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Chapter 6
Already Ashes

I'm already in ashes
December, 27th, 2009
Give up your way, you could be anything

"Ted?"

I'm lying on my bed, not thoughts rushing through my head but ones of pain and destruction. I'm already in ashes on the inside, for my heart has been ripped and torn into pieces and I can't fix it.

Not anymore.

"Randy?"

"Why do you have to turn everything into a drama story, Teddy?"

I can see the pain that's in his eyes and I don't know. I don't know why I do turn things into a drama story, mostly because it's true.

"Teddy?"

"Because I'm sick of it! I'm sick of life!"

The darkness is crushing me down and I can't breathe no longer and the pain of the world is still there as I cry and weep like a child for the past that used to be too happy, the soft blueness of Randy's eyes had destroyed me and I want to be his I really do but I don't know how I can make this relationship work out anymore. I'm in so much pain and my heart is exploding and I hate this all…

I just want everything to be fucking alright.

But that can't happen.

"Don't you see, Randy!? I'm all fucking messed up! I wanna be okay…I really do…but I'm not! You want me to be okay but I'm not! I'm not…and I won't be…you can go back to Cody. You can go back to someone that's perfect…I never understand why you want me anymore."

"Teddy…"

I stare at him and shake my head. "Don't lie to me, Randy. You want it to be okay but you know that it'll never be okay."

"…I still love you."

"You do?"

Randy nods his head and he pulls his arms out so that he can embrace me into a hug and his arms are so warm and his scent is so sweet and his words are so soft and I can't just fucking believe anything anymore…

"I love you, Randy."


It's gonna be angst next. Then fluff. Then angst then sexual tension. XD. Enjoy, darlings! This story still has something before it ends. I have a twist for you later on. XP But I have to build things up first.

X Sam.