Title: Alphabet Soup (Part 4/8)

Characters: Kate, Kate/Jack

Summary: A series of drabbles. Kate's POV. Post The End. Featuring James, Claire and Aaron.

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James

He goes by James now. He is a changed man. They all see it. It is not only his name but everything about him is different, more mature, more responsible, more haunted. He holds himself together well. He got a job with a security company and worked his way up quickly. He is a father to Clementine now. It comes naturally to him. Cassidy swears he is not the same man she knew all those years ago.

Kate accidently calls him Sawyer from time to time, out of habit, or maybe her brain is trying to take her back to simpler times; times when James was Sawyer, when Aaron was an infant sleeping in a tent a few feet away from hers up the beach; a time when the biggest dilemma of the day was who will bring water down from the caves, with her secretly hoping it would be Jack because she'd missed him, last seeing him the evening before when he brought the beach camp their water. She would wait for him to make finish his morning rounds. He would make his way to her, sit next to her on the sand, letting the waves wash at their toes. He would silently hand her a water bottle, and she'd feel the jolt when his fingers brushed hers. They'd make small talk, about everything. She'd never tell him, but the worst part of her day was when he'd pull himself up, deriving her of his warmth against her skin and make his way back to the caves.

He comes over one afternoon while Claire and Aaron are back-to-school shopping. She can tell that he has been crying, not that he will ever confirm that. She makes coffee and they chat about their normal lives, his job, Clementine, Aaron, her job, the weather… He is looking to move into a new place, somewhere Clementine can come over to stay the weekend or a holiday, a place with a yard and a second bedroom, maybe even a pool.

They slip into a comfortable silence for a few minutes, and she can't help think how much things have changed between them, for the better. A few years ago they would never be able to just sit there and enjoy the silence between, or have a "normal, adult" conversation. They rarely talk about the island, it is always there, simmering at the top, but they never let it spill out.

He lets out a tired sigh and she turns to face him. She lays a hand on top of his and asks him if he is ok. He leans in towards her, and for a second, she starts leaning in too. It feels familiar, comfortable… safe. She feels his breath against her skin and pulls back. It feels wrong. She shakes her head, how can someone's breath feel wrong?

She says his name and he pulls back too, repeating a chorus of apologies. He gets up and leaves immediately.

They see each other again after two weeks. Miles invites them all to dinner, something they have been doing every month since they came back. He asks her if they are ok and she pulls into a hug.

Miles reminds her later that evening that it was the anniversary of Juliet's passing about two weeks before.

Knots

She helps Claire wash off the three years she'd spent in her own hell. They are in a hotel on an island somewhere in Guam according to Frank. Along with James, he is working on making sure everyone has the right paperwork so they can fly into LA the next day without any trouble.

They first get them separate rooms but the two women wordlessly agree to share one. They sit on one of the beds, silent, as Kate combs out the knots in Claire's hair. The blond woman hisses occasionally and Kate mumbles an apology. Soon enough they are both sinking in their own reveries a million miles away as they gaze at the midnight rain splashing against the window.

A few hours later, Claire slips into a nightmare ridden sleep, while Kate sits awake in her bed. She hugs her knees to her chest and cries as she did each of the three nights since they'd left. She runs her fingers through her curls and feels a new set of tears stream down her cheeks, as she wonders who will be there to comb out her endless knots.

Little

I'm not little anymore! I can do this mommy!

That is the mantra constantly being chanted by a seven year old Aaron. His independence and confidence are part of what make him the special, talented little boy he is. He is smart and observant, and cannot stop pointing out to everyone that he is not little anymore.

Claire and Aaron make their way through the supermarket aisles packing up groceries. Aaron makes and abrupt stop at the ice cream fridge and pulls at his mother's sleep. "Mommy, we need to get Aunt Kate ice cream," he states.

Claire looks at him quizzically and asks, "she didn't say she wants ice cream…" Aaron shakes his head and points for his mother to come down so he can whisper, "but she's sad, Mommy, and she likes ice cream when she is sad."

She looks at him, bewildered that he noticed Kate's mood while the other woman had tried her best to act normally around the little boy, "Sweetie, what makes you think Aunt Kate is sad?"

"Well, she didn't drink her coffee this morning, and she didn't laugh when you were watching tv and you laughed, Mommy," Aaron states, "I am not little, Mommy, I heard you talking in the kitchen last night. I know that her heart is broken. Just like today, three years ago Uncle Jack went to a place where Aunt Kate can't go to because there are no cars or planes there. And she misses him so much."

All Claire can do is to pull him towards her and engulf him in a hug as she tries to hold in her tears. Aaron whispers against her hair, "but it is ok, Mommy, Uncle Jack is waiting for her. And maybe someday they can make supercars and Aunt Kate can go see him."