A/N: JAKE!?! Yeah, so, I totally didn't see that coming. Thanks Lara. *snort* That dude is such a cockblocker, isn't he? sheesh.
Oh, and just to remind you - whenever you see something from Hackerward - (Twitter stuff, dialogue, etc...) that's ALL Lara. And anytime you see that same stuff but with Bella (even in a Lara chapter) that's all me, Yoga. We'd explain how we manage that, but it woudl involve too many pie charts and powerpoint presentations and wouldn't you just rather read the chapter? ;)
Big ups to my masta-beta, LexieCullen17. I can't even begin to tell you how much I love her. There's like puffy hearts and shiz involved.
Thanks again to all of you absolutely wonderful, fabulous people who are reading along. Lara and I sit and talk via gchat while we read your reviews. And I kid you not when I say it goes something like this:
Yoga: OMG did you see that review?
Lara: I LOVE OUR READERS!
Yoga: I know, I kinda want to marry them.
Lara: Dude, I'm not sure that's actually legal.
Yoga: Oh, yeah, but it would be nice, b/c they're totally awesome.
Lara: Yeah.
Yoga: Yeah.
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. If I did, I'd probably have a plot...
I looked back and forth between the two men crammed into the ambulance along with me, wondering if what I was seeing was actually happening, or if I was hallucinating from my apparent head injury. I blinked my eyes a few times, hoping that this was really just a side effect of being pelted in the head by a ball. I was almost hoping that the next time I opened my eyes, I'd be staring at Charlie and he'd whisk me off to Candy Mountain. Anything would be better than this. Unfortunately, after a good fourteen blinks, I was still staring at the same two men, no unicorn in sight.
Now that it was sinking in, I was starting to get pissed. What the fuck was Jake doing here, and why the hell was he interrupting my time with...?
Fuck! I didn't even know Java's real name yet. I opened my mouth ask, but before any words could come out, Jake rushed over and grabbed Java by the arm.
"Get the hell out of here, you perv!"
"Jake! What the fuckity-fuck?" I yelled, not at all happy with these turn of events.
I shot up out of the gurney, wanting to throttle Jake, but instead of sitting all the way upright, I began seeing pretty sparkles, and a loud ringing pierced my head. Before I could shout at Java, pleading with him to stay, everything turned black. Eventually I came to, unsure of how much time had passed. However, now it seemed as if I was in a moving ambulance with Jake by my side.
"Ugh," I groaned, not loving the jackhammer-like headache I felt.
"Ah, Miss Sunshine finally decides to make an appearance. Hey, Bells."
I scowled at Jake, wanting to rip him a new one, but I knew that I didn't quite have the energy for that yet. Instead, I flipped him the bird, grimacing when he just laughed at me in response. I flinched as he put his fingers on my skin while wrapping a blood pressure cuff around my arm.
"Aw, Bells, don't be like this. I could remember a time when you enjoyed my fingers on you," he smirked.
I didn't even dignify him with a response and chose to close my eyes and pretend he wasn't there. I could still hear him, though, and groaned as I heard him begin to hum. His humming gave way to some off key singing, and suddenly, I was subjected to my own personal Warren Zevon show.
"Ahhhhh Ooooooooooh, Werewolves of London," he warbled, banging his head in time to the beat.
"Shut. Up." I hissed out, my voice barely a whisper.
"Jeez, Bells. Chill out, why don't you? It's not like I didn't just save your life."
This was ridiculous. It wasn't that bad. I just needed some pain killers, and I could go home and rest. Or better yet, I could swing by the park and pray that Java was still there and we could start over.
"You have some fucking nerve, Jake," I spat out, unable to keep my tirade in any longer, despite the throbbing in my head. "I'm pretty sure I wasn't about to die from a basketball to the head. Just give me some damn Tylenol and let me go!"
As my voice grew louder, my heart rate sped up, and I could literally feel my blood boiling. I started to get really warm and that woozy feeling quickly returned.
"Ohhh..." I moaned out as my head fell back against the gurney.
"Easy, Bells," Jake said, his voice sounding oddly professional.
I glanced over to see what Jake was doing, to see him fiddling with a mini flashlight thingy. Once he finally got it to work, he shined it in my eyes, without so much as a warning.
"Argh!" I shouted, waving my hand in front of my face in defense.
"Sorry about that. I'm just checking your pupils. Listen, Bells. You received a pretty nasty bump to the head, and you've passed out from it multiple times. When you go unconscious for a certain amount of time they'll probably want to keep you overnight for observation," he explained with a shrug.
I nodded, not really feeling like challenging his opinion at the moment. I was actually surprised to hear him speak like he knew what was going on. When Jake had decided to become an EMT I never really thought he would follow through. It was a tough path to get there, and he was one to give up easily. Although, as he was fond of reminding me, I was apparently the one who gave up on "us." It hurt my head even more to think about that bullshit, so instead, I closed my eyes and let Jake do his thing until we reached the hospital.
Things got kind of fuzzy when we arrived at the hospital. Jake had to leave me, rushing off for another emergency call and I was left alone, despite the hustle and bustle of doctors and nurses. I ended up in an area with a bunch of other patients while people poked and prodded me. I tried to doze off, but they didn't let me, telling me I needed to stay alert a bit longer. They sent me through some scanning machine that confirmed that not only was my brain in perfect working order, thank you very much, but that nothing was seriously wrong. However, that didn't stop the doctor standing in front of me from insisting that I stay overnight.
"Miss Swan, I understand that you think you feel better, but after sustaining such a severe impact to the head, it is our policy that you remain under observation for a minimum of twenty-four hours. The EMT who brought you in documented multiple occasions of unconsciousness, and standard procedure is to ensure that nothing more serious has occurred before releasing you from our care."
I wondered if it was time to bust out Bitchy Bella, but if I was being honest, I really didn't have it in me. So, if Dr. Horrible was going to force me to stay anyway, I wasn't about to waste my energy fighting him.
"Fine," I relented. "Just point me in the direction of my suite, doc. Oh, and send up some room service, why don'tcha?"
The doctor smiled politely, clearly put off by my brand of crazy and instructed an orderly to wheel me to my room. Thankfully, it only had one bed, and I wouldn't have to be subjected to an actual sick person rooming with me. I hated hospitals. The way they smelled gave me the creeps. It was like they overdid it with cleaning chemicals in order to mask the smell of death. Thankfully, I would be busting out of this place by tomorrow morning, so I wouldn't have to deal with any of it much longer.
After getting settled in the super uncomfortable bed, I looked around for something to do besides twiddling my thumbs. I spotted my bag in the chair next to the bed and leaned over to pull it to my lap. After popping in some gum, thanks to the mysterious E.C., I flipped open my phone, eager to see if Java had tweeted after I'd been hauled away from him. Before I was even able to turn the damn thing on, a pair of meaty hands grabbed it right out of my grip.
"What the...?"
Before I was able to finish my sentence, I inhaled a whiff of rotten tuna breath and started choking.
"Ah, tsk tsk. Watch your mouth young lady," trilled the phone stealer.
I looked into a pair of hard, steel gray eyes. The face they were attached to came into focus and I looked around, grasping frantically for the call button.
"Nurse!" I shouted out, wondering how the fuck they let crazies in, unattended.
"Yes?" purred the person in front of me.
"Y-y-you?" I gulped, "You're my nurse?"
I took in the person before me, and noticed that, indeed, she was wearing a nurse. At least, I assumed it was a she. There were lumpy curves in the right places, yet the dusting of black hairs across her lip and between her brows told me another story. Her big, paw-like hands easily plucked the phone from my hands, and she trained her stare at me.
"There are no cell phones allowed in the hospital, dear. Please turn this off or it will have to be confiscated."
I blanched, not wanting my lifeline to Java to be snatched away, so I quickly nodded my head and held out my bag, hoping she'd drop it in. After giving my the hairy eyeball, she relented, dumping it in. She checked my chart and told me to relax, as if that were possible after dealing with the likes of her. After watching her with hawk-eyes to ensure she didn't pilfer my phone, I settled in to the bed and turned the television on, hoping to find something to calm my nerves. Eventually, Nurse Ratchet left, giving me some peace of mind. I continued to flip through the channels, but there wasn't much on in the afternoon aside from Judge Judy or soaps. I settled on a soap, but I soon found myself drifting off.
I was having a pleasant dream. I was still in the hospital room, but soft muzac was being pumped into the room from somewhere. The door opened, and instead of the Wicked Bitch from the West that had almost stolen my phone, a young doctor walked in. He. Was. Hot. I blinked a few times, wondering if what I was seeing was right. It was Java dressed head to toe in scrubs. A few bronze chest hairs peeked out of his turquoise scrub top, and his eyebrow twitched slightly as he looked me up and down over the top of the chart in his hands.
"Miss Swan, is it? I see you've gotten a bad bruise to the head."
He leaned over me, his arm brushing up against my breast.
"I...I...think I have a fever, doctor," I said breathlessly. "I'm feeling hot."
Dr. Java pulled the stethoscope that was around his neck off and placed the cool circular end against my chest.
"Hmm...you do seem to be burning up."
I should have been put off that he was checking my temperature with a stethoscope, but it didn't seem to bother me one bit in the moment. Hell, he could have gotten his medical degree from the back of a cereal box, for all I cared.
"I think I need to run some tests," he said, as he took a hold of my hand.
He lowered his head and began peppering my hand with light kisses.
"Yes, you definitely feel hot," he hissed, as he continued to work his way up my arm.
He was almost at my elbow, and his kisses were becoming more frantic as he began to suck and moan as he lapped at my feverish skin. He lifted his head up, and I looked into his eyes, frightened by what I saw. They've had turned dark red and his entire face took on a frightening look. He smiled evilly before bending back down, and just as the music in my head turned louder, his teeth made contact with my arm, breaking the skin.
"Motherfucking vampire son-of-a-bitch!" I shouted out, sitting up in fear.
I was breathing rapidly and felt a stinging in my arm.
"Ouch!"
When I opened my eyes, Dr. Java was nowhere to be found, and the music was gone, replaced only by the cackling of the crazy nurse beside me. Stupid dream. She patted my arm in the least maternal way ever before opening her mouth to speak. Her nasty garbage breath assaulted me once more.
"Just needed to hook you up to an IV. Nothing to be alarmed about. It's the easiest way to get some fluids in you, so we can get you out of here faster. There are a couple of um, ladies, here to see you. Shall I send them in?"
The way her face puckered up at the use of the word 'ladies,' made me confident that Alice and Rose were on the other side of the door, so I nodded eagerly. Thankfully, she didn't waste much time. After taping the needle to my skin, she jotted some notes on the chart and headed towards the door, ushering the girls in.
"What the hell bitches?!" I shouted by way of greeting as soon as Nurse Stabs-a-Lot was out of hearing range.
"Dude, relax. We pretty much saved your life," Rose said with a wave of her hand.
I rolled my eyes at her but was eternally grateful when she bent over to hug me, whispering in my ear. "Don't you dare do that to us again, Swan. Got it?"
I nodded, wiping my eyes before I completely fell apart. Alice came over and hugged me next, almost crushing me in the process. They both sat at the foot of the bed and filled me in on what had happened after I past out.
"It really was a clusterfuck, Bella," explained Alice. "And then, once Jake arrived, well, that was just ridiculous."
I waved it all away, wanting to know one important detail.
"So..." I said, making sure I had their attention. "What's his name?"
They looked at me with confused expressions.
"Who, Bella?"
"Java!" I shouted, exasperated.
"Oh..." Alice trailed off, offering no further information.
"You see..." Rose shared at the same time.
I glared at my soon to be ex-bestfriends, my brow furrowed in anger.
"You were there the entire time, hanging around with all of them, and neither of you thought to get his damn name?"
"Um..."
"Well..."
Alice avoided my gaze, and Rose wasn't any better.
"Um, we were so worried about you..." Alice started before Rose cut her off, excitedly.
"No, it's okay!"
"Okay?" I asked, confused as to how me getting beaned in the head with a basketball in front of my still somewhat anonymous Twitter crush was 'okay.'
"Yeah, totally chill, Bella. Lemon chill..." she giggled.
I looked up at her, scowling.
"Did you slip some of my Demerol when the nurse wasn't looking?" I asked, trying to figure out her uncharacteristic, almost Valley girl behavior.
"Pshaw," she snorted. "As if."
Rose, now accompanied by Alice, burst into another round of giggles. I glared at them until they shut up, pissed that I was friends with Tweedle Dumb and Dumber.
"Spill it," I demanded.
"Well, you know the one that we were staring at? The one with the... um... anaconda in his pants?" At that, Rose burst into another round of giggles, and it took her a few minutes to compose herself enough to continue.
"He sort of asked me out on a date. His name is Emmett, and I'm sure he can get more info on your Twitter pal. They seemed awfully chummy."
I looked at Rose, my mouth hanging open.
"Let me see if I get this right. We went to the park to stalk my Twitter guy. I end up getting smacked in the head with a basketball, and while I was passed out in the ambulance, you were macking on some dude?"
Rose shrugged.
"Not just some dude, Bella. A dude with a fucking huge ass shlong."
I hung my head, crushed that Rose had put dicks before chicks. I saw Alice glare at Rose as she took my hand.
"Don't worry, Bella. We'll make this right. I promise."
Rose nodded enthusiastically alongside her.
"We will. I'm sorry, Bella."
Before I could yell at them one more time, Nurse Bitchface came back in, demanding they leave. She checked a few more things and then escorted my girls out of the room. Despite being slightly peeved that Rose had spent more time trying to get into some guy's pants instead of helping a sister out and finding out more about Java, I couldn't stay angry for long. I was actually happy that Rose had a potential date out of this. It still didn't make me any less sad that I had missed out on a chance with my guy, though. I decided I had to do something about it.
As soon as Nurse KillJoy left my room, I whipped out my BlackBerry, not caring if I was going to short the pacemaker of old man Johnson in room 203. There were things that needed to be done. I waited for my cell to turn on and then quickly scrolled down, opening the application like somebody jonesing for their next hit of crack. Frankly, I was shocked that I wasn't shaking.
I searched through my Twitter contacts to see if Java had updated with anything, but sadly, his account had been silent since he had mentioned he was going to the game. I debated contacting him directly, but since I was a complete pussy, I opted for the totally passive aggressive move of simply updating my own status and waited to see if he'd tweet me first.
NoSleepTill718: Waiting on a hot murse to give me my sponge bath.
It was complete and utter bullshit. I'd checked out every nurse that came into my room and none of them were male or remotely hot. But, I figured a little fibbing for the sake of getting a response would be acceptable. I waited patiently to see if Java would respond. I figured he most likely wasn't sitting by his computer waiting for me to tweet, but a girl could dream, couldn't she? It wasn't like I had anywhere to go for the next twenty-two hours anyway, so I sat and waited, hoping to hear from him soon.
I must have drifted off, because when I opened my eyes, it was now two hours later. I rushed to grab my phone, which thankfully had not been snatched up by Nursezilla in the last couple of hours. Because I was a glutton for punishment, I went right for my Twitter app to see if Java had written anything.
He hadn't written me directly, but he had updated. Based on what he had written, clearly Java was a master in the way of the pussy as well.
JavaTheHuttt: Hot Murse? Men look stupid in colorful scrubs with smiley faces.
He was totally responding to my tweet without actually responding to me. I debated pulling the same shit, but instead, I hoped he was still on. Maybe we could have some sort of a conversation, albeit limited to one-hundred and forty characters.
NoSleepTill718 (a)JavaTheHutt: I bet you wouldn't look stupid in colorful scrubs w/smiley faces. Got sponge?
I giggled at my own lame humor and wondered if I'd get playful Java or completely obliviously Java. I tapped my finger on the side rail to the bed as I waited for him to respond. I didn't have to wait long, thankfully.
JavaTheHuttt (a)NoSleepTill718: I'd look like the Chiquita banana lady. Sponge? Yeah, I've got one. You okay?
I snickered, imagining Java all dressed up with a basket of fruit on his head and a sparkly dress. Hmm...actually, it might be sort of cute. I wondered if he was into role playing...
The creaking of a door stole my attention, and I shoved my phone under my pillow just in time. An orderly came in, baring my dinner. I gave him a smile, hoping he'd leave immediately and was relieved when he did. I ignored the food for a moment while I replied to Java.
NoSleepTill718 (a)JavaTheHutt: I'm fine. Head hurting just a little bit less. About to tuck into whatever passes for haute cuisine around here.
JavaTheHuttt (a)NoSleepTill718: I'm sorry. Food there is horrible. Inedible. If you had your choice, what would you eat?
I didn't even need to think before answering.
NoSleepTill718 (a)JavaTheHutt: 5 Guys!!! Instead of this...I think it's supposed to be meat? *whispers* Is meat supposed to jiggle?
I poked at the gray mass on my plate with my fork, holding back the urge to vomit.
JavaTheHuttt (a)NoSleepTill718: Jiggling meat? *shudders* What do you order from 5 Guys? I'm just curious.
I smiled, wondering what Java's game was.
NoSleepTill718 (a)JavaTheHutt: Fries, definitely fries. And a burger, well done. And a large Cherry Coke *drool*
I grumbled, a little peeved that Java was making me crave 5 Guys while I was faced with this slop in front of me. I wondered if the white stuff was mashed potatoes. I prodded it with my fork, but I gave up when it wouldn't budge.
JavaTheHuttt (a)NoSleepTill718: Sounds good. Drooling over food or did the chart-wielding Chiquita banana return?
I actually laughed out loud. If Java was going to tease me, I decided to have a little fun on his behalf.
NoSleepTill718 (a)JavaTheHutt: Mmhmm. And now he's working his way up my thighs, water dripping from his sponge. Feels. So. Good.
While I waited for Java to respond, I realized this was the perfect opportunity to ask him for his name. I felt kinda awkward that we had gone this far without sharing our names. Although, I still couldn't get past the fact that somebody at that game knew my name.
JavaTheHuttt: (a)NoSleepTill718 Sounds like fun. I don't want to interrupt, I'll let you be then. Enjoy the sponge.
My face fell, wondering if he was jumping ship. I hadn't meant for my teasing to upset him. I scrambled to come up with a good response, but before I could I saw that he sent out a general tweet to all his followers.
JavaTheHuttt: Is the way to a woman's heart through her stomach or underwater sea creature?
I felt my face flush a bit and wondered if it was from the IV bag I was hooked up to. After a second read through of Java's tweet, I had a feeling it was something else all together. My fingers flew over the keyboard in response.
NoSleepTill718 (a)JavaTheHutt: Stomach. Definitely stomach. Although a miniature seahorse is a close second.
Then, I decided to bite the bullet and go balls to the wall. Now I was pretty sure that I was fueled by whatever crazy shit they had injected me when I got here.
NoSleepTill718 (a)JavaTheHutt: P.S. hi. My name is Bella and I like miniature sea creatures.
It was out there, and there was no going back. I bit my lip, wondering how he'd respond. I didn't have to wait long as three tweets in a row popped up on my screen.
JavaTheHuttt (a)NoSleepTill718: I do too. Bella? It's beautiful. Just like you.
JavaTheHuttt (a)NoSleepTill718: Fish are friends, NOT food.
JavaTheHuttt: Transparent, much? Way to go, slick.
My blush grew something fierce when I saw that he had called me beautiful. A lot of guys had tried that line on me when they first heard my name, and it always annoyed the shit out of me. Coming from Java, however, it felt sweet. I giggled at his tweet about fishies. I had forgotten that he had mentioned he was a vegetarian, so he had probably grimaced over my love for 5 Guys. I heard the door to my room rattling and knew my time was limited. I needed to act fast.
NoSleepTill718 (a)JavaTheHutt: Ack! Got to go - Nurse Rachet is coming back. Bye...?(It'd be nice to have your name, finally!).
I held on to my phone as long as I could, despite hearing the squeaky rubber of orthopedic shoes coming towards me. I huddled down under the covers, hoping I wouldn't be hassled if it looked like I was sleeping. When it was quiet for a few moments, I thought I had succeeded, until I heard the sound of a throat clearing right above me. I looked up to see the disapproving face of Nurse FunSuck hovering above me. Before the hosebeast was able to rip the phone from my tight grip, I was able to make out Java's last tweet.
JavaTheHuttt (a)NoSleepTill718: I'm Edward. Feel better, Bella.
Edward...
A/N: *sigh*
Lara's up next with Hackerward...who knows, maybe we'll get lucky and she'll have him sneak into the hospital to give Bella her sponge bath...
