AN: I hate to beat the brains out of Draco but it must be done. –Richard S.
Picking and Choosing (Tales of Hogwarts Romance) Chapter 16
Illy sat down for lunch, exhausted and nauseated. She had just gotten a note from Draco, who was still in the infirmary at noon, she was beginning to wish she had dressed his wounds, rather than cater to Harry's jealousy, but she was hoping for good news as she unfolded the pink slip of paper, a sign that in any muggle school usually didn't nurture a good feeling.
"C'mon, open the bloody thing already, maybe he said something about Harry." Ron urged Illy from across the table. She hadn't even remembered that Harry was still sick until just now, she cleared her throat to read aloud: "Illy, Pomfry says that things are worse than they looked, but I'm not convinced. I don't feel bad at all, but that might be due to the potions she is continuously administering. She says that I've damaged…." She trailed off mid-sentence, small tears forming in her eyes.
"Illy, it's okay, he'll be fine." Hermione tried to reassure him. Illy sniffed and nodded, continuing to read, "She says that I've damaged part of my frontal lobe, and that she'll be sending me to a muggle hospital for some kind of scan, it's all a bunch of crap, I don't need any filthy muggles to take care of me, but just so you know, I might be gone for a few days. P.S. I'm having this sent one hour after I leave, so don't worry about coming to say 'hullo' or 'goodbye' or whatever, just get some rest and eat plenty."
"Wow…well at least theirs no doubt that Draco sent it." Ron shrugged and reached for one of cubes of sweet potato on Illy's plate, but before it made it to his mouth Illy's was exciting the hall and Hermione was hitting him on the head with a book.
"RONALD! That is her best friend! Do you know what damage to the frontal lobe means?" Ron gave her a blank stare, "It means he could loose memory, pieces of his personality, even basic functions if the injury is bad enough!"
"Since when where you a brainologist?" Ron asked, resuming consumption of Illy sweet potatoes.
"Ron, that's not even a world. And I was planning on being a neurologist before I found out that I was a witch, studying the brain is more than just a little important to neurology. That's doesn't even have to do with anything though! The point is, she could watch Draco regress to the point that he can's speak if this is bad enough and all you can do is make fun of his note. You're so ignorant to other people, you…." Hermione was fuming, as her cheeks flushed red, "you, you egocentric prat!" She stormed out of the hall after Illy.
"Killious!" Called Hermione, as she ran after Illy, who was moseying down the hall towards the greenhouse for her next class. "Illy, shouldn't you get something to eat?" Hermione asked, flushed, and out of breath.
"I'm not hungry. Just nauseated and irritated."
"But Draco even said you should eat something, when's the last time you ate? I know you didn't make breakfast."
"I had a pastry this morning, Jackquinn's mom had sent him some. I'm really not in the mood to eat."
"Alright then…but make sure you get a big dinner." Illy just nodded, looking like she was in another world. Hermione gave her a hug, but her only response was to lightly raise her arms to Hermione's back, and then let them fall to their original listless position.
Illy cut her herbology class to go see Snape for his free period. The room was deserted and the door had a large "Do not knock!" Sign on it, Illy just used her skeleton key from work to open the door, rather than waste time.
"Did you not see the sign?" Snape asked without looking up, paying extra attention to the over accentuation of consonants.
"Draco was sent to London today…to a muggle hospital, he might have frontal lobe damage." She sunk into one of the uncomfortable chairs in front of his desk. They seemed to be formed for the soul purpose of encouraging someone to get out of them, and the room for that matter.
"What happened to him?" Snape asked, still distracted by whatever he was reading, Illy didn't even bother looking.
"He was messing around with Dolan and Christian, dove over the couch, tackled Christian, and in the process fell full force onto the corner of the fireplace in the common room…do you think he'll be ok?"
"The worst that can happen is memory loss, or maybe a short temper for a while, it doesn't sound too bad."
"What if he forgets…me?" She fiddled with the hem of her skirt.
"Don't be ridiculous Ike, you don't forget the girl your in love with!...not ever." He glanced up from his book and to the pictured of Illy on his desk, before making eye contact.
"He does not."
"Don't act like a child, it's not becoming of a young lady."
"Well he doesn't."
"Oh doesn't he? Have you ever asked?"
"No! Why would I ask that?"
Illy moved to her usual seat on the edge of his desk, being careful to pull her skirt down lower before taking a seat.
"We had a talk about how you've been dressing haven't we?" He asked glancing at her exposed leg.
"Yes, you lost the argument."
"Right…How long have you known the Malfoy family?"
"I don't know three years, probably more, but you know, with the accident and all I'm not sure." Snape shuddered at the mention of her accident.
"When have you known them to keep someone around just because they enjoy their company?"
"Well I guess…never?"
"Exactly, and what could Draco possibly get from your friendship? Homework, affiliations? Do you think he enjoys barely being able to keep his balance when you come in the room? How comfortable can it be to get chills every time someone says your name? Better yet is the nauseous feeling when you see that person with another man, as if their being near each other is a direct act of hatred. What did he say when you asked him why he wouldn't talk to you?"
"He said that he had made me hate him, and that at the same time I had made him love me…"
"So there, he said it, what else do you need?"
"You've been talking to him haven't you? What happened to making sure he never came near me again!" Snape was silent, his glance shot back to his book. "He let you see the rest of that morning didn't he? That's what it was, so now you're on his side, ready to give him a boost whenever he needs it."
"You know you can't hold that against me. You're just looking for someone to blame, he's your best friend and he got hurt, I can't blame you for being upset." She looked at him, tears brimming in her eyes.
"I'm so worried I could die! I can't even eat, he's getting shipped off for MRI's and EEG's and he sends me notes telling me not to worry, to get sleep and something to eat! What am I going to do?" Snape smiled, paternally as the tears began to fall down her face which she buried in his shoulder.
"Do just what he said, you can't make him better by worrying, and he'll only be upset if he comes back and you're skin and bones, you already are! Look at yourself Ike, you haven't been average weight in years, and don't give me that 'I'm just skinny' routine, skinny is one thing but, how much do you way?"
"Can you even ask that?"
"Fine, what size uniform shirt is that?" She was silent, no one had brought up her weight directly before, they talked about how little she ate, but no one had directly spoken about her body in a negative way. "Well, I'm waiting…." She mumbled an incomprehensible answer. "Killious, answer me when I talk to you!" He demanded, sounding like her parents.
"It's a children's medium."
"Illy, my first years wear a children's medium, granted that shirt is tight on you, but still, you're thirteen and you wear a nine year old girl's shirt."
"Well…I mean I make them longer, it's just the waist, I'm not that short, so you can't pull the malnutrition card."
"You're mother was five foot eleven, and your father was six foot two, you're only five three."
"And I'm thirteen, that's not all that short! I can't believe that I'm once again defending myself to you! You're suppose to make be feel better, not worse, how about instead of telling me about my parents genetics you tell me about their lives! You could even go so far as telling me their names!" Snape was silent for a few minutes before he answered,
"I can only tell you a little, it's for the best, and you have to promise not to ask more questions once I say I'm done." She nodded her head,
"Your mother was from Polynesia, her father was Arian and her mother was Polynesian she was very tall, as I said, she had blond hair, and blue eyes, a curvy figure...not a stick person! But at any rate, she was a ESP officer, one of the best they had, Trelawny met her once, it wasn't a pleasant sight, your mother called her a paranoid imbecile. She was like that, said whatever was on her mind, she was brilliant as well, she had a degree from a muggle university in Genoa, she loved Italy, it was in psychology. Her parents didn't play a part in much other than her downfall, they were like Draco's parents in a lot of ways, their alliances and expectations and so forth. She liked psychology, she said that there was more magic in taking the time to understand someone, that there was in making them do what you want with a spell…we were very close friends. I still miss her…that's all"
"You forgot my father…please tell me something about him."
"He was never worthy of her. He was lanky, odd looking, they didn't seem right together, people watched them walk around the school, hand in hand, passing notes and laughing and no one even noticed. No one thought that he was worth her, they would have rather pretended that she felt bad for him, than admit that they loved each other. It would be like you and Neville and Cho, totally impossibly, and even if it did happen, no one would acknowledge it. He was a klutz, always tripping on things, saying the wrong things, his hair was never even as tamed as Harry's, it was longer, black, no one liked him, he was worse than Neville, because he wasn't even all that nice. He was a muggle born, she didn't even care, she laughed when he was cynical and hateful, she doted on him, like he was something special. He wanted to pursue a career in necromancy when she died, he was sure that it was all just a lie, that she was still alive. They sent him to a mental institution, he died there, that's how you ended up with your parents. They were the worst couple I'd ever seen in my life, he would snap and her and she would just smile back, and give him a kiss. She would forget a date, and he would come to the brink of tears, just to find her apologizing for the rest of the night every way she knew how. It didn't make any sense that two people who were so different could see each other like gods, she wasn't even in touch with reality, and he was convinced that the whole world was coming to an end…it was an odd situation, but they loved each other more than Lilly loved James, and when she passed, anyone who knew them said it was too bad she wasted her time on him." He sighed and looked to Illy, who was now crying even more.
"Nothings going to work out for me is it?" She asked, wiping the hot tears from her cheek.
"Don't say that, it will all be fine, you've got good friends, and you have me." He said, rubbing away some of the tears himself, with his thumb.
"My parents were madly in love, but somehow horrible for one another! My mother died in birth, my father died in a mental institution, my adoptive parents can barely speak to me since the accident, I'm on two sides of a war that we all know is coming, and I can't even remember anything from before I was eleven…what about that will be fine?"
"You'll see one day, just how important you are, but for now I'll be here to remind you whenever you need it." She smiled back at him and moved awkwardly to sit on his knee as she muffled her sobs in his shoulder. Snape's body was rigid, his face terrified, and his mind completely frozen as the thirteen year old sat on his knee, all too young and exposed for his liking. She lifted her head from his shoulder,
"Servius, why couldn't you have been my father? You do a far better job than anyone else has." She smiled at him through her tears.
"Don't be ridiculous, Vladimir loves you more than you know."
"I think he likes me less than you know."
"You're acting like a child again."
"I'm just a kid Servius, you can't blame me." She finished wiping the tears off her face with his robe. He smiled at her and stroked her hair as she snuggled into his shoulder.
"You have class right now don't you?"
"So? Haven't you ever skipped a class?"
"You're using a mushy old man just to skip class, that's a horrible thing to do."
"Bullocks! You're not old, and if I just wanted to skip class I would have done something far less emotionally straining."
"You know you have your mother's temperament, you got you're crying from your dad, but she would just smile all the time, no matter what happened, she could watch everyone being mean to him, and get all fired up, just like you do, only to turn around and smile as they walked to class together, while he cried…It was a horrible misshapen thing, but it was right for both of them, they were like a sunny spring day, and sleet in the middle of October, you need them both. And now, when I look at you, you're both of them all in one."
"thanks," She said with a yawn, before resting her head back on his shoulder, and drifting off to a light sleep.
The class bell woke Illy up, she was still sitting on Snape's lap, and he had managed to drift off to sleep as well, or at least he was asleep until her head shot up, eliminating his would-be-pillow.
"Shit, I have to get to my next class, I'll see you later." She said giving him a hug, and small kiss on the cheek.
"Stop cursing all the time, and pull that skirt down!" He shouted after her as she opened the door to his office. "AND EAT SOMETHING!" He yelled out the door of his classroom, before quickly retreating back into his office, tomato red, as students stopped to look at him.
