Like I said, Teddy finds a way out! :)
Chapter 21
Restless Reflection
Sometimes, even the mirror has secrets
December, 29, 2009
I just can't help but to wonder
Sometimes, even the mirror has secrets.
It's a reflection of who I really am.
Cracked skin. Dull hair. Chapped lips. Pale body. Bleeding hearts and broken dreams and shattered promises.
Nothing really worth loving.
I stand there, looking into the reflection of a person I know I hate and I don't know how to shake it off as I feel Randy's arms hold onto me, pressing me close to his body and the scent of his mouth is of Cheerios and hot milk, as he kisses my cheek while I stare at my reflection. "You look beautiful, Ted."
How can he not see the mess I truly am? Is he blind? Am I blind? Why can't I see anything beautiful when I look into the mirror? I feel Randy's arms wrap around my waist as he pulls me close to him, kissing my forehead and then kissing my lips, and in that moment, he decides. "Let's do it, Teddy."
Right now, I'm not so sure. It's like when I've seen myself in the mirror; I've seen what he should never have. I'm not worthy enough of him. I've never been worthy enough of him and he knows it more than I do but he still feels sorry for me. I feel him hold onto my waist and pull me towards a bed close by.
I watch him grin as he discards his clothes and as his hand move up to take off mine, my heart flutters in my chest. The next few moments are a blur to me, he kisses my mouth, my body, but it's still a blur to me. As if it's not supposed to happen. Shattered pieces of a mirror. And he pushes inside of me, I bite my lip as he runs his hand down my back, "is there something wrong, Teddybear?"
After two minutes, he's fallen to the floor and with me on top of me, kissing me, refusing to let me breathe and I feel so breathless as oxygen becomes my only want and need as he strips me and soon, we're both just skin on skin, clothes on the floor and I feel like I'm being raped.
"N-no, finish," I stutter as he reluctantly goes back to thrusting in and out of me, his hot body pressing against my now warm one…part of me realizes that I really don't deserve Randy. He's too good for me. He's too quirky. Too sweet. He holds me, pulling me close into his arms, and kisses my forehead, "Ted?" he finally asks when I don't make another sound. It's—it's—
I stare as he moves up and looks at me, "pretty little Teddybear, I'm sorry." Sorry? After he's finished? I stare at him, he's so perfect and I know it but he's hurt me…now, I'm scared of being with Randy.
I shake my head and try to make the thoughts go away, but they keep haunting me as I move to wear my clothing. Hating that I've been exposed, even if it's just so that he can touch me, and as I slip into my clothing and lean back, being captured by his hands, and letting his hand run down my back, "something wrong, Teddy?"
"N-no." I stutter again.
"You're imagining that-that rape scene again in your head, aren't you?" from Randy's voice, I can tell that he's hurt.
"Yes!"
My voice sounds so drained out of place, so cracked and broken, just like I feel on the inside, a reflection as his hands go towards my waist and pull me close and he knows that this is no time for 'I told you so's and every touch makes me feel like he hates me and wants me dead, it's horrible. So very horrible. I should've listened to Randy. Am I not the craziest, stupidest person ever?
"Leave me alone, Randy."
"Ted, you should've stopped me."
"I can't! I was afraid you'd get mad at me!"
Randy's face turns pale and rigid. "I am mad at you." He says, his voice darkening slightly and I nod my head, as I run my hand through my hair and pretend like it doesn't matter when I truly feel as if my whole world's falling to pieces. "You should've stopped me, Teddy. I can't risk hurting you."
"You are hurting me," I said with a cracked voice.
"Then I have to go my separate way, don't I? Seems to me whenever I try to make anything better, I end up making it worse," he says and as he ruffles my hair and kisses my nose, "I'm sorry, Ted."
"No, please, don't go!"
"You'll be thanking me later, baby," he whispers as he walks away from the room I'm in and my body's so rigid and cold as I sit there, trying to register what's happened as my head twists towards the wall as I look at the mirror, and there's a broken piece on the floor. It's just horrible. Seeing the piece on the floor. Shatter. Like I was. One piece fell off and the other will be easy. I grab onto the piece on the ground, cutting through my finger as I stand towards the mirror as my eyes catch the sight of something—something at where the piece of glass has been gone—a piece of reality.
"Doctor? Ted's hand is moving."
Pieces of this mirror…when broken…take me to the other world. Take me back to reality. It's like a doorway.
But Randy…
I don't know where Randy is. And if he ever wants to see me again.
What? I had to add a little more drama in this story. Not my fault if I want to stir up the plot. Review??
;) Sam
