Randy and Cody are going to be here…soon. :P For now, Teddy's free.

Chapter 8
Terrible Touch

You're leaving a trail of blood

If I try

November, 3, 2009

That night is the breaking point.

I just can't take it. I honestly don't care if he had raped me again but it's the horror as he sticks a needle in my brain that shocks me and he's operated on my brain and slowly, the thoughts of Randy Orton are fading away from me…

Randy…

Cody…

After the needle sticking horror of pricking a white pointy stick in my exploding brains, and I fall back in the black and I seriously think I'm dead. I think I'm completely and utterly dead.

When I wake up, the only thoughts that are stirring in my head are two names, two perfect names—

Randy…

Cody…

They seem like friends I've lost a long time ago but I try to remember how they look like and I don't succeed at all as I get used to this blurry life. Having him now let me wear white clothes, telling me that I'm good now and that I'm human now.

My stomach's bloated but there's a horrid bruise on the left side of my face that pulses pain when I look at it, and there's a deep scar at the back of my neck, where he had cut through and my lips are swollen with redness and my body's rigid with the still coldness that didn't get away from me, and my eyes are burning up the color red, bloodshot and bits and pieces of my flesh still reside into my body, making me look pink and red but not normal.

I don't recognize myself anymore.

I feel ugly and distorted and unclear in this world.

All I know is that my name's Ted.

I don't even remember my last name anymore. DiBiase. I think that's my last name but I'm halfway not sure and I don't care if I get it wrong or right because I'm a horrible, horrible person.

I should be damned to Hell if I think I deserve this.

And no one's following it from disgust

You can't really breathe

To touch her

November, 4, 2009

I have memories of Kristen being close, how I loved her, and then she just basically ripped my heart out of my chest with one letter and I remembered almost everything but Randy and Cody. I don't even know their last names. It's like they're just a vague and distant memory at the back of my head but whenever I say Randy's name, my heart beats ten times faster and I feel ten times more worthless and even if I don't remember him, I know that he's better than me.

I can walk now.

For about thirty minutes then I fall back down again.

It's enough for me.

To run away.

I want to run away.

I need to run away.

I want to go away, far away so that I can find myself, I want to know who I am and what's my purpose in life again because I've lost everything now that I'm so ugly that I can't really wrestle anymore and it's all my fault.

I want to go home.

But there is no home for me. There's no one that'll take someone as hideous as me in and I run off, into the night, and when I stop running away, I realize that I can't run and that I fall down onto the street floor and fall asleep.

It's so cold here.

But I'm finally away from him.

I want Cody. I want Randy. Even if I don't know exactly who they are, I still have a need for them and I still want them, so very much, to be around me. I still feel like they're the only one that complete me.

But for now, I'm on the road, with my back pressing against the pavement, my eyes on the black sultry curtain of the sky and I want to touch the stars and burn into one because I don't think I belong here.

And you can't really remember who you are.

Well, it's cute.

;) Sam