Note: I said sexual tension, I didn't say they were going to have sex. XD.


Chapter 5
Disastrous Dreamer

We're playful little pixies
Give us our pixie dust back

December, 26th, 2009
Just get through this day

I wake up from a nightmare and cuddle up to Randy who holds me close to him and whispers sweet nothing's into my ear and I just get a little better.

"So what was your dream about?" there's light hearted playfulness in his voice.

I know he doesn't want this to be an overdramatic movie anymore and neither do I but there's something in Randy's voice that makes me feel like he doesn't take anything seriously anymore and thinking about that, my heart pounds hard and swift, causing me to freeze in my position, no words coming out of my mouth.

I want to tell him it's a nightmare.

But I don't.

I run my hand through his cheek, "it wasn't a dream but you sure make reality one." I don't know what else to say. He really does make reality a fantasy when he kisses me and I just melt into his arms but the pain always lingers and I don't want to upset him. I don't want to hurt him…

"Oh yeah?"

He moves on top of me, kissing me and that feeling comes back again, of wanting to melt into his arms and avoid the rest of the world forever, just to feel him pressing against me, the steady heartbeat of his pounding softly, the lividness of his eyes, the sweetness of his mouth…

And when I pull away, I still feel all too breathless for nothing. His hand runs down the hem of my shirt and I push him off. "Teddy?"

I don't know what to say. I'm scared if I mention that I don't want him to act like nothing's wrong, he'll get angry. I'm scared if I hurt him most of all. But the words slip off my tongue and I can't control them. "I'm scared, Randy…I don't wanna have sex anymore…I don't wanna feel like I'm being raped. I don't—"

Then the way he tries to hide his pain, "it's alright, Teddy."

"Stop lying to me, Randy. I love you, I really do, but you're acting like nothing's wrong…everything's wrong…I'm sorry…"

It's hard for me too. Every time I feel his body press against mine, even if we were both fully clothed, I wanted to fuck him too but my body only wanted that. My mind wanted me to wait. Even if for just a while. Just to see if I truly am comfortable having sex with him. I dream of a world where Randy and I aren't broken.

Instead, I get this always shattered world…

Why…?


I know. These are getting painfully short but this is what I planned for this chapter and I liked the way it turned out. & I know, I suck at sexual tension. XP.

X Sam.