There was so much loneliness here.

And yet I could also find happiness.

I enjoyed being alone.

Though I longed for Kaname.

And Zero.

Though that was something I would not acknowledge.

The days seemed endless.

And the nights were longer.

I had lessons.

They occupied my mind.

I found that I was happily distracted.

Though the dark thoughts...

The vampire thoughts...

Were always there.

They had not disappeared.

Like I once thought they had.

I realised I was always craving...

Hungering for him.

I never found out who it was I was truly hungering for.

When I wasn't studying, or being taught...

I was with Kaname.

Somehow, I was always happy with him.

And yet, I still felt empty.

Incomplete.

Hungering.

He told me he would settle for having half my heart.

As long as he still got to hold me.

"After all..."

He had said...

"A Yuki without a heart full of love and compassion...wouldn't be the real you anyway..."

The kisses were still warm.

The blood was warmer.

And all my fear was gone in an instant.

Though I still hungered.

Still longed for Zero.

Nothing could fill that hole but him.

There was nothing but blind persistence within me.

A need to keep him living.

I realised that as long as I lived, he would have a reason to go on.

I had always known that.

But now, I would make sure.

I needed blood.

That was a part of me.

Though I tried to suppress it.

In the only way I could.

The method.

I wanted so much to stay, in some part of me, the Yuki that Zero loved.

The human.

I would not use my fangs.

Kaname would scold me.

But I would never give in.

I couldn't.

The months passed.

As did the seasons.

And my mind changed with them.

My knowledge grew.

And my heart grew with it.

Though I could not help but feel small and useless.

I knew that Kaname's knowledge would be far vaster.

The knowledge of all others.

I wanted to be of use.

To Kaname.

And to everyone.

I wanted to change things.

I was told a year had passed since I had left.

A year.

I had frowned and asked if it really had been that long.

I felt...shocked.

A year had passed.

And I had not done anything.

Anything.

I was frustrated.

Though I would not show it.

There was no use in showing my frustration.

It was just another thing I decided to lock away.

Kaname came to visit me more.

Every time he kissed me, I burned inside.

I tried to hide it.

Though I know he noticed it.

He looked me in the eyes one day.

And he asked me...

"Yuki...What is it that you wish?"

I had looked down.

Confusion swirling through me.

And then, as I looked back at him.

At his eyes.

His lonely...beautiful eyes...

I had known.

I wanted to be with him, and him alone, forever.

"It is a cruel, and selfish wish...That should not be granted."

He had smiled at me then, and kissed my forehead.

"Any wish that you desire, I shall always strive to grant, my lovely Yuki."

I stepped back.

"Kaname...I want to stay with you...forever...though...it could never be fair to you..."

I had not looked at him.

I didn't want to see that tender, loving gaze.

That beautiful person that I could never deserve.

"I...am always going to be divided."

"I know."

My head snapped up.

He was smiling.

A sad, mourning smile.

"I know, Yuki.

I have always known."

He reached out to me, his smooth hand caressing my cheek.

"Though I do not wish for you to suffer forever, I would be lying if I were to say I am not glad you chose me."

I jerked away from him.

"Kaname...I could never deserve you! I'm selfish, and you are unconditionally selfless! Everything there is about me...that is cruel and horrid, is gentle and forgiving in you."

I turned away.

"I cannot allow you to suffer alongside me."

I had tried to run from him.

My legs had carried me away.

Though, just as I had expected, his arms surrounded me a moment later.

"Yuki..."

I heard him murmur my name.

And just like that, my sadness was almost gone.

"Don't pull away from me..."

Guilt washed over me.

But I struggled against him anyway.

My unbearable hunger had come back to me.

"Kaname! Let go of me! Please..."

I pulled, but his grip was like iron.

"I can't do that Yuki..."

I stopped.

His eyes spilled pain and sadness.

"Yuki...I can't possibly let go of you..."

My heart had stopped.

My pain was gone.

And I felt calm, although I could not forget the current situation.

"I would never let go of you. I would choose death over that...Yuki, please, how can you not see that you are...

Everything."