Sorry this chapter took too long. There's so short…mostly, 'cause I'm really trying to build things up. It's angst…so…& COME BACK, TEDDYMUSE, IT'S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE.
Chapter 7
Last Laugh
Your laugh is a slurred whimper
December, 28th, 2009
Give up my way, and lose myself, not today
His last laugh is nothing but a slurred whimper.
He feels so damn horrible when I lie to him and I'm lying right now, laughing a bubbly laughter that's made me feel so damn empty on the inside and when I tell him I'm just fine, I laugh and when I tell him that I just want it all to end, I laugh because really, I just want to hold him close to me, feel his heartbeat and when I tell him that it's gonna be fine, I laugh…I laugh…
But when he's talking to Cody over the phone and he tells him that he cares, I know that he's not lying.
"Ted?"
He notices my uneasy face, a face he'd come so used to seeing, I've come so used to looking at myself, in the mirror, that face of pure disgrace and disgust, I hate what I've become…I hate how I look like—"Ted," Randy whispers my name and his voice is so beautiful. "Are you okay?"
He's asked me that question time after time and I nod my head and I laugh and I feel the tiny tears threatening to fall.
"Teddy, are you sure?"
I nod again, laughing once more and then he holds me as my laughs constantly spew from my mouth and my laughs turn into sobs and my sobs make me cry and crying makes my heart breaks and my heart breaking makes him breaking too and when he breaks, I feel dead…and-and-and-and-
I cry.
I let my tears fall fast.
I feel him putting me down onto the bed and trying to calm me down by rubbing his hand against my thigh and after a few strokes, my crying dies down and nothing is left but the soft misty wind brushing against my face.
"Randy…"
"I love you, Teddy. Don't forget that."
"I love you, too, Ran…"
Our eyes lock with each other and suddenly, I let the words fall off my tongue, the words that have been exploding in the pure core of my heart. "But is it enough…?"
His eyes are speculating with mine again. "I don't-"
"Are you questioning our love, Teddy?"
"I'm questioning what's left of it…" I whisper and I know my words drive through his heart so horribly. "Is it enough?"
He doesn't reply back.
I know why.
Reviews are greatly appreciated.
X Sam.
