Okay, as you know, the story…:P

Chapter 19
Blurred Brain

Sometimes, you feel like everything's unclear
December, 27, 2009
But I know the difference

When I open my eyes, I see that the blackness has been blurred with patches of gray and white and as Randy opens his eyes, he's instantly confused as he lets his hand touch a gray patch and it shocks him into nothing as he grabs onto my body and I instantly feel the surge of electricity burn through me as Randy stares at me in confusion. "Your head…your thoughts…" he stutters and I look all around me, staring and finding nothing, and my head's all confused and I'm all so very scared. He looks around the place and the blackness is blurring into nothing but gray and white and he stands up as he carries me into his arms, "those things…they're shocking us." He's limping and carrying me and the way he looks at me, so very beautifully.

"I don't know what to do," I respond as Randy gets shocked so hard that he falls back down onto the ground with my cradled into his arms and I look around and try to find a patch of comforting black but no, it's all white and gray and it's all snowflakes and tears and as we're shocked, with pain surging through us, I stare into his eyes and see him bite down his lip. "Ted! Please! Do something!"

It's my head but I don't know how to control it and I don't want to watch Randy cripple in pain from my horrid imagination and as we scream and as I try to make it all go away, he grips onto me tighter and kisses my forehead and the look into his eyes says that he doesn't blame me as the surge of electricity fades and our bodies become numb and when I look down towards where the gray and white are supposed to be, I find blankets and blankets of snow there instead and I stand up, helping Randy stand up as well and as our eyes look at the snowy atmosphere. The gray colors are all in the sky and the numbness still lingers as the coldness burns and Randy's eyes are so beautiful as they look at me, stare right through me.

"Thank you," he whispers, as he kisses me, a hard, sweet kiss that makes my heart flutter and I feel like I'm flying as he pulls apart, his hand on my shoulder and his legs entwined with mine and suddenly, the numbness doesn't matter and I'm drowning into those eyes of his and he makes me feel so lost on the inside, so very empty little Theodore who can't be filled as I twist my head around and I walk off, know feeling the cold air burn through our skin. I can feel Randy following me without a word escaping his lips and as I stop by a iced pond. My heart burns.

It's so beautiful.

The color of the pool, icy blue with bits of purple and white glistening off the surface, icy blue colors, and as I step into the center of the ice cold water and feel the rigid wind burn onto my face, as Randy steps beside me and holds onto my shoulder, pressing me close to him. "Would you like to dance, Teddy?"

I turned around and gave him a playful smile as I nodded my head and I watched as he placed my hands around my neck because he of all people know that I'm not a very good dancer at all and he puts my hand around my waist pulling me close to him and the ice coldness of our bodies just start a blazing inferno between us as he starts moving and I instantly step on his foot. "Theodore! You suck at this!" he laughs and I scowl at him, smacking the back of his neck.

"You know when I used Richards' device to get in here, I don't regret it and I still don't regret it. You're my angel, Teddy. My Teddybear." He holds onto my cheek, cupping it in his hand and the way his blue eyes glisten into the gray sky, the way the gray has patches and patches and slants of blue streaking through them, my heart thuds and my mind races and all I can do is stare into his eyes. "This is our world… I love being here. Because truth be told, I don't care where we are, as long as I'm here with you…"

"You can't mean that, Randy-"

He presses his lips to mine and grips onto me tighter and it's so unexpected that I fall down onto the cold, cracked ice and he doesn't really care that it's so cold that we're burning into our own inferno as we shake and kiss, our bodies entangled, our eyes staring at each other, our faces pale, our hearts beating and I just won't believe it as the sky of my mind sparkles blue and the sunshine rays finally gleam and Randy stops kissing me just to stare, running his hand through my neck.

By the time I look back at Randy, he's curled up to sleep and his hand's gripping onto mine and from his face, I can tell that he's refusing to let me go and my heart, bit by bit, finally accepts that Randy's just right for me but I still feel empty and I still feel numb as I lay my head onto Randy's stomach—but-but Randy's here to make the pain go away, isn't he? He's here to take me away from this horrible, horrible blackness of my head so that I can have happy memories, right? So that we can live here as if it's our fantasy, not our worst nightmare? Maybe that's all I've ever been to him. A tool he uses so that I can be useful for once…

In the middle of my sleep, as the blue skies of my head turns from navy, the color darkens and darkens as my thoughts darken and worsen and my head's pounding and my heart's exploding and-and-what will happen now? I grab onto Randy's hand and hope that nothing will happen and just when I'm about to sleep, I feel the ice beneath me break and we both fall into the cold water where the coldness just ignites a spark of fire inside of me and all I can do is feel the burning fire spark harder and harder and I grab onto Randy's hand and he holds onto me… and-and… I realize that…that…

I'm the reason we're both dying in this cold water.

Why hadn't I kept my thoughts secure? Why did I have to pull him into this mess? Why can't I be normal?

My life's unclear.
I'm unclear.

Fluff/angst. That's good enough, right? C'mon! Review?? Pwease?

;) Sam