Disclaimer: I do not own Lie to Me or any of the characters in this story.
So, I just realised that my formatting for disclaimers and author's notes hasn't been showing up when I upload. No big deal, will try this instead. Thanks to everyone who reviewed! For anyone I haven't gotten back to, I'm sorry, my messages have been off all week. I promise it's nothing personal!
Gill went silent, having admitted defeat, and watched as Cal approached, sitting down next to her. "That was a cruel trick," she told him.
"I know it was. I'm sorry, love," Cal apologised. "I saw an opening and I took it, though. Can you blame me? What if you'd said yes?"
"You'd trade information for permission to attempt to impregnate me?" Gill asked.
Cal scrunched up his face in disgust. "When you put it like that it sounds bloody awful," he told her. "You were going to trade sexual favours for information. It was a game, nothing more, Gill. Things aren't really like that between us." He shifted a little then laid down, gently using her arm to lay her down next to him. "I don't want permission to impregnate you. You're my wife, not a lab experiment. I want for you to feel happy and confident about the idea of us making love with the goal of starting a family together."
"I'm halfway there," Gill told Cal, running her hand over his chest. "I'm very happy and confident making love to you. We've never been too good at keeping our hands to ourselves, have we?" It strikes her that towards the end of their marriage Gill was probably getting more physical contact- all innocent, of course- from Cal than she was from Alec.
Cal shook his head 'no'. Gill was right, they were all over each other like white on rice. He bloody loved it. "I want you to get the rest of the way there. I want to want to try and make a baby with me that's going to be a beautiful little version of... well, you more than me, I hope... A baby with ten tiny fingers, ten tiny toes, and beautiful, big blue eyes, just like its mummy, that we can love and care for, and watch grow. Someone who runs to the door excited when we arrive home, and we can tuck into bed at night and watch sleep for hours on end, just because they look so peaceful and innocent. Someone I can teach to ride a bike, and you can help with their homework." He leant in to press a tender kiss to Gill's lips, silencing her with a finger to them when she attempted to speak. He wasn't done, and he could see she was getting teary.
"If it's a girl then someone you can take shopping for a prom dress while I work out how to scare off her boyfriend, and then, as she gets older, someone I can walk down the aisle at her wedding," he cleared his throat a little. He wasn't going to cry. "If it's a boy, then maybe he'll be into football or basketball, and we can drive halfway across the country to watch him play. Sitting there with your hand in mine, we'd be the proudest parents there. Then a few years down the track it'll be his wedding we're at, and when I see him look over at his new wife I'll be over the bloody moon because I know that if she can make him even half as happy as you make me he's going to have an amazing life."
By the time Cal had finished Gill was crying. Everything Cal was describing was the sort of thing she'd been imagining for years, first with Alec and now, even more so, with Cal. "You're a bastard, Cal Lightman," she told him, even though deep down she didn't mean it. She hated that he'd made her cry. Somewhere in the back of her mind it registered that she didn't think she'd ever heard him say that many words in a row before.
"You don't mean that, love," Cal said quietly, pulling a clean handkerchief out of his pocket for her to use. "That's how I see us. I know you have a lot to deal with, and I'm trying to be patient with you, but I think about it every day, and I keep finding myself praying that you're going to change your mind, and you just need time."
Gill took his handkerchief and wiped at her eyes then blew her nose. "I never said I didn't want a baby, Cal," she reminded him quietly for what felt like the millionth time. "I just said I couldn't put myself through trying for a family again. It's too much. I don't think I'm strong enough."
Cal kissed the top of Gill's head and inhaled deeply. She was the strongest woman he knew, and even though it wouldn't be easy, he knew they could get through it together. There was absolutely nothing stopping them from having a child. If they couldn't conceive as a couple then surely any adoption agency would find a successful married couple with a nice home in a nice neighbourhood the perfect place for a child without those things to grow up. Maybe Gill would even weaken on the dog thing- not that Cal would be stupid enough to ask again, no matter how much he wanted it. He'd save his pleading for attempting to convince her to start a family.
"Do you think I'm being selfish?" Gill asked softly after a few minutes of silence. She often worried about that. She knew she was preventing Cal from having something that could make him happy, and she was sure that made her not only selfish, but probably a bad wife, too. And yet, somehow, she couldn't move past it.
"I think you're scared of having your heart broken again, and I can see why you'd feel that way," Cal replied.
"You're deflecting," Gill called him on it.
"What do you want me to say, Gill?" Cal asked gently. "One of us has to get our way. It's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for you.... Now, let's get you some dinner, love," he told her quietly, changing the subject. "Try and start this evening again, the way it should have happened the first time- with me fussing over my beautiful wife who has been working far too hard lately."
Gill nodded a little, her stomach rumbling almost right on cue. "I love you, Cal," she said softly, kissing him on the lips. "Promise me you won't leave me?"
Cal rolled them over carefully so Gill was on her back and he was hovering above her, their bodies barely touching. He returned her kiss, then looked her straight in the eyes. "Gillian Lightman, I will never leave you, no matter what. I love you and I always will. Nothing will ever change that, I promise."
"Alec used to say that," Gillian told him quietly. Sometimes she just needed more reassurance that she wasn't going to end up heartbroken and alone again.
"He called you Gillian Lightman?" Cal asked. "Love, that probably should have been a warning sign," he grinned, earning himself a slap on the arm.
"Be serious, Cal," she instructed him, although she had to admit his attempt at humour had made her feel a little better.
Cal nodded. "Gill, he was a drug addict. He was too high to realise he was ruining the best thing that could ever happen to him. He mistreated you and he made stupid, stupid mistakes. That's not me. It's not who I am. I know what I've got, and I'll be damned if I'm going to screw it up."
"Did you used to say it to Zoe?" Gill asked, knowing the answer, and not wanting to have him confirm it, but somehow unable to stop herself from asking anyway.
"Yes," Cal told her honestly, nodding. "And it was the truth. I didn't leave her, she left me. I became obsessed with the fact that I was certain she wasn't sure I was the right man for her to be with. I saw every doubt and every fear she ever had, and I admit that I let it ruin our marriage. It wasn't because I didn't love her, though. When I promised her that I told her the truth."
"So you still love her?" Gill asked. Another question she knew the answer to.
"Yes... I'm not in love with her, though. It took me a long time to realise it, but after she left me I saw we weren't good for each other. I don't like the person I become when I'm around her. When I'm with you, though," he smiled, Eskimo kissing Gill softly. "I'm a better man." He planted a soft kiss on her lips then got up, holding his hand out to help Gill up. "Come on, let's get you fed, Mrs. Lightman. Then we can see about me giving you a massage to help you relax before you go to sleep."
"Cal, you know very well that if you give me a massage the chances of me going right to sleep are slim to none," Gill grinned, accepting his hand to help her out of bed. Nine times out of ten when Gill was feeling good after a massage she did want to go to bed... but not for sleep. There was something about the way his hands felt on her skin and muscles that made him almost completely irresistible to her- even more-so than usual.
Cal grinned broadly. He did know. "Alright, love. Foot rub. How's that?"
"I don't remember objecting to the massage," Gill threw back over her shoulder playfully, walking out of the bedroom with a slightly more pronounced sway in her hips than usual. Cal didn't need any further words of encouragement to follow right behind.
