I don't know what genre this is anymore. XP.


Chapter 9
Spluttered Smile

Would you leave me?
December, 30th, 2009
Sickened in the sun
You dare tell me you love me

In the line of nightmares and dreams, all I could see are bloodied hands reaching out for Randy, my bloodied hand and I pull him towards me, those eyes of me, as broken as they are, stare into his and sobs escape my lips as his hands press me towards the wall and the sun just stirs so strongly in the sky as his hand runs down my back, cupping a piece of flesh and digging nail into it until I bleed.

Those cuts that are on my forehead are all because of him.

This love, or what's left of it, is destroying me. It's hurting me. It's killing me. A sweet slow, suicide.

I wake up with a startle, my body trembling and his hands hold onto me as I bury my head into his chest but I won't let the tears fall. I won't dare let the tears fall and he runs his hand through my back, making me hiccup softly.

"Ted, are you okay?"

I slowly nod my head at him. "Tired, 'I mumble under my breath. "Just a nightmare."

"What's it about?"

I couldn't tell him. I just shake my head and let him run his hand through my hair, over and over, until I feel satisfied enough to fall asleep again but even if I'm sleepy, I don't fall asleep, my arms wrap around his chest and I press our bodies close to each other and he feels my cock press against his thigh. I can even feel it. Our skin gets hot with too much heat and need.

"I'm tired," I reply, knowing that he'll tell me that he wants it. I want it too. There's just something inside of me that isn't ready. That's scared. Horribly. I watch as he sighs and nods his head. He kisses my forehead as I shift to the side, having him hold onto me, tightly, refusing to let me go.

I don't want to let go of him either.

He's the only thing that's been keeping me sane.

I don't want to lose him.

I hear his slow rapid breathing too quickly and I reach out for the bottle of water beside me, gulping down the contents fast, and I worry about the future. How long can I hold it off? Randy's bound to want sex soon and I can't hold it off forever. There's also the fact that Cody's going to come back tonight.

He's going to see this and I'm going to feel sorry for him because for some reason, Cody's not together with anyone. When he used to go out with Mike Mizanin (don't ask me why, I just know), I've been jealous since he had a relationship but I didn't.

I don't want Coddles feeling like a third wheel.

It's only in a matter of two hours until I hear the sound of the door knocking and Randy kicks off the sheets, walking there while I stare blankly at the wall and letting Cody in, whose smile is as bright as ever and I sit up straight, looking into him as he bounces towards me and engulfs me into a hug. "Teddy! I missed you!"

"I missed you, too, Cody, 'hugging him back in the loosest hug I could and he breaks it, sitting in the middle and hugging me.

"Go fall asleep on the couch, Ran! I wanna catch up with Ted!"

Randy shakes his head and slips down on the bed with us, all three squeezed together and Randy suggests me in the middle, causing Cody to smirk the widest smirk I've ever seen and having them close to me like this…it makes me feel like I'm never going to be alone. But still…why do I feel so alone?

A smile still makes its way on my face.

It's warm here.

It's so damn warm.

And for a moment, these thoughts of being alone just evaporate as I snuggle into Randy's neck and Cody snuggles into mine. Trapped by their warm skin. I don't think I could ever hate this.

It's so warm…

And this spluttered smile turns into a real one.


I'll do it. Let me do it. HE'S STILL TALKING ABOUT BEING ALONE!? XD. It is the title of the story. I'm overdoing it though.

X Sam.