HA! No ending!

I guess I don't want it to end either.

I'll try to make this story as long as I can! I miss it. I really do. Even after one day of trying to come to terms that it might be over, I can't take it. I love this story!! :)

Chapter 17
Always Appalled

Sickened
December, 26, 2009
And

Blackness burned.

The blackness burning in my head, the colors are lost, the—everything's lost. Everything's gone. And I'm lost in it. Forever. There's no way out and there's no way in and as I've lost the feeling of my entire body, so numb, and I don't feel like I can ever feel anything ever again. It's like I'm completely unfeeling.

Icy skin.

Now, that I'm done telling my story, book, I don't know what to do. I'm scared. No, I'm petrified. I have no idea how to get out of here. It's all black. Just black. Nothing else. I don't know how demons and ghosts possess people's bodies when it's supposed to be like this. When they're stuck in here.

No doors.

No memories.

Nothing.

I'm lost in oblivion.

It's very scary.

I lay my head back onto the black floor and then hear something. A faint voice. I look around, trying to find something but there's nothing there and I think it's my imagination playing with me…

Imagination?

Can't I imagine anything anymore?

I feel a body fall into the blackness. I twist my head to try and register the body—the face—the—Randy?! My heart thuds as I crawl towards him, shaking his body. "Randy?" my voice is so soft but even though, it hurts my throat.

"Randy!"

It hurts to talk.

I shake him, trying to shake him awake and his eyes reluctantly flutter open, I hear him groan as he grabs onto my waist and presses me towards his body, groaning once again before he registers the sight in front of my eyes. "Ted, are you okay?"

"Y-yeah…why?"

I know this part of the story before he'd even say it. He zapped himself in my head, just so he can get me out? I don't know. But what I do know is that we won't survive long in my head. No food. No water. Nothing but a dry throat and an empty stomach.

"Ted. I won't let you get hurt."

"And you? What about you? Randy, you can't always risk your life for mine."

I stop.

I just remembered…

Oh Randy…

"You remember?"

I slowly nod my head. "But it's useless now! You can't live in my head, Randy! There's nothing in here…no memories. No thoughts. Nothing."

Randy looks around, grabbing onto my waist and pulling me close to him, letting his hand run against my hair. "Listen," his voice is soft, so very soft. "We can do this, okay? We can get your memories back, can't we? We make them with every second we breathe…can't we make something of this?"

"I don't know."

It's all so confusing.

I don't know if I can make any memories. My eyes are shut tight in another world. And Randy's…Randy's laid down next to me in another world. That leaves—"Randy, what happens to Cody?"

"I—I told him that it'll be okay. I assured him that we're going to get out of here and we are going to get out of here, Ted."

"What if we're stuck here forever?"

"I won't let that happen. That's why I'm here."

I don't believe him.

But I want to.

It burns through my stomach.

Horrified
December, 27, 2009
All

"Okay, Ted, you can do this."

He believes that because it's my mind. I can control it. But he doesn't understand that my mind's detached from my body and I can't really think. I can't really breathe. I can't really do anything anymore.

These parts of me are ripped.

No pieces left.

Nothing's left.

I close my eyes and try to make up anything.

But I live in a world that's so black that any color I paint in it is so hidden. I can't smear anything over black. I can't put anything over black. Black covers and hides everything and anything. "Please, Randy!"

It hurts to try and think this way.

I'm numb so it adds a lot of pressure to my head and it makes me feel pain all over again. It's agonizing. It's so very agonizing.

"Ted! Stop it!"

I feel Randy grab onto my shoulders and shake me as I open my eyes and look at Randy who's eyes are holding back tears.

"Ted…you're bleeding…"

"How—?"

"Your thoughts, Ted. You're not concentrating on making memories. You're concentrating on killing yourself."

"I-I'm sorry!"

Stuttering and spluttering my words out, I stare as Randy presses me harder against his body. "Ted…I won't let you hurt yourself. Until you get any happier, I'm not letting you think. I won't risk losing you."

I look away. "Why do you like me? I don't even like me!"

I just don't understand this.

How can he love pieces of a mirror when he can love an entire whole mirror? How can he love a bleeding heart when he can love a beating, mended one? How…?

I'm so scared.

Shocked
December, 28, 2009
Of

I'm living a nightmare.

I'm with Randy yet all I can feel is like I'm trapped into a nightmare. Everything's so confusing. I can't make up any colors or thoughts or memories that don't involve me getting hurt. I try to push the thoughts away. I really do but I can't. I can't push away any of my thoughts.

I can't push away any of this horror I live in.

I can't.

"Ted, I'm scared for you. Whenever I wake up or anything, I find out that you're bleeding from somewhere—anywhere. Ted, this is not healthy for you. I need to help you away from these thoughts…how can I make you happy?"

"I've been trying to answer that question for so long."

"Teddy…"

"I'm sorry you threw away your life for mine."

"If I was in your place, you would've done it for me."

"I'm scared."

"I'm here."

He brushes the blood away from my lips and holds onto my body, running his hand through his hair. "I'd do anything to try and make this better for you."

"I'd do anything to try and get you out of here."

Nightmares flooding through my head.

Revolted
December, 29, 2009
This

Nausea.

Head spinning.

Holding onto Randy.

As the headache from Hell collapses me.

Nothing to do.

But stare into those eyes.

And hope for the best.

"I want to get better, Randy…"

I'm burning on the inside.

I love this story and I don't want it to end.

At least let me try to make a happy ending. Lol. :) Reviews??

;) Sam