A/N: We wanted to drop a little something fun in all your boxes (That's what he said!) to say thank you for being such fuckawesome readers! Seriously...we started this after an evening of non-sober g-chatting and it's turned into so much fun. This is just a mini chapter, and what happens when I (Yoga) said to Lara, "hey, want to role play and tweet, you know to show our readers how much we love them?" And, of course...Lara, being the awesomesauce girl who sips on my brand of crazy - says, "sure."
sigh.
oh, and Lara's chapter is coming soon(ish).
Massive boob gropes to LexieCullen17 who beta'd this crazy. Want to know why she rocks the casbah? Girl beta'd this all in LOLCat - she deserves an award or cheezeburger or something. xo.
"Ouch!"
Even on a good day, I managed to bruise myself at least three times, but when I was slightly tipsy? The odds certainly went up. I had been aiming for my bed and instead had gotten a shin full of desk.
"Motherfucker, that shit hurts!" I cried, rubbing the already forming bruise.
I finally made it to my bed, with only enough energy left to toss my jeans and sweater into the corner of my room. A tank top and undies were going to have to suffice for jammies tonight. It was already two in the morning, and I had just got in from a wild night out with Alice. We had painted the town red, starting off in Brooklyn at Barcade, kicking asses and taking names at Frogger. We had made our way back towards the apartment, checking out a few more bars along the way. A night out with my girl always left me happy. I could hear Alice banging away in the kitchen, most likely looking for a bowl of Cocoa Puffs, her drunk snack of choice.
While my body was tired, my mind was still amped from the delicious combo of gin and tonic, but I wasn't drunk enough to actually pass out. With sleep nowhere near the horizon, I booted up my laptop and dragged it into bed with me. I checked my email first, stupidly clicking on an email from Renee. Just as I had suspected, another one of her LOLCats. I still couldn't understand why cats wanted to eat cheeseburgers and just deleted it without bothering to see what hijinx the damn kitties got into this time.
Rifilng through the rest of the emails, I deleted some spam because really, no, I did not want any information on "natural enlargement for her pleasure" or "FREE MEDS NOW!" I deleted those quickly before seeing what else I had. An email from work taunted me, but I knew better than to correspond with them when maybe, sorta drunk. So I saved that one and instead wrote back to a study group that I was in that next Thursday would be fine for a meet up.
Twitter was next, and I needed to come up with a new status update.
Back from bar hopping with my #1 girl. Frogger - your ass is mine.
I then remembered the new follower I had picked up the other day and went to try and click on his name again. Hmph. His profile was still locked. The screenname made me curious, and I had nothing better to do, so I sent a follower request. Only seconds later did I see my "following" number increase by one and a new response, mentioning my name.
JavaTheHuttt: Frogger, huh? Ironic U went bar "hopping" and played Frogger.
Weird. JavaTheHuttt not only added me immediately, but tweeted me too. He or she must have been on as well. None of my contacts except Alice were on in gchat, so I was just bored enough to answer.
NoSleepTill718: Wow, clever. You think that one all up by yourself, or did your 10 year old brother help?
Nobody had ever accused me of being a nice (not quite)drunk. I waited to see if Java would respond.
JavaTheHuttt: My bro is 2 yrs older. He helped with leafy green substances 2nite. 4give stupidity.
Things were getting interesting now.
NoSleepTill718 Greens, eh? You stocking up on your fiber? Big fan of spinach over there?
JavaTheHuttt: I'm not Popeye. But weeds made an appearance. :-P Ribbit.
I couldn't help but laugh. Not only did this person have a good sense of humor, but he was also a stoner, which always made for fun times.
NoSleepTill718: Be carefull froggy, I'm on a rampage tonight. No frog is safe around me. I'll be eating froglegs soon enough.
Froglegs? What the fuck? Clearly I was drunker than I thiought if I was coming up with freaky shit like that.
JavaTheHuttt: French cuisine is terrifying. So is your frog stomping rampage. I'm a vegetarian.
NoSleepTill718: A vag-atarian you say? really?
JavaTheHuttt: Yep. I don't eat meat. I love stroking pussy though. So soft.
I almost snorted reading the reply. Homeslice was bringing it. Lord I loved dweeting.
NoSleepTill718: Do you have a pussy with you right now?
JavaTheHuttt: FUCK! I mean, my cat... she's in my lap right now. Not... crap.
Doh. Homeslice wasn't bringing it, sadly. Now I felt awkward, like a dangling particple or something.
NoSleepTill718: Oh, right, that's what I meant. I'm sure she's keeping your lap all warm. I mean, who doesn't love some pussy in your lap?
JavaTheHuttt:I do. Love pussy. Yep, that's me. Warm lap. Pussy. Yup.
It seemed like poor Java was getting all rattled. I wondered how else I could shake the kid up. At this point though, I wanted to make sure I was talking to a guy and not some random cougar or something.
NoSleepTill718: You love pussy huh? Sounds like my kind of guy. I like a man who knows how to stroke a pussy...
JavaTheHuttt: I do. A lot. Love pussy. Stroking it, making it meow and such. And it purrs. Mmhmm.
Damnit. Java didn't really confirm gender. I was going to push further, hoping I was tweeting a genuine male.
NoSleepTill718: My pussy doesn't meow or purr, maybe I'm stroking her the wrong way? Care to share your technique?
JavaTheHuttt: Linux loves when I scratch behind her ears. A lot.
Ugh. This dude was not getting the hint. I was starting to get myself off thinking of some hot guy stroking a pussy, and not a furry one. Why couldn't Java just play along? Maybe I needed to delve into his territory a little.
NoSleepTill718: What are you wearing? I'm wearing a gold bikini and debating putting my luscious hair up in side buns...
JavaTheHuttt: Lil' bro is an idiot. But he's wearing some geek ass tshirt and jeans. A gold bikini huh, sugar lips?
JavaTheHuttt: BTW, you're really hot.
I got confused for a second, wondering what was up in the change in tone but then pieced together that maybe Java's brother was tweeting for him? At least this guy seemed like he had something interesting going on.
NoSleepTill718: Thanks bb. I bet you're hot too...how about a pix?
JavaTheHuttt: bb? whats that? I can send you a pic of lil bro. U want? Here: http://tinyurl(dot)com(slash)ycarhxa
NoSleepTill718: You know, a term of endearment. Like baby, or sweetcheeks even.
I clicked send and then ran off to check out the link he sent. I wasn't sure what I was going to find and wondered if they sent a picture of a monkey's ass or some porn... or heaven forbid a goddamn LOCat. Instead, I was relatively surprised at what I found. Instead of some random creep or uber-nerd, a hot tasty piece of manmeat popped up on my screen. He had a messy head of reddish-brown hair, a fucking chiseled jaw so fine that Roman statues would be jealous, and a five o'clock shadow that was just begging to be licked. He also looked insanely stoned.
NoSleepTill718: UNF! I don't think The Hutt ever looked so good. Yeah, you definitely look like a man who knows his pussy.
JavaTheHuttt: So, you think lil bro is hot huh? Boy doesn't know jackshit about ladies, but he's a fast learner.
NoSleepTill718: hmm...does he need a teacher?
JavaTheHuttt: He sure does. You single? Offering? I could make it happen. Leave it up to him...
JavaTheHuttt: ...and you'll be dead first.
NoSleepTill718: Spectacularly single, but I don't think he's ready for this jelly...
JavaTheHuttt: Aww come on! He's a good kid. Just shy. You could break him out.
JavaTheHuttt: Plus the kid is a freakin genius. He'll learn. Fast. Show him once, he never forgets.
NoSleepTill718: I hope he's not too fast if you catch my drift. Then we could have problems.
While I waited for a response, I reread what Java's brother had written. Not only was this kid easy on the eyes, but he was some sort of genius? I wasn't so sure about the shy part. For all the bravado I posted on Twitter, I wasn't usually the aggressor in bed. I snorted as I realized I was actually thinking as if anything physical was a possibility with this Java character.
JavaTheHuttt: Listen I'm draggin him to my game in Central Park next week. Btwn 87th and 89th. Give him a shot.
JavaTheHuttt: He'll be the one in the shade with a laptop. Find us. Night!
I was about to write back when something suddenly occurred to me through my not-so-drunken haze. How the fuck did they know I lived in NYC?
You may or may not be able to find either of these spazzes on Twatter. I mean, Twitter.
