Okay, here is the next. I don't like it much but it's okay, isn't it?

Chapter 14
Dreadful Drink

Randy's face pales as he tries to trace the phone call and he sees how far Ted really is. His head's spinning so very hard and his heart's thudding in his chest and tears are burning down from his cheeks as he stops and runs towards the house.

He finds Ted down onto the floor.

The razor out of his hands.

The blood running from his mouth and from his side.

I'm hideous…

It's burning onto the page of Ted's diary.

It's big.

It's scaring him.

Randy holds onto Ted's body, brushing Ted's hair out of his face even though he won't really care and he feels the short and sharp breath as Ted's hand weakly tries to reach for the razor. His eyes are shut so tight.

Randy breathes on Ted's face. "Oh…Ted, I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry…"

Ted's face regains a slight color of pink and peach and his eyes slowly open, just halfway, to see Randy's staring back at him, with teary eyes and bleeding hearts and painful thoughts as Randy hugs Ted to him.

"Thank God. I'm not too late. What were you thinking of, Teddy? You could've been gone…forever."

"I want to be gone…"

Ted faints in his arms again, holding onto the last piece of hope.

"No…"

Randy's voice's filling with pain.

"No! Ted. Don't give up on me now."

"I…I'm…I can't…I'm fainting…"

And his stomach twists knots as the blood seeps and his head's thoughts are colliding with each other, entangled into a web of nothingness as Ted feels Randy leans down to Ted's face. "Are we going to be okay, Ted?"

"I…my throat…my head…"

Ted faints just right there.

What if you're choice?
December, 6, 2009
Yet

My fingers drape against my suit.

I bring it close to my body.

I remember Randy. I remembered him finding me, as I tried to kill myself. He found me and had held me when I had fainted, and when I had woken up, I had told him to go away and to leave me alone with Richards for a while.

Randy's so sorry.

But I've only done what he wanted me to do.

Crawl and die.

Because I deserve a skull fracture.

I deserve to bleed.

I deserve to die.

I watch as Richards comes inside and I press the suit closer to my body. "It'll be a sensational wedding."

"Who'll be there?"

"Who needs to be there?"

My heart skips a beat as I look at them. "No one." I say, bitter and flat and I can't imagine my life with Randy Orton.

I can only imagine my life with this horrid man.

I can only imagine my life as horrible.

Not good.

Never good.

Just bad.

"This will be perfect."

I only stare at him.

I doubt that it'll be good.

Much less perfect.

Possibly scar another person's life or your own?

It's all pain over pain
December, 7, 2009
Again

Randy stares at me.

"You're really going to marry this psycho?"

It just burns knowing that he of all people doesn't support my decision but a part of me knows that I don't either. I don't want to marry him. I don't want to touch him. I don't want any part of him to belong to his.

But I need a seeming fairytale ending.

I can't let Randy and Cody share my pain anymore. They're not my toys. I can't play with him and break them and hurt them anymore. It just hurts to watch them suffering, to watch them throw their careers away in a blink of an eye.

"Richards isn't a psycho." Truth be told, I agree with Randy but I don't ever and I won't ever admit it. "He's just different."

"He's the guy that's hurt you the first time!"

"He's changed." I whisper under my breath and the rage in Randy's eyes are for Richards and Richards only, coating with darkness, plunged with blackness and bitterness, my hearts threatens to stop as I try not to stare into those eyes of his.

"He hasn't. He still hurts you, doesn't he?" Randy asks, touching my face.

"No," I whisper as he presses his lips to mine and I find myself kissing back before I pull away. "Please, don't this to me, Randy."

"You're a cheap prostitute, aren't you?"

My heart thuds.

And his eyes soften. "Ted, maybe you're right…I'll just hurt you."

"I'm not afraid of you hurting me," I admit. "I'm afraid of me hurting you!"

And as Randy stares at me, giving me a friendly hug as I sob and cry my heart out on the inside. I don't want to do this. And I don't know if Randy knows it but my heart's just racing in my chest at the feel of his breath pressing against mine.

"I'm sorry for everything, Ted. I'm sorry for calling you a cheap prostitute…you're not…"

"I am," I suddenly interject. "I know I am, Randy. That's all I've ever been. That's all I ever will be."

And I can feel Randy's heartbeat faster.

And I can feel Randy's breath tighten.

I can see his face pale.

It's all too much pain to see and feel and hear so I run off. I run off back into the house and lock my room.

"I'm sorry, Ran…"

I can't take it.

My life's hanging in the balance
December, 8, 2009
you

It's like I'm a zombie.

Watching everything.

But feeling nothing.

I watch as Richards kisses me one last time and pulls away to walk towards the fridge and he pulls out a blue cup, filled with a cold and cool liquid, or seemingly looked like it, it's thick and glows an aqua color and as he put the cup down onto the table, I look up at him.

"Drink it."

My stomach twists knots. My burning face blazes harder.

I feel him as he moves.

And he presses the cup to me. "Drink it."

"This will make me forget Randy? I thought you'll make a helmet…"

"Changed my mind. This will be easier."

I stare at the cup.

Do I really want to give up years and years of memories just so I can live an unhappy life with Richards?

I feel my tears run down my cheeks.

I bring the cup close to my mouth.

But I don't do it.

It smells.

It feels.

I just can't do it.

I know I'll risk it any day.

I'm going to be unhappy
December, 9, 2009
Refuse

Can you really throw away years of memories away?

Do you ever want to erase all those memories?

I know I don't want to be in love with Randy. I just wish that I can limit our relationship. Make the want in his eyes go away. Make him a different person instead of changing inside of my head.

But that won't happen.

I've come to know that.

I've come to breathe that.

I've come to see that all the time.

Nothing I ever want ever happens.

And I watch, holding Richards' ring in my finger and I look at it. It looks horrid. It looks so very horrible. It's all broken. It's just like me.

I hate it.

Only because it reflects me.

I remember my broken pieces whenever I look at my wedding ring.

I know that if I had a beautiful one, I'd be even emptier on the inside. Richards knows that too.

Seeing something beautiful on me…

Will only make me want to break. Inside out.

Because I'll never be beautiful.

And I know it.

My stomach's churning.

My head's pounding.

Nothing's changed.

Except for the first time, I'm thinking.

Of horror.

Of agony.

Of pain.

And I don't think I can take it away.

My life's going to hurt.

My life's going to burn me
December, 10, 2009
to

I spend most of my time sleeping right now.

I can't really breathe and I can't really think. I end up slipping into unconsciousness and my stomach's twisting acid knots and my head's pounding and I can't see anything else but pain and agony and painted fear and striking desolation and as I stare up at the ceiling and think about Randy.

I can't have him.

I know I can't have him.

"Theodore? What are you doing?"

"It hurts!"

It's the pain that's ripping through my body. My body was striking with fever and my body shook with the coldness as I stare at the wind, blank and emotionless and painful and broken.

"Where?"

"My stomach…"

He only stabs me.

Hits me harder.

And the pain overtakes me so hard that tears start to roll of my eyes. It's so painful. It's so ripping and it's paralyzing me on the inside.

It's crippling me to pieces.

He holds onto my shoulders and brings me towards his body as I shake and twitch and cripple.

It's too much overwhelming pain.

I need one thing.

To black out.

I hit my head against the wall. Once. Twice. Three times. Before I finally fall down onto the bedside, with blood seeping out of my head and—

It all turns black.

Alive

There's nothing going to be left
December, 11, 2009
Drink

When I've woken up, I roll over to my side and feel acid sloshing around in my stomach and I look down to the floor to see spluttered blood on the floor.

My throat's empty and acid burns down my throat.

I let my hand slide down my mouth because of shock. All that blood on the floor…?

I move my hand away when I see something red. I see blood dripping from my fingers, drying on my fingers and I look in confusion only to look down at see little droplets of blood rain falling.

I look towards the mirror.

Blood running from my mouth.

My heart feels burned and my head's all exploding. I let my head hit my bed as the blood runs down my mouth. I see the blood soaking my white bed.

I hear the sound of my door clicking.

"Ted, I'm sorry for disturbing you—"it's Randy's voice and then he stops before running over to me and picks me up, looking at me, with blood running down my mouth and I hold onto his neck, trying not to feel this dizzy.

"Ted! You're bleeding."

I stare at him, with my twitching body.

"It's okay…"

"No, it's not okay."

He presses his body against mine and holds me as I try to be better because truthfully, I fear Richards walking in on us as I stare at him, stare at him with a broken heart, shattered pieces of my body and I can't really breathe.

Randy brushes his hand through my hair.

I stare at him. "Oh, Randy…"

"What? Do you need anything?"

"No…"

My head presses against his chest.

I feel safe.

I don't think anyone would care.

What will happen to me?
December, 12, 2009
Like

I've never wanted this to happen.

I'd rather die than see anyone suffer because of me.

I'd rather kill myself than have anyone I love getting hurt ever again.

Why isn't this like every romance story where the ones who marry will always love each other and they'll live happily ever after?

I'd rather burn alive than think of how lucky some people are.

Why am I not lucky?

Why am I so sad?

Why am I so suicidal?

I know the answers but the questions still burn into my head as the tears burn down my eyes. I'm just like this. It's always been like this. I've always been wrong. I've always been so very wrong.

Why do I have to choose?

It just hurts to think about it.

If you were given my choice, what would you have done? If I'm with Randy, the guilt will be ridding me—I know that he can do so much better than me. I know that he should. I know that I'll just be a little broken doll for him to fix and once he's fixed it, he'll just play and play and play until he gets bored of me but I don't think that the pieces of me will stay on very long.

Richards is different. Richards refuses to break. He hurts and likes to see pain and I'm full of it. He's sadistic and horrible and he likes watching me in pain. I endure the pain like it's nothing. And I don't feel so guilty with him around. Just scared but the feeling will go away eventually, won't it?

Why am I still so scared?

Why am I still so confused?

Why does this have to happen to me?!

What will happen to my perfect happy ending?

I'm so trapped
December, 13, 2009
A

I'm drowning in my own blood.

I'm choking on my broken smiles and I'm falling into my own deadly games and I'm suffocating under words of horror and sorrow and I can't really do anything about it but watch as he tells me that tomorrow will be the day I decide if I want to remember Randy or if I want to forget him.

It's still so hard and I don't think I can face up the truth but I think I'll pick forgetting Randy. After all, would you want to stay with a person who's scared you so hard? Would you want to stay with a person who you know you'll break too many times? I don't want to hurt him that way.

The smiles still haunt me.

And the horror still rakes through me.

And the pain still lingers.

It's all too much for me to handle.

I think I'm going to break soon.

A part of me insists that I've always been broken.

I can't breathe.

Shattered
December, 14, 2009
Stubborn

I wait.

I wait with thoughts of horror and fear raking through me.

He wants me to drink again.

I look at him and stare with those eyes of me as I batter them. "I can't do this! I can't…please…"

He doesn't say another word.

I think it's over.

Yet it's never over.

The busted smiles haunt.

The broken promises linger.

The shattered dreams hurt.

Will I ever be alright?

I don't think I'll just stay shattered
December, 15, 2009
Child

The shock never leaves my face.

He takes me by my hand and stares at me. "You're drinking this damn cup, right now, DiBiase!"

I don't even have time to break before he shoves the acid down my throat and as I step back, feeling the impact of the acid running down my throat burn me on the inside. The acid burns thin skin even on the inside as I lean down towards the floor, my head spins and spins and spins and I can't even think about it.

I feel my eyes roll back in my head.

I feel the blood running down my mouth.

I feel my heart thumping with blood running from it. I feel the horror linger in my brain and never leave. Ever. I feel the agony burn inside of my body and I can't think and I can't love and it's like everything's been drained from my head.

"Remember," Richards clears his throat. "Randy Orton?"

I stare at him.

"Who?"

They'll love breaking me.
And they'd love breaking me harder.

I know. It took me forever but it's really been hard for me to write this. I don't know why…lol.

Review??

C'mon! You've reached this far and they'd been long chapters. I think they'll turn shorter though...this is taking up all of my energy.

;) Sam