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As he looked at her he felt tiny little pieces of his soul shatter. He knew that those pieces would grow bigger, possibly until there was nothing left. But for now, he couldn't think too deeply about what was happening, what they had to do.
"There is no choice Sam. This isn't about you or me – it's about our planet, our people. So, I guess we go home." He picked up one of the supply packs, slung it over his shoulder and indicated to the others that they should begin to move out.
Sam just looked at him without moving, hoping, praying this wasn't the end.
"Jack", she said softly, "we can still work things out. We can still be together."
He looked over at her and smiled a small smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Sure, Sam. We will, we'll be together. We've come this far, eh?" Although his words expressed hope – his voice did not.
Both of them knew that it wasn't going to happen. They both understood, too well, that when they returned they would again be caught up in saving the world, in ensuring that everyone else was okay, that the planet survived.
Jack would be called back to Washington from where he would run earth's defenses. Sam would stay at the SGC, using her brilliance to also defend their home. Again, things would be pushed to the background, suppressed and put into that room labeled duty. For a while they would try – they would hope and promise each other – but deep in their hearts they knew that too much was against them. The short promise of them was going to fade with each battle, each discovery, each threat. Their lives would continue, but only as friends, never as lovers.
All of that passed between with a quick sigh of the wind. They knew and they grieved. With one last moment shared, the two officers turned forward and began to walk away from the path they had been offered.
Daniel and Teal'c, while not understanding what had just happened, both knew, in their hearts, that it was not good. Filled with sorrow for their friends, they grabbed their supplies and followed Jack and Sam towards the gate.
The journey back was silent, not the friendly silence of friends spending time together, but the dark, oppressive silence of shared despair.
After about ten minutes of walking, Jack noticed that he began to feel dizzy. He kept on for a while but eventually had to stop.
"Guys, wait up. I need to take a rest." He dropped his pack where he had stopped and slowly lowered himself to the ground, burying his head in his hands.
"Jack, what's the matter?" asked Daniel
"I don't know Danny. I'm not feelin so good."
"Is it the same as before, Sir?" Carter came over and kneeled beside him, looking and sounding worried.
"No, ego sum tropo defessus. Securro me, Sam!"
"Why is Jack speaking Ancient? Don't tell me there was an Ancient Repository here?" questioned Daniel
"No Daniel, but the aliens or Guardians did something that started up his Ancient Gene. He has been speaking Ancient off and on. They said it wouldn't hurt him, but I don't know. I don't know what's wrong!"
Jack could no longer hold himself up and was beginning to fall over when Teal'c reached down and grabbed him, laying him gently down.
"Sam, commo … please Sam, … help me."
"What can I do Jack, tell me what to do?"
"No, please! It's happening again Sam. Tell them to stop. Securro me, Sam, Daniel." Jack began to roll around, clutching his head.
"Oh God, no. Why are they doing this? I thought everything was finished. Jack, oh Jack, why is this happening to you?"
Daniel attempted to reach out to Jack but Sam stopped him, knowing that it would only make things worse. The three companions could do nothing but watch as their leader, their friend writhed in pain.
Although it seemed to take forever, in actual fact it was less than a minute before Jack began to calm down. They could see as he began to relax slightly and no longer move around in pain. As soon as it looked like the episode was over, Sam moved close beside him and putting her arms around him, held him closely.
At first she couldn't even speak, the experiences of the last few minutes having taken their toll on her. Eventually, she reached up and touched his face to get his attention. His eyes seemed to be focused in the far distance.
"Jack, Jack. Can you hear me?" He still lay on the ground as if in a trance, not acknowledging anything.
"O'Neill, can you hear us. You must respond O'Neill – we need your assistance." Teal'c tried to reach the military man in Jack – the one who was always ready to respond and help when his team was in trouble.
Nothing! Still he lay there.
"Daniel, what should we do? What's wrong with him? Oh God, what if the aliens are punishing him or something. Jack please, wake up. Come back to us."
At that moment, Jack blinked and took a deep breath. Licking his lips and letting out a small cough he suddenly appeared to recognize his friends who were all hovering over him anxiously.
"Jack, are you with us now?" asked Daniel.
Although Jack looked directly at him as he spoke, he didn't answer, he just continued to lie on the ground, barely moving.
"Jack, Sir, please can you talk? Can you understand us?" No response, although again he looked over at Sam as she spoke.
"It appears as if he cannot understand us", reasoned Teal'c. "Maybe if you spoke in Ancient to him he could understand."
"Yeah maybe", agreed Daniel. He tried a few Ancient words and phrases but Jack still did nothing but look at him.
The three team members grew increasingly worried as time passed. It was a shock to each of them when Jack suddenly rolled over on to his hands and knees and then pushed himself to a standing position. He looked at Teal'c, giving him a small smile, then at Daniel, doing the same. Finally, he turned to Sam and stood looking at her with no expression.
"Sam", he said so quietly she almost didn't hear him. "Sam, it's time for us to go."
"Okay Jack, let's go. We'll have the doctor look at you as soon as we get back." She spoke very calmly and softly, still worried that things weren't right with him.
"No Sam, not back to earth. You have to come with me. We have to take the Path." As he spoke this time he gave Sam a gentle smile. He didn't look worried, or hesitant.
"But Jack, Sir, we can't. Earth is in trouble and we have to go. You know that already. We're already on our way back."
"Sam, I was wrong. Come with me and all will be well I promise. We will be more help to earth if we stay."
"You don't know what you are saying Sir. The aliens have done something; they're affecting your mind. They're trying to control you. Come, you must return with us." By this time she was really getting worried.
He realized that he must really be freaking them out! After seeing him collapse in pain, and they go into a trance, it was no wonder they thought he was under some kind of mind control. How to convince them?
"Sam, really, I'm fine. I promise you, the aliens aren't controlling me. The pain was caused because they were communicating with me. Unfortunately, their 'signal' was too strong and I experienced kind of an overload. It's okay Sam, I understand now. It's me talking, Jack. You have to believe me. We must go along the path – it's the only way."
"The only way to what? Why do we have to go on the path. You say they communicated with you – so what did they say exactly?"
"Come on Sam, you know them – it wasn't terribly clear in words – but I understood, I know that it's what we have to do. Please!"
"No Jack. We have to go back. Let's just go. Everything will seem better once we're home. You're just tired, you need to rest. Come on, please!"
With those words Sam stood up and, signaling to Teal'c and Daniel turned and faced the direction of the gate. With one more glance towards Jack she led the way back home.
For a moment Jack stood there. God, I've lost her again. Here, after the aliens had communicated to him he realized there was another chance. But she refused to believe him, she refused to listen to him or trust him. I guess he shouldn't be surprised he thought. What did she see in him any…? What! What the hell was he doing. He was thinking exactly the way Sam had said he would. He was letting her go because he didn't really believe he was good enough – and because he was disappointed that she didn't trust him.
Okay O'Neill, get a grip. She trusts you and you know it – but you haven't exactly been acting totally normally. Going into a seeming trance would throw anyone. He knew very well that Sam trusted him with her life, and more importantly with her heart. And, hey, he had promised her he wouldn't start doubting himself or his worthiness.
Finally, he had promised her – and himself – that he wouldn't let her go without a fight. And what was he doing? Letting her walk calmly away from him.
All of these thoughts had zipped through his head so fast that his three companions had not gone very far when he ran to catch up to them.
Not bothering to say anything, he quickly passed Daniel and Teal'c and ran up to Sam. Grabbing her arm he swung her around to face him.
"Sam, you made me promise. You told me not to give you up without a fight. Okay, fine! I'm fighting for you and there ain't nothing you can do about it." With that he bent slightly and, lifted her up over his shoulder. For a moment she was so stunned at his actions she did nothing. During that slight pause he turned to Daniel and Teal'c.
"Guys, don't stop me please. I'm doing the right thing. I know this is what we have to do. Tell Landry we'll be back as soon as possible."
The two men looked confused and hesitant. Daniel started to object when Teal'c grasped his arm.
"He is right Daniel Jackson. We must leave them. Let us return. O'Neill, Colonel Carter, our thoughts go with you. We will tell General Landry."
"Jack O'Neill, let me go. Put me down!" Sam had finally gotten her voice back. She even tried struggling to get down but Jack was just too strong (in fact, she realized, he seemed abnormally strong – normally she would have been able to at least do some damage but Jack barely seemed to notice her struggles.)
"Daniel! Tell him to put me down. Help me please!"
"Ah Sam – I think Jack's right. I think you have to go. We'll tell Landry. Sorry Sam but I think this is for the best."
"Daniel, I will never forgive you! Don't ever expect me to support you when you want more time to study your damned rocks!"
"Uh okay – I am really sorry Sam."
"Thanks guys. Hopefully we'll see you soon". Jack turned and, still carrying his wiggling, fighting, biting, kicking and furious burden, headed back towards the path.
"Sam, stop struggling. You're just going to bruise yourself – and me – for nothing. We're going back and there is nothing you can do."
"This isn't fair Sir. Why are you doing this?"
"Because, I told you. I'm fighting for you. I'm not going to lose you."
"But what about earth. I'll never forgive myself, I'll never forgive you, if we don't return and something terrible happens."
At that, Jack stopped. "Sam, I know you don't understand and I wish I could explain but please don't worry. Everything is going to be fine."
Sam realized that all her struggles were useless so she settled down. Jack refused to set her down – obviously not trusting that she wouldn't make a run for it – and continued on. After about 15 minutes they had arrived back to where they saw the path begin.
Once they had arrived, he set her down carefully, while still maintaining his grip on her arm.
"We're here Sam. Again, I'm asking you to trust me. If you really want to go back to earth I'll let you. You can turn around right now and go and I won't stop you and I won't hold it against you. The choice is yours. But please know this Sam, no matter what you decide, I will always love you."
She closed her eyes, not able to look into his face right at that moment. She knew this was the turning point in her life. Whatever happened now would determine her destiny. If she looked at Jack she knew she would be swayed by the love shining out of his eyes. She also knew that this decision was too important to let that be the only thing on which her decision was based.
So, she thought carefully. If she returned to earth she supposed that she would live something similar to the life she had been shown by the aliens. On the other hand, she would be able to live with the knowledge that she had done what she could to save the planet. Down the path, on the other hand, led, she surmised, to happiness with Jack – but at what cost? Could she ever be truly happy knowing it was at the expense of others.
How could she make this decision? Either choice would create hurt and sorrow. As much as she wanted to take that step forward with Jack, she didn't think she could. Her whole life had been spent serving others – and she couldn't go against her nature.
So, with a broken heart, she opened her eyes and started to tell Jack she had to return to earth. Just as the words were about to leave her mouth something he said popped into her mind. He had asked her to trust him. He hadn't simply said that it was for them – he, more than anyone she knew believed in putting the other first. He would not do something that was purely selfish or self-serving. He had asked her to trust him, that everything would be okay. He had never led her astray in the past. Why should she stop trusting him now, when everything important to her, was at stake.
With a small sigh she looked up and the man she had loved and respected and trusted for so many years.
"Okay Jack. Let's go down the path together." She reached out her hand and took his and turned towards the scene in front of them.
With a blinding grin, Jack let out a yell of pure joy. Together with Sam they walked to the path and, looking at each other, took the first step.
