Oh, how I love this story. I guess I'm working on this so I can work on Sad Story and Room 409 in peace. I'll finish this story up before another update on anything else. I'm trying to finish all my other Twilight stories first…I finally finished You Make Me Sick so I'm happy… ecstatic. But right now, I'm sick so I have more time to update.

Chapter 23
Bleeding Back

I'm choking on my own blood
December, 31st, 2009
so I bleed

I don't say a word. The sound of silence is comfort. And I just wish that Randy can understand that. I need the silence. Because words don't mean anything anyway. Why should I speak when no one's listening? Why do I hear myself speak all the time? All I have is this notebook now. This is the only thing I talk too. My mouth's forever sealed. No food. No words. Nothing. I'm dying on the inside and outside and I don't really care anymore. Randy's scared oh so very much. He's buying me food, he's getting me medication and I don't' do anything as he puts the food near my mouth and even if he shoves it down my throat, I don't say anything. Let me drown in those horrible voices. I know who I am and I don't care anymore. Let me drown oh so deeply in those horrible voices until I'm no more. Every time something fails, Randy's eyes flutter with horror and confusion as when I do fall asleep, I feel his hand running down my hair, and I feel his hot breath on my face and I hear him sniffing and doing cocaine and I don't say another word as the scent stains the room, strongly and I try not to breathe it all in but I do anyways.

Speak.

His eyes are begging me to say a word but I don't and I have him wrap his hands around my waist and he presses his mouth towards his shoulder and I-I think I lost my ability to speak. I try to whisper but no words come out. It's like my mind's obeying my desire. I really can't speak anymore. I'm mute. I don't even want to try regaining my voice now that I haven't used it in a while. Whenever Randy would kiss me, would touch me, I still make no sound. Even if I feel this stabbing pain inside of me most of the time, nothing comes out of my mouth. After a while, I walk towards the mirror and hold onto a piece and try to show Randy with just hands moving around and when Randy realizes just what I'm trying to get out, he comes towards the mirror and we try to crash all the pieces and as more than a million pieces lie on the floor, half of the mirror shattered enough for me and him to see the hospital scene, to see Cody reading a comic book and shaking, trying not to cry, trying to be strong. Our Cody. Our trying to be strong Cody with a barely rigid face and the sweetest turquoise eyes ever.

We fall down onto the glass and scrape ourselves, us bleeding so hard that Randy screeched from the pain, he looks at me, "doesn't it hurt?" no words, nothing, and he bites down his lip as he holds onto my body and pushes me close, running his hand through my heart and I see the tears run down his eyes, swallow him whole, burn him on the inside and the scent of cocaine is still so very heavy in the air and all I can do is watch his pain. I can't watch him like this. But having him close to me, with such a strong, bitter scent, reminds me of my mother. I twist my head, remembering how much my life's been ruined from drugs that the people I loved took. Maybe I'm turning into CM Punk, not wanting drugs to be around me anymore. I can finally understand why. It makes me feel dizzy inhaling it, it makes me feel empty inhaling it—I hate it. I absolutely and utterly hate it and I don't know how to get rid of this feeling—again, why should I care? My stomach sloshes as he takes my shoulder and pokes through to the real world again. "You think that we can get out of here without breaking anymore of the mirror?"

I shrug my shoulders as I poke my head out of the mirror. It's dark out there. Cody's asleep. No one's really awake and as I grab onto Randy's shoulder as he holds onto my waist and we jump out of the mirror, feeling the cut pieces of the mirror scrape us and suddenly, from the blood to the floor to the hospital scene, and there's a surge of silver flash and Randy presses his body against mine as he registers where we are, "we're home…" the hospital room flashes before us, Cody's head on the bed, sleeping on his arms and as Randy helps me stand up and when he looks at me, his hands stiffen around my wrist as he lets go of me, letting me fall to the ground. "Ted, you're…"

I can't understand why he's so scared of me all of a sudden, what's wrong with me? I peer over his shoulder and my head spins as I stare into the mirror and my heart thuds so hard into my chest that I think it burst and exploded. What—? I look…I am…the cuts on my face…it's scaring me. It's horrible. It's going to scar on my stupid face. I feel the tears burn and fall. Cuts that'll turn into scars…on my face…just so horrifying to see so much blood falling, and how come I don't feel it? It's scary. It's horrible. I want to scream but I can't find my voice. Randy places his hand around my shoulder and pulls me to him, wiping away my tears but he can't wipe away the cuts that are on my face. I just don't understand. I'm back into the real world. And I still don't stop bleeding. It's like I'm meant to die. Oh, what's the use? Just kill me now! Randy places me down onto the bed and runs his hand through my cheek. "I'm sorry this had to happen to you, baby."

I'm scared. I'm scared and bleeding and I can't do anything about it. The entire world's hazy and dull. Why does this have to happen to me?

Now, I feel sad for our Teddy! I need to fix him pretty soon. Review??

;) Sam