Okay, I have NO IDEA why this took me so long! I knew I wanted certain ideas to be in here but I had to connect them which caused a major road block in my brain lol, but I think I have a much clearer idea of what I want to do. I knew what I wanted to do before but now there is a part that has been added to the story (that isn't in the story yet) that I think will make the story more interesting hopefully. :) I hope my writers block hasn't deterred any readers!

I hadn't even realized this chapter was longer then the rest of my chapters lol.

Also question: do people find it annoying when chapters are kind of long? I don't like super short chapters like I've seen before, it just seems unprofessional... How do you feel about it? This could be informative!

Disclaimer: All of the characters from the Hunger Games books belong to Suzanne Collins, the extras are of my own making.

P.S. Should my chapters have titles? If so, why not help me out and shoot my some ideas ;)


We sat across from one another, eating our glamorous food in silence. The sound of forks scraping the bottom of our plates echoed loudly in the silence. I ate slowly, a tremble in my hand making it difficult. I think it had come from all the drugs I've had in such a short amount of time as well as my two "deaths."

I scooped up some food from plate and brought it slowly to my mouth. The trembling in my hand became particularly strong and by the time the spoon had reached my lips most of the food had fallen back to the plate from where it had come from, Peeta couldn't take it. He slammed his fork down, the sound making me jump visibly.

I stared at him as if he had two heads, he grabbed the back of his chair and dragged it right beside me and sat down so closely his knee was pushed up against mine. He grabbed the spoon from my hand and scooped up the food on my plate, he cupped his hand under the spoon so as not to drop any, and put it at my lips, waiting for me to open up. I frowned and creased my brows uncertainly but Peeta just stared at me expectantly. I sighed and gave in allowing him to feed me.

I eventually had to make him stop because he was stuffing me full, he actually started feeding me his food as well. I covered my mouth when he tried to force the food into my mouth. "What are you doing?" I asked in annoyance, my voice muffled by my hand and smacked the fork away.

"You need to gain more weight, you won't have enough strength to get through this if you can't even keep a spoon steady" he said, slight anger in his voice. I knew the anger came from concern but that didn't mean it didn't spark a flame in me.

"Well you are going to make me throw it all up if you keep stuffing me like a pig!" I spit back and stood from my chair, using all my will power for my knees not to buckle under my weight like I thought they might. Peeta didn't stand, he glared up at me from the chair and slammed the fork down on the table once more only this time it bounced off the wood and on to the floor. "Katniss do you understand how serious this whole thing is!" he yelled slamming his fist on the table and stood, towering over me, but I felt no fear even though Peeta was much larger and strong than me. "You DIED!" he yelled grabbing me by the shoulders roughly.

I turned my face away from him and muttered "twice..." he stared at me, a look of confusion replacing anger "what did you say?" he asked trying to be sure of what he had heard was correct.

"I said TWICE! My heart stopped TWICE!" I growled angrily, pushing my face towards him in anger. I regretted it almost immediately. He looked completely dumbstruck to know that my life had been so close to ending and he hadn't been there to try to stop it.

He slumped down into his chair once more, his hands sliding down my shoulders to my elbows, he stared at the floor and didn't speak. I let out a sigh and opened my mouth to speak but was cut off by a noise to my right. We both turned our heads towards what had seemingly been an empty wall. But we watched in shock as two panels opened up and revealed a TV that was embedded into the wall. The television turned on by itself and turned to a specific channel. Panem National news.

Peeta's head perked up higher as he watched, while I made absolutely no move whatsoever. I just stared at the screen silently.

Caesar Flickerman's smiling face appeared, he sat behind a light blue polished desk and a fake background of a star dotted night sky.

I was the one who spoke up for Caesar after the rebellion, I convinced them that Caesar had no part in the Capitol other then being a pretty face and that he may seem strange but he was good at getting an audience to feel a certain way which we could need in the future.

He shuffled a few papers in his hands and looked up into the camera lens, his bright smile turning to an expression of gloom "As most of Panem knows, our dear Mockingjay, Katniss everdeen, and her boa Peeta Mellark are still missing. It has already been 2 weeks since their home was discovered empty with signs of a struggle" he said in such a serious way I felt worried for the lives of those two missing people even though it was us that he was talking about. Two images appeared beside Caesar's bright purple head, recent pictures of Peeta and I. Had it really been 2 weeks already?

We didn't take pictures often but Haymitch made a rule that Peeta and I HAD to take a new picture every two years for an occasion such as this. I didn't understand that though because I have yet to meet a person that didn't already know more about me then I did, before I even got a chance to catch their name.

Caesar continued "A search Party is still scouring all over for the two lovers but there have been no leads" He admitted "President Paylor has something to say about their disappearance" he said and turned in his chair to look at a screen that appeared on the starry sky, the camera zoomed in and Paylor's face took up the screen as she spoke sternly but calmly. "I have heard of panic and fear that Katniss Everdeen and Peeta Mellark were kidnapped by a group of terrorists, it is not believed that any hidden Capitol rebels exist. We believe that-" the screen flickered between the image of Paylor and an image that was difficult to fully comprehend. When the new image finally completely took over, it was obvious what it was.

An image of a Mockingjay lying dead on a dark gray floor. The oddest sense of impending doom filled me. That this was not just an image to strike fear into the people of Panem but to give me a message, "this is your future." I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to calm my nerves.

I felt Peeta's fingers release my skin and I watched his back as he slumped on to the couch in front of the television, leaning forward on his knees and watching the screen closely. I didn't know when it happened, but my legs had moved on their own until I was in front of the couch and slumped to my knees on the floor, just beside the seat. I watched closely as the dead Mockingjay spontaneously combusted, its ashes then blew into the lens and the screen went black. A new image appeared, of a man I didn't recognize dressed in a fine suit, his hair was a deep shade of orange and slicked back, he began to speak, arms behind his back.

"People of Panem, I'm sure you've been rather keen on finding out what has happened to your dear symbol of 'justice' and 'truth', your precious little bird on fire, leading light through the dark" he said putting quotations on "truth" and "justice" with his fingers "Well as for the well being of your precious bird, your questions have been answered" he said with such an evil smirk that sent fear into me, fear for what they would show. Flames ate up his image and a new image was shown. I thought my heart was going to stop.

An image of myself in gray-scale, overly skinny and sitting in my own filth on the floor, it was a video before I'd woken up for I'd woken up in that dark chamber. I could see myself finally coming to, it cut to an image of me trying to drag myself towards Peeta, it then cut to Peeta screaming after me as I was dragged away for my "shower" and Peeta being rammed over the head with the Peacekeepers gun. I felt the couch shift slightly as he flinched from the memory.

The image was being cut off, flashes of Caesar's purple hair came and went rapidly but in the end, our captors kept control. It was me and Peeta, laying on the floor once more, only I was shivering and shaking against Peeta, still unconscious. I watched Peeta becoming aware of the shaking beside him, he looked over at me and immediately went into a frenzy, yelling at the guard about what was happening to my body. I could tell my skin wasn't its proper color even with the gray-scale. In just a few seconds I was waking up, Peeta continued yelling in my face just as I had remembered and I listened to the guard yelling into his walky-talky about the odd color of my skin and the shivering. I watched the whole scene play out, it all seemed surreal. like I hadn't been there when it happened, now that my mind was clear it I couldn't help wondering why I hadn't been more alarmed about my situation at the time.

I was carried away from Peeta, now unconscious. It cut to a split screen. On the left was an image of me lying in a bed, my monitor beeping rapidly as the doctors tried to save me. On the right, An image of Peeta in a room near by, eyes closed tightly, most likely concentrating on the beeping, and mumbling something to himself.

I couldn't help letting out a gasp as I watched my own 'death'. The monitor let out a loud long beep as my heart stopped. Doctors began CPR and finally brought out a defibrillator and began their attempts to start my heart again. But I wasn't watching my side anymore, I was watching Peeta's.

The way his eyes snapped open wide at the sound of the long beep. The sound of my body jerking as I was jolted with electricity came out of the television in an odd sort of echo, indicating that Peeta could hear what was happening from where ever he was and he finally snapped. He began jerking around and pulling at his restraints, screaming at the top of his lungs as he pulled his arms apart. With a loud snap the restraints on his arms broke, he reached for the rope around his angles and ripped it off in one fluid motion, Peacekeepers were coming for him. He stood quickly and fueled on pure anger and despair, he threw his fists into the first person who came at him. The Peacekeeper fell with a thud and didn't get up, Peeta continued screaming like an animal all the while. He turned to his next Opponent and got in another good punch but this time he didn't go down. Two Peacekeepers were able to get a hold of his arms and the Peacekeeper that hadn't been knocked out after the punch now stood with needle in hand and stabbed it into the blonde's neck and pushed the plunger.

For a few fighting seconds, Peeta stayed awake, eyes glaring at the Peacekeeper as angry tears poured from his eyes. He finally slumped in the Peacekeepers arms and passed out. I couldn't help looking over at the real Peeta who was clutching the couch cushion so tightly his knuckles went white, eyes still fixed on the screen. I reached over and forced his fingers from the couch. We fumbled to lock our fingers together tightly for a few moments as we continued watching the screen, watching what we'd done when controlled by drugs, emotions, and sickness.

The next image was again of me lying in bed, all seemed peaceful when suddenly my body began to jerk and my eyelids were open but only the white of my eyes could be seen, my back arched off the bed. I felt Peeta's grip tighten and he grabbed our intertwined fingers with his other hand, trying to convince himself that I wasn't dead and I was still alive and next to him. I could hear his breathe coming out in quick pants but I wasn't thinking about him now. I was thinking only of myself and how terrifying it was to watch myself dying this way.

Doctors came rushing in almost immediately, a ball of cotton was placed in my mouth and I now knew that I had had a seizure. The ball was to keep me from biting my tongue, I'd seen my mother do this to a man once before. I ran away that day... But I couldn't run away from this. I had to watch. They knew that. That is why they played it for us in the first place. My rapidly beeping heart monitor was quickening even more as my body continued convulsing on the bed. And just like that, I stopped moving. My head was back, mouth open with drool sliding down my lip and eyes rolled back. The loud long beep seemed to fill my ears in a way that it hadn't the first time. I thought they'd show my revival. They didn't.

They cut away back to the now horror stricken Caesar. Tears were streaming down the cheeks of the normally composed host. Apparently someone behind the camera indicated that they were back on the air. He looked into camera and involuntarily wiped his eyes onto his sleeves, only to spread his dark purple eyeliner onto his face, making him look like an oddly colored raccoon. Caesar took in a deep shaky breathe and looked straight into the camera again to speak.

"Um c...citizens of Panem, that video was not of our control..." He said, voice uncomfortable and broken "i...it appears Katniss Everdeen... Has d...died" his voice chocked on the word "died". He covered his mouth and he broke down right there, live, for all of Panem to see.

I didn't mourn my own death even though some part of me told me I should. The thoughts that came to mind were not what I expected. I wasn't surprised that my captors would pick the ugliest way for me to die in the eyes of the citizen of Panem. Instead, I imagined what Caesar would look like as a raccoon, bright eyed and bushy tailed. I almost laughed at the image of a grinning purple raccoon that appeared in my mind's eye. But I kept it to myself.

Caesar had other stories to share to Panem, I'm sure, but when he opened his mouth, only a chocked noise would come out. They cut away from him to images all over Panem. The squares of the different districts full of people who had stopped to watch the broadcast, all standing together and sobbing. Total strangers hugging one another as they expressed their sorrows my gruesome death.

I covered my mouth, jaw dropping, when I spotted Gale in district 2 completely dumbstruck and unsure of what to do next except stare at the palms of his hands as if they would tell him what to do next. They showed every district in order. I didn't catch sight of my mother in the Capitol but I was sure she knew and was going into a catatonic state. I did not see Haymitch but I did catch sight of Greasy Sae and even Darius crying in the square among the other occupants.

I don't know why it took me by such surprise to see everyone crying for me the way they were. It had been 8 years since I was the Mockingjay, children who hadn't even been born until after the rebellion were crying for me. I didn't understand any of this.

How I was feeling to all of this. How I thought I SHOULD be feeling. What was going to happen now that my captor's had made Panem believe I was dead. And how this would effect Panem after the sadness set in and the anger stage came over them.

I could hear Peeta sobbing beside me but I just couldn't bring myself to look at him. I could still feel his tight hold on my hand and one particularly heart wrenching sob caused me to look up at him finally. I kind of wish I hadn't.

My hand was virtually gone, hidden under his two larger hands. He was curled up tightly, his forehead against his knuckle as he continued sobbing. I wanted so badly to be how I had been when I'd woken up in his arms, but I just couldn't.

I leaned back against the couch and slid lightly to the side, my cheek resting against Peeta's leg as he cried and held my hand.

The TV finally turned away from the sobbing people and something about technical difficulties appeared, but I knew it was because Caesar was not ready to face the cameras again. The weather for the capitol came up. Our tv turned off after a few seconds.

Peeta eventually reassured himself enough to finally convince his mind that I wasn't dead, that I was there, next to him and breathing. I said nothing through out his sobbing, just allowed him to squeeze the life out of my hand. When he finally gave my hand back to me, it felt hot and clammy and a bit numb from having the circulation cut off. Peeta sniffed and wiped his nose on the sleeve of his shirt, he took the edge of his shirt and gently wiped my palm as I poked my hand to try to regain feeling "s...sorry..." He sniffled. I couldn't help feeling a small smile tug at the corner of my lip.

"I think my legs have gone numb too..." I mumbled looking down my legs and giving them a poke and couldn't feel the jab like I should've. Peeta didn't even give a second thought, he scooped me up by putting his arms under my armpits and placed me onto the couch. I bit my lip and thought about how easily Peeta had picked me up, Peeta was strong but even in his weakened state he was able to lift me like a piece of paper. That just didn't sit well.

I felt over my ribs through my shirt and sighed when I could feel every one of them. Peeta had been right. I need to gain weight or any escape plan we came up with would be ruined because someone could snap me in half so easily in the state I was in.

Gaining weight wasn't difficult really, everyday Breakfast, lunch, and dinner would appear on our table when we weren't looking. I got the feeling our captors agreed on our plan to fatten me up but for a whole other reason I'm sure.

During the day Peeta and I did nothing but eat, exercise, and watch updates on my "death" and the search for Peeta. No one ever disturbed us. Videos of my "passing", videos for grieving over me, and interviews with people I knew, were all over the news but I never turned off the television no matter how much Peeta begged me.

Exercise was a complicated task all on its own. We had no weights to lift or space to run and when we did find certain things we could do in the small but extravagant living space, my body would reject any movement I made. It was nerve raking. I knew in my bones that whatever they were planning to do with us would happen soon and I needed my strength. My body just wouldn't allow it.

Simple push ups would make my arms shake under my weight and my elbows have even locked up when my arms became perpendicular to the floor. Peeta had to stop whatever it was he was doing to help me up. It became easier though once I'd reached about 110 pounds, my legs were no longer shaky and I could run around the room quite awhile before eventually becoming tired. My arms were not so easy, but I suppose if I had to choose which one I'd rather have functioning more, it would be my legs.

When I over exerted myself, I was often demanded by Peeta to take a break. I got the feeling this wasn't just for my sake. While resting, Peeta would pick me up and use me as a weight while I flipped through channels. This would probably seem funny to outsiders. Even I thought he was joking the first time he asked, but he was very serious about it. It was kind of a motivation for me as well to eat and work more, the more weight I gained, the stronger Peeta would get.

I know our routine was necessary but having the same constant routine was driving me mad. I missed my bow and my forest and our house and I even missed Haymitch! I thought I was going to go crazy, the only thing that kept me sane was the nights.

Peeta and I would sit in our bed, sitting in the silence until finally I would begin to sing. Peeta wouldn't say anything, wouldn't tell me when to start or interrupt or tell me that it was nice. He'd just sit and wait for the next song, if it didn't come we'd continue to just hold one another. I didn't sleep often even when Peeta said I needed rest or my body would never recover, I'd just stay in his arms and think or sometimes I didn't think of anything at all and would just stare at one point in the distance for hours. When I did sleep, I'd dream of a Mockingjay roasted on a spit, it didn't have my face or anything like that, but I knew it was me on that spit.

I'd wake up, not particularly scared like I would be from other nightmares, but I'd still hold Peeta just a little closer then normal.

Panem was not doing well, I never thought I'd have an effect on the public the way I've had. People were scared, questioning Paylor's authority and why no one found Peeta or my 'murderers'. I don't think it was only revenge for me that they were worried about, but the fact that I was supposedly so 'unkillable' and was able to be easily captured and 'killed' in such a short amount of time and without much resistance, I think terrified them to their core. As the people became more upset, I knew the nearer I was going to be 'used' again. Who knows what for.

Finally, someone came for us. At least I thought it was for 'us'. It wasn't. They came only for me. This time they didn't try to stick a needle in me or even force me, they just put a pair of handcuffs on me and took my arms and led me away. Peeta immediately went into protective mode but I gave him one look and he stayed put and didn't make a fuss.

I was lead to an elevator, I stared at the buttons and was surprised to see that there were 30 floors. I tried to imagine just how large this place was and wondered how it was possible that it could have been completely overlooked. I wondered if we were underground, my ears felt heavy and full like they would if I were but I didn't feel as suffocated and it just seemed too predictable. If it is underground it should be pretty easy to find considering most people knew the signs of a secret underground civilization because of experience with District 13.

It confused me and I decided to just clear my mind and get to where ever it is I was being taken.

We were on one of the higher floors, 13 or 14 I think, I could feel my ears become even stuffier, but I'd already resolved myself to keep my mind clear and that is what I did.

The two peacekeepers and I stood before a door that was just as white as the others were but had one major identifying mark, other then the room number beside it, was a happy face sticker that someone had slapped onto the door. I stared off with the innocent smile that seemed so menacing to me while the guards dealt with the key slot. I felt a small shock as the door flew upwards, my staring contest with the sticker ending abruptly.

I was laid down on a metal table and had my arms and legs strapped to the table for good measure, but they weren't as tight as they had been, I didn't fight them. I looked around the room out of curiosity, not particularly worried. That is, until I spotted something that made me cringe. A variety of shampoos, dyes, and instruments for 'priming' and 'prepping'. They were a form of torture of a very different nature, but torture none the less. The door opened once again and some optimistic part of me hoped that it was my quirky make-up team from so long ago, but I was disappointed.

2 people appeared, 1 man and 1 woman. They weren't as colorful or 'odd looking' as most Capitol people but that was most likely from low supplies of hair and body dye. They still had certain distinctive factors that could still classify them as Capitol people. Unnaturally large lips, oddly placed and colorful tattoos, the female had even let her hair grow out so that her brown roots showed while strips of hair at the tips were still faded shades of purple.

The both of them immediately went to work, spraying me with cold water to wash away any dirt or sweat from the day, I winched from the sting of the water smacking my skin. They then went to work on removing all the hair from my body, quite ruthlessly actually. The woman seemed to be enjoying my pain while the man would winch every time I cried out. Maybe not everyone wanted to hurt me as bad as they led on. I heard the man whisper "be careful, if you peel skin off in the wrong place, she could get an infection" he mumbled, she nodded and grumbled but her technique became gentle enough that I'd only need to grit my teeth and bear it.

My hair was scrubbed with chemicals that burned my scalp and a disgusting tasting gunk was slathered on my teeth, I gagged lightly but kept down my lunch. I pushed my tongue to the roof of my mouth to keep the gunk from falling on my taste buds or into the back of my throat. My teeth were scrubbed roughly with a brush, they squirted water down my throat which I nearly chocked on but spit out before it went down the wrong way. I could only imagine how pure white my teeth probably were at that moment.

It was on to make up, they were forced to be gentle with me or the make up would come out wrong. A shade of light purple was put on my lips and eye lids, they put an outline of gold eyeliner along the edge of my top eyelid. I had the feeling this was suppose to be some sort reminder of Cinna that was meant to effect me. It did, but I would not cry because these people any more. They finished doing up my hair in a simple bun on the top of my head with one strip of hair that had been braided and tucked into my hair so that it stayed in place against my head. My arms and legs were unstrapped and I stepped into my dress.

It was beautiful, but nothing compared to one of Cinna's designs. It was strapless and a bit tight fitting but in a way that complimented the new weight I'd gained, I wonder how they got the fit so correct when they hadn't measured me... I stood before a long mirror to get a look at myself. It wasn't like my opinion mattered but I think my 'make up crew' was curious to see if I would be happy about my appearance, purely out of pride for their work.

The dress was a deep sea blue which slowly faded into a lighter sky blue as it reached the end of my skirt, the skirt surrounded my feet and it looked as if the ocean itself had just wrapped around my body. I couldn't help thinking that Cinna could've done it better. I knew my dress wasn't just a pretty design, it was meant to say that my "flame has been put out."

They were very wrong.


How was it? I personally thought that it was kind of emotional, can you imagine watching yourself or someone you love die right before your eyes? Maybe it is a little conceited that I could feel emotional about something I wrote myself but maybe that means it will be emotional for you too :) So you know PLEASE REVIEW AND FAVORITE and all that!

I plan to start the next chapter soon, maybe tonight. I want to keep cranking out chapters, I know I probably won't get many viewers until I've completed the whole story and hopefully I can get it done before the 'Hunger Games fad ends' . Luckily there are 2 more movies to come out so maybe I have time lol.

I want to get the story out but for some reason school has made me so tired and now I've been trying to teach myself the piano. I know basics but I really want to get good. Anyone got any advice? :)