Yay, on to the New Moon action in this section! I love murderous Jasper.
As always, all the characters and the storyline (some dialogue too, took what I could out of New Moon to keep it as strictly canon as possible) belong to Stephenie Meyer and not me.
Part 2 – Forks.
For our kind, travelling from the northern edge of the world back down through Alaska and Canada to our home in Forks, Washington, was not a particularly challenging task. Emmett and I ran through the night until we reached Denali, where our 'cousins' made their home. When we had decided to extend our travels to include an Arctic vacation Emmett had made arrangements to have his Jeep sent to Denali in readiness for our return. Of course we could have run home easily, but the Jeep was convenient and fun and both Emmett and I were always up for off-roading adventures when the opportunity was there.
Alice had foreseen our return and was waiting for us on the steps when we reached home, Jasper lounging alongside her and Carlisle and Esme standing on the porch behind. She flitted down and tore open the mud caked, dented door of the Jeep, jumping in and hugging me before I could even step down.
"We're so glad you're home!" she beamed, and reached across for Emmett, who enveloped her in one of his big bear hugs. "I missed you!"
"I missed you too," I said honestly, pushing her out of the vehicle and slipping down after her. I hugged her again once we were on solid ground, feeling the familiar slight body and breathing in her scent. Emmett and Jasper pounded each other on the back and punched each other on the arms a few times in a typical display of affection that made both Alice and I roll our eyes and smile. I hugged Esme and then Carlisle took me in his arms and kissed my forehead.
"Welcome back my dear," he said sincerely, looking at me in satisfaction. He and Emmett shook hands, and then hugged each other as well. "It's wonderful to see you both again."
Esme took my hand and squeezed it lovingly. "It's not the same without all of you here! I did miss you Rose…and the Mercedes has been making an odd noise and I don't have another mechanic I trust!" she added with a laugh, and I couldn't help but laugh back. It was good to see my family again, these people who knew me so well and loved me despite everything.
"I'll look at it for you as soon as I can," I promised, hearing Emmett ask Carlisle where Edward was.
Alice threw me a quick look. "He'll be home later," she said lightly. "We've not been seeing as much of him lately either, which is making for a very quiet house I must say! No Edward playing the piano all day, no Emmett smashing things, no Rosalie and Edward fighting…no overhearing Rose and Emmett sexy times echoing through the house at all hours of the day and night!" she finished with a wink as she skipped out of Emmett's reach. "It's taken some getting used to!"
I made a face at her. "Insults and taunts…I thought I'd have to wait for Edward before I heard those." Too happy being back with my family to be upset, I shook my head. "Perhaps I'll keep your presents for myself!"
"You know I'm only teasing," Alice slipped her hand in mine and towed me into the house. "And I do love what you bought me."
No surprises for Alice of course, but both she and the others were happy with the trinkets and gifts Emmett and I had picked up in our travels. We told them briefly of our adventures and then I excused myself and went up to my room.
Alone, I placed the carved walrus tusk on the mantelpiece, noticing afresh the details Emmett had included in his creation. I saw the notched dorsal fin on the big bull and the trio of babies and knew that he had given me the exact pod of orcas that we had played with.
I showered and, for the first time in weeks, dried and styled my hair, feeling the mask slip back into place as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. Not just Emmett's Rosa anymore. No more of the angel free to love and play and live in the sunshine. Not here. Instead I drew my Cullen pendant out of the jewellery box and fastened the chain around my neck and became again the Rosalie Hale Cullen that my belonging here needed me to be.
When I went downstairs I found that Carlisle had been called back to the hospital and was gone. Jasper and Emmett were sprawled in the living area watching television and talking animatedly, Emmett with the laptop in front of him and the sports pages on the screen as he caught up on all the summer sport results he'd missed out on. Esme and Alice were seated at the kitchen table, wrapping paper, scissors and tape in front of them as Alice wrapped some packages. I joined them.
"Bella's birthday," Alice said in explanation. "It's tomorrow."
"Emmett wanted to be back for it," I said, examining the plane tickets that Esme had bought for Bella. A trip to Florida, to see her mother.
"We're going to have a party!" Alice was bright eyed with excitement. "A real birthday party Rose! We haven't had one of those since…well, ever actually."
I raised my eyebrow. "Well, considering that the last time any of us actually aged a year was back in 1935 with Emmett, is it that surprising?"
Edward suddenly materialised at my shoulder, smiling in amusement. "Alice, you know what Bella thinks about all this. Please restrain yourself." He bent and kissed my cheek lightly. "Rosalie. Welcome home."
I smiled in return, a little warily. He smelled like Bella, and after weeks of no human contact at all even that little scent made my venom run. "It's good to see you Edward."
"Edward!" Emmett's voice boomed through the room and he flashed across and tackled Edward with enthusiasm. The two of them went down with the noise of crashing boulders, a kitchen chair snapping into a pile of matchsticks under the weight, and Emmett's laugh rang out. "Christ, you were supposed to stop me…when have I ever been able to take you by surprise? Wake up brother! Look what you made me do…sorry Mom!"
Esme made an angry face, but no one could take it very seriously. We all knew how she loved seeing 'her boys' playing as brothers, and kitchen chairs were not that hard to replace. "I know you're pleased to see each other, but not in the house, thank you!"
Edward pushed Emmett off him, sending him skidding halfway across the kitchen, and the two of them got to their feet. "Emmett, it's a joy as always," Edward laughed, and ducked as Emmett reached out to scruff his hair.
Alice pushed a box across the table towards me. "I didn't know if you'd get back in time, so I helped Jasper pick out a gift for Bella from him, Emmett and you. I'm going to wrap up the box, and keep it out to have one of you install it while she's here with the truck."
It was a car stereo, the same one I'd put in Edward's Volvo last year. I shrugged, and extracted it from the box. "Emmett can do it. He knows how." I slid the box back to Alice and watched her wrap with dexterity. "So what exactly do you have planned for this party?"
Emmett kissed my neck as he dropped into the seat beside me. "Party for Bella's birthday? Awesome."
Edward frowned as he bundled the remains of the shattered chair into the trash can. "Nothing too elaborate please Alice. You know Bella's feelings on the matter."
"She's just being difficult," Alice said dismissively. "It's her birthday! Besides, I'm not doing anything excessive. Just a little party at home, with presents and cake. Just family. Hardly a party at all really! Nothing Bella can object too…well, nothing Bella really should object too anyway." She ran a fingernail along the ribbon tying her package and it sprang into a perfect curl.
"Cake," Emmett sighed wistfully. "You know there's not too much I miss, but cake…I could go back for that."
The rest of them laughed, and I briefly pressed my shoulder against his arm before rising from the table and moving into the living area. I knew the way things lay, and I would hold my tongue and not make more trouble than could be avoided, but that human girl was not my family.
It felt, for a while that night, as though Emmett and I had never left and all the events of last spring had never happened. As if Bella Swan had never happened.
There was no underlying tension as my family moved through the hours of darkness this time, just a deep contentment in being together again. People came together to talk and laugh and play and then moved away again, finding someone else, catching up on what had been happening, feeling whole and sure and strong again to be with our own. That was what this family did for us all…gave us a place of complete acceptance, of being and knowing without lies and secrets, something that was worth more than all the money and wealth stocked away in our vaults.
That night it all felt so easy. Edward on the piano, humming and happy. Emmett and Jasper playing chess and teasing Edward, egging each other to be ruder and more outrageous until it ended in the inevitable wrestling match, complete with gales of laughter and shouts from Esme as she implored them to take it outside. Esme and Alice decorated the living room in shades of pink and white, flowers and candles and then a cake they had laboured over. On his return from the hospital Carlisle read some new medical journals, and then somehow got roped into the boys' games and all four of them ended up in the yard, hurling each other about and roaring.
I shared all the news from our cousins in Denali with Carlisle, and then went out to my beloved garage to work. The 'funny noise' from Esme's Mercedes turned out to be a simple fix, but the Jeep Emmett and I had hammered home through the Canadian wilderness was another matter completely. I'd half dismantled it before having to concede, reluctantly, that after the beating we'd given it this time it was pretty much good for nothing but the scrapheap.
I took off my overalls and hung them back on the peg I kept them on, and then headed out in to the yard in my camisole and shorts. Edward and Carlisle were laughing as Emmett, halfway up a tree, kept aiming kicks at Jasper as he leapt up and attempted to knock him out of it. Changing tactics Jasper swarmed up the trunk and pounced; and the two of them came crashing to the ground with an earth shattering thump. They rolled, and after more of a scuffle Emmett took the upper hand and gave a victory yell as he finally pinned Jasper.
Leaping up, Emmett swooped down on me and I shrieked as he grabbed me and tossed me in the air, catching me again in a hard hug and rubbing his face in my hair. "Hey baby doll!"
I wrapped my arms around him and bit him playfully on his lower lip. "Good to see you're using your time constructively."
Emmett grinned amiably. "I have to make sure they're staying in line. Wouldn't want Jasper and Edward to start getting ideas above themselves…" He shouted a cheerful farewell to them, and carried me off towards the house. "What about you, angel girl, what have you been doing?"
"I've been out in the garage. You need a new Jeep," I reported. I wriggled around until I was facing Emmett, my legs wrapped around his waist. My shorts, which really were very short, rode halfway up my ass and Emmett made a noise of appreciation and gripped a little harder.
"Aww, the Jeep's fucked? Oh well, it had a good run and a new one could be fun." Emmett stopped talking as I nibbled at his ear and ran my tongue along the line of his jaw. He slid his fingers inside my shorts, making me gasp and squirm against his hand, and then he chuckled darkly. "Oh, baby doll…"
We made it to the laundry room before he slammed me up against the wall, grinding into me as I fumbled with the buttons on his jeans. "God, Rosa girl!" I freed him from his clothes muttering, "Yes, yes, yes, Emmett" before he had to ask, and pushing my shorts to the side he thrust into me, hard, grunting with the effort as I moaned and gripped him between my legs. I came, hard and quickly, and moments later Emmett shuddered and threw his head back with a shout as he came too.
Emmett sat me on the washing machine while he did up his jeans. I waited until he was finished and then leaned forward, my head against his chest while he stroked my back with gentle hands. "Love you baby doll." He swept my hair over one shoulder and dropped his head to kiss my neck. "Thank you for not being a bitch about the party."
I shrugged, not looking at him. "I'm trying Emmett…I can't make any promises, but I am trying."
I did try. I helped Alice with decorations, and kept my mouth shut tight against the acidic comments that came so readily to my lips. I waved her and Edward off to school in the morning with promises to dress up for her party and make sure Emmett installed the stereo in Bella's truck at the first opportunity.
Edward drove Bella to our home in her truck late the following afternoon. Alice moved at superhuman speed around the living room lighting all her pink and white candles, as the rest of us gathered in the room, dressed in party clothes and in varying states of excitement over celebrating a birthday again. We heard the rumble of the truck from miles away, then the slam of its heavy doors and Edward's laughter as he led Bella into the house. "Happy birthday Bella!"
She had not changed in the months since I had seen her last. Still shy and awkward and ordinary, still carrying the scent of human heat and blood into my home, still looking at Edward as though he hung the moon and made the stars just for her pleasure.
I carefully kept my face blank as Carlisle and Esme embraced Bella and wished her a happy birthday. I ground my teeth as Emmett greeted her with teasing cheer, and then slipped past her and out to the truck. I couldn't bring myself to smile, but I kept my face pleasant as Alice dragged a clearly embarrassed Bella over to the table and began showering her with gifts.
Bella opened the package containing the empty stereo box and looked inside it, mystified. "Um…thanks?" she said doubtfully.
Even I smiled at that, as the others laughed. "It's a stereo for your truck," Jasper explained. "Emmett's installing it right now so that you can't return it."
"Thank you Jasper and Rosalie," Bella said with a genuine smile. "Thank you Emmett," she added in a louder tone, and out on the driveway I heard Emmett laugh.
"Open mine and Edward's next!" Alice's voice was shrill with excitement. She loved all these human rituals so much, planning this party and these gifts had been like a gift for her as well. For a moment I was glad that Edward had convinced Bella, somehow, to allow Alice her fun.
Emmett entered the house again and bounded down the steps to stand behind me, his arms thrown casually around me. I fiddled with my pendant and watched as Bella slipped her finger under the taped paper and tried to slide it off. But because she was Bella and eternally clumsy her finger slipped and the edge of the silver paper sliced her skin, a bead of blood welling out of the tiny cut. Because of this tiny accident, because she was human and we were not, and because we had done what we should never, ever have done and been in such close contact with such a fragile thing, all hell broke loose in our house.
It was a stroke of luck that I was standing in front of Emmett and the scent of the blood touched me first. In the fraction of a second I had to recognise what had happened and know what would happen next, I whipped my arm behind me and gripped Emmett's balls in one hand. It was the only way I knew to stop someone whose strength was beyond any of us. The smell of the blood, so unexpected and so wrong here, had briefly stripped him of reason and as I grabbed him he was already tensed and ready to strike but he froze at the touch of my hand. The pause was all he really needed, I felt him forcing his body to stand straight and I heard him stop breathing to cut back on the scent of the blood, and I knew it was safe enough to let him go. After all, this was Bella and she was Edward's, and Emmett would never hurt her consciously.
Emmett might not be a threat now, but Bella was far from safe. In the time it had taken for that brief and silent exchange between Emmett and I, Jasper had smelled the blood and, with a guttural snarl, had hurled himself towards it with only one intent. Edward stopped him, with a roar and a crash that shook the room as the two of them collided. This was not the play fighting of the previous day, oh no…Jasper was beyond reason with the scent of blood in his nose and the source of it so close and vulnerable, and Edward fought back like one possessed to protect his own.
If it hadn't been bad enough already, as Edward pushed Bella out of reach of the ravenous predator determined to kill her that Jasper had become, that fragile, breakable human body flew backwards and crashed through the table in a shattering crash of crystal and glass. Her arm caught on a shard of glass and the delicate human skin tore from wrist to elbow and there was a moment of frozen, icy silence as all of us turned and stared at the blood that pumped out. Hot, red human blood, the dizzying scent of it swirling through the room, so much blood and so close…the monster within me raised its head and howled, and I felt the thirst burn before I brutally cut it down.
Jasper, maddened now beyond any hope of control, fought against Edward with everything he had. Edward swung round in front of Bella to protect her, but I didn't know how long he could hold out against Jasper in his frenzy.
"Stop him!" I shouted at Emmett, who vaulted the stair rail and seized Jasper in his iron grip as Alice screamed.
"Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside," Carlisle ordered with his usual calm authority.
"Come on Jasper," Emmett sounded rattled as Jasper struggled against his hold, twisting frantically in his arms and snapping at him with teeth bared. "Outside buddy, come on."
I threw a look at Bella and rapidly crossed the room to Emmett and Jasper where, avoiding those lethal teeth as best I could, I helped Emmett wrestle Jasper out the door to the garden that Esme held open for us.
"Jasper…Jas!" I grabbed his face between my hands as Emmett kept the rest of his body pinned and squeezed hard, pushing back the blond hair that fell forward over his eyes. "Jas, it's okay, you're fine…it's me, Rose, come on now, stop, stop, stop…" I stood in front of him and forced him to look at me, my golden eyes meeting his that were now flat black with the burning thirst. "Jasper, stop, you don't want to do this. Look at me, please, Jasper…it's okay now."
His eyes met mine and the madness receded, to be replaced by a look of stricken horror. "Rosalie." He slumped in Emmett's arms and his head bowed. "What have I done?"
"You didn't do anything," I said quietly, nodding at Emmett who squeezed Jasper in a fierce hug before releasing him.
"It's fine Jasper," Emmett said, trying to sound cheerful. "There was just an accident, not your fault at all. You got a bit worked up but we got you outside. No harm done. It's fine."
Esme had followed us out, unable to stay anywhere near all that blood, and she put her arms around Jasper. "It was an accident Jasper, that's all. Just an accident…please don't upset yourself. Bella will be fine."
Jasper glanced back through the glass wall to the living room. Edward was crouched beside Bella as Carlisle tied a tourniquet around her upper arm. The broken crystal and the blood dripping off Bella's arm and pooling on the floor told the story clearly. "I was going to kill her," he whispered, stricken. "If you hadn't stopped me I would have killed her, killed Bella…"
"Well, you didn't," I said sharply. Oh, there was so much I wanted to say! In some ways it was harder for me to bite back the I told you so! that was on the tip of my tongue than it had been to resist the call of Bella's blood. But Jasper stood in front of me, the brother and friend I had grown to love over the years, and I knew that holding him together as his guilt and shame tore him apart was more important than anything else right now. And it had not been Jasper who brought Bella here and insisted she stay.
"Nothing happened," I insisted, more quietly now. "It could have been any of us Jasper…it was very nearly Emmett if I hadn't been able to grab him in time." I gave Emmett an apologetic look, and he shrugged and shook his head at me.
"It wasn't any of you though," Jasper said quietly, shrugging out of Esme's gentle hold. "It was me…it's always me." He turned away from all of us and stared out at the dark forest growing down to the edge of the meadow our house stood in. "I don't have the control the rest of you do. I doubt I ever will, and I'm beginning to think it's foolish even to try."
"You've controlled yourself for years now Jasper," I argued. "But everyone has limits, and a bleeding human in the one place we've never had to exert control tested everyone! She shouldn't have been here at all, and we all know that's the truth of it. It was inevitable that something like this would happen if Edward kept playing out his ridiculous fantasy that a relationship with Bella was possible! You can't blame yourself for this."
Emmett suddenly stepped forward and stood beside me, angling his shoulder so that he was slightly in front of me. I glanced at him questioningly, and then saw Edward silhouetted in the doorway and I snapped my mouth shut, but Emmett's protective instinct was unnecessary. Edward didn't even spare me a glance.
"Jasper." His voice was soft. "I'm sorry. This is entirely my fault and you have nothing to blame yourself for…"
"Stop it Edward," Jasper's voice was weary. "No excuses. Don't burden yourself with guilt over my failings."
"You've failed at nothing," Edward moved to stand beside Jasper. "I caused this, my selfishness and refusal to do what I have always known was the only right thing. I have put my own desires above everything else, the unity of my family and the safety of Bella…" Edward choked over the name, and for a long moment there was silence.
"Please," Esme said anxiously. "Perhaps now is not the best time to discuss things? Jasper darling, everyone is overwrought and I'm sure Bella needs Edward. Tomorrow everyone will be feeling calmer and we will be able to see things more clearly."
Alice appeared in the doorway and paused for a moment to take in deep gulps of the cold, clean air before she flitted across the grass to Jasper and took his hands. "Jasper, my love…"
Jasper could not even raise a smile for his beloved Alice, and his hands lay limp and unresponsive in hers. "Esme is right," he said with an unnatural calm. "Now is not the time for discussion. Edward, Bella needs you and you should go to her. If you'll all excuse me, I'm going to go hunting." His face twisted into a look of disgust. "It would seem that I'm thirsty." He gently freed his hands from Alice and a moment later had vanished into the forest.
Edward turned on his heels and returned to the house without a word to anyone. At Alice's small sound of distress Esme hurriedly took her in her arms, and the two of them moved towards the house accompanied by the gentle murmur of conversation. Left alone, Emmett and I stood for a moment in silent contemplation of all that happened.
"I'm sorry that I stopped you like I did," I said finally, looking up at Emmett's impassive face. "I know you hate it and I promised I wouldn't do it again, but I didn't know what else to do."
Emmett ran his hands through his hair and shrugged. "Eh, it's probably just as well you did." He grinned at me, with a brief flash of humour. "Like you don't have me by the balls all the time anyway, baby doll!"
I smirked back, and leaned into him. "God, poor Jasper! What a mess."
"Yeah," Emmett wrapped his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. "Christ, what a scene!" He looked at me, and I could see the twitch of embarrassment around his mouth. "Come out hunting with me baby doll? I guess Jasper's not the only one, because that was really hard and I'm still fucking burning."
I took his hand. "Whatever you want Emmett."
We took off in the opposite direction to Jasper, knowing he wouldn't want us near him. We ran until we came across a small herd of deer, and it was a sign of just how perturbed by everything Emmett was that he didn't try for something better, just snatching up the first small doe he got within reach of and draining it within seconds, then seizing a second one and doing the same. He buried the limp bodies quickly, and walked slowly across to where I was sitting on a low branch, watching him.
"Think we should go home?" he asked.
I sighed. "I was personally wishing we'd never left our ice palace up north…but yes. I think we should go home and see how things lie."
Emmett wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face in my belly, as I bent low over him and kissed his curly head. "The family will work this out," I said softly. "We have to. This whole situation with Bella…oh, I've kept my mouth shut and we went away so I could avoid it but we can't keep doing that. Tonight has proved that, if nothing else. What Edward is doing here is untenable, and something has to give."
Emmett growled into my stomach in frustration, and I smiled wryly as I noticed the reversal of me soothing Emmett over anything to do with Bella Swan. I tugged at his hair to pull his face away from me, and when I could see his eyes, gleaming gold at me in the moonlight, I kissed him on the mouth, tasting the blood of the deer. I waited until he kissed back and then jumped lightly down, taking his hand and following him back towards home.
The house was darker now, Alice's candles melting into pools of wax in the living room. All traces of Bella's blood were gone and the smell of bleach hung heavy in the air. I listened and heard the murmur of conversation coming from the dining room- Carlisle and Jasper, with an occasional comment from Alice or Esme. I wondered what they were saying now, but the door was closed and I took the hint and left them in privacy, Emmett and I trailing upstairs.
Once in our room I walked into the closet and took off my high heels and party dress, leaving them in a crumpled pile on the floor, too dispirited to deal with anything so mundane now. I left on my knickers and slipped into a soft cotton t-shirt, and then turned back to Emmett.
He was lying on his back on the bed, hands folded behind his head, eyes closed and breathing perfectly even.
"What are you doing?"
"Pretending to sleep," he answered tiredly. "Feel free to join me."
I slipped lightly onto the bed beside him, snuggling my head into his shoulder and absently sliding my hand inside his shirt so I could trace the trail of hair down his chest and belly as I stared up at the heavy brocade canopy above us. I loved our bed. Emmett had built it back when we lived in Forks the first time, built it right here in the bedroom because even he would have had trouble manoeuvring the enormous thing around once it was finished. He built it with aged oak that had the hardness of iron, and he had polished it to a beautiful dark sheen. It was the first piece of furniture we'd ever had that lasted longer than a few months. He'd built it to last, and as the years went past and it stood up to everything he and I did on it I had started to think it would still be here when the house itself had aged and crumbled around it.
Emmett stroked his hand through my hair, and I closed my eyes too, pretending I could feel a heartbeat, wishing us back before the events of the evening.
"You really think this is going to change everything?" Emmett sounded wistful. "It's just that it's all been pretty good here in Forks this time. I know you haven't exactly been cheerleading for the Edward and Bella thing, but she's made Edward real happy and that's been a good thing."
I thought back to the look on Edward's face as he had fought against Jasper, his own brother, as the blood of his Bella had spilled out on to the floor. I thought of his face later on as he looked at Jasper in the garden, and I winced at the remembered agony I'd seen there. "Things have to change," I said. "We're the freaks of our kind, living as we do, but no matter what we do we'll never change what we are. Humans will always be prey and as long as we live the way we do we'll always be fighting our instincts. It will never be safe for her to be so near to us and we have to stop pretending that it can work out, just because that's what Edward wants."
"It sounds like you've thought it all through." Jasper stood in the doorway with Alice, her elfin face unhappy, standing slightly behind him.
I rolled away from Emmett and sat up against the head of the bed, gesturing for the two of them to come in. They did, Alice sitting perched on the end of the bed, Jasper learning stiffly against the post.
"Of course, I've been thinking it through," I said quietly. "Not just because of what happened tonight either, Jasper. I meant what I said before; it could have been any one of us out of control at any moment while she was here. It's an intolerable situation, which is why Emmett and I have spent the past three months away from home."
Jasper nodded. His face was carefully blank, but I could see the shame burning bright in his golden eyes. "Much of what you say is right Rosalie, but I feel that I'm the only real danger here. I cannot trust myself here any longer, so I have decided that I must go away somewhere for a time."
I glanced at Alice who bit her lip and looked at me helplessly. "Where?" I asked sharply. "You shouldn't go anywhere Jasper, this is your home!" There was a big difference between Emmett and me leaving on an extended holiday by choice, and Jasper feeling himself chased from his own home by the guilt of something that wasn't even his fault.
Jasper shrugged. "Nowhere in particular. I may look up Peter and Charlotte, perhaps visit with some other old acquaintances, maybe go back to the South for a time." His eyes met mine for a brief moment, begging for understanding. "I think a break would do me good."
A break from what? I wondered, knowing that none of Jasper's old friends shared our particular vampire diet. I wanted to dissuade him from leaving, but Jasper was stubborn enough to rival even me and I knew a lost cause when I saw one.
"Take the BMW," I said at last. "If you're going to go, you may as well do it in style." There was almost no bigger sacrifice I could make than offering the use of my beloved car and Jasper recognised the feeling behind the gesture. He smiled at me, a weak and pale version of his usual Southern charm, but at least it was genuine. He touched my hair briefly, then he and Emmett clenched hands and moved into a hug.
"Be careful brother," Emmett said fiercely. "Just take some time, and then come home buddy, because we're all gonna miss you."
Jasper clapped Emmett on the back and then walked straight backed from the room. Alice gave an inarticulate sob and I put my arms around her, holding her tight while Emmett grabbed both of us and pulled us onto his lap in a tangle of arms and legs.
"You can't stop him," I said, more a statement than a question.
"No," Alice shook her head. "He's determined to leave; he's crucifying himself with the guilt. I wish he'd just stay and talk to Edward about it! But we're going tonight. Thank you for the car Rosalie, he'll be sure to take care of it."
"Can't you see what's going to happen?" Emmett asked. "How long you'll be gone? What's Edward going to do?"
"It's not clear," Alice told us mournfully. "I see us going, but I'm trying to convince him to go to Denali although he's resisting, so I don't even know where we're going. Edward is very conflicted too…this isn't easy for anyone." She eyed me anxiously. "Take care of Carlisle and Esme Rosalie and please, don't fight with Edward."
I sighed impatiently. "I'm not going to fight with Edward! The time for fighting is long past. I just want my family back, that's all…" My voice trailed off, because there were no words to express how fiercely I loved my family and how much my heart ached over what had happened to us since the coming of Bella Swan.
Crushed together on Emmett's big lap, Alice and I shared a look of mutual understanding. For all of us, family was everything. This family that I had been born to in my vampire life, and Alice had seen in her mind and searched for, was at the centre of everything. It was not merely for decoration that I wore my heavy Cullen pendant almost exclusively. Even as the thought of it drifted into my mind Alice lightly touched it with her finger, and then hugged me again and kissed me roundly on the cheek. She twisted around to face Emmett, and smiled and kissed him too. "Take care of Rose Emmett…stand between her and Edward if need be! I must help Jasper pack, he wants to be gone as soon as possible and we need a few things. Thank you again for the loan of the car, Rose!"
She pattered from the room, and I curled up as small as I could in the comfort of Emmett's lap, seeking reassurance from his strong, loving arms. I didn't want to talk about this development, not yet. The idea of Jasper and Alice leaving the family for an indeterminate time was abhorrent. They simply never had, and this was not a holiday with a planned destination and promise of return…this was flight, and I wondered bleakly where it would end. Jasper struggled with the constraints of our diet as it was; how would he manage without the constant help and support of the rest of us? Was it possible for him to continue to battle his extreme thirst without Carlisle's endless belief and quiet encouragement? Would he even want to?
Beyond all that, I would simply miss him. When it came to the complex patterns of family allegiances, beyond the pair mating bonds, Jasper was mine, my steadfast friend and ally. From the day he and Alice turned up on the doorstep and she announced that we were their family, he and I had slipped into an easy companionship. He had been a Southern gentleman with the kind of manners and attitude I understood, and in response I was as pleasant and charming as I knew how to be, which was considerably. The antagonism that had plagued my relationship with Edward just wasn't a factor with Jasper. My faults, such as my vanity and selfishness and temper, were things Jasper understood and was not unduly bothered by. My more positive qualities of honesty and loyalty and strength were, on the other hand, things Jasper valued highly and so his opinion of me was correspondingly high.
Our friendship had only strengthened over the years. It was helped by the fact that Alice made me into the sister she'd always wanted and loved me. Another factor was that we looked more alike than any of the others, both of us tall and blonde, and so we generally presented ourselves to the outside world as twins, sharing classes in order to be close throughout the sometimes difficult school days. He'd even taken my surname without complaint as part of this ruse whenever it was necessary. I was aware of his struggles against temptation and did what I could to ameliorate them, becoming his frequent hunting partner because of this. He found it easier to confess what he saw of as failings to me and ask for my help, rather than to the other boys or to Carlisle, whom he idolised. Although I disagreed that he had anything to feel bad about, shame was one human emotion that I knew all too much about and the two of us grew to a shared sympathy and understanding.
Even in the matter of Bella Swan Jasper had been on my side. His analytical mind had examined the possibilities we were dealing with and known that eliminating Bella Swan as a source of risk was the safest thing to do. Both of us dealt better in the real, in what could be seen and touched and changed, and as I watched Jasper and Alice leave our family and home in my red BMW I wished heartily that the rest of the family had listened to us the previous spring. If we'd taken action then, this would never have become such an issue.
There was little conversation between the four of us remaining at home once Alice and Jasper had gone. Esme and Carlisle cleared away all evidence of the ill-fated party and then sat together in a near silent game of cribbage. Emmett watched television, flipping through the channels restlessly. I went out to the garage and stripped the Jeep of everything salvageable; hoping to soothe my mental turmoil with the familiar mechanical work, but it wasn't terribly successful.
Edward appeared in the morning, his face blank and his eyes remote. I knew he would be listening to our thoughts to learn what had taken place in his absence, and I forced my mind to think of nothing but the new Jeep I was planning on buying and modifying again for Emmett.
"How is Bella?" Carlisle asked Edward, asking both on a professional and personal level.
"Her arm is painful," Edward said quietly. "I had her take some Tylenol and I believe it helped."
His answer went no further, and I found myself wondering what Bella's reaction to last night's events had been. She should have been terrified, if she had any real understanding of how close she had come to death, but her reactions to our vampirism had never been what we would have expected. I believed she did not fully comprehend our otherness, did not really understand that it wasn't just drinking blood and perfect physical strength, but that on every single fundamental level we were not human.
"She doesn't understand that, Rosalie," Edward said coldly, hearing my unguarded thoughts. "How could she, really? As you've pointed out time and time again, Bella is not one of us."
I felt myself bristling. "Don't you dare put this on me, Edward," I said sharply. "I refuse to be the villain this time. I've said nothing to you about what happened last night and what we should do now. I'm not your conscience."
Edward's face was set, his jaw tense as he acknowledged me with a nod. "I believe I understand your point Rosalie."
"I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be a bitch," I said, taking a deep breath and forcing myself to remain calm. "Not this time, anyway! But I won't let you push me into voicing what your own conscience is telling you and then have you resent me for it."
"Now is not the time for this," Carlisle interjected. "Edward, you have school. I've written a note excusing Alice for the time being and I'll ask you to hand it in to the office." He passed an envelope bearing his MD letterhead to Edward, who slipped it in to the front pocket of his backpack.
"Tonight," Edward said in a low voice. "I'll not stay with Bella, but come home and we can talk tonight." He turned and left for school.
I returned to the garage, Emmett on my heels. He looked somewhat sadly at the remains of his Jeep, and then shrugged philosophically. "You'll build me a new one, right? Maybe I should get a black one this time." He picked up on of the mangled doors I'd left leaning against the wall, and grunted as he mashed it into a ball between his hands.
"Always a show off," I remarked, watching him in amusement as he tossed it from hand to hand.
Emmett hurled it at my head, and I caught it without blinking and tossed it onto the junk heap. "Princess Bitchface," he said with a grin. "You were very nice to Edward then baby doll, I was impressed."
I rolled my eyes. "I've always said he overthinks everything, but this is ridiculous. It's time to stop all the soul searching and heartrending agony he and Bella seem to thrive on, and take some action."
"Either cut Bella loose, or change her," Emmett nodded, and I scowled.
"Not change her. He needs to leave her."
Emmett held up his hands in surrender. "I'm not going to argue about it with you Rose! God knows there's going to be enough arguing in the family tonight without you and I getting into it with each other now."
"True enough," I sighed, looking sadly at the place where my BMW usually parked.
Time moved slowly as we waited for Edward's return from school and Bella's home. I hated the feeling of uncertainty that came from not knowing what was going to happen. When the phone rang in the afternoon I snatched it up, relieved to hear Alice's chirping voice coming down the line.
"How are you and Jasper? Have you convinced him to just come home?" I demanded.
"Not quite," Alice spoke cautiously. "He's being a little…difficult about it. You know his feelings about honour Rosalie, and he sees his attack on Bella and Edward as unforgiveable. He refuses to put her in any further danger, although I've told him and told him that he's not a danger to her, not really!"
"So you won't be coming home," I said slowly, because I did indeed know Jasper's feeling regarding his honour. "Not as long as Bella is part of things."
"It's not Bella's fault either!" Alice said hastily. "It's just complicated Rose, you realise that."
I did realise that, and I passed the phone to Carlisle with a sense of glum resignation. Joining Emmett on the sofa and staring unseeingly at the tv, I pondered over the choices we seemed to have remaining.
Edward reappeared in the evening, moving silently into the house and taking a seat in the living room. I had been painting Esme's nails at the kitchen table but with a glance at her face finished in a blur of speed so the two of us could follow him. Emmett was still slumped on the sofa staring at the television and I threw myself down beside him as Carlisle came rapidly down the stairs from his study.
"Edward," he said, and the two of them locked eyes for a long moment.
"I haven't discussed anything with Bella yet," Edward said, in response to a mental question from Carlisle.
"I want you to know that the family will do anything we can," Carlisle said softly. "What happens next is entirely your choice, but we will support you in doing whatever you feel is right. All of us."
Edward's face was expressionless. "Thank you. I would not have asked you all to endure such family disruption on my account, but it will make things…easier. For Bella." Edward's jaw twitched. "I've been selfish and put my own desires above what is right for some time now. I'm doing nothing but putting Bella in danger and causing trouble for the family, and I realise this can't continue. I know Rose and Emmett left over the summer because of myself and Bella, and now Jasper and Alice have gone too."
Emmett stirred restlessly. "I like Bella," he muttered rebelliously. "It's been working fine up until now. So Jasper tried to kill her…so what? What's the occasional attempted murder between friends? She's still alive and no one even lost any limbs. He tried to kill me once too, remember? I got over it, and Bella will too."
"Bella is already over it," Edward said impatiently. "But her life is in danger every minute she is near any of us Emmett, and I can't do that to her! Even if we all keep perfectly restrained, what kind of life will she have with me? There is so much I can never give her, things like marriage and children and growing old with someone, and as long as I am around she'll never let go enough to find someone else that will be better for her!"
"But you and Bella..." Esme protested, but stopped as Edward held up his hand.
"Don't," he said, almost harshly. "I know what you're going to say, but I refuse to take her life by changing her, and I refuse to hold her back in this life by staying by her side when I know better. It would be unutterably selfish of me…I know she thinks she loves me," he snapped in obvious response to Esme's unspoken thoughts. "But she's eighteen and a human. She doesn't see the future the way we do, and I've listened to Rosalie enough over the past seventy years to know that just because Bella doesn't think these things are important now doesn't mean they'll never become important."
I narrowed my eyes, but there was no trace of antagonism in Edward's voice and he looked back at me without rancour.
"Bella sees the glamour of what we are, but there is so much that she doesn't see too," he went on. "I have to give her the chance to have a normal life, a normal human life…"
His cell phone rang and he turned away to pick it up, but we all clearly heard Alice's overwrought voice.
"Edward, I've just seen and…you can't! Bella will be…"
"NO!" Edward roared, his composure shattering. "Don't do this Alice! I've made up my mind and it's the only choice possible. Bella will move on from me, and have a chance to find happiness. Stay out of it Alice, I mean it! Don't look for her. It's over." Without waiting for a response he slammed the phone down onto the arm of the chair and looked at Esme and Carlisle, forcing his face back to its usual smooth countenance. "We must leave," he said in clipped tones. "All of us, as soon as possible. I am very sorry for the difficulties of that, but it's the only way. The best way for Bella. A clean break from me, from all of the Cullens." His face twisted with a pain that touched even me, and there was a long silence.
"Very well," Carlisle said finally. "I understand Edward, and if that's the way you want it then we'll all support you and make it as easy as possible. I'll hand in an immediate resignation at the hospital…" he broke off and answered his cell phone. "Yes, Alice?...The New York house? Of course, if you and Jasper would like to open it up for us we'll be there in a few days…Please do what you can to reassure him…I understand." He tapped at the phone and then look at Esme with a smile. "We're going back to the New York house it seems."
Esme's nose wrinkled. "That's in fairly dreadful condition I believe. However it's furnished and ready to be used, and it's been some time since we were there."
Edward ran his hands through his hair. "Thank you, all of you."
"It's nothing," Carlisle said gently. "Family is always there Edward, you know that."
Emmett stood up and scuffed Edward's hair, dodging effortlessly as Edward aimed a fist at him. "Not as though you haven't moved for me," he said sweetly. "It's about time I got to do the same for you."
I followed Emmett up the stairs to our room, where he pulled down a duffel bag from the top of the closet shelf. One sweep of his arms cleared half the hangers from his section of the closet as he dumped everything in to the bag, a second sweep of his arm poured a shelf of jeans in on top, then he shook the bag and crushed it together until he could do up the zip. "Clothes packed," he announced in tones of satisfaction.
I snorted in incredulity. "You're amazing. You don't need anything else?"
Emmett shrugged. "I'll buy new."
I rolled my eyes and pulled down my own suitcase to begin packing. Emmett found a cardboard moving box in the back of the closet (long experience had taught us to be prepared for these sudden evacuations) and began tossing random objects into it. He hummed as he did so, and once again I marvelled at Emmett's ability to just enjoy the moment.
"Do you think he's doing the right thing?" Emmett asked after a while. He was sitting backwards on the desk chair, the cardboard box at his feet as he riffled through the drawers.
"Edward? Yes, I do," I snapped shut the suitcase and pushed it over by the door then got down a second one. "He's already proven that he's unable to stay away from Bella if we're here. Jasper won't come back and if he won't then Alice won't. And really Emmett, how well do you think Jasper is going to manage to control himself without the rest of us to help him?"
"Probably not that great," Emmett admitted, but then countered quietly, "But how well do you think Edward is going to manage without Bella?"
That was not a question I had a ready answer to, and when I remembered the look of agony on Edward's face it was not a comfortable question to consider. Silently I continued packing.
Several wordless hours later Emmett and I were ready to leave. I had helped Esme fling dust sheets over the furniture as Carlisle went to the hospital to arrange his affairs there and Edward left with a set face and fire in his eyes to meet Bella at school. Emmett and I had packed what we needed and there seemed little point in waiting around while Edward, Esme and Carlisle tidied away the remains of our life in Forks. We would instead travel to meet Jasper and Alice and ready the New York house.
I threw the suitcases in Edward's Aston Martin, unable to stop the grin from spreading across my face at the prospect of driving it across the country. It wasn't my BMW of course, but it certainly had style and class of its own and was Edward's secret pride and joy- which of course meant I rarely, if ever, got my hands on it to drive it! But with my BMW already gone with Alice and Jasper and Emmett's Jeep in pieces in the garage, taking the Vanquish was the best option. It left the Mercedes for Carlisle and Esme and the Volvo for Edward to follow us to New York. Jasper's Ducati, my sweet restored BMW 328 and the other vehicles would, for the time being, remain in the garage.
Esme hugged me tightly, her face sad. I knew what hopes she had had for Edward and Bella; she had a true romantic's heart and this ending to Edward's romance, such as it was, was shattering her dreams of happily ever after. "Take care my dears," she said, extending her hug to Emmett who picked her up in his massive arms and squeezed. "Emmett!"
"Sorry Mom." He placed her carefully back on the ground, smiling as he swung into the passenger seat of the car and plugged his iPod into the dock. "We'll be fine; we'll be with Alice and Jasper pretty soon. Hopefully we'll talk Jas out of his funk and things will pick up once we're in the new place."
I slipped into the driver's seat and a moment later we were speeding smoothly out of the drive. I glanced back once to see Esme standing alone in front of the big white house, her arm raised in a wave, before firmly setting my eyes forward. Move on. Think of the future. Don't obsess over what you're leaving behind. Carlisle's words from many years of moving echoed in my head and I sighed impatiently.
"Hey babydoll," Emmett said, after miles of silence. "I found this when I was packing." He handed me an age spotted black and white photograph. "It's from last time we were in the New York house."
I took the picture and looked at it, a sudden smile softening my face. "Oh, wow."
We didn't take too many photographs really. There was not much point when the only thing that ever changed were our clothes and, to a smaller extent, hairstyles. We didn't need photographs to remind us of events, and over time we had become increasingly aware that photographs provided evidence of our existence that could be awkward or difficult to explain away. But there were several from various points throughout our personal history and the one Emmett had just handed me was one I had kept, hidden in my jewellery box, for over forty years.
It showed Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Edward and I standing on the steps of our New York country house, the rambling brick home built nestled at the edge of the state forest. Looking at the photo now we appeared as though we were on our way to a costume party- Alice posing with a cheeky grin wearing a mini dress and high boots with her short hair slicked back, beside her Jasper in jeans and a t shirt with a peace sign printed on the front; Edward in trousers and a plaid shirt standing slightly apart; Emmett in jeans and a fringed vest, with one arm around me wearing my embroidered peasant blouse and skirt. My hair was falling in long loose waves on either side of my face, and I was looking into the camera with a knowing smile.
"I remember this," I said softly. "It was 1968, and it was Alice and Edward's first day of college."
"Yes. It just made me think, when I saw it, about everything we did that year." Emmett hesitated.
"And remember how it all ended," I finished for him, and he nodded.
"I don't know baby doll, it just seems weird to be running back there because of a human when it was the place we all had to run away from last time we got too involved with humans." Emmett took the photo back and looked at it with a frown, which then transformed into a grin. "God, look at us! I know it all went to hell, but didn't we have a good time?" He choked back a laugh. "Really Rosa girl, with all this drama and Edward and Jasper at each other's throats the other night, this is just like fucking Woodstock all over again!"
I snorted with a kind of horrified laughter, and then clapped my hand across my mouth. "God Emmett…I hope not!"
The Woodstock music festival had been at the centre of the single bitterest disagreement our family had ever had over our dealings with the human world, and had brought us closer to implosion than any other event before or since. Emmett and I might privately laugh at the incongruity of the famous festival of peace and love and music in the 60's nearly destroying our family, but at the time it had been anything but a joke. Even now I think we were the only ones who found any amusement at the memory; the others avoided any mention of it and the very name had become almost a dirty word in the Cullen house.
"We'll be okay. As long as we're together my angel, we're going to be fine. Through bears and Woodstock music festivals and Bella Swan," Emmett grinned. "You and me Rosa girl, always."
I smiled back at him, my beautiful and beloved bear of a man, and as we drove through the morning I let my mind remember. Bears and Woodstock and Bella Swan…
