Um...yeah, LC reminded me. Thank you, Bianca! :) That your name, right? I'll update on Crazy Train tomorrow! If not, then definitely after tomorrow!

Chapter 9
Black Blood

Where am I?
November, 5, 2009
And

I'm still living on the street.

Still scared.

Still all alone.

People stare at me. They're scared to touch me. They're scared to look at me. When children look at me, their eyes light up with fear. I can't believe what I've become. I just want to fix myself but I don't know how to. I don't think anyone can. I'm just too hideous to be fixed.

But the image still burns in my brain...

All that blood...

It just hurts remembering it all.

I walk around, with nothing in my name, even the clothes I wear around mine and even the face I wear isn't mine, and the only thing that belongs to be is the invisible black blood that strides along the street when I cross it.

It's the only thing I truly own.

Horror.

It's all so much horror in my brain.

I don't know if I can take it anymore.

I'm starving.

I don't need to eat though.

I'm sick.

Inside and I'm sure I've caught a cold. Or rabies. I wish it's rabies. Let me just die out here.

I'm dead inside.

Always been.

I don't think I can hold on much longer but I do and nothing's there at the back of my head, but pieces and blurred images of love and horror and death all meshed together and they're so blurry that I can't make out the pictures that are in my head and as I lay down somewhere at night when the weather is sweet and the world around me is beautiful and I'm just a piece of a puzzle that tries to fit in but I don't. I can't.

I stand out. Too badly. Too bright.

I pace around the sidewalk once more before I sit down onto the pavement and hope someone looks at me even once. I've taken a few pictures with the money I have left in my pocket, completely forgetting my wallet at the hotel, all I have is a $50 to live with and looking back at the vivid, clear image of me, I know that no one can love that person; I'm not sure if it's even a person. It doesn't look like me at all.

Somewhere around midnight, as I stare at a lake, I notice that my red skin's paling and I'm being mended back.

I look better for the first time in what seems and feels like forever.

But I can't help but feel like something's taken from me. Badly.

Horridly.

I can't trust anyone anymore.

I can't trust myself anymore.

I'm lost.

Dead...so very dead...
November, 6, 2009
I

I hate this. I hate all of this.

I want to run away.

I need to run away from this world.

I hate this. I hate all of this.

I need to run away.

I want to run away from this world.

It's just the only thing running from my mind. It's hurting me. My head's exploding. My heart's bleeding. My lungs are squeezed into nothing and I'm left here on the sidewalk, laying so dead on the pavement, I've had people walk over me, hear me grunt, and I've had people just stare at me, trying to lend a helping hand but none of them stay long enough and all I'm left with is blood, trying not to choke on myself, trying not to choke on my past.

I hear the sound of a voice asking for a cigarette.

Randy stops and stares at me, his eyes squinting at me, and as he leans down to me, and his eyes are slowly widening as he considers the posibility..."T-T-Teddy?" he whispers so very lightly.

"Oh, Randy," I try to sit down and when I do, I grab onto him, holding onto him, squeezing him, and I feel myself burn on the inside, feel sweet on the inside, pooling love from my head to my toes as he runs his fingers through my hear, feeling him shake from under me. "Life's been like Hell."

"Ted..." he whispers under his breath, holding the back of my head, pressing me close.

I don't know how long I've gone without sleep.

But at that moment, I finally fall asleep.

Because I finally feel like everything's going to be safe again.

Inside of me. All burning up.

I can't believe this
November, 7, 2009
Bleed

I'm in a hotel room.

I'm curled up in sheets, Cody and Randy right next to me, watching me as I wake up, and Cody leans down to me, smiling at me. "Oh, Tedd, are you okay? What happened? You look..." my eyes go to the mirror to see that the redness is all gone, just a pale body, and the scabs are still scraped, covered bruises, I look normal now that the red is gone and all that's left of me is relief.

I never want them to see me like that.

See me all hurt and destroyed.

See me all scared.

All terrified and horrified.

All scarred.

Randy sits down beside me, running his fingers from my throat to my chest, and he bites his lip. "I'm sorry I could've find you earlier, Ted. It's glad to have you back, man...you seemed to gain a little weight. You look better now." He says, rubbing the back of my neck.

"I...I..."

"Shh," Randy whispers.

"I...Randy, it's--I feel like I'm going to...black out..."

"What?"

I faint before I can even take another breath.

When I wake up, I'm all alone, with no one around me, seeing Randy and Cody's tape on the wall and without moving, I know that they're out for a match. I simply stare at the wall, and try to shuffle the pain. I don't want to tell them about the horror I've experienced in that horrifying tale of pain that I've seen and felt and heard. I don't want them to feel sorry for me. I don't need anyone feeling sorry for little Ted.

How many times have I regretted this mistake?

There you go!

;) Sam