Chapter 20: Breaths on the wind

Katara lay curled against his side in the small room they had been given. It was late, the sky long since grown black, but he couldn't sleep. They say sleep is when the mind works through all it had processed through the day, if that were the case why wasn't he allowed to sleep? Did his mind not want to process? Truthfully, no, he didn't want to process. Hopes had been high when Katara and Azula first started their healing sessions. Zuko could see the improvement in her. Azula's golden eyes weren't looking quite so distant, her hands not so shaky. Near the end she'd even managed to go for short walks through town, with the full arsenal of Kyoshi Warriors of course, but still, she was gaining strength, every day she was a step closer to being healed. Because of that Zuko hated himself, how had he not seen it? Healing her was just asking for trouble, she was insane, crazy, a killer! It's what she did, it's what ran through her body and veins, she was—is a killer. Always has been, and always will be. Why couldn't he see that before?

"Zuko?" Katara's weight shifted slightly against him. Since that first night, curling against his side felt so natural, especially when she was feeling rough.

"Hm?" His arm tightened gently around her, closing the small distance between them.

"What do we do now?"

"Well, when we get back to the palace we need to hold another meeting, bring generals up to speed so we can dispatch official search parties." His muscles registered the soft, rigid clench her body gave, "Whether she's innocent or not, we need to find her… we need to bring her home."

"Not exactly what I was talking about." The words escaped more as a disgruntled grunt then actual words.

"What?"

"I meant about before… when we had our fight. What are we going to do about it?"

Suddenly it was very clear in his memory, invading and pushing out other thoughts. He'd proposed… sort of. It wasn't at all what he had hoped for, wasn't at all how he had expected, but it had happened. "Oh."

"Oh?"

He didn't know what to say, words were drawing a blank, he wouldn't even call the incident a real fight. It was a misunderstanding, and Zuko knew nothing he said would help, worst case scenario: she'd hate him again. She'd go away and that would be the end of it. Panic ran through his core at the thought. He'd grown so used to her being around, so used to always knowing she was within touching distance. Whenever he wanted, Zuko could hold her in his arms. Feel her soft skin under his fingertips, feel her cool breath on his neck when she buried her face there. He loved that whenever things got rough she was there, to talk to him, make him feel better about life in general. The silence was heavy with unspoken words and emotions, what could he say? Is there anything he could say?

"Zuko, I want to marry you." The words spilled out of her like vomit, unplanned, unexpected, sour, but strangely refreshing once the moment had passed.

Zuko on the other hand, was stunned speechless, mindless babble being his only weapon, "I—that's… Katara, I—?"

"I don't know if that's what you meant… but the necklace, in my customs, it means you want to marry them… it's not just a trinket."

"Trust me, I know. You've told me over and over, I wanted to do it your way—"

Again, she cut him off, "Zuko I hate you."

Again, leaving him with only babble, "I'm… sorry?"

"Well, not really. I want to, and it feels like I should. But I don't. I can't understand why, but I just can't find that hatred for you anymore." She paused, trying to gather the words, "Back in the crystal caves… I hated you there. With every fiber of my soul, I hated you."

"I don't understand what all this has to do with—?"

"Let me finish. I hated you more then I could understand. You know how I got over it? I knew I could never forget what had happened, or what you had done. But I also couldn't forget what you'd done to try to earn your way back. I was done being angry, I wanted to move on and the only way to accommodate that was to just start over.

"Back then starting over I knew I didn't really want you dead. And so we became friends, but now? I think of starting over from our argument and I realize: not only do I not want you dead, but I don't want to live… without you." There was a pause in her voice, a stutter maybe, "I can't forget what happened."

"Katara, I explained, I didn't—"

"I know, and I believe you, but I can't forget, but I don't want to live without you. The timing may be grossly inappropriate. But I've made up my mind."

A discreet smile tugged at the corner of his cheeks, and for a moment Zuko was glad it was so dark, that she couldn't see, "So, did you rehearse all this?"

"No! well, sort of. Not really… Ok fine, yes. There was more planned. Something about 'a fine line between loving and loathing' and something to do with how you couldn't really want to, because there was no way I could bend the metal band around my neck, but I talked to Toph about it all… That girl is strangely insightful. She told me how you had the medallion sent to her at the teashop, with Iroh, and how you gave her a list of what you wanted. And how she sculpted it herself with Earth Bending. I also wanted to say something about how I don't want to marry you simply to solve our argument, but it seemed to be lost somewhere in there."

The laugh that escaped his lips was incredibly airy, light on the wind, "Katara, you are a strange, strange girl."

"So… is that a yes?"

All Zuko could offer was to squeeze her to him, hugging her close in the small, uncomfortable cot they shared tonight. If he were ever under the impression that this would have been normal, he was of course dead wrong. In all reality he didn't know how it had gotten so turned around. He had planned it all, he had arranged for the perfect betrothal necklace, he'd worked in secret to surprise her, and still, somehow, she proposed to him. What a tricky minx.


"Kataaaaaraaaa!" Sokka whined on, his voice miraculously hitting three octaves higher than normal. "What's wrong with you? How could you? He's the enemy!"

"Sokka, stop it. He's your friend, he's my friend, and he's been that way for five years."

"But Katara, you caaaan't!" Tears were practically falling off his cheeks as he clung hopelessly to his baby sister. "You caaaaaan't, I mean, it's Zuko! Honey," He turned his head, pitifully to his own wife, "it's Zuko, tell her she can't."

Suki merely laughed weakly, the gesture was stronger then what she'd managed since the funeral.

For the hundredth time since Toph bent the delicate black metal around her neck like uncooked dough, Katara stoked the smooth surface. The body—where her mother's necklace had been a blue ribbon—thin black metal, no wider than a couple hairs danced in a graceful circle around her neck. The pendant, a delicate coin, nestled itself in the hallow in the base of her neck. Together, Toph and Zuko had done beautifully.

"Whyyyyy, Katara, whyyyyy?"

"Oh Meat-head, give it up, the girl's happy."

Sluggishly Sokka slunk back to his wife, burring his face in her neck while whimpering something about it just not being fair.

Katara felt invisible daggers attacking the back of her head, "Yeah Katara, we just don't understand. How did this happen?" Aang's voice sliced through any happy thoughts, blowing them away with the wind, but what was really interesting was the hidden meaning to his words, everything he implied but didn't say.

Turning around Katara's eyes spied a seriously pissed off Air Bender, his arms crossed tightly across his chest, "I didn't cheat on you… if that's what you're thinking. Our relationship only needed one expert." Her smile was sweet, but her words deadly.

"You don't know him, you only left the temple a month ago."

"Like I knew you? Maybe? Forgive me, but we all know how well that went over."

"Katara, you know me," His eyes had suddenly gone soft, his arms lowered to his side. Somehow, this extremely tall young man looked so small, like he did that first day in the iceberg, or when they rode penguins together, learned Water Bending; he looked so powerful, but still so small. She never thought he could have done what he did.

"I know him more than I ever thought I knew you." They say the worst insults are the ones greeted with a smile from the assailant. "By the way, how is she? Your new girlfriend. You decided to marry her yet? I mean, you two have been together longer then Zuko and I, or something like that."

Tucking in his bottom lip, Aang opened his glider, catching the wind as easily as a breath, and just like that, he flew away. Silently Katara said her goodbyes; she'd be lying if she said it didn't hurt. She'd trusted Aang with her life but now he was nothing more than the wind in her hair.

"Daaaamn sweet cheeks." Toph cooed, punching Katara in the arm, "not so docile as I thought, still got fire in your bones."

Toph laughed in amusement, everyone else tasted the tension and frowned in disapproval. This wasn't like them, they couldn't hate each other, it simply wasn't natural.