Chapter 2

I honestly don't know if things could get worse or better. Nothing overly important happened, but then again I don't see Colton till tomorrow (Friday). It had been a normal week with the exception of my math EQAO which was my math exam since I was in full year, and my drama exam which was the onstage portion. With exams coming up my mind was literally all over the place. I had spots thinking science and another with English and on top of that I balanced religion. I felt like review for all those subjects was just pilling up by the minute! The only thing that kept me sane was the Morning Prayer group that some kids from YEO had started and my friend Drake. Drake and I had been friends since grade 8 when he started YEO too but we really became good friends this year. He too was going through a rough patch and had turned to me for help, so most nights we would talk on Skype and try to sort out our problems. He'd tell me that I was beautiful and amazing and I could do so much better then Colton. I would tell him the girl he liked didn't like him so it was time to move on and find someone just as good. He was like my brother and I his sister and he had told me so one night. He sent the message "I love you" with symbols. I questioned him on it and he said he loved me like a sister, which wasn't lying because him and I walked to and from school together and we talked every night so we were very close. It seemed to me that the week had dragged on with lots of stress, review and prayer. I prayed more than usual this week, I wanted answers and I wanted them well now. It seemed every day I prayed for answers I got none, I didn't know if God had some waiting list he put me on but I sure felt like one of those kids that gets left out. I was tired of trying to make it right and just wanted it to be right. If I could honestly go back to the past and figure out why things had went the way they did I would so I could fix them and make them better, but obviously that was out of the question and I would have to continue praying until God was nice enough to present answers to me. I knew that tomorrow night at YEO during praise and worship I would end up bawling again because I was mad and had felt God did something I didn't appreciate. I felt like God had taken Marcus from me. No he wasn't "mine" in the sense that we were dating he was mine as in my best friend, the one person who knew it all front cover to back cover. But then one day he liked some other chick and started ignoring me and pretending I didn't exist. I swear, I could have jumped off a bridge and he wouldn't have noticed I was no-where to be found. I probably could have hurt myself right in front of him and he'd pretend he never saw it! Okay, that may be over-exaggerating it a bit but you catch my drift right? I just felt like that one person that had understood me better then my own best friend Samantha, was leaving me alone in the dark. The one month I probably needed him the most he decided to pretty much screw me over. I guess it didn't matter anymore. The summer would come and he would pretend I never existed. I'd just have to live with it and hope maybe he'd come around again. I know God was trying to tell me something, but there was too much pain at this moment in time I couldn't concentrate on what he was asking of me or telling me. I wish he didn't make this so hard! Some days I wished I could go back and tell myself that hey, you're going to lose your best friend, the guy you like, there's issues with your dads health, and you honestly didn't want to be alive right now. Drake was really the only person keeping me from going totally crazy and ending my life right now. I started going to Morning Prayer group and well now I was going for good. I started at the beginning of the year then I stopped and well now I'm going again. Drake and Jayden always made my mornings brighter there. If I didn't say hello and good morning to Jayden he'd get very upset with me and then make me say good morning then he'd pull me into a huge hug while making a weird noise between an aww and daww. It always made me smile. Then he'd say "Good morning beautiful!" and start a conversation. The day before Drake and Jayden were playing catch with my shoes and making me jump around to get them until Drake picked me up and swung me around so I wouldn't get it. I ended up getting my shoe back and taking one of Drakes while Jayden tried to get it after prayers and succeeded. Sure this has no major importance but it kind of did. It's probably not that obvious but at the same time it was. It was probably the first time I had smiled out of free will and was able to forget all my problems for just a little while, sort of like God had taken them and placed them on him to help me with. Sitting on my bed that night thinking of the days events, I thought even though he put them back on me (or so it felt) he was giving me a break. Maybe he was trying to show me something I didn't understand yet, but I would soon. Very soon...