Hello people :) Thank you spaceisforstars. and BlackRoses274 for reviewing. Enjoy :)


Squad 1

1. Have Yamamoto try to tutor Kenpachi Zaraki in the fine arts of calligraphy.

2. Give him a laxative overdose.

3. Try not to laugh when he makes farting sounds at the Captain Meetings.

the blame on someone who has a high status, such as Byakuya Kuchiki, Shunsui Kyoraku, and Soi Fon.

5. Run like hell when they chase after you.

6. Give Chojiro Sasakibe fashion advice.

7. Or better yet, enroll him in Matsumoto Rangiku's Sexy Lessons.

8. Encourage him to wear the things that Matsumoto picks out for him. (pink tank tops, sports bra, thong?)

9. Tell him that men in the Real World like to show off their newly updated clothing. It makes them more confident.

10. Congratulations, you have just made the Lieutenant of Squad 1 a transvestite.

Squad 2

1. Tie yourself super tight onto Soi Fon's back and have her carry you around like a mule. (WARNING: if you are not Yoruichi Shihion, then I suggest you put on some armor before you do this. Possible outcomes include death, broken bones, or a foot shoved up your ass)

2. Write a fake letter of confession of love to Soi Fon. Forge Omaeda's signature on the love note.

3. Tell Soi Fon that Yoruichi has arranged for someone to court her. Namely, someone who was previously the Squad 12 taicho.

4. Compare her to the animated human television called "Sonic".

5. And cross your finger that she will not accidentally turn back time.

6. Make that loud beeping sound that you hear when a truck backs up the next time you see Omaeda Marechiyo walk past you.

7. Seal off his room and tell him that 10.0 earthquake occurred when he was walking around.

8. Tell him his whole family is as ugly as him and the only one who is the handsome/pretty one is his youngest sister. (his mom and sister creep me out)

9. He has no sense of style no matter what he tells you.

10. Try to avoid his gigantic feet (cough . . . Yachiru . . .cough)

Squad 3

1. Pit Izuru Kira in a situation where he had to fight for something he really loved with Shuhei Hisagi.

2. Ask him repeatedly if he like Momo.

3. Ask this same question to Hitsuguya Toshiro.

4. Be sure to casually mention this to Hitsuguya. (I am very sure that all of you would not like frostbites on your butts or any other regions of your body)

5. Play scream-o rock music all day in his office.

Squad 4

1. Call Retsu Unohana Captain Mom.

2. Find some way to sneak similar, but human medicines into the Squad 4 pharmacy.

3. Get her to test a machine that Mayuri invented to magnify her coma-inducing stare.

4. Ask her how old she is? (Do the math. A hundred and ten years ago, when Yoruichi was still here, she didn't have a braid in the front. She was taicho for over two hundred years with Shunsui and Ukitake. Damn she is old. Exagerrate on the "old" part)

5. Then post your findings in the Seireitei Communication Magazine.

6. Get Isane to sleep for once.

7. If its possible, then obtain a contraption that will allow you to go into her dreams. If you don't have the power to get something like that, then I suggest you stand right next to her bed and whisper "The fish cakes are coming, Isane Kotetsu . . . And they're coming for your head!" *Insert your evil laugh here*

8. If you have found a machine that WILL allow you to enter her dreams, then use it to create an army of pillows and fish cakes.

9. A classic evil villain (you) will stand on a rocky pillar *insert your evil laugh here* with their evil armies marching and a huge red swirly cloud above them.

10. Step away from the bed before Kotetsu-fukutaicho slaps you by accident.

Squad 5

1. Play the funeral march whenever you see Momo Hinamori.

2. Set up a "date" between Hitsuguya/Renji/Izuru. (You choose. What the hey, you can put in all three at once.)

3. Just don't let them know it is a date. Write on the note "It is a friendly meeting that will end up making everyone happy." (or sadder then they already are)

4. Pay Kiyone Kotetsu and Nemu Kurosutchi to take secret photos of said outing.

5. Lets all hope when the S.W.A puts those photos out for the Seireitei Communication Magazine, it shows Hinamori making out . . .or slapping somebody

Squad 6

1. When addressing the noble Byakuya Kuchiki, make sure you use a snooty British accent.

2. Call him "Governor"

3. Or better yet, Mum.

4. Convince the Captain Commander to use said snooty British Accent at spontaneous Captain Meeting at Midnight.

5. Invent some reason for why Byakuya is always frowning and feed it to his fan girls. (like the last time Byakuya smiled, someone was put in a coma)

6. Ask Renji Abarai if he enjoyed the yaoi about him and his drinking buddies.

7. When he is drunk, interview him about every female soul reaper and post the answers the very next morning.

8. Write a very creative (funny) story about how Reji got his tattoos. (please include the keywords: Byakuya, kicked, drunken, ass, Yamamoto)

9. Show this to Byakuya.

10. As I stated before, you must run like hell before they kicked your ass.

Squad 7

1. Find a suitable gigai for Sajin Komamura.

2. If you can't, then just find the largest human sized gigai and have Kisuke Urahara customize it by putting dog ears and some beard and mustache hair.

3. Make a doggy door at the entrance of the Squad 7 barracks that acutally fits Komamura.

4. Give him a squeaky toy when he says he's going for a break.

5. Install a fire hydrant in Komamura's room.

6. Pit Nanao Ise and Iba Tetsuzaemon in a fight for the S.W.A or the S.M.A funds.

7. Watch as Nanao smacks him silly with a paper fan.

8. Invite Ikkaku Maderame to the fight.

9. Videotape fight and play for whoever wants to watch it. (Nanao Ise)

10. Listen to the Shinigami Women's Association's laughter.

Squad 8

1. Let Mayuri Kurosutchi set up a date for Shunsui Kyoraku.

2. Dump all of Squad 8's liquor into the Squad 11 barracks. (or better yet Squad 1, Squad 2, Squad 6, Squad 10)

3. Blame it on Shunsui.

4. When Shunsui is taking a nap, get together with Yachiru and draw all over his face. (You don't need to be shy, write whatever the hell you want.)

5. Tell Nanao that he was at a bar, drinking sake and tipping the pretty waitresses there.

6. Tell Nanao Ise that her captain had been introduce to Yuri. (and not in a good way)

7. Then let it slip that some of that yuri features her and someone else.

8. Hide Shunsui somewhere safe while Nanao broods in anger and shame. (we do not want one of our captains getting hurt before they get a chance to fight that bastard Aizen)

9. People will probably freak when she takes off her glasses. (her subordinates to be exact)

10. Run . . .

Squad 9

1. Mess with the printing presses and auto-change every word "fight" into Hisagi.

2. For example: Kenpachi Zaraki would like to Hisagi you!

3. Watch as his subordinates in the Seireitei Communication Magazine staff snicker at this, but bring in Nanao Ise and Retsu Unohana just in case someone wants gets cold feet.

4. Introduce Shuhei Hisagi to the "King Of Rock" Elvis Presley.

5. Oh my, that was a very inadequate guitar solo. (Setting your guitar on fire with a kido and playing it with a wooden pick is a very dangerous things indeed)

Squad 10

1. Place a cardboard cutout of Toshiro Hitsuguya, who is smiling and holding his hand out to a certain height that is certainly taller than 4.4 feet. (yes, the cutout must be taller than him)

2. Blare Vivaldi in his office, claiming the Real World superstition of classical music will make a child more intelligent is true just as a child who sleeps well grows well.

3. Matsumoto is actually doing work.

4. She was just doing work to cover up the large sum of money she took out of the Squad's budget.

5. MATSUMOTO! (Toshiro should become a male opera prodigy as well)

6. Take Rangiku Matsumoto's cosmetics, hair products, lotion, and rejuvenating potions and blend them all into a simple, colorful solution. (smells nasty though)

7. Fill Matsumoto's room full of Hitsuguya's paperwork.

8. Give her purple streaks in her blond hair.

9. Convince Hitsuguya to let Matsumoto drink, but give her so much sake that she actually gets sober with a killer hangover. (Note: this was tested only on Rangiku Matsumoto. Do not consume that much alcohol. This was only a scientific observation)

10. Compare her to the human's superstar sensation, Miss Britney Spears.

Squad 11

1. Dye Kenpachi's hair pink.

2. Put blush on him.

3. Actually, Yamamoto thought Yachiru went under a gender change operation.

4. But he didn't.

5. Replace the bells on Kenpachi's hair with Christmas lights.

6. Tell Yachiru that the land of suagarplums exist . . .somewhere in the Soul Society.

7. Give her a can of the human beverage "soda".

8. Say that the S.W.A is plotting a conspiracy behind her back. Send her to Yamamoto-Soutaicho that whatever the S.W.A is planning, ban it.

9. But it was really just a meeting and they were discussing the issue of Central 46 forbidding any sugar products.

10. Poor Yachiru.

11. Have the entire Squad 11 replay the human movie Hannibal, and make Kenpachi Zaraki . . . Hannibal Lector and Yachiru was Clarise - spaceisforstars.

Squad 12

1. Let Yachiru use Mayuri's makeup as paint . . .and he was the piece of paper . . .

2. Ask annoying, but rhetorical questions such as: Is that contianer dangerous?

3. Make a poll for the Soul Society to decide who was a more badass Chief of the Department of Research and Development: Kisuke Urahara or Mayuri Kurosutchi. (Be sure to make Mayuri agree to not harm anyone who votes for Kisuke. People are scared of revenge, especially from a giant baby/caterpillar.

4. Play "Radar" by Britney Spears all day in the Squad 12's laboratory.

5. Turn the volume to an ear-splitting volume.

6. Mayuri, may I have something to hit myself with?

7. Nemu could you tell me what to do now?

8. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Squad 13

1. When Ukitake is napping, use a red color marker to outline his mouth and eyes.

2. Let Kiyone and Sentaro in the room.

3. Stand about 100 feet away from the room.

4. Leave lipstick markings on his haori to prove the fact that Jushiro Ukitake indeed has a wife/girlfriend.

5. Go get'em . . .girl/boy/woman/man . . .


Author's Note: After Mayuri Kurosutchi hacked onto Flamesandblackroses's laptop, he leaked this list to the Catains of the Gotei 13. So in exchange for not showing this to their subordinates, she was given a one month pass to a five minute start before the major poisonings, burns, frostbites, cuts, the multipying of mass, flattened, and blasted by a pink tiger.


I am going away for a week to San Francisco. T_T . . . If you want to submit some of your own ideas, drop a review to let me know and I'll publish them here with full credit. So Reviews :)