I heard the door close softly, signalling his departure. I was still sat amongst the broken pieces of china, the carpet soggy from the spilt tea. Though he had said he'd send Maria to clean it away, I decided to make a start on it myself. I picked them up carefully, making sure not to cut my hands this time.
After I had collected them up, I took them downstairs to kitchen. Maria, James's maid, was dusting the top shelves in an absent minded fashion. I cleared my throat nervously, causing her to turn. She smiled when she saw me, and nodded at the smashed crockery.
"Ah yes, I was about to come and clear that up" she said, taking the pieces from me. "It was most considerate of you, Madam, thank you". I checked slightly at my new address; I had been so used to 'Miss'. It was amazing how much changed in a simple ceremony.
"It wasn't any problem" I said quickly, subtly covering up my injured hand. Maria nodded, and went back to dusting. I dithered in the kitchen; at a loose end of what to do with myself. Maria noticed the uncertain expression on my face.
"The Admiral said you were going to visit your father today" she prompted me.
"Oh yes" I said with a start, the memory returning to me. "I should want to go soon, if that isn't a problem" I continued, referring to the fact I was still in my nightshift. Maria's eyes dawned in understanding.
"Oh yes, I'll come and help you dress" she said.
Once I was ready, Maria offered to call for a carriage to take me to my…no, father's house, I lived here now. I declined, commenting on what a lovely day it was outside and that I wanted to feel the sun on my face. Maria looked uncertain.
"Are you sure? It would be much quicker, and safer, if you were to take the carriage.
"No, no" I said quickly, slipping out the door as fast as possible. I didn't think I could bear being cooped up again. I needed to breathe fresh air; I needed to think.
As I wandered along the sea front, I found myself incapable of keeping my gaze from the ocean. Will would be out there somewhere. Was he thinking of me? I bit my lip hard, forcing the moisture from my eyes. It didn't do to cry now. I was married, and nothing was going to change it.
When I reached my old home, a curious wave of emotions hit me. It seemed so strange that I was never going to live here again. As a servant led me along the corridor, I recalled all the times of my childhood. We passed the dance hall, and I remembered how my sixteenth birthday had been held there; James had danced with me for the first time. He'd been so kind, so considerate.
"Elizabeth!" came my father's voice. He was crossing the dance hall, his face a picture of happiness. "How are you?"
"No different from yesterday" I answered blandly. My father surveyed be worriedly. I suppose I didn't exactly look my happiest self.
"And...James?" he queried hesitantly.
"Fine as well" I answered, subconsiously fingering my wedding ring. It was like a burden; an ever increasing weight.
I spent the rest of the afternoon with my father, the conversation between us wearing ever thin. I just didn't know what to say anymore. I felt as though I'd descended into a shade of my former self; a shadow.
Finally, at five o clock, I decided I might as well end the pointless visit.
"I have to go. James will be back" I mumbled, staring at my clasped hands in my lap. My father nodded.
"I suppose that's the best thing to do" he agreed. "Shall I see you out?" he asked, half rising from his wicker chair.
"No, I'll be fine" I reassured him. He sat down again, looking a little disappointed.
Outside, the sun had turned the sky a shade of deep amber. The clouds glowed, irridescent, above the water. I stared down at the dock, as I watched the Dauntless moor at the jetty. I could make out Jame's figure among the other officers as they disembarked. I waited for him, and when he saw me, his face broke into a smile. I made my best attempt to smile back, as he broke his conversation with Gillette to come over to me. I nodded shyly at him, feeling my throat twist into a nervous knot. I didn't know what to say to him.
"Your hand's better" he noted wryly. Again, I nodded. I was beginning to feel rather stupid, and broke our eye contact as I found myself blushing. Again. Instead I stared at my bandaged hand. "I was wondering if you wanted to eat out at a restaurant tonight?" he suggested carefully. "Would that cheer you up?"
I bit my lip. I hadn't intended for him to see that I was upset.
"If that's what you want" I said finally. He eyed me worriedly, his green gaze sweeping my face, trying to work out my thoughts.
"We could always go for a walk first" he suggested, gesturing to the beach. "It's a lovely sunset"
He held out his hand for me to take. I slipped mine into his, and it closed over mine, soothing the wound from earlier.
"I'll rebandage it when we get home, if you like" he said gently. I smiled quickly, as we headed down to the beach, the sun reflecting on the sword at his waist.
A/N: Sorry for the slow update- I've been sooo busy with my book! Please review ;)
