A/N: Hi everyone! Sorry for the long delay in posting anything, 2012 is definitely turning out not to be my year :-( Anyway, I hope that some of you have stuck with my stories and I thank you for your patience. Enjoy!
o-xxx-o
Jack was vaguely aware of things going on around him and that he was still in the hospital but in his dream state he'd been to many different places, some he recognised, others he didn't and he'd looked on faces from both past and present but the one thing that stood out was the white room. It almost felt as though he'd visited Heaven but that was crazy, wasn't it? He could feel soft fingertips caressing his cheek… his grandmother? She'd often… He opened his eyes, expecting to see her stooping over him but as he did the hand was quickly withdrawn and he found himself staring up at a vision with long blonde hair and a beautiful smile and for a moment he thought he really was there, being tended by an angel. Blinking away some of the fog from his brain, he smiled at the woman who was regarding him curiously.
"Welcome back."
"Thanks. I guess I fell asleep before we could finish our conversation."
Sue shook her head. "What conversation?"
"The one about what hit me..." he prompted, surprised that she could have forgotten so quickly.
Pulling the chair closer to the bed she sat down and took his hand. "Jack, that was five days ago."
"What?" In his confusion, he tried to sit upright and then fell back against the pillows, his face creased with pain. "Note to self… Don't do that again."
"Are you alright?"
"Fine..." The word came out as a hiss.
"You're sure? You need me to get someone?"
With an effort he brought the smile back to his face. "I'm okay." He assured her giving her hand a squeeze. "So, what happened?"
"What do you remember?"
Jack took a breath. "Witness statements and stopping off for something to eat. We were going back to the car, we turned the corner and then… nothing…"
"Do you remember the couple who were arguing in the café?"
"Vaguely, although I couldn't pick them out of a line-up… Why?"
"Because the guy was waiting for us and he- he shot you."
"Great... What did I do to deserve that?"
"Nothing," her eyes clouded with tears and she nibbled on her bottom lip.
"Sue? Hold on, you said he was waiting for us. Did he hurt you?"
"No."
"Thank God." She was clearly upset and his eyes searched her face worriedly. "You okay?"
"I'm sorry."
"For what..?"
"Maybe if I'd been doing what I was trained for and paying more attention to what was going on instead of joking around, I would have seen him."
"And done what?"
"I don't know but perhaps I could have… I couldn't hear the gun. I didn't know you'd been shot until the paramedic pushed me out of the way. If I had, then maybe I could have done something to help and you wouldn't have almost died. I was supposed to be your partner and…"
He squeezed her hand again and waited for her to look at him. "Sue, stop please. None of this was your fault, I'm a trained field agent and even I didn't see it coming or hear the gunshot for that matter."
"But…"
"No buts… No one could have prevented what happened, not Bobby or Myles or D... We're a great team Thomas and I wouldn't have it any other way." He paused for a moment and when he started to speak again his voice was hesitant and uncertain. "And I think you did help me… You stopped me going through the wrong door."
"I don't understand."
"I'm not sure I do either, but when I…" He came to an abrupt halt as one of the nursing staff entered the room and asked her to leave so that his dressings could be changed. "Sue, I need to talk to you about what happened to me. There were so many images… I don't know whether I was dreaming or not but I think you're the one person who might be able to help me sort it all out in my head. You'll come back?" There was a pleading, almost desperate edge to his voice.
"As soon as they'll let me..."
"Thank you."
o-xxx-o
By the time he woke again the light was beginning to disappear from outside, indicating that it was early evening and he'd been out for hours. Looking to his right he smiled softly when he saw she was curled up in the chair and looking decidedly uncomfortable but before he could reach out to her, she opened her eyes and stretched, smiling when she saw him watching her.
"Sorry, I must have fallen asleep."
"There's a lot of that going around. I tried to stay awake until you came back but I guess I lost the battle."
"That's okay. You need to rest and the extra sedation they gave you probably isn't out of your system yet."
"Extra sedation..?"
"Mmm hmm… When you came round from the anaesthetic the doctors were worried that the trauma of being shot along with the surgery might put too much strain on your heart so they wanted to keep you as quiet and still as possible."
"My heart..?"
"Jack, we almost lost you. They had to use the def… de… D-E-F-I-B-R-I-L-L-A-T-O-R to bring you back," she shuddered involuntarily.
"That probably explains why it feels like an elephant's been jumping up and down on my chest. Everything's okay now though, right?" He asked worriedly.
"Yes. It was just a precaution." He let out a relieved sigh. "So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?"
Jack started his explanation somewhat nervously, not knowing what her reaction would be, but when she didn't laugh he went into it more deeply, describing the white room, the two doors, his friends and relatives and by the time he'd finished the exhaustion was visible on his face.
"Perhaps you should go back to sleep for a while, we can talk later."
"No, please, I need to know what you think. You're the only one I can ask about something like this. The things you believe in, I knew you'd understand."
She took his hand in hers and held it lightly. "I think… you're a very lucky man, Jack Hudson. You came close to death, too close…" She added quietly. "And I believe you were offered a choice. God was telling you that it wasn't your time to go but if you chose to then it was okay with Him. He understood."
"I wanted to," he confessed almost sadly. "I wanted to see my grandmother again, talk to her. I almost went through that door but there was something holding me back… I can't explain it… A hand holding mine just like this," he lifted them in the air. "And not letting go… Wanting me to stay… And it wasn't always the same one. In the end that proved stronger than anything else… And there were candles…" His eyes drifted shut again and when she was sure he was asleep, Sue slipped out of the room and across the road to the church.
o-xxx-o
One Month Later:
The room he'd been transferred into had been a vast improvement on CCU but apart from the guard, who he saw periodically when the door opened and closed, he was still pretty much isolated from the rest of the world. He knew it was for his own protection but he seriously doubted that after all this time, his assailant would come back to finish the job; he was probably long gone. The visits from the rest of the team served to cheer him up but the downside was that she didn't come to see him quite as often and he missed her. He'd grown used to seeing her when he opened his eyes in the morning, watching her as she slept and their friendship seemed to him to have grown and deepened. When he'd first moved from Critical Care to a more general ward, he still hadn't been well enough to receive visitors so she'd continued her vigils at his bedside and when he couldn't sleep they'd talked… a lot… about anything and everything. She'd told him what it was like for her growing up in Ohio and in turn he'd described his life in Wisconsin… His home, his favourite places, he'd even gone into great detail about the fort he'd built himself down on the riverbank where he'd go to be alone as a child and later to do his thinking as a man. She'd asked if it was still there and it had brought home just how long it had been since he'd gone back and really looked around. Christmases didn't count because they were usually spent inside his parents' house but he'd never taken the time to just wander through his old haunts. That had started him thinking and he'd come to a decision but he wasn't sure how to tell her.
"Hi!"
Her voice startled him out of his introspection and he turned away from the window to face her. "Hi." Smiling he sat down on the edge of the bed.
"I can see you're feeling better."
"Much, thank you. In fact, they're talking about kicking me out of here in a few days."
"That's great." She crossed over to sit in the chair.
"I think so."
"So, what's the first thing you're going to do?"
"Order a pizza with extra cheese."
Sue rolled her eyes but couldn't suppress a laugh. "Besides that..?"
"Go home."
"Smart thinking." His face grew serious and Sue stared at him, her brow furrowed.
"Sue, I don't mean home here, I'm going back to Wisconsin."
"Oh," she hoped the disappointment she felt didn't show. "Well, it will probably do you good to spend time with your family… When will you back?"
Jack blew out a calming breath, knowing that it was time to make his confession. "I'm not sure I'm coming back."
Lost for words she just stared at him, tears pricking at the backs of her eyes.
"You remember when I had my heart attack, I told you that it made me think about all the things I had and hadn't been doing?"
"Yes." Her voice was quiet.
"I'd planned to take some time out then but instead I returned to work and it all got swept aside somehow but I've realised over the past few weeks that I need to step away, look at my life… I hope you understand. It's important to me that you do."
"I guess I do. Have you told D?"
"Yes, he's arranging a leave-of-absence for me. It shouldn't be too much of a problem considering all this."
"Are you going to tell the rest of the team?" She hoped she sounded more cheerful than she felt.
"No, D will do that."
"They'll miss you." Her eyes dropped to the floor and he reached over, using a single finger to tilt her chin so she could see his lips.
"What about you? Will you miss me?"
"You know I will." Despite her best efforts her bottom lip started to tremble.
"Then come with me."
"What?" She stared at him as though he'd just grown an extra head or something.
"Come with me. Let me show you all those places we've talked about. I'll even allow you into my secret fort if it's still there."
"Jack, I can't. It's impossible."
"Why? I know you have vacation time owing and compulsory leave to recover from what happened."
"I have plans. I promised my Mom I'd go back to Ohio for a while and there are the rules, we'd be breaking them."
"Not if I don't come back to work."
"Then there's Levi, I can't just…"
"Sue, he can come with us. My parents love dogs."
Had he just offered to take her home to meet his Mom and Dad? One part of her was convinced she'd read him wrong while the other was terrified that she hadn't. "Jack I can't, I'm sorry but I can't..." Getting to her feet, she picked up her purse and practically ran from the room.
o-xxx-o
