She stared blankly at the fresh faced young man until he began to appear extremely uncomfortable. He probably thought he was in trouble, she realized after a moment.
"Yes Captain I did – but, ah, something important has come up so I'll see you later. Sorry for the wasted trip. You're dismissed for now"
"Thank you General." And with that he left the office.
Sam looked around and quickly realized that she was at the SGC. Oh, the office had changed somewhat – the pictures were different and there were a few more 'nick knacks' around but otherwise it was the same. She saw a nameplate on the desk and, turning it around, it confirmed what the airman had said. In bold letters it read "Brig. General Samantha Carter."
So, she'd made it to the top, she thought. Her father would be so proud. So would Jack, she laughed. She just knew he would be pleased as punch that she made it to General. He had always taken pride in her accomplishments.
So, what did all this mean? Obviously this was some time in the future as she was too young to be made a General in her time line. She hadn't served enough years in the Air Force. She had to find out some more information, and quickly.
She glanced down at her hand and noticed that there were no rings on her wedding finger. Well, she thought, that doesn't necessarily mean anything; often officers don't wear rings on duty. A small doubt began niggling its way through her mind, however. As General and CO of the base she wouldn't be going off world so a ring would be fine. She remembered that General Hammond had still worn his, even though his wife had passed away.
Okay, how to find out what was going on? She needed to speak with someone she could trust, someone who wouldn't think she was crazy. I guess the first thing to do is find out when I am and then find out who is around that I can talk to. Hopefully Jack was close by – if not then Daniel or Teal'c. Even Vala or Cam would be acceptable although she'd prefer her original teammates.
She turned to her computer and gave a quick murmur of thanks that she had obviously just been looking at it. If it had been off she would probably not have been able to get past the security and passwords.
She first looked up today's date and got a shock to realize that eight years had passed since the day she had gone to Trelea. Wow, eight years. A lot would have happened in that time, she realized.
Okay – so I know when – let's find out who is around. She looked up the personnel records of the base. Most of the names were new although there were a few she still recognized. Walter was still here (thank God – she was sure that the SGC would cease to exist were he not present) as was Siler. Cam was here and was listed as 2IC of the base. Unfortunately, she didn't see Daniel's name nor that of Teal'c or Vala. Okay, I guess that's not too surprising. In the military people generally don't stay around for too long and in the case of Daniel and Teal'c they had already been at the SGC for longer than most postings.
The next thing to do was do a search of a few people no longer here. The military was a master at keeping documentation on everything and should have records of where people had gone.
Of course, the first person she looked up was Jack. It took a moment and her heart began to beat quickly. Finally, the file appeared with a picture, obviously taken around the time he had moved to Washington. It listed his rank, his various postings, etc. until finally, at the end, it simply said "Retired" – the date given was eight years ago – right after the time they would have been on Trelea. Other than that there was no information. It didn't give a present address or status. Frustrating, but not the end.
She then went on to look up Daniel. Here, she had a bit more luck. It showed him as being at the SGC for one more year after their return from Trelea and then simply said "posted abroad". The fact that no location was given probably meant he was off-world, maybe in Atlantis as that had been his dream. He was posted 'abroad' for two years and then it showed him as resigning from his contract with the military. The last five years he was listed as working as chief curator for the Smithsonian in Washington. It gave an address for him and, interestingly enough, at the bottom it said 'Married: Vala Mal Doran".
Sam laughed. It looks like she finally got him. Good for you Vala. I bet she leads him a pretty dance!
She wrote Daniel's contact information down and then quickly looked to see if Teal'c was around. Again, it said he had retired and moved abroad. Probably back to Chulak or somewhere with Ishta, she figured.
Just as she was about to close down the computer she thought to check one more person. She looked herself up. The picture was of her in her Dress Blues, the stars clearly visible on her shoulder. (God, I look older). She quickly perused the facts – all her postings, ranks, commendations, etc. It showed that she had made General three years ago. Nothing was too much of a shock at this point until she got to the personal part. Under Marital Status it showed her as 'Single'. The person to contact in case of emergency was her brother Mark. Jack was not mentioned anywhere.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. This was looking really bad, she admitted to herself. It was becoming obvious that something had happened – or was going to happen (God this was confusing). What had the alien 'presence' meant about choice? Was this to show her what her choice was – or would be?
Well, the only thing to do is call Daniel. He'll be able to answer some questions. With that, she picked up the phone and called the number listed at the Smithsonian.
It took a few minutes, as he obviously wasn't in his office. Knowing Daniel he was probably off somewhere in the depths of the museum mesmerized by some ancient artifact or other! The fact that she had identified herself as a General was the only reason his assistant was even trying to find him.
Finally, a voice she recognized answered, "Daniel Jackson".
"Daniel, it's me, Sam."
There was a long pause until finally he answered, very tentatively, "Sam?"
"Yes Daniel, it's me. I'm sorry to bother you but I really need to talk to you. I'm thinking of flying out to Washington tonight. Can we meet tomorrow?"
"Yeah, sure. But what's this about Sam? Is everything okay? You sound kind of strange."
"I'm not sure Daniel. I just need some information from you. Where can I meet you tomorrow?"
"Ah, why don't you come by my office. Do you have the address?"
She looked at the paper in front of her and read off the address listed. "Is that the correct one?"
"Yes, that's right. I'm in from about 8:30 so just ask at the front desk. I'll let them know you're coming."
"Thanks Daniel. I appreciate this. By the way, how's Vala?"
Again there was a pause. This wasn't like Daniel, she thought. He didn't sound like he was happy to hear her voice and certainly didn't seem interested in chatting.
"She's fine. So I'll see you tomorrow then?"
"Okay Daniel, I'll see you tomorrow." And with that she hung up the phone.
Something was off – but there was no way to discover what it was. She'd find out tomorrow she thought. In the meantime, she needed to arrange a flight to Washington. She assumed she must have an assistant so now was the time to find him or her and make arrangements. She'd also have to figure out where she lived, whether in her old home, or someplace new. She was worried that that was going to be a little tricky until she realized it should show on her wallet. She searched around her desk until she found a slim purse. Once opened it revealed a wallet and little else. She looked at her license and, according to it, her address hadn't changed. Thank heavens for that.
Later that evening, as she sat in the plane on her way to D.C. she pondered what could have happened. It was pretty clear that Jack was not in her life. She hoped to God he was okay – but quickly realized his file would probably indicate if he were dead. Although why an address wasn't listed was puzzling. Increasingly, she felt very anxious about the situation. She had a sense of foreboding – almost of doom – hanging over her.
The next morning she arrived at the Smithsonian right at 9:00 a.m. She thought she'd give Daniel at least a little while to get settled – and have his coffee – before she confronted him with her bizarre story.
As soon as she gave her name at the desk she was led back to the offices by a pleasant-faced guard. The guard attempted to chat with her but she found it difficult to keep her attention on the conversation. He probably thought she was rude, she realized, but couldn't get the energy up to really care.
When she arrived in the back area a receptionist took over and led her to a large office down the hall. On the door it simply read: Dr. D. Jackson. The receptionist knocked, and without waiting for a reply, opened the door and signaled that she was to enter.
As she entered the room, Daniel stood up and said a soft. "Hello Sam".
She immediately noticed he didn't come around the desk and hug her – something he would have done in the past. Now, he looked distinctly uncomfortable, as if he was meeting a stranger – or someone he would much rather not face.
"So, have a seat. Can I offer you a coffee General, or a glass of water?"
"No that's fine" (General! – things must be really bad between them). "I'm sorry to bother you Daniel, but I need some answers and you're the best person I could think of to help."
"Well, I don't know if there's much I can do. I haven't really been part of the military for the past five years so I'm kind of out of the loop."
"No, it's not about now. What I need to find out is what happened eight years ago."
"Eight …? What are you talking about Sam? What do you mean 'what happened'? You were there – you know what happened."
"No Daniel, I really don't. Please, just listen to me. I know this will sound crazy but you have to believe me. I don't know what happened. I just arrived here, in this world, yesterday. One moment I'm on Trelea with Jack eight years ago and then suddenly I appear in the SGC and I'm a Brigadier General. I don't know anything that's happened during the past eight years. Please, you have to believe me."
Daniel just sat and stared for a minute. He looked as if he wasn't sure if he was facing a lunatic – or whether he was dreaming. What he couldn't believe was that what Sam was saying was the truth.
"General – I don't know what you're pulling but it's not funny. You know very well what happened – what you did. Do you think this is a way to fix things? Do you think you can make everything better by showing up here like this. Well I'm sorry, but it's too late for that."
"Daniel, please, I beg you. I'm not joking. Why do you think I would do something like this if I didn't mean it. You know me – or at least you did – you must know I'm telling the truth. How many strange things have we seen over the years? Don't you think it's possible I'm telling the truth?"
Again he stared at her for what seemed like the longest time until finally, he took a breath and sat up straighter.
"Okay, I suppose, for old time's sake I'll listen and try and believe you. What is it you want to know."
"Thank you Daniel. I need to know everything. I don't know anything that happened. I looked up the records at the SGC – that's how I found you – but I couldn't find anything on Jack and I need to know where he is, how he is."
"God Sam – I can't believe you're actually sitting across from me asking me that. But okay, I'll try and tell you although honestly, I don't know everything."
He then started to tell her the story, from his perspective, from the time they were all on the planet of Trelea.
"Teal'c and I waited for three days for you to come back. A few times we were able to see you, see what you were going through. On one or two occasions it almost felt as if we were helping, although we couldn't hear anything or communicate directly. Finally, on the third day, you and Jack just suddenly appeared. You were both asleep, or unconscious, we couldn't tell. We radioed for help and eventually took you back to the SGC.
You both remained out of it for another day until finally you showed signs of waking up. According to the doctors you were both okay. There did appear to be a strange, I don't know – symmetry in your vital signs."
"Symmetry?"
"That's the only way I can describe it. It was almost as if your bodies were working in harmony together. Your signs weren't always the same but they almost seemed to react to one another. The doctors couldn't figure it out at all, but fortunately, it didn't seem to be hurting you. Finally, you woke up and the first thing you did was ask for Jack. He was still sleeping so you and I talked. You didn't seem to remember much of what had happened though. You did seem sort of sad but you wouldn't tell me why. After a short while the doctors declared you fit and released you. I thought for sure you would stay until Jack was awake but you immediately left the base. That's the last I saw of you for almost a month. I found out later you'd asked for personal leave and had gone away."
"What about Jack. Was he okay? What happened to him?"
"Yes, he was okay, at least physically. He came to a few hours after you'd left. He was a bit groggy and didn't really want to talk. Teal'c and I both tried, for a couple of days, to get him to tell us something but he absolutely wouldn't. You know how stubborn he could be about things like that! The doctors kept him in a bit longer because there seemed to be some weird things going on in his brain. It was almost like when he got the Ancient download but didn't seem to affect him the same way. Eventually, when they couldn't find anything more they released him. Teal'c and I took him back to his place here in Colorado Springs. We sat with him all evening and drank beer. It finally took getting him drunk to loosen up."
"Did he tell you what happened?"
"Yeah – at least a bit of it. He told us about the various tests and the results. Some of it we'd seen, as I said, but some of it we didn't know. It sounded awful, but the interesting thing was he didn't seem to care about any of it. I asked him if he had passed the test – if he was, in fact, the Chosen One? He said yes and that was it. That was all he said. When Teal'c asked him what that meant he just laughed and said it meant the rest of his life was basically screwed. Then, he said one more thing,"
"What was it? What did he say?
Daniel thought back to his conversation those many years ago and remembered clearly Jack sitting on the couch. He had raised his head and looked right at Daniel, for the first time since he'd returned from the planet. Softly, almost so softly it was hard to hear, he said, "It's funny really – I've spent my whole life putting duty ahead of my wants, my desires. For the first time ever I thought it was time for me, for us. But I should have known better. Duty always comes first. She put duty first, her career first. So now, I get to do mine – I get to save the God Damned universe – and I get to do it without her."
"That was the last thing he would say. He wouldn't tell us anymore. He just asked me to do one thing and then told us to leave, that he wanted to rest."
"What did he ask you to do?"
"He asked me to give you a letter. I never knew what it said but I told him I would. The next morning he was gone and that's the last I ever saw of him. I found out later he had returned to Washington and handed in his resignation. I never found out whether or not he told the President why or what had happened. I still have the letter Sam – if you want it?"
"Why do you still have it? Why didn't you give it to me eight years ago?", she cried. God – what if it would have made a difference? Why hadn't Daniel given it to her?
"I tried to Sam. I tried many times. You refused to take it – refused to read it. You said to keep it or to burn it, that you couldn't look at it. I never really forgave you for that Sam. I think you destroyed Jack and you couldn't even read his letter. You had turned into someone I didn't know anymore."
Sam sat there for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, she lifted her head and looked at Daniel.
"Why, why did I do it? I don't understand?"
"You did it for you, Sam, for your career. You knew that if you went with Jack, if you followed his path, you would have to give up that", pointing to the stars on her shoulders. "Oh, it wasn't just your career – you thought you had to save the world. You didn't think you could let others do it – it had to be you, Sam Carter –genius and, what did Jack always call you, "national treasure'. Well, your career has gone brilliantly Sam. I've heard that you're next in line for Home World Security and that the sky's the limit", here he laughed derisively. "I wouldn't be surprised if one day you make Chief of Staff. You could one day be 'the woman'."
Sam realized, as he spoke, that Daniel blamed her for what had happened. From what he said, she tended to agree. At first, she wanted to deny that she would do anything like what he had described, but deep in her heart, she knew it was feasible, it was something she would have done. She knew also that she didn't take the letter because she had been afraid it would have made her change her mind.
For the first time it struck her. She had expected that Jack would be the one to retire, to give up his career and she would be able to continue her work. She could have her career and Jack. Oh, she had been willing to give him up – to sacrifice their love, for the good of the world, she could do that. But she couldn't sacrifice herself, her career for him. Her life, oh that was easy, that was something that she did in the line of duty. But to give up her life in the Air Force, the chance to prove herself, to show her father, even though he was dead, that she could succeed - that she couldn't give up.
It was always her, she realized, who insisted they leave it in the room. Jack would have made the change at any time if she had asked. He worried about her – he didn't want to harm her chances and she had blithely accepted his sacrifice. Even at the end, even when he was going through all the tests, she was asked to do little, to sacrifice little. She was with him, she supported him, she even loved him – but could she give up her planned life for him. Obviously, from what Daniel told her, she hadn't. She had chosen duty and career over love, and she hadn't even been willing to read Jack's letter – to allow him the opportunity to speak with her one more time. She was ashamed and heartbroken. What had she done?
She looked up at Daniel one last time. "May I have the letter?"
"Yes, when you called I thought that maybe you wanted it. I brought it with me. But I don't know if you should read it now. It's too late. Jack is gone and you can't go back. You have your life now; it's what you've wanted. You are a successful woman, with power and influence and, even if I sounded harsh, you have saved the world countless times and will probably do so some more. You are a good person Sam. I just want you to be happy."
"Do you think I am Daniel? Do you think I've been happy the last eight years?"
"No, I know you haven't been. I think you've lost part of yourself. But maybe you can try and put this behind you now. Maybe reading the letter will help and you can go on and find fulfillment and happiness."
"I don't think so Daniel. I think you are right. I think I lost – no, I think I threw something essential away. I had the chance for great joy and I gave it up. Thank you for seeing me today. I hope your life is good. I will always remember you as a dear friend, Daniel."
With that, she took the letter he was holding out to her and turned towards the door. She had only taken a couple of steps when Daniel caught up to her and grabbed her. He gave her a good old Daniel hug. Hugging him back, with tears falling from her eyes, she spoke into his shoulder.
"What have I done, Daniel, what have I done?"
