PHASE 5—The Girlfriend

"I am not an angel and I will not be one till I die: I will be myself. Mr. Rochester, you must neither expect nor exact anything celestial of me—for you will not get it, anymore than I shall get it of you, which I do not at all anticipate."

Ah, good old Charlotte Bronte, and Jane Eyre. Nothing could soothe the soul. Nothing had the innate ability to relax Remus quite like—

"And then, I told her no! It was crazy. I mean, she was a good snogger and all, but I said to her that this shagging without dating had to end. It wasn't right you know? I got in one last snog, but I'm glad it was over."

—good ol' Jane.

Remus rolled his eyes. Sirius' promiscuity (or ex-promiscuity, really) ruined the mood sometimes.

"You know," Lily said thoughtfully, "it's probably a good thing you didn't shag her. I mean, Emmeline's been snogging Benjy Fenwick for a while now—and Merlin knows what else—and apparently, Benjy was with Dorcas Meadowes and contracted herpes. If you had shagged Emmeline…well, it probably wouldn't be pretty."

"So thank Merlin you didn't shag Sirius," James cut in.

Lily and Sirius blushed.

"Shut up," the former muttered.

"But it's fine, because you're all mine now," James laughed, pulling Lily onto his lap with a kiss.

"Agrippa, my eyes!" Alice cried dramatically, passing by with Frank in tow (who added, for good measure, "Get a room, you two!")

"Where are you two going?" Sirius asked suspiciously.

"Going to get a butterbeer," Alice replied pointedly.

"Skipping the Transfiguration exam?" Remus asked aghast, finally looking up from his beloved Jane.

The pair shrugged. "If Dumbledore could do it, why can't we?" Frank replied, to mass confusion, so then continued, "You should be glad anyway. You already have to sit with the pile of sopping mush otherwise known as Lily and James, and Mary and Peter are coming over right now. You don't really want a third couple to solidify your loneliness in this world."

The couple continued on to leave the Great Hall, and Frank was proved true as Mary and Peter sat next to a studying Marlene.

"Have you seen the latest flyer?" Peter asked excitedly.

"I thought you got over the whole fan club thing?" Sirius asked confusedly.

"I did, but this isn't about the Peter Pettigrew Club."

"Not specifically anyway," Mary added, her hand intertwining with Peter's underneath the table as the two shared a small smile.

Lily grabbed the pink paper as Peter turned to Marlene.

"So, studying for the Transfiguration exam, huh?"

Marlene sighed and looked up. "You know, I feel like that's been asked a lot lately. However, whenever it's been asked, I wasn't studying, because someone was distracting me! In fact, this is the first actual opportunity I've gotten to read chapter seven, and I barely can, as it's been cried over and is now barely legible," Marlene spat, eying Lily.

Lily blushed as she handed the flyer back to Peter.

"And you!" Marlene turned to Peter. "I've been working my arse off for the past week helping you get a fan club, and then you go and get rid of it! All that time I could have been studying! I'd have been on chapter twenty by now!"

Peter didn't even have the decency to blush.

"Just read it, Marlene," he said simply, pushing the neon flyer towards her. "Maybe it wasn't all for nothing."

Dear Fellow Enthusiast, it read.

Do you respect guys who wait faithfully for one girl for years? Do you admire guys who care about their looks just as much as you do? Do you look up to guys who read constantly? Do you value guys who won't compromise their morals and interests to fit in with the status quo? Do you love guys who are loyal friends?

Well, then the Marauder Fan Club is for you.

This is the club that appreciates the fabulous foursome, the unforgettable, and pretty darn cute, pranksters of our generation, including the stubborn yet patient Quidditch captain James Potter, the beautiful but crazy ex-player Sirius Black, the smart and faithful Bronte-lover Remus Lupin, and the average although extraordinary Gobstones' club president Peter Pettigrew.

Despite our previous reputation, as a bunch of crazy bitches, we'd like to think that we've changed. We're not just looking at the superficial accomplishments of these boys. We've learned—the hard way—that there's more to them then their hair, their sculpted abs, and their prowess in the Astronomy tower. We are here to appreciate the fact that as wonderful as they are, they're still normal guys with normal needs and wants.

And we promise to their current and future girlfriends that we aren't out only for dating them. I can say, though only for myself, that I would settle to be just their friend, and I hope I will have the chance to work with them in the future.

So, if you also value, esteem, look up to, admire, and/or respect the Marauders, you are welcome to join us in our now biweekly meetings from 4 to 4:30 Thursday afternoons in the courtyard.

Sincerely,

Hestia Jones, Marauder Fan Club President

P.S. You can't, however, deny that these boys aren't the sexiest boys you've ever seen.