A/N: I was a little O_o when I read Lara's chapter, and had to think long and hard (that's what she said) to figure out Bella's next step. Hackerward just spewed out his dorkalicious guts - let's see what B's gonna do about it.

Big spanks and love to the bombtastic Lexiecullen17 for betaing this puppy. And big thanks and love to all of you for sticking with us through this craziness and for all your reviews. Lara and I are still pretty certain we have the best readers/reviewers EVER!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this. If I did, I'd probably have a plot...


I must have been hallucinating. With my eyes still pinned straight ahead, I fumbled for the call button, certain that I had a concussion. Or maybe when I got hit in the head with the basketball, it dislodged a brain tumor or something. What? It could happen. I think I saw an episode of House that started that way. I knew there was something screwy going on with my head because there was absolutely no way that Edward was standing in front of me. Maybe I was dreaming; that would make sense. I had been sleepy...

After pouting for a while over the absolutely absurd confiscation of my cell phone, I had flipped on the television hoping to distract myself. Unfortunately, with nothing decent on, my eyelids started to droop, and I yawned right through Double Jeopardy. One minute I had been drifting off, Wheel of Fortune playing in the background, and the next, Edward was standing in my hospital room, his chest heaving, while holding a very familiar-looking white bag with red lettering. I blinked a few times, wondering each time if the man in front of me would disappear. Instead, he was still there. Everything else was a blur; I only saw Edward.

My eyes zeroed in on his face, and I stared at the chiseled features covered in five o'clock scruff. His eyes were bright and sparkly and even a little wild looking. I could see them clearly because, for some reason, he wasn't wearing his adorkable glasses. I wondered what happened to them. I finally allowed my gaze to drift further down, and it was only then that I noticed that Edward was talking. His cherry red lips were moving up and down, very rapidly, actually. As I watched his lips curl, open and straighten as they formed various words, I realized that I hadn't been listening to a word he was saying. I shook my head, and suddenly, the murky haze that had descended when he entered lifted, and I heard his voice, quickly rambling.

"If I could take it back, I would, and I've never said that about anything that I've ever done when I was hacking because, I mean, that's what I'm good at. Really. That's well, that's me. And that's how I found you, and I want to stay here. With you."

I furrowed my brow, completely confused by Edward's words. Hacking? Found me? What the hell was he talking about? My mind tried to grasp at whatever it could, but I had clearly missed too much of his little monologue to full comprehend what the hell he was talking about. I was conscious enough to focus on the last part. He wanted to stay here... with me. Grinning like a school girl, I allowed myself to do a little happy dance in the hospital bed before looking back up at Edward. He was placing his glasses, that had apparently been in his hand, back on his sweaty face.

""Oh, and yeah. I'm, uh. Well, uh, I'm...I'm Edward."

I wanted to giggle. I wanted to laugh and shake my head and let him know that of course I knew who he was. He was my Java. My...Edward. But all I could do was stare at him, still overwhelmed with the fact that he was in my room. I licked my lips, trying to figure out what should happen next. Edward wasn't much help; he was staring at me, waiting for me to actually say something.

"I want..." I croaked out, my throat suddenly incredibly dry.

I held up a finger, motioning for him to wait a second, before grabbing the cup of water next to me and downing it in three seconds flat. I licked my lips, ready to continue, but before I was able to speak again, Nurse Killjoy stormed into the room, putting her disgustingly meaty paws all over my Edward.

What the hell?

Edward began to protest, but I couldn't quite make out what exactly he was saying since the damn hosebeast from hell was forcibly pulling him out of the room. I sat up quickly, calling out to him but immediately fell back into the bed, my head swimming in pain from getting up too fast. Groaning, I grasped around the side of the bed, looking for the damn call button. Maybe if I could get a somewhat normal nurse in here, I would stand a chance at getting Edward back. Just as I pressed the button, Alice and Rose burst into the room, looking pissed.

"Where the fuck is he?" Rose snarled, looking around.

"Edward?" I asked, wondering how the hell Rose knew he was here.

"Edward?" Alice echoed, looking confused.

"Edward?" Rose exclaimed, and I began to feel like this was the beginning of a really bad comedy routine. "No, not Edward. Jake. Where the hell is that dirty dog?"

"Jake?" I asked, now extremely confused. What the hell was Rose talking about?

I gingerly tried to push myself up further and somehow managed to do so without causing my head to throb painfully. Both Rose and Alice walked over, so they were standing right by the bedside.

"What's going on? Why are you back here, and why the hell are you talking about Jake? And more importantly...where's Edward?" I whined.

Alice started shaking her head, while Rose grabbed my hand gently and began to speak.

"Edward?" she asked again as she patted my hand, and I wished somebody would just tell me what the fuck was going on. "No, honey. Edward wasn't here. Jake was. At least, we assumed it was Jake..." Rose trailed off, looking a bit uncertain.

"This one over here forgot her purse," Rose explained, nodding in Alice's direction.

"I must have left it here when we were visiting and didn't realize I had forgotten it until we were in line for some frozen yogurt," Alice said, looking slightly sheepish as she reached over to grab her neglected purse that was sitting next to one of the chairs.

"Okay, so that explains why you came back, but what's the story with Jake?" I asked, my eyes darting around the room as if he had somehow sneaked in while I wasn't looking.

"Oh, that!" said Rose with a wave of her hand. "When we came back up here, we overhead two nurses talking. Do you know that you have one Nurse who is a shlong away from looking like a man? I mean, seriously, she has a pair of caterpillars for eyebrows, and I swear she's sporting a moustache too. It's kind of creepy..."

"Rose!" I shouted, snapping my fingers. "Pay attention, what were the nurses talking about?"

"Right. They were saying how adorable your fiance is. And of course, Alice and I know you're not engaged, so we assumed that Jake had tried to sneak in here and see you or something. We felt bad about before and how we weren't acting like your besties, so we decided to do you a solid and have him kicked out!" she exclaimed, clearly proud with herself.

I allowed her words to sink in. Alice and Rose thought that Jake was in my room. They thought they were doing me a favor by having him kicked out. I knew my brain was still a bit fuzzy from being pummeled by a basketball, but it was still able to put the pieces together. Slowly, everything clicked into place, and before I could stop myself, I was shouting at the top of my lungs.

"What the fuck? You bitches got Edward kicked out! Edward was in here, not Jake. Edward was here. I saw him! He was talking, saying a whole bunch of stuff. I'm not really sure what, but I'm pretty sure it ended with him wanting to be here with me. And Five Guys! He brought Five Guys with him. Which is like the most romantical thing ever, especially because he's a vegetarian. He was my fucking White Knight with Five Guys, and you whores had him kicked out? You owe me big for this!"

Alice and Rose just stood there, staring at me. They backed away from my bed slightly, as if I was going to lunge out at them and attack. They weren't totally wrong, either. I was pissed.

"E-e-edward?" stuttered Alice as she clutched her purse to her chest.

Rose just looked thoughtful for a moment before spotting something and bending over to get it. She tossed a paper bag in my direction before stepping a bit closer.

"Well, he left the Five Guys, if that's any consolation," she remarked.

I was about to go crazy ninja on Rose's ass, but the greasy scent wafting from the bag in my lap calmed me down. I peered inside to see a huge cup of fries and a wrapped burger. I quickly peeled back the wrapper, and remaining silent, I downed the entire thing in four huge bites. I then went after the fries, relishing how perfectly salty and delicious they were. I didn't even care that they were cold and kind of mushy already. They tasted like heaven - potatoey heaven. Both Rose and Alice knew better then to interrupt as I devoured my food and had the decency to stand there quietly for the entire five minutes it took to eat it all up.

"Now then, how are you two going to fix this clusterfuck?" I asked, licking the residual salt off my fingertips.

I hoped they would come up with a magical way to get Edward back in here right this second, but my prospects weren't looking very bright.

"Um..."

"Well..."

Clearly, neither of them had a single idea, and I was stuck here in this hospital bed until the next day. I didn't even have my cell phone, so I couldn't tweet Edward a thank you or anything. That just gave me an idea.

"You can start by getting my cell phone back from the lovely nurse that stole it. Nurse FurryFace took it from me and won't give it back until I leave. How am I supposed to get in touch with Edward to sort this whole thing out?"

Rosalie nodded, her face resolved.

"I can do it. Be right back."

She straightened herself up, fluffed her hair, squared her shoulders and headed out the door - a woman on a mission.

"Oh, I hope she gets it," said Alice nervously.

"Me too, Alice."

"So, why the heck did Edward say he was your fiance?" she asked, and I realized I hadn't even thought about that part of this whole thing.

"I have no idea. All I know is that one minute I was falling asleep and the next he was in here, rambling about something, looking ridiculously adorable," I swooned.

Alice walked over and sat in a chair close by and looked thoughtful for a moment.

"You didn't go and get engaged behind our backs, did you?" she asked.

"No, you freak. Do you really think I would do that?" I answered, shaking my head.

"Well, no...but you did agree to meet up with a man you only knew via Twitter, so..."

I had just enough energy in me to toss a pillow at her, and we both doubled over in laughter. Once we were able to calm down, Alice hopped up on the bed with me and I scooted over, allowing plenty of space for her small frame to relax.

"Don't scare me like that again, B. I don't like seeing you in a hospital bed like that," she whispered.

"You know it wasn't anything serious," I told her in a quiet voice.

"Yeah, I guess. But seeing you on the ground like that," she shuddered and wrapped her arms around me. "I'm just glad you're okay."

"Me too, Al. Me too."

And like that, our Lifetime moment passed, and we started talking about other stuff, like why the hell Edward said he was my fiance.

"I think he really, really likes you," said Alice seriously.

"Yeah?"

"Totes. He was all panicky and nervous after you left in the ambulance and clearly he had to pull major strings to figure out where you were and how to get to you here, you know?"

I thought back to the little bit I remembered from Edward's long speech.

"I...I think he might have hacked into the hospital's computers!" I exclaimed.

"Whoa, really? That's hardcore," says Alice, but she looks impressed.

"Yeah. Totally hardcore. I guess that's how he knew what room I was in. Maybe the fiance stuff was just so the nurses would let him in?"

For some reason, the fact that Edward only pretended to be my fiance made me a little crestfallen, which was absolutely ridiculous, since we'd only just met and of course he wouldn't really be my fiance. Then, for some unholy reason, I started thinking about what my imaginary wedding to Edward would look like. He would probably be all nerdalicious in a tux but wearing something super geeky like Converse on his feet. I would certainly not be rocking the white wedding dress, but maybe I could do an nice pale pink kick ass short dress. I remember seeing something I liked in a magazine once. We'd make our rings out of something edgy, like titanium or something - nerdy enough for him, and funky enough for me. He could even have his own groom cake in the shape of Leia's buns or something...

"Stop," demanded Alice, and I turn to look at her.

"Stop what?" I asked innocently.

"Whatever you're thinking. Stop it. You have that dumbass glazed over look, and it can only lead to trouble. What were you daydreaming about? White picket fence? Two point five kids?"

I shrugged, since she wasn't so far off from the truth.

"I just...why did he say fiance? He could have easily had said brother, right?" I asked Alice, still not believing that this all just happened.

"Duh, Bella," Alice said with a roll of her eyes. "Because he puffy hearts you."

I shrugged again, still not ready to accept that. I mean, we had a semi-flirty vibe via Twitter, but that's all I really had to base things off of, so it was hard to tell. I really hoped that Alice was right, though. Before I was able to doubt myself any further, Alice and I were interrupted by Rosalie, who walked back in, pale faced with her eyes trained on the ground. Her hair was slightly disheveled, and her shirt looked a bit askew. Rosalie thrust her hand out at me, my cell phone sitting in her palm. I snatched it back from her and asked what had happened. She shook her head, a shaky finger coming up to her lips.

"Shh...let's just say we're even now, and we will never speak of this again. Alice," she said, heading towards the door. "Let's go. I need a shower. Oh, and Bella?"

"Hmm?" I hummed out, my fingers already flying through my phone to the Twitter app.

"He better be worth it."

I hugged my phone close, knowing that Rosalie must have really taken one for the team, and I smiled to myself, knowing that Edward was totally worth it. I quickly checked to see if he had updated since he'd been thrown out and was a little disappointed to see that he had yet to do so. With somewhat shaky fingers, I typed in a status update, hoping to lure him out.

NoSleepTill718: Reading all those fairytales, nobody every told me that my prince would be the one carrying hamburgers before being hauled off my the ugly troll.

I waited around, twiddling my thumbs to keep from obsessively checking my Twitter feed every thirty seconds. Finally, after what seemed like forever, but based on my phone's clock was really only four and half minutes, Edward posted something. It was a reply right to me, and I couldn't help but giggle at his tweet.

JavaTheHuttt (a)NoSleepTill718: ...not to sound conceited, but r u talking about me? I just... wait, ur not mad?

I had a hard time ever imagining the dorkalicious boy I had briefly met today ever coming across as conceited. Of course I was talking about him. Le duh. Why would he think I'd be mad though?

NoSleepTill718 (a)JavaTheHuttt: Maaaaaybe. And yes, I'm mad, but not at YOU. I'm pissed at the crazyass Nurse who hauled you out!

I stopped short about going on a tirade about Nurse CrazyPants. When I finally got out of this place, I was going to write a letter to the hospital detailing every evil thing she had done. It wouldn't hurt to remind the hospital board that BDSM dungeons were probably not the place to go picking out staff. While I quietly fumed, Edward must have been typing away because not a minute later, he responded.

JavaTheHuttt (a)NoSleepTill718: But about what I said... you aren't angry? Isn't that why you had me thrown out?

I read his tweet a few times and did my best to recall what he had said. I didn't get why his panties were in such a twist. Why did he think I was going to be mad at him? He said if he could take it back, he would. But to be honest, I wasn't one-hundred percent sure what "it" was. I assumed he meant the hacking into the hospital computers to find my room number or something. Or maybe he thought I would be upset that he lied about his relationship with me in order to see me? If only he knew that I was already planning our fake wedding... I couldn't let him think I was angry.

NoSleepTill718 (a)JavaTheHuttt: No! I didn't have u thrown out! Rose/Alice did. Not on purpose. They thought u were Jake! Why would I be angry? It was sweet.

JavaTheHuttt (a)NoSleepTill718: Sweet? Um, yeah. Emmett says otherwise. But you understand? It's okay?

Man, he really wasn't letting up with this. I tried really hard to think if I was missing something, but it just made my head hurt, so I stopped. I really wasn't concerned with whatever computer hijinks Edward had done to try and find me in the hospital. Sure...it might have been illegal, but hadn't we all done something like that at one time or another. I was certainly no angel. I'd cut tags off mattresses and eaten grapes from the bunch before paying. It was kinda like that, right? The more I thought about it, though, the more it did seem kind of serious. What if they caught him surfing their mainframe? I wasn't even sure that was the right term, but between multiple viewings of The Matrix and Criminal Minds, I was somewhat familiar with the seedy side of illegal hacking. Sort of.

NoSleepTill718: (a)JavaTheHuttt Totally sweet. :) Although I didn't quite get the hacking. Oh shit! Is it ok I typed that? Are they watching you now?

I kept refreshing my screen, waiting for Edward's reply, but as the minutes ticked by I started to get concerned. Did I scare him off with my fear of Big Brother? Finally, I noticed I had a new DM, and rushed to check it.

Direct Message to (a)NoSleepTill718: Um, is this okay? Or, um, is it okay if I maybe call you? To explain?

My eyes bugged out at the message, and I had to stop my fingers from typing back "CALL ME NAOOOOOOO!" Apparently, my fingers had a direct line to my vag, and they were in cahoots to get more Edward time. However, the rational part of my brain reminded me not to push my luck with the phone. All I needed was to be in a hot and heavy phone convo with Edward, panting and moaning - hey, you never know - only to get my phone confiscated again. That was not going to happen.

Direct Message to (a)JavaTheHuttt: I can't do phone, already ninja tweeting as it is. But, maybe...email? or I can do gchat from my phone if you have it.

Please please please say you have gmail.
I crossed fingers and toes until they started to tingle and lose a little bit of feeling. I crossed my eyes for good measure, but then realized I couldn't read the tiny screen that way. I uncrossed them just in time to see Edward's response.

Direct Message to (a)NoSleepTill718: Um, I'll be back at my apartment in a minute. Gchat then?

Fistpump! No, seriously, I actually went and shoved my fist up in the air, and perhaps accompanied it with a slight shout of glee. I really shouldn't have been this excited to gchat with somebody, but I really wanted to know more about Edward. Like, why did he even bother trying to find me at the hospital? And...could he possibly bring me more Five Guys? Instead of bombarding him with questions, I used my one-hundred and forty characters to give him the important info.

Direct Message to (a)JavaTheHuttt: Sounds, good. I'll be here, waiting. I'm brssmnkyjnkie (at) gmail (dot) com - ping me!

Then, I turned on my phone's gchat program and waited.


A/N: duh duh duh...

What will happen next? Will Hackerward get hit by a bus on the way to his apartment and be unable to make their gchat date? Will Em or heaven forbid nekkid Carlisle get to his computer first? I have no effing clue. Only Lara does, so we'll have to wait and see what her twisted mind has in store for us.

Speaking of twisted minds...We're offering up a chance for you all to exercise YOURS! Lara and I have put ourselves out there for Fandom Gives Back, and we're doing things a little differently. Outtakes wouldn't make sense, since, you know, we don't have a fucking plot, so, instead, we're offering readers the chance to purchase characters and plot points! Basically, if you want to introduce Jasper as Edward and Emmett's long lost Amish cousin, buy it. Want Bella and Edward to take a cruise? Buy it. Really, this story is as much yours as it is ours.

Until next time, kittens! xo