This hiatus sucks hey guys? =P

Anyways... Even though I said I don't usually put songs into fics, I think I'm gonna make an exception again lol... so if you're into listening to music while you read, go for 'Gravity' by Sara Bareilles during Santana and Brittany's conversation in the coffee shop.

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Thick, glassy nectar that asphyxiates

Dark whirlpools; sapphire sparks

A golden landscape, horizon stretching melted and frozen

Fear drenched in feathered sweetness

And...

And...

Ugh.

Fuck this shit. Could I sound any more pretentious? Admittedly, poetry was never her strong suit but Santana knew that she could do better. She groaned quietly to herself and scrunched up the piece of paper she had been scribbling on. She had resigned to the fact that Brittany had taken up residence in her consciousness and was settling in for the long haul, so it seemed reasonable to try and release some of her nagging emotions onto paper. No matter what she wrote though, it was always too simple, or too complex... and it often ended up sounding preachy and arrogant and contrived. It seemed that there was just no way to put Brittany into words.

The girl was inexplicable.

'Santana?'

'I'm upstairs.' Santana called over her shoulder, hearing her mother's voice echo up to her room. The sound of feet on the stairs followed soon after and she turned when the older woman rapped lightly on her doorframe.

'Hey honey.' Her mother smiled. 'Can I come in?'

Santana let out a slow sigh and spun around fully in her desk chair. 'Sure. What's up?'

'Nothing. I just wanted to see how you were doing.'

Santana quirked an eyebrow as her mother moved to sit on the edge of her bed. 'I'm fine...'

'Yeah? How was work today?' Her mother pressed.

'It was alright I guess.' Santana narrowed her eyes at the older woman. It wasn't like she hated just chatting to her mom for no reason but... it wasn't something that happened very often. Or... ever.

There was definitely something about this situation that felt forced and Santana knew instantly was leading somewhere serious and nosey.

'That's good.' Her mother nodded with a gentle smile.

Santana allowed the inevitable awkward pause before speaking again. 'Mom... Just ask me whatever it is you want to ask.' She rolled her eyes and crossed one knee over the other. 'Is this about me living here? Do you and dad want me to move out now that I have a job and a steady paycheck? Because I was thinking th-'

'No! No... It's not that.' Her mother's eyes widened as she cut her off and laughed lightly. 'I'm just... worried about you. That's all.'

'Why?' Santana made a face. 'I'm not sitting around at home anymore. I go to work every day and hang out with Kurt most weekends. I thought you'd be happy that I'm finally doing something with my life.'

'I am sweetie.' The older woman frowned. 'And I know you've made some big changes... but... I'm not blind. I can see that even though you're leaving the more house now, you're still not happy.' Her mother sighed. 'I know what you're going to say. This is none of my business. And I don't want to pry. But... you should just know that... I'm here for you Santana. If you ever want to talk... About anything. ' She emphasized, giving her daughter a pointed look. 'I'm here.'

Santana could read the subtext easily. After her mother had questioned her those few times about Brittany, Santana knew this was her way of saying that she fully accepted her sexuality and was willing to talk about her relationships or issues with women openly.

The thought was a little unnerving. Santana was completely comfortable with herself and was thrilled that her parents were supportive of her sexual preferences... but she wasn't sure if she was ready just yet to start having intense d&m's with her mom about her girl troubles. Actually, she wasn't sure if she'd ever be comfortable with that. It made something squirm in her stomach.

'Thanks Mom.' Santana replied genuinely. 'But... I'm fine. I promise.'

Her mother furrowed her eyebrows at her, concerned. 'Are you sure Mija?'

Santana smiled and nodded. 'Yeah I'm sure. It's nothing I can't handle.'

The older woman let out a long breath and patted the tops of her own thighs, acknowledging the rejection with kind understanding. 'Okay then.' She stood and walked towards the door. 'Dinner will be ready in ten.' She announced gently before leaving the room.

Santana leaned back in her chair and folded her hands behind her head. She wondered if she might feel more inclined to talk about girls with her mother if she had something positive to say. Images of bringing Brittany home for a family dinner and proudly introducing the gorgeous blonde to her parents suddenly flashed through her mind. She imagined Brittany grinning at her cheekily and holding her hand underneath the table. She heard the girl's soft giggling and whispering in her ear.

Santana blinked hard in an attempt to force the thoughts away. She knew her parents would absolutely adore Brittany because... who wouldn't? She was just... wonderful. It made Santana's heart ache to think that the first girl she had ever really wanted to bring home to mom and dad so to speak, was a girl that might never be hers.

Santana still had no clue what Brittany was thinking or doing at this moment. It had once again been a number of days since she'd heard from her and the fear was beginning to return at full force. How long was Brittany going to make her wait for an answer? Their last conversation certainly hadn't been a total rejection. But it also wasn't a promise or anything to base her hopes on.

Brittany had feelings for her too... and strong ones at that. But was the girl ready to make that next, dramatic step and break it off with Mike? Was she willing to sacrifice what she had with him in order to give Santana a chance?

This state of limbo that Brittany was keeping her in was starting to make Santana crazy. She was still unsure of how to handle these plaguing unanswered questions. And Santana reasoned that if she could just talk to the girl, even if it was for only a few minutes, she might be able to find out how Brittany was feeling or if she'd made a decision. Just something... anything that would lessen the darkness and shed some light on the current status of their situation. Maybe then she could figure out whether or not her fears were warranted... whether her persistence was justified...

Wait... why not? I might be waiting for her to figure things out but that doesn't mean I'm not allowed to see her at all... right? Santana thought to herself. There's nothing wrong with just talking...

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On Friday afternoon, Santana got off work early. It'd been almost five whole days since she'd last spoken to Brittany in the bathroom at the coffee shop and she figured this was as good a time as any to visit the blonde again.

As she stepped out of her car in the parking lot of the grocery store, she remembered how she'd left the bathroom that day only to find Brittany and Mike already leaving their table. She'd done her best to smile politely and wave goodbye and was thankful that Blaine didn't question her slightly strange behaviour further.

Although, on Monday at work, Kurt had told Santana that Blaine texted him the previous night to ask if he knew what was going on with her and Brittany... but thankfully Kurt had replied he didn't think it was anything and they'd probably just got carried away gossiping in the ladies room like typical girls. She was once again exceedingly grateful for his loyalty and quick thinking.

Santana strolled through the entrance to the now familiar store and glanced over at the registers. She'd got lucky again. Brittany was there, working hard and smiling as politely as ever.

Damn. Does this girl ever take a break? Or have I just got a sixth sense about when she's going to be at work?

Santana shook her head to herself with a sly grin and walked over to the soda isle, picking up a single can of Mountain Dew: Code Red before casually approaching the mostly vacant registers.

Brittany caught her eye almost instantly and Santana grinned.

'Hi.' She said softly, handing her can over to the blonde.

'Hey.' Brittany scanned her item and accepted Santana's money with a questioning gaze.

'I finished work early today... and... I was wondering if maybe you wanted to... I don't know... grab a coffee or something?' Santana shrugged nervously, suddenly doubting herself. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all... 'So we can... talk?'

Brittany's eyebrows creased slightly before she smiled. 'Okay.' She nodded.

'Great.' Santana beamed, releasing a breath she didn't know she was holding. 'Do you have a break or...?'

'I get off in twenty minutes.' Brittany handed Santana her change.

'Cool. Uh... I'll... meet you in the parking lot?'

'Sure.'

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'So... how've you been?' Santana looked down at the styrofoam coffee cup she was holding as she spun it back and forth nervously in her palms. After meeting up in the parking lot, they'd decided to return to that fateful coffee shop, despite its lingering awkward memories, because unlike the Starbucks down the road (which was overpriced and always bustling with irritated caffeine addicts), it was quiet and cosy and offered them the chance to sit at a table peacefully and talk.

'Alright.' Brittany replied, a little too cheerily. Santana could hear the lie but didn't push.

'How's dance school going?'

'Yeah it's okay... How's your job?'

'Not too bad.'

Santana sighed at shallow conversation resting on tense atmosphere, feeling the sudden silence around them settle heavy and thick. Eventually, dark brown eyes lifted to search for bright blue. 'Brittany... I'm not here to attack you or anything. I know that you need time to figure things out... I understand... and I want to give that to you. I just...' Santana chewed absently on her bottom lip, not really sure how much she should reveal. 'I missed hanging out with you... And... I guess I was sorta... uh... worried about you...'

Brittany stared at her curiously and titled her head to the side. 'You were worried about me?'

'Yeah.' Santana grinned sheepishly. 'I wanted to see how you were doing... because I get that I'm not the only one having a rough time right now.' Brittany gave her a small smile of acknowledgement and she felt the tight muscles in her shoulders relax somewhat. 'I don't want to put any pressure on you... I get that I've been acting kinda crazy... overreacting and demanding stuff and saying some things that I had no right to say... But... the way I feel about y-...' Santana coughed the rest of the statement away when she spotted the line of appropriateness and thought it best to backtrack slightly. 'I know I was probably overstepping before... I'm sorry... It's just that... Everything that's happened really threw me. It was so fast and intense and... I got caught up in it...' She shrugged. 'I think this whole situation really sucks... And I realize that it's confusing and overwhelming or whatever... for both of us.'

'It is.' Brittany frowned and glanced back down at her hands resting around her own coffee cup on the table. 'I don't think I've ever felt so torn in my life.'

Santana released a long breath, trying to ignore the dull ache in her chest. 'I can't even imagine.' She whispered. Santana wanted to convey to Brittany that, even though this was ripping her apart inside and she understood that she wasn't the only one hurting and going through something difficult. She needed Brittany to see that she wasn't just feeling sorry for herself anymore and she genuinely wanted to do this right and be as fair as possible to everyone involved. 'Sucky timing huh?' Santana gave a hollow laugh.

'Yeah.' Brittany agreed, giving her a hesitant smile and meeting her eyes softly. 'Thanks Santana.'

'For what?'

'For understanding... I know that a lot of people wouldn't...' Brittany shook her head slightly. 'I'm sorry that I said you didn't care. I know you do.'

Without really thinking, Santana reached across the table and took Brittany's hand in her own. It felt like the most natural thing in the world and when Brittany didn't pull away, she began rubbing her thumb over the blonde's knuckles tenderly. 'You're such an amazing person Brittany... And even if you decide that maybe...' Santana swallowed hard and looked away for a moment to compose herself. 'I just want you to know that... I won't be mad... I won't run away... I want to be your friend no matter what happens... Even if it hurts.'

Brittany blinked hard for a few moments as her gaze focused on their joined hands. 'No... I know how I feel.'

Santana's eyebrows squeezed together in confusion and her heart lurched with a combination of fear and anticipation at Brittany's words. 'What do you mean?'

'Ending things with Mike is going to be hard... really hard... and most of my friends are probably going to hate me... Because he's such a nice guy and everyone just loves him...'

Santana nodded slowly and squeezed Brittany's hand, encouraging her to go on.

'I know that I should have broken up with him the first time I realized that...' Brittany locked eyes with Santana and she gave a sad grimace in place of further explanation. 'Because staying with him when I wasn't sure was worse than just letting him go... But I was scared... I am scared...'

'Britt...' Santana murmured, seeing the blonde begin to tear up.

Brittany just shook her head, pressed her eyes shut and gulped down the sob. 'I kept thinking - if I don't have Mike and all of the friends that I made because of him... I'll be alone here. My family is so far away... And I miss them so much sometimes that it kills me.' Brittany sniffled and wipe away a stray tear from her cheek. 'You have to understand... When I started going out with him... he made me feel so... accepted and safe and loved. I feel like I owe him so much.'

Santana felt her body slump in acceptance. Hearing Brittany open up about Mike that way, she felt like she finally understood why the blonde was holding onto their relationship so tightly. Mike wasn't just a boyfriend – he was her friend, her safety, her rock. He was that one important, stable thing she had in her life away from home. And while that may not seem like the right reason to stay with someone, it was certainly understandable and made a lot of sense. Santana reasoned that she might even feel the same way if she were in Brittany's position.

'But I get now that I shouldn't be doing that to him... I shouldn't use him that way...' Brittany seemed almost disgusted with herself as she emphasized the word. 'Especially when I know how he feels about me... And I can't feel the same way back...'

'Britt...' Santana smiled softly. 'You obviously still care about him a lot. Otherwise you wouldn't be sitting here all tear-y eyed and beating yourself up about it.'

'Yeah...' Brittany let out a small laugh through her tears. 'Do you get why this is so hard now?'

Santana nodded and once again squeezed the hand in her own. 'I do.'

Brittany took a deep breath and released it shakily. 'I've done a lot of thinking... And I realized that I can't avoid it anymore. Not after what happened with... with us... It's really not right... and not fair on him at all.' She met Santana's eyes strongly. 'I just have to suck it up and come clean... and accept whatever punishment I've earned for myself...'

Santana's heart fell for the blonde. She knew Brittany was going to be brave and face up to Mike, she could see the resolve in her shimmering blue eyes. There wasn't even a hint of doubt in her voice or her expression. But now that Santana knew it was going to happen for sure, she was already feeling sympathy for the pain and guilt Brittany was about to be confronted by. She couldn't help but feel responsible for all of it...

'I'm sorry.' Santana breathed, swallowing at the newly formed lump in her throat.

'Don't be.' Brittany shook her head and shifted their hands to lace their fingers together on the table. 'This was going to happen sooner or later... You're... We... This...' Brittany hesitantly gestured back and forth between them with her free hand, obviously not sure how to articulate what was going on with the two of them. 'Is not the only reason I'm doing this.'

'Okay.' Santana gave a tentative smile.

The two girls sat in a semi-comfortable silence for a long time, sipping on their coffees, their joined hands never disconnecting for a second. Santana felt that for the first time, she really was Brittany's friend no matter what. She was fully prepared to see this girl sitting in front of her through anything and everything life threw her way. And that fact truly convinced her that this time it was different. No other relationship in her life had ever come close to this. It was easy to be selfish with your feelings, to sulk and brood and wallow in self-pity. But it was something rare to genuinely care about another's pain more than your own.

And Santana felt that in this case, she'd found someone who was worth the effort.

When they parted ways in the early evening, it was with a warm hug and soft smile. Neither girl denied the fact that there was still tension between them, emotional and physical, but they were both willing to put it aside for the time being and allow things to play out.

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The weekend came and went but this time Santana didn't worry when there was no word from Brittany. She knew exactly what the girl was dealing with and she knew that it was more than reasonable that she hadn't contacted her. Brittany needed her patience and understanding now more than ever. So she waited. Again.

At least now her wait contained much less fear and frustration.

She used the time to work on her writing some more, scribbling out poem after poem, story after story. Suddenly, Santana's writer's block seemed to have disappeared and everything flowed out like liquid onto paper (even if when she went back to re-read her musings, they seemed exceptionally bizarre and much more dream-like than usual). She found herself writing about the strangest, most fantastical things and using complex metaphors to highlight her swirling emotions.

Santana wondered when her creative mind had undergone this drastic change. When had she had ever thought of writing about 'unicorns' before? Since when was it her thing to describe such girly, ridiculous creatures in painstaking detail? What did they have to do with anything anyway?

But, despite her confusion, Santana pressed on, surrendering to the flow. She just allowed herself to write about whatever came to mind and then chuckled afterwards at the unpredictable and often amusing imagery that surfaced. Nothing was really connected in her writing – there was no overall theme or storyline that she followed. It was just... words. And amazingly, the release of those disjointed syllables and phrases was allowing her mind to brush away some of the congestion.

It was unbelievably freeing.

Santana embraced the emotion. Because it was so much easier than spending all her time agonizing over Brittany and every possible outcome for every single scenario that might potentially occur.

It's true. She still had no idea what she was going to say when she talked to Brittany again. Sorry about your break up. That sucks... Wanna go out sometime? Smooth.

She had no clue if she was supposed to call and see if the blonde was okay after a while... like a concerned friend would? And she was completely unsure how long she should wait once they did start hanging out again to talk to Brittany about her feelings or make some kind of move. She wondered if maybe it wasn't even her place to make a move... if she should just let Brittany to come to her...

But that could all wait. There was no rush. They weren't standing on a sinking ship. She decided that she was just going to sit back for now and see how things went. She wouldn't push. She wouldn't overstep again. She certainly wouldn't sulk or overreact. She would just be patient.

After all, the only thing Santana did know for sure is that she would do anything, wait however long, take things however slowly... just to ensure things with Brittany would work out right. They had to.

Because she would never forgive herself if they didn't.

The girl just meant way too much to her now for her to screw this up.

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A/N: Sorry for the delay in updating. Sad to say, it's possible that they might take this long (or even a little longer...) from now on though. School is kicking right into gear.

Also, "d&m's"= deep and meaningful conversations. I'm not sure if this term is part of international lingo or what so... yeah.

As always, thanks for your reviews! Much love = D

P.S. Please excuse my bad attempt at poetry in this chapter lol...