Beautiful.
It really was beautiful.
The house I was never supposed to remember.
I stood there.
Outside.
As the snow fell heavily onto my hair.
I gazed at it.
Soaking in its memories.
Its happiness.
And its tragedy.
Perhaps...if things were different...I'd never have been able to look upon this house again.
That is why I stared.
Kaname ordered the others in the night class to enter the building.
He stayed out there with me.
He allowed himself to become cold.
So he could watch over me.
I was grateful for that.
I was grateful, that when silent tears made their way down my cheeks...that he was there.
As he wrapped his arms around me, there was no coldness anymore.
Only warmth.
I clung to that as we stood there.
I began to shiver.
"We can go in now. Kaname." I murmur.
We walk silently towards the house.
As we draw closer, I feel more nervous.
What would it be like?
To enter this house?
The home of my past?
As if he could read my thoughts, I feel Kaname's hand that is holding mine tighten.
I glance at him and his eyes are full of unspoken reassurance.
I smile softly.
I know.
I know that everything will be alright if he is there.
As the large, ornate doors open, I hold my breath.
As if everything would crumble apart around me as soon as I stepped inside.
Kaname went first, gently pulling me along behind him.
As I stepped from the cold, wet ice, onto the polished wooden floors...
I feel a weight I hadn't noticed before lift from my shoulders and I release my breath.
I glance around me.
Taking in the beautiful walls, decor and atmosphere.
The condition of the house was pristine, and I wondered why there was no dust.
The night class students had already vacated the main entrance hall of the mansion.
I guessed Kaname had told them where their rooms were.
I glanced at him then, noticing that I hadn't been paying attention to him.
He was stood by the stairs.
A light smile played on his lips.
But he appeared sad at the same moment.
I moved toward him, a question in my eyes.
"What's wrong?" I ask.
His eyes flickered down briefly.
Before meeting mine again.
"It's nothing. Really." I frown.
I know that it isn't nothing.
If it was nothing, then it wouldn't be affecting him so outwardly.
I sigh.
I slowly place my hands onto his cheeks.
I watch as he moves his head to place his lips to the palm of one of my hands.
The action makes me smile.
But I withdraw my hands.
I look at him, worry etched into my face.
"Kaname? Please...I don't want you to keep anything from me."
I look away.
"I'll love you, no matter what it is." I murmur.
I hear him exhale and the tension that had been there ever since he returned, suddenly felt overwhelming.
"Please..." I hear him whisper. "Please don't make me...make me tell you..."
I tear my eyes away from the spot of the floor that I had been studying and look at his face.
He looked devastated.
His perfect features were scrunched.
And his eyes looked darker than usual.
He looked away and placed a hand onto his face.
"Kaname. I promise, I won't be angr-"
"Don't. Don't Yuki...You can't...you can't promise that..."
I feel my eyes widen in shock.
He had sounded so...
So...scared.
And wounded.
"You can't promise me that. You just...you just can't." I hear his voice break.
"Kana-"
"Yuki. I'm sorry...I'm so...so...sorry..."
I watch, in complete shock, as he sinks to his knees in front of me.
"What? What did you...? Why are you saying this Kaname?"
I see his body shake.
Is he crying?
But there are no sobs...
Nothing.
He's silent.
But I can feel his inner turmoil.
His pain.
And I can't do anything.
"Please...forgive me Yuki..."
I stare, not knowing what to say.
"Yuki...Yuki I'm..."
"Kaname?"
I hear him take in a shuddering breath.
"I'm a monster!"
