago, replaying the conversation in her mind. A tiny smile crossed her lips.
So she was a little nervous. And she could have been a bit smoother. Or said some more interesting things.
But it didn't matter.
The only thought that was in her mind was that Brittany had come over to speak to her when there was no reason or obligation to. Simply because she wanted to.
That had to be a step in the right direction.
Maybe the blonde had noticed her back.
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A/N: So first off, thank you all sooo much for the reviews! I really appreciate it! Keep it up! They feed my creativity and motivation.
As you can see from this chapter, small pieces of Santana's past will be revealed as the story goes. For now, I'll just say there's a lot to it…
Secondly, to anyone who isn't sure – 'M.I.A.' is Missing In Action. Yeah… I've been re-watching Buffy Season 4 lately and obviously picked up on the Initiative military-lingo again.
Finally, I hope this isn't too unrealistic/over-romantic! I'm trying to keep a balance here but what can I say? I think everyone wants to just get swept up in a person sometimes!
