End of Book One. Gonna start on Book Two soon. Yeah, the original story and its sequel in the same story just because I'm that lazy. Give me a break.

Chapter 32
All Alone

Please, be alive, please, be alive, please be alive
January, 9th, 2009
I breathe no more

"Where the hell is he?!"

Randy shoves past the numerous policemen and he stops when he sees the body that's on the floor, his Ted's body, eyes shut tight and he prays that his Ted's just passed out and as he leans down to pick up Ted's body, leaning down to inhale the soft scent of his flesh, Randy's heart is ready to burst out of his chest, thinking that his Ted, his Teddybear, is dead and he bites down on his lower lip, unable to force himself to hold onto Ted's wrist for a pulse. He can't take it anymore. If Ted's dead, then-then-he wouldn't know. He just can't handle the thought of his Ted being dead. It's just too horrible. It's just too much.

"Ted."

Randy's shaking now, tears falling freely from his face as he cups Ted's pale cheek, too pale, no color in his body-

"Ted, please, wake up."

He doesn't want to check for a pulse. He just can't bring himself to do that.

"Sir, we advise you to step back-"

"You!" Randy screams at the policeman, staring straight at him with the same pale face that Ted has harbored, the tears unable to stop from falling down his face, "You leave me alone! It's not a murder. Ted...Ted killed himself..."

"How would you know?"

"Just LEAVE ME ALONE!" That makes the policeman flinch, as he steps back and allows Randy to take in the image of his Ted. The used to be livid blue eyes are so shut tight, the used to be peachy flesh is too pale, and Ted's hair is so brittle and breakable and that just hurts him all the more. Ted looks so dead. And the thought of his Teddy being dead...no...he's not dead. He's just not dead.

"He's dead," the policeman spits out.

"He's NOT! He's not dead! He can't be-he-"

Randy's eyes settle on Ted's face again, fixated, he's not moving...no...he won't-

"Ted...please, wake up...please..."

Sobs fall from Randy's mouth.

"Please...Teddybear...please...you're not dead...no, you can't be dead..."


Why is it when the lights go out, you can finally see the colors?


(You're finally dead and you're finally alone--)

Randy, I miss you already.

I had to die.

There's blood stains on the last page of Ted's diary.

You won't understand. I just had to die.

(Are you happy now?)

There's tear stains on the last page of Ted's diary.

I don't deserve anyone.

I just had to be alone...


Why is it when you're around people, you've always felt alone?


& blood spews.

& tears fall.

(i miss you, teddy.)


& you don't know if you're in Heaven or Hell...

Is it supposed to be this painful?

Dying?

You finally realize that dying isn't the same as being dead.

Finally unable to breathe.

He wasn't breathing all alone.

Finally able to see.

There are so many colors in the world.

Finally able to feel.

Don't be sad, Randy.

(finally...alone).