My life was flashing before my eyes. Nothing ever looks the same, watching it as it twirls around you, like a hurricane of memories, threatening to eat you, to consume you. But it was comforting, in a way. I thought about death all my life, but I never thought it was this…amazing.
I was spinning. So many smiles, so many happy memories stopped just for a second to let me watch before disappearing behind a cloud of rain and depression. It made me smile, so much that I could forget about the last memory disappearing.
Some would stop for a long time, like the first time I ever saw Dimitri for who he really was to me. It was when I tried to beat him up the first time, and he ended up pinning me on the floor.
Like I said, it wasn't like how I remembered it before. How I experienced it when I was actually there, feeling his strong, muscular chest against mine. Looking at it, I saw I was smiling, like I was almost about to laugh. I could see his lips twitching too, reacting to my smile. I never noticed that. Well, I couldn't remember seeing that anyway.
It disappeared behind the cloud, but I couldn't feel sorry for it. A new memory, one closer to real life, appeared in front of my eyes.
"The way I see it," I said was a small, teasing smile playing on my lips. "We're not guardians yet."
He leaned down to kiss me. We were smiling against each other's lips. Such a happy memory. I think it was the first kiss with Dimitri without being influenced by anything. Not anger or trying to prove a point. We were kissing for each other, nothing else.
Smiles and laughter filled around me then. It was Lissa's laughter. Lissa's smile.
I would never see that again. Even if I did survive this. What about Lissa's metal health? She had seen me die twice, well, not die exactly, but she thought I was. Both times.
Would I ever get out of this hurricane?
This the second time I died, since jumping off the cliff didn't actually kill me. It really just hurt me. Really, really, hurt me.
Did I experience this already? Did I lose memories? Important ones?
Nah….I hoped.
"She's going to be alright," a voice echoed around. "It wasn't that. Everything that has happened to her….mind has got to heal…."
"….three days…"
I could recognize that voice anywhere. It sound so worried for me….
What was his name again? Uh…shoot. I knew it was important…
Dimitri. That was his name. Dimitri. Yes, the one I loved more than anything in the world.
"….not over…have…yourself…"
Adrian. That was Adrian's voice. He sounded depressed, like he was giving something up. I felt sorry for him, like I wanted to calm him. To give him a big hug and tell him everything was alright, even though it wasn't.
"…when…"
Lissa. I could tell she was crying at the sight at me from my body, no me, lying…wherever I was lying. Whether I just knew her or I could sense it through the bond I didn't know. But I did.
"…three….any…"
It was the doctor again. The nurse or whoever.
Where the hell was I? I guessed it was the Court's infirmary.
It seemed like a minute, just like in a dream, which was really about an hour. I shot up out of bath, breathing heavily, sweat dripping down my nose. I clutched my chest, it throbbing with pain from sitting up right. I touched it, and flinched in the pain it brought me. I rolled up my singlet to see a bandage wrapped around my waist, a small pad placed over my wound.
I was so glad Lissa didn't help me. She needed her strength at a time like this.
I pulled my singlet back down before ignoring the pain and swinging my legs over the side of the bed. I jumped down, surprised by the height of the bed. I stumbled for a moment, but quickly gained my balance and smiled.
I walked out of the room quietly, glad that I didn't have any shoes on. I had clothes on, thankfully. I would send a muffin basket to the person who fought to keep me out of hospital clothes, the ones without backs.
"She'll wake up very shortly-"
I ducked behind one of the beds as the nurse walked by, talking to someone, possibly about me. They were walking towards my bed, so as soon as they were out of sight, I ran out of the infirmary of the court.
"She's…!"
I wasn't there long enough to hear them. I ignored the pain and ran, ducking and hiding every now and again to avoid people.
I ended up running all the way across the court, all the way to the other side.
All the way to the cemetery.
I didn't intentionally want to go there, but I guessed it was just the draw I had towards the dead.
I knew about the dead being buried in the court, in a new part that was now warded, but I never knew how big it was.
And half of it was already filled up.
So many stones filled with names engraved delicately onto the polished surface. So many numbers, for life and death. So many death numbers the same, some grouped into previous battles.
A silent tear leaked from my eye as I looked through all the isles. I sat down, clutching my knees, looking out on the cemetery, ignoring the pain it did to my stomach.
"Rosemarie Hathaway please go back to the infirmary! Rose Hathaway to the infirmary now!" a voice echoed through the court. I couldn't see anyone anymore, but I could only imagine Lissa's reaction to me being awake, but to me running away from the infirmary, she'd be a little concerned.
I was too tired to find out. She was safe. That was all that mattered.
Time passes, then it's gone. It passed, and I didn't know how long I sat there, scanning the names I could make out on the nearest tombstones.
"Roza?" a soft voice came from behind.
I turned my head around, exposing a tear sliding down my face.
Whatever hardness that was on his face vanished the instance he saw that glisten. He sighed in sorrow and worry for me, then came to sit beside me. I turned my head back around before he did.
He pulled me into him so I could lean against his chest.
"So many people…" I whispered.
He held me tighter. "I know."
"This is all my fault…"
He stiffened. "Why do you say that?"
I sniffled. "If I never existed, the court wouldn't have come to the meadow. If it wasn't for me, Victor wouldn't have had bait for the court."
"If it wasn't for you, Victor may have killed Lissa. Or someone else. If it wasn't for you, Adrian never would have known what spirit was."
"If it wasn't for me," I argued. "There wouldn't have been an example for the decree. It wouldn't have gone forward."
He paused. "The decree has been terminated, Rose," he said. "They saw how much mental damage was done to you. They found another way."
I was surprised, but it was good.
"Great." I said, trying to mean it in my voice.
He sighed. "Oh Roza…"
My eyes were still scanning the stones, but one name caught my eye. I stood up quickly.
Dimitri caught me before I could take my second step towards it.
"Rose, I don't think that'd be healthy…"
I pushed against his arms, now wrapped around my waist.
"Please…" I cried to him.
"Rose…" he warned.
I ducked under his arms, my stomach screaming in protest. He seemed to give up, knowing that I really wanted to see this, but he held my hand as I pushed to see it.
One name stood on that stone. There was no one in the grave.
Yet.
Rosemarie Hathaway. Born – 1992 Died – 2010
"You knew they thought you died, Rose." He said. "What were they going to do?"
I looked at my grave once more, and then turned to him. "Are they just going to leave my stone there?"
He had no answer. He didn't know.
"I guess I may as well be dead," I muttered.
He grabbed both of shoulders gently and turned me towards him, making me look him in the eyes. Not that I would never want to look him in the eyes, but this way, I would have no chance to look away.
"Never say that," he told me. "Without you…"
I looked at him.
"Without you….I would never know what it was like to love something more than my family."
Despite myself, I smiled a little. I leaned into him again, staring at my grave.
"But there's something you should see," he added.
I let him pull me around, about three hundred metres away from my grave. Huh, that sounded strange. My grave. It was strange in a bad way.
When I saw the next grave stone, I collapsed in tears, Dimitri holding me. He went down with me, supporting me as I sobbed into my shaking hands.
Eddie Castle. Born – 1992 Died – 2010
"No!" I cried.
Dimitri didn't relax. He didn't move. He didn't say anything.
"It can't be," I sobbed. "I saw him. He was with you and Adrian and-"
"We fought after that, Rose. It went on for another ten minutes."
That was news to me. But then again, thinking that as soon as Victor was under control, the Strigoi were too, was a little….impossible.
"Roza?" Dimitri asked cautiously.
I didn't acknowledge him. I was still staring Eddie's grave.
"He couldn't have-"
"I'm sorry, Roza. I'm so sorry." Dimitri hushed me, pulling me up from the ground and into his arms.
"This can't be happening," I mumbled into his chest. "It doesn't make sense. It happened."
He rubbed my shoulder and kissed my hair. "I know, Roza. I know."
HEY!
OMG! My twentieth chapter! Hurray!
I had an awesome birthday, thanks. And i actually got a laptop, so i can now write more when im sitting in bed. And that means more chapters! :)
But, sadly, on tuesday i go back to school for my second term :( But its okay. I stay up until 11 on school nights anyway, and that should be plenty of time :) it'll be the same hopefully.
A lot of you are saying how confused you all are with the last chapter. Its okay. It was meant to do that. It should be explained next chapter so breathe in and out.
Thanks
Lauren
