Episode 2
" Pieces of me"
Chapter 1
It had been two months since Groton Long Point and the Winchesters were still on edge.
It felt like all they could do was stay on the move. One Winchester would drive while the other slept. They only stopped to get something to eat, use the restroom, to steal another car, or to get gas.
They were, for the first time, officially without a clue on how to continue as the way they were now living was getting old fast. They were getting cabin fever, (or car fever rather).
It wasn't like they'd never had to use a vehicle as their main residency before and it wasn't like they hadn't been on the road for days without stopping before. But, it was the notion that they could never stop, but for a few minutes ever again that was slowly driving them crazy.
The reasons they were on the move began to mess with Sam's already addled mind and his hallucinations were getting worse and now he was not only seeing Lucifer twenty-four/seven but he was also seeing other monsters everywhere he looked, even when there was nothing there and he was continually getting the sensation of being caged. It was begining to cause him even more paranoia. Now if Sam fell asleep he woke up screaming almost every single time.
Dean had found it unsettling, especially since it nearly caused him to wreck, the first couple of times it happened.
Finally around the sixth time it happened Dean wanted straight answers and Sam had to stop being dodgy and reluctantly he let Dean know what was going on.
"It's getting worse." Sam had replied gesturing to his head.
Dean looked baffled he hadn't actually thought about Sam's "problem" in a while because he had assumed his brother had gotten better on his own and he had put it in the back of his mind a long time ago, there was just to much other stuff to deal with.
But, now here that "problem" was rearing it's ugly head all over again. "Or maybe it never really went away.", "I, just didn't see it." Dean thought.
Sam had confirmed that he had never stopped seeing or hearing Lucifer, but, he had learned a long time ago to just not let that get to him and he didn't know why he was seeing and hearing "other things" now, along with having nightmares again.
His best guess, was now the fact there was no safe place to go anymore was starting to get to him. It was the fear of capture of having to go through a living hell and then real hell again if they were ever caught. Because surely they would be tortured to death. And. Once they were dead where would they wind up?
When Dean heard his brother's fears, he knew there was nothing he could do, because it was a very real scenario.
How could something like that not tredge up a real legitament fear that even he had?
He didn't want his brother to suffer so Dean contacted his old friend Doctor Robert and told him what was happening with Sam and a couple of days later he was picking up a few different medicines that the doctor said "might" help using some forged prescriptions.
And of course the doctor had to go and pop Dean's bubble with the 'might" part of things explaining how Sam's situation was "unique" and that any medicines might cause more harm than good.
Doctor Robert advised Dean to keep him posted on Sam's progress so that medication could be adjusted, switched or stopped if needed. It made things akward when the doctor asked Dean how "he" was. Because with everything that was happening it would be perfectly understandable to need someone to talk to.
Dean told the doctor he was thankful for his help with Sam and taking back on his old hardened nature he thanked the doctor for his concern and said that he himself would be alright.
As if things weren't bad enough Dean actually was a little paranoid himself and as he picked up Sam's medication he felt, that, even though the doctor had assured him that the pharmacy he was sending him to was devoid of monsters and he was using forged everything to get the meds, like he was leading everything that was hunting them right to their location. So Dean got himself and his brother as far away as possible before the hell that felt like was coming started to rain down on them.
Dean spent several sleepless nights driving, because to stay moving was the only thing that felt safe now. Sam wasn't allowed to drive because one of the last times he had driven he hallucinated and nearly killed them both by almost driving off the road and now with the medications he shouldn't be operating any kind of machinery. Sam was tired all the time now anyway. He couldn't keep himself awake a majority of the time, because his body was still adjusting to the heavy barage of side effects that, wasn't unexpected, but, it was still a hinderance and he felt like a burden to Dean.
Dean wouldn't even park the car and just let Sam take watch for a while so he could sleep because he didn't want to risk something happening to Sam while he slept. So Sam felt guilty and Dean was being stubborn insisting that he was "fine" and that it was "okay" and saying things like: "This isn't your fault Sam.", "You can't drive and we can't stop.", "I'm so hopped up on caffeine right now, I don't think I'll need sleep for at least another month anyway."
It wasn't untill one night he had a face to face with a big rig in the oncoming lane that Dean gave in and let Sam finally talk him into pulling over so he could sleep. While Dean slept Sam had nothing to do but pace in circles around the car to keep from falling asleep himself.
It wasn't easy, because even though he kept moving, Sam felt himself getting slugish.
Stubornly Sam wouldn't wake Dean. He wanted Dean to be able to get a full eight hours of sleep without having to worry about him for a change. But when Sam got dizzy and his knees gave in Dean instinctively sprang up to be at his brother's side.
"Sam talk to me." Said Dean in a panicked tone as he knelt in front of Sam.
"I just got dizzy and it made me feel kinda weak.", "I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you." Sam managed to say but his voice sounded weak.
"Sam you collapsed, I'm not scared, man, I'm terrified.", "I'm calling Doctor Robert.", "But first we gotta get moving, we've already been sitting still to long." Said Dean nervously.
"You were only asleep three hours.", "You need to rest to.", "If you don't take care of yourself, Who's gonna take care of me?" Sam argued.
Dean heaved his oversized "little" brother into the back seat and said "I'm gonna take care of both of us.", "Trust me Sammy."
Sam felt like a heavy fog was swallowing his mind and before he knew it he was out. Dean grew frantic. Sam's condition had kept him worried from the start and the medicines appeared to do nothing besides continuosly make him lethargic and now his brother was to weak to even stand on his own.
Dean hauled ass to San Francisco's China Town, where, he hoped, Doctor Robert would be able to help.
After Dean made sure that Sam was settled in the doctor's room above the butcher shop, he stepped out to ask just what was going on with his brother.
Doctor Robert went over again on how there had never been a way to predict any outcome because of how Sam's situation was "unique" and he reminded Dean that he had been warned that medicating Sam could've made things worse.
The only thing the doctor could suggest, was that they allow Sam to come off the medicines slowly, so that he didn't have an even more adverse reaction than what they were dealing with now.
"You're going to have to stay here for at least a month so that I can personally monitor Sam's condition." Doctor Robert had said.
Dean shook his head, there was no way that was going to be safe for anyone, but he didn't want to risk irreparably hurting Sam. So reluctantly he agreed and with time the doctor even convinced Dean to finally get some sleep.
Chapter 2
Dean was starting to really worry about Sam. It had been three weeks and his little brother was only getting weaker.
Now Sam was mostly only semi-consious and he thrashed around screaming out and writhing in pain or fear. As the days passed Sam only seemed to get even worse. Dean wouldn't leave his brother's side for anything now and Doctor Robert had to drug him just to get him to sleep.
When Dean finally passed out the doctor had his assistant help him get Dean into a bed in a seperate room.
It was ten hours later when Dean woke up and he wasn't exactly happy to find that he had been away from Sam for so long. After chewing out the doctor he rushed into Sam's room to assure his brother he was still there.
Dean was nearly overjoyed when he opened the door to discover Sam standing up on his own, by the far wall looking in a mirror with his back turned to him. "
Sammy you're up." Said Dean happily.
But something wasn't right. It took a few seconds for Dean to notice his brother's violent trembling and his heavy breathing.
"Hey, Sam, man are you okay?" Dean asked fearfully.
"Was this, worth getting my soul back? Sam asked turning slowly to reveal one of Dean's worst ever fears.
His brother's eyes were a blazing, undeniable yellow.
Dean lost all ability to breathe as this demon that was once his brother gave him a soul crushing stare that said his Sam might still be in there somewhere.
The demon saw Dean's reaction and said "You know what an hour in the cage equals on Earth, Dean?", "It's roughly a million years give or take a decade.", "That's how long this body was there.", "Plenty of time for Lucifer to play." The demon snarled.
Dean finally snapped out of it. He issued a warning for the demon to let his brother go.
"You don't get it do you?", "I am Sam.", "Or at least the part of him that was tainted by the demon blood." The demon replied.
"This body was tortured, used and shattered into microscopic slivers only to be rearanged and toyed with continuously.", "We were fractured into each of our own multiple selves."
When our angel friend broke into hell to save me he didn't know it was more of an "us" by the time he got there.", "And he took our body but he unknowingly left all of the rest of us there to suffer."
"Do the math Dean if an hour on Earth in the cage equals a million years, how long do you think WE were there?", "Here's a hint we were there for a little over a year on Earth and there's a little over eight thousand seven hundred seventy-two hours in one year."
"When Death came to free us he had to practically use a dustpan to make sure he got all of our pieces.", "All so that you can have your brother back."
"You're not Sam!", "You're not even a piece of him!", "He never would have broken badly enough to become a demon!", "He wouldn't have given in!", "He's stronger than that!" Dean said furiously.
"Oh, you think it was a matter of choice." The demon replied. "Trust me none of us chose thise.", "We never had a chance for a choice.", "You see, the demon blood that has flowed through our veins since six months of age automatically turned us into this the second we hit hell."
"The only reason the brother you know and love could even be here at all, is, that we were repressed behind the wall Death put up.", "Your Sam didn't even know what he was getting you and himself into, as he put our pieces back together, after that wall broke.", "But he still did it because it was the only way to get to you."
"There's pieces of us that remembers everything that happened in hell, your Sam is lucky enough to only see hallucinations and remember only small bits at a time of our many, painful and humiliating tourtures in the cage.", "There's what we were like with no soul, I know you're pretty familiar with that part of us.", "There's parts of of us that have all our psychic abilities and all of the special mojo that comes with being like me.", "And so many other pieces that make up our whole."
"Of course your Sam isn't really aware of any of us." "Although he has caught little glimpses, of little pieces of some of us immerging in himself.", "Of course technically, we are all him and he is us, so it's only natural, that we eventually come together completly one day.",
"Even though he isn't fully aware of our pieces he is subconciously fighting against our pressence and it's killing us all.", "So I have to ask again.", "Is knowing that I am a part of your Sam now, worth having his soul back?", "Because you can't get rid of me, or any of the rest of us that you may not like, not without killing us all, that means your Sam would die to."
"He'd rather die than be a monster!" Dean snarled.
"Yes I know he would." The demon said. "But, what would happen to our soul?"
"Do you really want to risk sending your brother back to hell just to get rid of me?", "I haven't hurt anyone and I won't, because I don't want to be a monster either." Said Sam sounding bitter.
Dean took a few heavy frustated breaths. He was so scared and angry he could hardly think. All he knew was that he didn't want to lose his Sam and he definatly didn't want his little brother to have to go back to hell.
Could this have been what their father had meant when he told Dean so long ago that he would have to kill Sam if he couldn't save him?
It was a terrible thought that flashed in Dean's mind and he remembered promising Sam that he'd never stop trying to save him.
Dean managed to look again at his brother and when he met his gaze he felt himself instinctually tense with fear at the sight of those yellow eyes. But he made himself keep looking, he made himself see Sam for all that he was now. It was hard for Dean to accept but the demon or partial demon that was standing before him now was just as much his Sammy as the baby he had carried out of their burning home thirty-one years ago and he still loved him just as much now as he did then.
Chapter 3
Dean didn't know how to handle this situation. But he wasn't going to kill his own brother just because he was "partialy" a demon now. So Dean decided to protect his brother like always and he reluctanly nodded his ability to tolerate all of the pieces that came with having his Sam back.
Sam gave a shudder and went to his knees.
Dean didn't miss a beat and went to his brother in a blink. Suddenly it was clear for Dean that it didn't matter to him if Sam went evil, became completly good or stayed in between, he wasn't going to allow anything to seperate him from his brother ever again.
It was scary for Dean to realize that he really would do anything for Sam, but at the same time nothing felt more natural. Because so many things had been working to seperate the Winchester brothers before either of them had even been born. So it felt good, felt right as he chose to screw destiny right in it's face yet again.
To Dean's relief Sam was alright, he had just simply passed out because his body was to weak and worn out from all of the fighting going on in his mind and soul. After getting his little brother back to bed Dean had nothing to do but wait for his Sam to find his way back out of the chaos.
Doctor Robert suggested Dean try talking to Sam and said that sometimes people in a state like this are able to hear a loved one speaking and that sometimes it helps them recover.
Thinking it couldn't hurt Dean waited for some privacy and opened up about how scared he was and about how he needed for Sam to be okay. By the time he was finished Dean had ended up pouring out more than he had intented and he wound up breaking down and crying.
It felt like he was alone and he just unleashed all of his emotions and allowed them to run rampant. Finally feeling liberated from all of the emotional baggage he had been carrying, Dean took a deep breath and knowing it would stay a secret he said to Sam "Turns out I do, do chick flick moments after all."
Dean wiped his eyes and took back on his tough persona as the doctor came back into the room.
The doctor took Sam's vitals and discussed with Dean how he thought Sam seemed to be getting stronger and that Sam might wake up any day now. Dean was hopeful for a change. But now a heavy question weighed on his mind. "When Sam wakes up which piece of Sam will he be?"
It was pretty astonishing to Dean as he found that when Sam opened his eyes three days later, he looked and acted like himself. Sam also seemed not to remember anything that happened after he colapsed five weeks ago. Sam was still completly oblivious to any of the pieces of himself that needed to be put together. To Dean this meant that for now his Sam had managed to come to the surface, that he had been strong enough to come back out of all that chaos and leave the other parts of himself repressed.
So Sam was still shattered but strong enough to gain some of his stability back. Dean knew that untill Sam could accept everything that was inside himself he would never be able to be whole or truly healthy. Fearing that Sam may die if he wasn't able to get all of his pieces together right and knowing for sure that his brother would definatly get devestatingly sick again if he felt the need to fight the pressences of the other parts of himself, had Dean in a turmoil.
Dean thought the safer course of action would be to avoid anything that may trigger Sam into waring with his inner "selves" again. To just let Sam slowly adjust to the idea that he had multiple parts and help him accept that it wasn't necesarily a bad thing. So Dean decided not to tell Sam what had been revealed to him right away.
Chapter 4
When Sam was ready to travel again Dean packed everything up and got himself and his brother back on the road to face down all the new cases that had been popping up because anonimity was pretty much pointless now that there was nowhere to go without risking a run in with either demons or Leviathan. But first he had one gratuitous excursion he wanted to go on.
"Hey sweatheart d'ya miss me?", "I sure missed you." Dean said lovingly to his "baby" as if the Impala could actually hear him or worse like he was actually expecting his beloved car to respond.
In a way she did respond, the loud "purr" of her motor, somehow, sounded "happy" to be back.
His poor girl had been in storage for nearly over a year and when he got her tires to the asphault Dean let her gallop at top speed for a while untill he noticed how Sam was white knuckling it in the passanger seat.
He eased of the gas and grudgingly brought the Impala back down to the legal speed limit. Thinking about his brother's usual disaproval of anything "fun" or what Dean thought of as fun anyway, made him chuckle to himself "Yep, still my Sammy."
Dean knew he may not be fully prepared to take his brother on any big significant cases just yet. So for now it would be just small trial runs to see how Sam handled it. It was also going to be a few stressful weeks as Dean would have to learn how to be able to sleep at nights knowing Sam could go off his rocker and wind up hurting one or both of them.
It would be hard. Dean had known that when he decided to go back on the road. But hunting and being on the move was all he knew.
Before leaving Doctor Robert's, Dean had the doc implant his brother with an injectable tracking device while Sam slept. So Dean did have a way to track his brother should Sam just take off.
The only thing Dean had to figure out now was how he was going to be able to sleep soundly or split up during a case knowing that Sam could "flip" at any moment and wind up hurting himself or someone else. For now all Dean could do was rely on his insticts of knowing when Sam was in trouble.
The few good things about Dean's decission of going full force back into hunting were that resteraunts, bars and hotels were no longer off limits. Yes they'd still want to shy away from to much soceity and hospitals were definatly out of the question so they'd have to avoid hospitial worthy injuries because they weren't always going to be close enough to get to Doctor Robert if they needed.
But now they could at least stop and sleep in halfway deceant beds when being on the move to long started to get to them. Along with every once in a while they could eat something they didn't have to buy at a gas station plus they could start getting money from hustling darts, poker and pool again so they wouldn't have to worry about money and using credit cards all of the time anymore. Not to mention now that trying to stay under the "monster" radar was pretty much pointless they could go back hunting their way. They'd just have to be careful.
The first "trial run" was only a couple hours drive away near Huntingdon, Pennsylvania and it shouldn't be to hard of a case. . . . .
