A/N: Today, one of my classmates passed away. I won't say that we were best friends, because that would be a lie. We did, however, know each other for ten years. For ten years, we met almost every day. For ten years, we talked to each other almost every day.

It feels so unreal.

State of Shock

No other place

Love thirst.

His mouth was dry, his throat raspy and his tongue made of dust. He needed to drink. He needed something to drink desperately, yet, he wouldn't settle for anything less than what he desired so badly. Water wouldn't leave him satisfied; alcohol would only burn his lips.

What he needed was saliva.

In more romantic ways to speak... He needed a kiss.

Oh, how he would like to share a kiss with the man he loved. The man lying mere centimetres away from him, spread over the bed. Neither of them had gotten any sleep tonight, and the sun was rising.

The curtains didn't protect them from the light, and he was grateful for that. That way, he could see his lover perfectly well. His dark, narrow eyes roamed over the lean body once again – from the slightly curled toes up to the bright eyes that were watching him.

"I love you."

A delicate whisper – hoarse and low, almost unbearable to hear. It sounded raw, throbbing. Yet, he chose to speak up, to get what he wanted. A smile graced his handsome features as his lover sat up, cupping his pale cheek with a warm hand.

Sasuke leaned in, placing his lips against his lover's. He closed his eyes, inhaling deeply through his nose – the scent of Naruto filling his nostrils. Naruto opened his mouth slowly, his wet tongue coming out to lick Sasuke's lips.

The Uchiha scooted closer, his hands reaching out to bury in blonde locks. Naruto's hair was already ruffled, giving Sasuke the feeling of golden yarn against his fingers. Naruto gave a meek, pathetic sound – a sigh, of sorts – through his nose, telling Sasuke not to pull so hard in his hair.

Sasuke immediately let his hands slip away from the golden yarn, afraid to give the man more damage than he had already caused. He felt Naruto's smooth fingers against his pale cheeks, caressing and touching so gently, silently telling Sasuke that it was okay, that he wasn't a porcelain doll.

And Sasuke knew.

Sasuke knew, more than anyone else did, that Naruto certainly was not made of porcelain – he wasn't made of glass or paper. He knew that behind Naruto's fragile form, rested a fighter; a ninja.

Naruto leaned in, taking the initiative as always, planting a kiss on Sasuke's chin. Sasuke parted his lips on the request, and Naruto was soon kissing him deeply. Naruto's damp tongue moved over Sasuke's.

Sasuke wondered if his tongue tasted dust to Naruto, too.

The blonde didn't seem to dislike it, though, as he continued to massage the limp, dry muscle in Sasuke's mouth with his own. Sasuke suspected that Naruto simply didn't care. Simply didn't care because he had suffered from it, too, before.

Love thirst.

UAUAUA

It was unusual for Sasuke to stay at Naruto's place for one simple reason. The neighbours.

While Sasuke's apartment had steady, thick walls – Naruto's walls were paper thin. The blonde often spent the night at Sasuke's place, so that they could have sex for as long as they wanted without having to have the other leave in the middle of the night.

When they slept at Naruto's, it only meant one thing.

No sex.

Yet, it almost felt nice to leave Naruto's apartment in the morning. He felt satisfied, because the guilt that constant rested in his stomach had eased a little. He knew that they spent too much time making love – he should take his time to actually do something else with Naruto.

It was difficult though.

They were having an affair, and when they met up, it meant sex. They had so little time to spend with each other. Naruto with his Hokage training, and Sasuke with his ANBU training. They met during the days to, as before, but as mere friends did. They couldn't afford being caught.

Why, Sasuke didn't understand, but he was sure that Naruto had a good reason. Sasuke was quite a private person, so it didn't hurt to keep quiet about it, but at times, he found himself wondering.

Wondering if Naruto was ashamed over their relationship. Wondering if Naruto only saw this as what it was – an affair.

Sasuke wasn't insecure – he knew what he was capable of – but it was at those times that he found himself doubting. Doubting...

A harsh, quick knock, knock behind him made him close his eyes. He hated when Naruto knocked like that against the wall to get his attention. It only reminded Sasuke of how the blonde ended up like that.

There was another knock against the wall, this one harder than the previous ones. Sasuke could tell that Naruto was annoyed for some reason. When Naruto was angry, he had a tendency knock harder than he intended, and had sometimes made dents in the furniture, or in the walls.

Sasuke turned before Naruto had to knock again. He didn't want to attract attention from those few people that were up and about, walking on the road before Naruto's apartment building, nor did he want anyone to wake up.

Naruto didn't want Sasuke to be seen leaving his place this early in the morning.

When Sasuke turned, however, Naruto didn't look as annoyed as the Uchiha had expected him to. Instead, the blonde wore a small smile. He took a step forward, his eyes seeing everything before he leaned up, and pressed his lips against Sasuke's.

Sasuke, shocked by this new experience, stood completely still while Naruto nibbled on his lower lip. When they broke apart, Naruto wore a mischievous smile, and sent their surrounding one last glance.

The Uchiha squeezed Naruto's hand reassuringly, a small smirk playing on his lips. Then, he turned around and walked down the stairs to the exit, sneaking out and mingling with the people on the road. His smirk didn't go away, and he wondered what had brought that kiss on – they had been out in the corridor, in front of a window.

Did it mean something?

Did it mean that they finally could stop this secret affair and create a real relationship?

Did it mean...

Sasuke stopped in his tracks, turning around to stare at the apartment building where Naruto lived. It looked small from this distance, but Sasuke could see it clearly. He sighed, realising that it meant nothing.

Nothing.

Naruto had been a hundred percent aware of no one was nearby or looking at them. The blonde was a ninja, after all, of course he knew if they were being watched.

The smirk vanished, and so did Sasuke's good mood. He put his hands in his pockets, taking longer steps as he continued his walk to the ANBU quarters. The training wasn't hard – at least not in his opinion.

Today, he was going to train his memory, as they had tested it yesterday. It had been flawless, of course, but it was obligatory. His mentor was none other than Morino Ibiki. Ibiki was not an ANBU, but he had been chosen to train Sasuke by the Hokage herself.

Apparently, Ibiki was chosen because he would manage to keep Sasuke in control, because Sasuke respected Ibiki. The torture-loving man had seen and done a lot, and he had no weak stomach. He didn't see Sasuke as a traitor, nor as a poor child whom had been lead on the wrong road because of his tragic past.

Morino Ibiki saw Uchiha Sasuke, a ninja who wanted to become ANBU Captain in order to protect his village, his loved ones.

And for that, Sasuke was grateful. There were too few people who accepted him for whom he was. Not Sasuke, the traitor. Not Sasuke, the ninja. Not Sasuke, the man who knocked a girl up because he needed an heir.

Just Sasuke.

There were only one Sasuke – the Sasuke who desperately wanted to live forever and ever with his secret lover. The Sasuke who wanted to raise his own son, together with the man he loved. Unfortunately, this seemed impossible.

Naruto's Sasuke. The Sasuke that only Naruto saw.

UAUAUA

Kiba was waiting outside the Hokage Tower, impatiently. Shino was standing behind him, in the shadows. Akamaru was lying there, by Shino's feet, panting in the ridiculous summer heat. Kiba himself was standing in the sun, a grin playing on his features as he faced the burning sky.

Life was wonderful – at the moment. He didn't want the moment to be destroyed. He didn't want to think about anything important or unimportant. He didn't want to think.

Not of the mission he and Shino had been assigned. Not of his sick grandfather, who wasn't going to live the month. Not of his angry mother, Tsume, who didn't want him to move away from the Inuzuka compound.

Not of Sasuke pounding into Naruto as if he was high on Viagra.

Kiba clenched his eyes shut, baring his fangs as he unconsciously let out a feral growl. He looked down, walking into the shadows where Akamaru lied and Shino stood. He crossed his arms over his muscular chest, worrying his lower lip.

The mere thought of the Uchiha in Naruto's presence made him angry. Sasuke had betrayed Naruto in the past, and now he didn't deserve the blonde's trust once more. He didn't even deserve to be in the same room as Naruto.

Kiba didn't think highly of himself, but he knew that he was above Sasuke now. No, everyone was above Sasuke. Even the fleas that hid in Akamaru's white fur were worth more. The Uchiha pissed him off beyond belief.

"What are you thinking about?" Shino asked quietly, his lips barely moving. Kiba sent his teammate a glare. "Foolish question. I apologise."

Kiba rolled his dark brown eyes at Shino's behaviour. "I can't understand him," Kiba confessed darkly. "How did he think? Why knock Sakura up when he didn't even want to look at the kid? Besides, we're eighteen, for God's sake! Mere kids!"

"First off," Shino began, "you don't believe in God, so don't use His name. Secondly... Sasuke-san needs an heir. Someone to carry on the Uchiha blood and the Sharingan. Sakura was willing to have sex with him, and therefore she has to take a part of the responsibility. He didn't just 'knock her up'. Sasuke-san would never rape someone."

"How do you know that?" Kiba snarled. He didn't like what Shino was saying – as if Sakura asked to get pregnant. And they didn't know if Sasuke would go so far to get an heir.

"I know that because Sasuke is too prideful nowadays. He knows that he's strong and fairly attractive – he doesn't have to rape anyone."

Kiba muttered something incoherent, but Shino ignored him. The Inuzuka wished that Shino could just agree with him and say that the man was an arrogant prick. "You left out one thing," Kiba noted. "He doesn't want to be anywhere near the kid."

"As far as we know, yes, but I'm sure that Sasuke wouldn't tell you if he wanted to see his child."

"What do you mean by that?!"

UAUAUA

Sakura sat down in the chair, leaning back to relax. Pale eyelids slowly slid down over emerald eyes, and she took a deep breath. The child was finally asleep, and probably would be for the next few hours. He had, after all, not slept a second during the night.

The sun was shining in through the kitchen window, and she felt incredibly heavy. There were a few kilos left since her pregnancy, and she wished that they would just go away. Her breasts were bigger, but so was everything on her.

She leaned her head in her hand, wondering what would happen today. Ino were coming by around three o'clock, this afternoon, to take care of her child while she worked on the hospital.

It was funny, really...

The child she had carried for the man of her dreams... The child she had always wished that she would get together with her precious Sasuke-kun...

She hated it.

The child's name had never been used. There were several reasons as to why she had never spoken the name out loud – or thought it. The name carried such a burden in itself that she didn't dare to.

She was afraid that the boy would turn out like the man who had previously owned the name. She was scared. She was scared that the bastard child of Uchiha Sasuke would turn into a ruthless slaughterer, like its uncle.

If she never spoke the boy's name... If she never did that, maybe the boy would remain normal. Maybe the child wouldn't live up to the name.

Uchiha Itachi.

UAUAUA

Sakura didn't mind to wear the nurse uniform, even though she wasn't a nurse. Yet, lately, she had been using one of the white, short dresses and white, shiny shoes. It just seemed to fit her pitiful form. She was pathetic, she knew that much, but she had no idea why she was wearing the uniform whenever she went to work.

It wasn't degrading, per say. There was nothing wrong with being a nurse, but most found being a medic nin or a healer much more... impressive. One would think that in times like these – having been knocked up by a man that left her and not even having turned twenty – she would do anything to seem stronger – less pathetic.

Yet, she didn't.

She wore the white nurse uniform that hung closely to her untrained body. In the uniform, the extra fat from her pregnancy became even more evident. The small hat she wore along with the shoes and the dress always made her hair ruffled. It left knots and tangles all over her strawberry blonde hair.

Pathetic.

After her shift, she looked awful. It was nothing usual, just something she had come to live with. What did she have to live for now, anyway? It was dark outside, so it didn't real matter. Not a lot of people would be outside at this time of the evening.

With tangled hair, sweat all over her face and the dress clinging on her slightly overweight body, she walked out of the hospital. Her feet were aching – she was used to comfortable shinobi sandals, not high-heeled pumps.

She was glad that she didn't wear make-up anymore. Otherwise, it would have been running down her pale and shiny cheeks by now. She sped up a little, not caring about her throbbing feet – she was a ninja, she could deal with pain.

Her neutral face disappeared, being replaced by a frown, as she reached the apartment building. It was tall and dark grey, with red doors and red-painted window frames. She didn't bother to open the door, but instead focused chakra into her feet.

Her shoes clapped against the building's wall, as she discreet walked up to the balconies. She reached the one in the middle on floor five. The railings on every balcony were painted the same red, and she grabbed it, jumping over it.

There was nothing on this balcony, and it was no surprise. She spent a lot of time here, on this very balcony. She saw no one in the living room, which was connected to the balcony. From experience, she knew that the balcony window was always unlocked, and easy to open from the outside.

One would think a jounin like Sasuke would be more careful, but it seemed that he wasn't.

As soon as she had opened the window, she could hear them. The panting, the moans, the strangled cries. She slid out of her shoes and left them there on the balcony, and jumped up on the window sill with the grace of a cat.

A fat cat, but still.

She practically became one with the wall, bangs of pink hair clinging to her forehead. She sneaked inside the bedroom, to find them there. The ones she watched at least once a week. It had quickly become her favourite past time.

To watch what she would never have.

Today, Naruto didn't seem to be as eager as Sasuke. He was lying there, on his back, staring up in the ceiling. His eyes were half-closed, and his ragged breathing coming out from his open mouth. His hands were placed on Sasuke's broad shoulders, and his long legs loosely wrapped around Sasuke's waist.

Sakura leaned against the doorframe, watching them. Sasuke was whispering Naruto's name, and sometimes, small encouraging – challenging – lines escaped his mouth. He wanted Naruto to play along, make love to him in the energetic way he usually did.

Sakura understood that it was one of those days. One of those days when Naruto just decided that he wasn't in the mood to eat. She had only seen them have sex one time before when Naruto hadn't eaten anything.

He had been hiding his face in the mattress, seemingly not caring that Sasuke was pounding into him from behind, that time. She could recall it. In fact, she could recall every time she had seen them at it.

"Come on, Naruto," Sasuke hissed. He sounded annoyed, angry. His big hands moved over Naruto's chest. He leaned down, placing a sensual kiss on Naruto's cheekbone.

He was trying so badly.

And failing.

Sakura suppressed the urge to laugh in Sasuke's face. She wasn't cruel, but her mind told her that it was only fair. At least now he knew how it felt not to get what you wanted... For she could see it. She could see it so clearly.

How much he wanted it.

How much he wanted Naruto to play along, to respond and answer. She could see the desire glittering in his dark eyes, but it slowly faded away. Now, she could only see anger in those orbs.

He was staring straight at her.

UAUAUA

The world is unfair.

People die and new are born. Some will become shinobi, only to die in a meaningless battle that wasn't even theirs to begin with. They will die for others' beliefs, with someone else's burden on their shoulders.

Some will become civilians. Deemed to live a normal life, dying by old age or illness – but not by the hand of someone else or in battle. Live peacefully, with someone to love and cherish.

There were moments when Naruto doubted his position as jounin. Maybe he wasn't supposed to be ninja at all. Maybe he should have decided to find a simple job downtown, or maybe even become a simple teacher.

Maybe then, his life would have looked differently. Maybe then, he wouldn't have fallen in love with Sasuke.

Stupid, loveable, moronic Uchiha Sasuke. So arrogant, not doubting himself for one second when he did what he could do. How he fell in love with someone so mean and nonchalant was beyond Naruto's comprehension.

He stared at the ceiling, his eyes now wide-open.

He could hear Sakura's panicked voice, and Sasuke's calm one. It was strange, really, how Sasuke always sounded so bored. Even in their deepest times of passion, his voice would come out bored – as if he didn't believe in the words he spoke.

Naruto could see it, though. He understood, too. Sasuke would never say something that he didn't mean. He wouldn't lie – because what could he gain on that? Nothing. Naruto knew that you gained nothing on lies.

He had told many lies before. Maybe this was Buddha's or Jashin's way of punishing him. Ironic that he couldn't tell any lies anymore. One of the Gods up there had a bad sense of humour, Naruto thought.

"You can't have sex with him when he is like that! He's practically in a coma!" Sakura screamed.

Naruto wondered idly if she meant him. She probably did. Who else? He wasn't in a coma, not anywhere near it. He was simply tired. Tired. Exhausted.

"He's not in some damn coma. Shut up, Sakura. You know nothing," Sasuke growled.

Naruto didn't need food to survive. He was doing fine anyway, and he would show them.

Rebellious?

Nah.

UAUAUA

Ino slumped down in her sofa, wishing that the day would just begin. It had still been dark when she left Sakura's beautiful little house, and now she hoped that the sun would rise over the tree crowns and shine above the rooftops.

Sakura's little boy sure was a handful. He seemed to love attention just as much as his parents did. And he was so beautiful. His eyes were so round and big – as Sakura's – but dark and clear like his father's. The tufts of hair on his head were dark, a blacker shade than Sasuke's nearly blue hair.

She closed her eyes, sliding down a little more in the leather sofa. Whenever she left Sakura's house she got this feeling... The tired, but oh-so-sated feeling. It was a pleasant feeling, but it disappeared after only a few hours.

After those feelings, new emotions entered her. She began to worry about the small child – what if Sakura needed her help? She resisted the strong urge to call her best friend every time, because she thought it would hurt Sakura's pride.

She knew that the emotions were completely selfish – weren't all feelings? She wanted to take care of the boy more than she could understand. She wanted to be there for him when he woke up, to cuddle him and feed him. He was such a beautiful child.

Too bad that Sasuke had to name him after that evil man; otherwise Ino might even had called the child by his name. Then again, she knew that the child's mother didn't even try to get used to her baby's name. It was too heavy – too much to bear.

It was after this, after the satisfaction and the worry, that those other thoughts were forced upon her mind. What ifs and questions swirling, dancing before her eyelids as poisonous snakes.

What if Sasuke-kun had chosen her instead?

Why hadn't he?

What if the child had been hers?

Why couldn't it have been hers?

UAUAUA

Sasuke didn't know why he found his mouth tasting like dust over and over, every morning and every night. No matter how much water he drank; no matter how much sake he consumed, his dry throat ached.

Sakura had yet to understand why she went to see Naruto and Sasuke making love as often as she did. All it gave her was anger, sorrow and more anger. Why did Naruto take her Sasuke-kun first? She couldn't understand how Naruto had gotten the Uchiha first. Even if she found it unfair, she knew that Naruto deserved it just as much as she did. She had merely borrowed Sasuke for one night, only to give him back to the blonde.

Kiba wanted to stomp in the ground. He wanted to kick the walls. He wanted to go on a mission and kill – hurt. The anger was so strong. It made him shiver and shudder. It woke him up better than a cold ice bath. Why? Why were the anger, hate, and jealousy there?

Naruto shivered from the pleasure. He was so tired, so sad. He loved the way Sasuke looked at him now. It made him smile weakly, as he thought on how good Sasuke looked. Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke. The Uchiha didn't understand that Naruto had him in a leash. This way, by not eating, Naruto could show him. Naruto could make Sasuke love him, just as much as he loved Sasuke.

Ino cried herself to sleep, feeling as if something she held dearly had been raped. What was it that she missed? What was it that had been taken away from her? She hugged the pillow tighter, pulling the covers up over her already sweaty body.

None of them understood. None of them knew. How could they? They were mere teenagers, mere tools. Shinobi. Ninja. Teenagers. Human.

They were thirsty.

To Be Continued