Walking down the corridor towards Ruby's room, Charlie's mind replayed the events of the therapy session the day before. She hadn't stopped thinking about since she left the centre. It had made her think about things in a whole different light. About her rape, about Grant, about life in general and about the pain Ruby had surpressed for so long that shw was only now becoming aware of. So new was this information, that Charlie had agreed to attend Ruby's next couple of counselling sessions so she could learn more about what was going in her daughter's head.
As she entered Ruby's bedroom, she was greeted by a nurse who had just come in behind her, carrying bandages, antiseptic and what looked like painkillers. The nurse informed Charlie of what they were for and after some convincing, the nurse agreed to allow her to change Ruby's bandaging. The nurse left the room and within minutes, Ruby appeared, looking slightly pale. This didn't go unnoticed by Charlie who quickly jumped into protective mother mode. She walked over and reached out her arms to help Ruby, but her daughter held up her hand to stop her, assuring her she was fine and just had a headache.
Handing her the painkillers and a glass of water she watched as Ruby washed them down and then let out a breath of relief as the headache quickly began to subside. Turning her attention to her mother, she noticed she was holding bandages and it immediatly clicked in her head that her dressings needed to be changed. When Charlie edged closer to the bed, Ruby flinched, her first instinct to pull down her sleeves and cross her arms close to her chest. Charlie had not seen her daughters wounds since the day of the incident and Ruby wasn't sure she was ready to let her mother see these new additions to her growing family of scars that adorned her body.
"Mum, can we please not do that now? The nurse will be around later she can do it", Ruby said as she looked at her mother with a pleading look.
"Rubes I'm just gonna change your dressings. It will only take a second", Charlie said as she reached for one of Ruby's hands.
"No!", Ruby said as she backed away. "Please, just leave it okay. I don't want you to have to do this".
Charlie stepped back, finally realising that Ruby didn't want her to see her wrists, but she didn't understand why? She had seen Ruby's other scars many times before. She had often helped redress them when they needed to be changed. Charlie couldn't understand why this time it was so different. Why was Ruby being distant about it? It was something Charlie tried to get her head around, but she knew that pushing Ruby would only drive her a million miles in the opposite direction. So she relented and placed the bandaging to one side.
Just as they were about to depart for Ruby's counselling session, Michael knocked on the door and entered at Ruby's acknowledgement of his presence. He smiled at her and then looked at Charlie who smiled pleasantly at him. Gazing at her, he couldn't hep but notice she semmed to be at a bit of loss and watching as she turned her attention back to Ruby, he began to understand why. Looking down at his diary he saw the long list of patients he had to attend to that day and came up with a plan that he thought would help him free up some time. But more importantly help Ruby and Charlie reconnected on an emotional level.
"Hey, Michael", Ruby said as she looked up at the rather handsome doctor. "We were just on our way for my session".
"Actually, I've had a think about things and your not going to be having a counselling session with me today", he said looking at the confused looks on both Charlie and Rubys faces. "Ruby talking to me is easy because I'm a complete stranger and it probably does help you to be able to get certain things off your chest. But I think one of your underlying issues is that you can't, or won't open up to your mother", he said as he looked down at Ruby's wrists and back up at her.
Ruby tightened her folded arms closer to her chest. She knew what Michael was talking about because they had discussed it briefly in counselling. But she never actually thought he would make somethong of it. The notion through her off. She didn't know if she was ready to be so open with Charlie. She didn't know if she could be open with Charlie. After everything they'd been through she thought it would be easier to be close to her mother on that level. Instead it just seemed much, much harder.
"Today, I want you and Charlie to go somewhere quiet and talk. I don't mean mindless chit-chat or idle gossip I mean really talk. Imagine it's one of your counselling sessions with me. Be honest, be open and just talk ti your mum", he said with an encouraging smile. As he picked up his stuff and made his way towards the door he stopped and turned around. "May I suggest the the old oak tree down beside the lake out back. You spend a lot of time there. It might help you relax", he finished and with that he walked off.
Gazing around the room Ruby's eyes fell on her mother. As much as the idea of spilling her inner most thoughts and feelings to Charlie petrified her, she knew there was no way out of this and that it was better to get it over and done with than to spend weeks contemplating when would be an appropriate time. As she went to stand up from the bed she felt a sharp pain hit her lower back and she stumbled a little. Charlie rushed over to her side to keep her from falling and when Ruby was steady on her feet she released her grip.
"Are you okay?", Charlie asked.
"Yeah I'm fine I just stood up too quick. My backs still a little tender", Ruby replied as she gently rubbed her back.
"Rubes we don't have to do this now if you don't want to", secretly Charlie was scared to hear what was going through her daughter's head.
"No, it's fine", Ruby said as she held up a hand to stop her mother from cutting in. "Come on, it's a really nice day out. Might as well make the most of it", she said and both women proceeded to exit the room.
Walking along the grass lawn, Charlie's eyes instantly gazed upon the picturesque view before her. The sun was shining in clear blue skies. The grass was a lushious green and supported the growing flowers that dotted the edges. And right ahead was a tall oak tree. It's branches extened in many different directions. Perfect for sitting in the shade. And right in front was a view of a serene, man made lake. It sparkled in the glistening sun and rippled along with the gentle breeze. It's clear waters reflecting the perfect blue skies. Just by looking at it, she knew why Ruby sent so much time there.
The Buckton women walked up the oak tree and Ruby was the first to perch herself under it, then Charlie followed suit and joined her. Looking out at the lake, Ruby hoped that its peaceful soothing nature rubbed off on her as she fought the urge to get up and run away from the situation she was in. Tugging at her sleeves she looked at Charlie who was admiring the scene around her. It was then she realised that she couldn't back out now. She had to go through with Michaels suggestion of opening up.
"So", Charlie said, unsure as to how the conversation was meant to go. "Do you want to start or should I?".
Ruby averted her eyes as she felt herself getting emotional. She could feel the stinging sensation as she tried to hold back the tears. She inhaled a large breath of air and then slowly exhaled, wiping her eyes with her hands.
"I could sit hear and tell you that I'm angry or upset about Grant. About where I come from. But then I'd be telling you something I've told you so many times before and you'll tell me that you love me and that I have nothing to do with him. But it still doesn't change anything, and.....and it disgusts me. It makes me feel sick. When I look in the mirror I see his evil smile staring back at me and I can't get away from it", Ruby said, her voice shaking as she held back tears.
"That day, the day I slashed my wrists because I thought it would protect you....................", Ruby trailed off as she fought hard to find the words to say what she wanted to say. It was going to be difficult to say but she had. Even if it did hurt her mother to hear it. "..........I wanted to die. I wanted all the pain inside to just stop. I wanted to stop waking up every morning and see his face staring back at me".
Charlie sat there completely shocked. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Ruby, her Ruby, wanted to die. How could things have gotten this bad. She felt completely helpless. Charlie knew all to well that while physical scars fade, emotional scars could last a lifetime and Ruby had enough as it was. She had been put through the ringer physically, emotionally and mentally throughout the year. The fact she was remotely sane was a miracle.
"I didn't tell you because I didn't know how. I mean how could I tell you that. You've done nothing but support me and comfort me. I ddn't want you to think it had anything to do with you", Ruby admitted. "Finding out you were my mum, it angered me, it confused me, it finally made sense to me. And I realised that even though I resented having my life turned on it's head, in a way I'm glad it happened. Because it brought me so much closer to you. And that's something I wouldn't change for anything", she finally finished.
Charlie allowed the tears to roll down her cheeks. Ruby's last statement made her heart soar. She ahd finally opened up to her mother and it felt good. Even if some of what she said did hurt. Looking down she notice Ruby pull up her sleeves. As she continued to watch, Ruby gently began to undo the bandages that covered her wrists. She was finally going to show Charlie the wounds that she didn't have the confidence to show her before. When Ruby finally had them unwrapped she stared at them for a moment herself and then, she placed her wrists out in front of Charlie.
"Oh Rubes", Charlie said as she looked at the wounds.
They were still red, but the stitched were gone. They were pertruded and ran length ways on both wrists. Charlie gently cupped Rubys hands in hers and placed a soft kiss on each wrist and the looking up at her daughter she placed a hand on the back of Ruby's head pulling her closer to er and kissing her on the forehead and embracing her. Both of them let out their tears and sobbed as they consoled each other. A new chapter in their lives was on the horizon.
"I love you babay girl", Charlie said softly as she stroked Ruby's hair.
