Barbara tried to focus on her work at the Delphi, but it was impossible. She couldn't get Helena out of her mind.

She was hurt; the girl had said she just wanted a professional relationship with her. She couldn't understand why those words were so painful.

She had known Helena since she was a child. She used to visit them often. Helena would talk to her about the things she didn't want discuss with her mother. Sometimes, when Helena was angry with her mother, she would appear at her home and talk. She was open, easy to read. She was a very sensible person and spoiled. Very spoiled.

The redhead smiled, she told Selina many times that it was not good to spoil her so much, but the blond had answered that she just had one life and one daughter, and she wanted to give her what Selina herself never had.

Barbara stared at the screen and pressed the enter button to start a scan.

Selina didn't trust many people. In fact, Barbara was the only one who knew Bruce was Helena's father before the murder. Selina always protected Helena; she didn't want people to know about her meta skills, she was afraid her enemies would find out who she was and try to hurt the child.

Selina had confessed all those fears to her. She said that the thing that most scared her was leaving Helena alone. Barbara had promised, then, to always keep an eye on the girl. And she had tried to live up to her promise, but Helena made it so hard. It broke her heart to find this hurt and angry girl, leery of everything and everybody.

Bruce had asked her to help him with the girl after she recovered, but Helena was definitely avoiding any contact with her. She couldn't understand why and it was frustrating. She had confirmed it today. Why did the brunette continue to reject her? Why she didn't want her to be in her life, like when she was a child?

The last time Bruce asked her to help with Helena had been a few months ago, when he realized Helena was on the streets at nights, acting as a vigilante. But, before that, Barbara had already known and she had been keeping an eye on her to make sure she didn't get hurt or hurt someone else. Her pain was so great that she didn't care if she killed anyone.

She could do it easily.

Barbara couldn't let her do that, she had too much of her mother, her dark side…. and her anger could transform her into a cold blood criminal.

She didn't want that destiny for the girl. Selina would die again if she saw her being consumed by her sadness and pain.

The redhead had seen her fight and she knew she could be an excellent crime fighter, if her stubbornness didn't get her killed first. She knew that if she could train her, Helena would be a real pain in the ass for criminals. She just needed the brunette to give her an opportunity.

"You are having trouble, I can see," Alfred said, putting a tray with tea and cookies at her side.

"Why do you say that?"

"You have been staring at that screen for more than fifteen minutes and you have pressed but one key. That's not like you."

"Alfred, Alfred…"

"Problems at the Foundation?"

"Not exactly…. it's Helena."

"Oh, what did she do now?"

"She accepted the job at the foundation, but officially put a brick wall between us. She told me she just wants a professional relationship with me."

"And is that bad?" the butler asked.

The redhead looked at him. "I just don't understand."

"Well, she is rude with you, always in a bad mood… Maybe, in some way, it is good to keep your distance from her."

"I would like to be her friend, Alfred. She has no one."

"But she doesn't want that."

"I know, and it hurts."

Alfred looked curious her. "Why?"

"Why?" she stared at him. "Because I made a promise to Selina to keep an eye on her and I can't do that if she won't let me in."

"As I understand it, she is twenty one. She is an adult, she is responsible for her own actions now. You can't do so much for someone as stubborn as she is."
"I know, but I promised."

"Miss Barbara, let me ask you a question. Why are you really trying to help her?"

"I told you, I…"

"I asked, why are you really trying to help her? For Miss Selina or for yourself?"

The redhead rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Alfred, this is not…"

"She has been very unkind to you and it seems that when she pushes you back, you try harder. Why?"

She offered him a blank look and took a few seconds to answer. He was right. She could just forget her. She had done everything she could to help the girl and she had refused. It was not her responsibility.

"Maybe it's pride…." she mumbled. "Maybe I see her pain…. and I don't want her to keep suffering."

"Why?"

"Why?" the redhead asked. "Alfred, I love her."

He lifted his brow and listened to her attentively.

"You should have seen her at the Foundation ball the other night. She was stunning, she has Selina's grace. Everyone turned to watch her, she looked really beautiful."

Beautiful?

Had she said beautiful?

Yes, Helena was beautiful, and her wild side gave her a special attraction.

"She is sweet," Barbara added. "She is hiding all her best qualities behind that attitude. When she is in good mood, she is funny and is like a big kid. She loves to taunt me, it's like a game between us. She challenges my mind with her questions and her reactions."

"You are attracted to her."

"Yes. No! I mean, she only likes me in a professional way."

"You said a few minutes ago that it hurt you that…"

"All right, all right…" She waved her hand. "I mean… I really want to be her friend, and it hurts me she distrusts me that much."

"Give it time." He walked off the platform.

She moved back in her chair. "I'm trying."

The redhead kept thinking. Maybe she, as Alfred said, was giving Helena too much attention. Maybe she needed to back off a bit and let her do whatever she wants. As he said, she was an adult now.


Helena kept working at the foundation. She choose the kids at the orphanage, maybe because her mother had been an orphan and she had told her how much she had suffered in those houses. She organized a program to visit museums. They had five orphanages, so every month she could work with one of them. She wanted to set up visits to parks and a program to get them in public schools so they could live a normal life.

Barbara left her free to do whatever she wanted, but the woman had kept her distance as Helena had requested. It pissed her off. She knew she had asked her to just have a professional relationship but… she hated not getting her attention.

The last few days, she had been going to see her in her office with any stupid excuse, trying to make her talk, and she had done it. She could make her smile and laugh with some stupid comment.

She liked to see her laugh.

Her favorite part of the day was when she trained with her in the afternoon. She had a good time learning new things with her. The redhead was fantastic; she had an analytical mind, she remembered every detail and knew what to do in every situation.

But the fact that she didn't talk about anything other than the necessary began to exasperate her.

She was confused by her own feelings. Sometimes she wanted to be close of her and other times she didn't want anything to do with her.

"Good move, Helena," the redhead complimented, standing up. The brunette had thrown her to the floor with a very fast movement. It was a Tuesday, and they were in the middle of a training session after a work day.

"Thanks." Helena smiled and moved back.

"Now let's try blocking." The redhead took her escrima sticks from the wall.

"What's that?" the brunette asked.

"It's good to know what to do when people attack you with a weapon. I'd imagine that, in a bar, it's common for chairs and bottles to be flying."

"Why do you want to train me? I don't understand."

"Don't worry, it's not for you. I'm trying to prevent you from killing someone."

"You are not funny."

"You are very temperamental. Your main problem is that, when you are angry, you don't think and that is dangerous."

"I'm a bit grumpy, but not too much."

"Sure."

"Hi, Barbara."

"Wade." Barbara's face lit up when she saw her boyfriend at the door.

Helena felt annoyed. What was he doing there? It was their training time.

Barbara wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

Corny.

She went toward the weights and began to lift them, waiting for Wade to leave.

She could hear Wade saying something and the redhead laughed. She gazed back. He hugged her around the waist and said something that made her laugh again.

Helena, angry, closed her fist harder around the weight in her hand, bending it.

She quickly realized her mistake. Crap. Great, she had fucked the thing up.

"What are you doing?" Barbara asked from behind her.

"Nothing." She lowered the weight to prevent the redhead from noticing that it was now mangled, but it was too late. Barbara arrested her movement, she took the weight from Helena's hands. Her strength was amazing. She couldn't believe it.

"How can you do this?"

Helena just growled.

"For that matter, why did you do it?" Barbara asked.

"I don't want to train anymore." The brunette stood up and walked to pick up her towel.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"I said I don't want to train with you anymore."

Barbara crossed her arms, another typical mood swing.

"Why the tantrum, this time?"

"Tantrum?" Helena snapped her head around, furious.

"We are fine one second and, the next one, you are having a tantrum. It's typical of you." Barbara said, "I'm used to it, I'm just curious about why it manifested now."

"I don't have tantrums."

"So what is this about, then? Explain it to me because I don't understand."

"I don't think you care anyway."

"Why not?"

"We never talk, we just do our thing and leave!" Helena paced in front of her, waving her hands.

"You asked for a strictly business relationship." Barbara laughed in disbelief, trying to understand her contradictory change of mind.

"Yes!! But that doesn't mean that we can't talk some times."

Barbara narrowed her eyes and observed her. She was tense, really annoyed. Now, this was new. She was pissed because she had kept her distance from her. What a big child.

"Helena, I am really trying my best to understand you, but you are so difficult," she said, talking in a soft voice in hopes of calming the other woman. "Let me see if I understand this… you asked me to have a professional relationship, but, at the same time, you want me to guess when you are in the mood to talk more than just professionally. Everything must be around what you want. That's pretty selfish." Barbara walked to her. "Let me make this clear, Helena. If you want my friendship, I would really love it. I want to be your friend, but I don't have ESP to be able to tell what you want, when you want it.

"I don't want your friendship," the brunette said annoyed.

Barbara rolled her eyes and sighed. She rested her hands on her waist. "What do you want, then?"

"Nothing." The brunette turned her back to her and walked toward the door..

"Why are you so mad at me?"

"I'm not."

"You are… and you have been since I returned from my recovery, why?" Barbara followed her. "What changed between us?"

"I said I didn't want to answer questions."

Barbara stopped her, grabbing her arm. She turned her to face her. "I want to talk, now."

"I don't." Helena whipped her head around, angry, and jerking her arm away.

"This time I don't care. I want to talk and that's enough for me," Barbara said, glaring at her. "I'm tired of your behavior. Tell me what is wrong with you, or with me. Why do we fight all the time? Why are you so angry with me?"

"I'm not!" Helena pulled her arm back.

"Are you afraid of me? Are you afraid that we will be friends? Why?"

"I'm not!" the brunette shouted. She was sweating from the exercise and her muscles were clearly tense.

"You don't want me to talk to you, you don't want me to touch you. Fine. Just tell me why."

Helena didn't answer, she just turned and walked toward the exit. She was going to open the door, when Barbara stepped around her and slammed the door shut. She stood in front of the door and pushed the brunette back. She knew that Helena would quickly reach her breaking point. She didn't like to be touched, and worse, she didn't like to be pushed emotionally.

"I'm fucking tired of your games!" Barbara growled, shouting at her. "What did I do to you? Why do you act as if I am your enemy? We were friends, Helena!"

"We were," Helena shouted. "Past tense."

"Why past tense?"

"It's finished. It's over, Barbara!." She tried to open the door. Barbara pushed her back.

"You are not running away this time. We are going to finish this conversation, today. We are going to talk, now."

"Don't touch me…" Helena lifted her index.

Barbara pushed her back again. She wanted to push her to her limit to make her talk.

"What am I to you?" Barbara asked, standing a few inches from her, invading her personal space, knowing it would piss her off.

"Nothing, you are nothing!" the young woman growled, pushing her back with her hands.

"Am I nothing?" Barbara asked.

"Yes, you are nothing to me!" Helena spat. She felt her blood burning in her veins.

"Why?" the redhead moved close to her again.

Helena pressed her lips together and clenched her fists.

"I want to know why!" Barbara shouted.

"You abandoned me!" Helena yelled out, her eyes changing to feral.

Barbara was speechless, her facial expression changed to one of confusion. What was she talking about?

"You were all I had and you left me alone!" Helena growled. "I needed you, and you forgot me!!!"

"I didn't abandon you, why would you say that?"

"You didn't call me anymore, you forgot me!" Helena's eyes started to burn with brimming tears. "It hurt! It hurts so much! I lost my mom and I lost you, too!! I was alone, I thought you loved me, I thought you were my friend!"

"I am your friend," the redhead responded, gentling her tone.

"Don't lie to me! You were always busy, you stopped calling me and, when you did, you were in a hurry. I was a nuisance for you!"

"Not true," Barbara tried to talk, but Helena didn't give her a chance.

"You said you loved me and you lied!"

Helena…" the redhead mumbled, she never imagined this outcome. "I didn't forget you, I was recovering and…and…"

"You had time for Dick. You had time to call him, but not me."

Now the redhead felt all the pieces falling into place. She understood Helena's behavior, she understood her rejection, her pain. She saw Helena was crying.

"I didn't mean to do it." Barbara felt guilty, she wanted to reverse time and fix her mistakes. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Helena wiped her nose with her hand. "You were my friend… I shouldn't have had to ask you."

"Helena, I'm sorry, you were with your father… I thought..."

"I didn't know him!" Helena shouted. "He was a stranger to me!!!"

"But he was your dad! I really thought you would be okay. I know him! He is a good man!"

"That doesn't make him a good father! He felt like a stranger. He had never seen me before, he didn't know me! He was busy with his business and… and he…" she bit her lips. She was going to tell her she had discovered he was Batman and that he didn't want to take revenge on her mother's death.

"He what?"

"Forget it." She shook her head. She wouldn't understand.

"Helena, please." Barbara felt so bad, she had failed her, she was right. She understood why she had been rejecting her all these years. "I didn't know it was that bad, forgive me." Barbara tried to touch Helena's arm, but the brunette stepped back. "You should have told me, I needed to know and… Let me show you I'm your friend."

"No," the young woman shook her head. "I'll never trust you anymore."

Barbara brushed her hair back. "How could I know? I was so focused on trying to walk again, trying to be me again, that I didn't stop to think. I thought you were fine with him. I should have, I should have been sure you really were doing alright. It was my mistake, you were just a kid… Please, let's fix this."

"Barbara," the brunette lowered her voice, "our friendship is over. Now you have your own life, you have Wade."

"It's different, Helena."

"No," she shook her head, "you spend so much time with him. When you are with him, no one else exists. I see you with him, you are happy, you don't need anyone else."

"Are you jealous of Wade?"

"I'm not in your life anymore and you are not in mine." Helena ducked her head, refusing to look at the older woman.

"You are important to me, very important." The redhead looked for her eyes. "Please, look at me. You are important to me, do you understand?"

Helena shook her head with eyes moist. She looked at her for a brief second. "I can't." She walked through the door and picked up her sweatshirt.

This time, Barbara didn't stop her. The redhead covered her face with her hands.

She felt so bad.

What she had done?


Helena hit the metallic door with her fist, denting it.

"Fuck!" she growled, annoyed.

She had been so stupid, why had she opened her big mouth? She kicked a trash can, feeling frustrated. She had promised herself never to open her heart to her and she had done it. She was so fucking confused. Barbara knew that she was afraid of being hurt again, she didn't mean to expose her emotions like that, but Barbara had pushed her, why had she pushed her?

"Stupid, stupid, stupid." Helena used her fists and smashed a container.

She turned and paced furiously in the dark alley.

She felt a great anger inside her, anger at herself, at Barbara, at her father. She wanted to take her anger out on something.

She squeezed her fists in balls.

She needed a good fight.

After leaving Barbara's gym, she had been walking, walking and walking. It was already dark, she didn't know how long she had been just wandering about. It was late. She checked her watch, almost midnight.

She jumped to the top of a building and sat on the edge, staring at the city below her. She felt sad, depressed, and stupid.

Very stupid.

Now Barbara would feel sorry of her.

She couldn't get the image of those green eyes regarding her out of her mind. She remembered the day Barbara had challenged her to that match in the training room, when she had said she could ask her anything if she won. She never asked her, but she wanted to ask her for a kiss to piss her off. But, now, she didn't know if it was to piss her off or because she wanted it.

She noticed a glow in the distance. She lifted her head, she could smell smoke. She stood up, wondering. It was a fire.

It hit her like a hammer.

The orphanage.

It was the orphanage. It was the biggest building in that zone, surrounded by trees. She ran toward it as fast as she could.

When she arrived, she felt her heart sink. The upper floors were on fire. Some people in charge were helping get the children out. She ran toward them and stopped a person at the door.

"How many children inside?"

"I don't know, it must be many, but it's too hot."

She looked up. Suddenly, she saw a familiar figure at one window.

Batgirl. She had a kid in her arms.

"Throw him! I'll catch him here!" she shouted.

The redhead turned her head, looking down and she didn't hesitate. She did as she was told. As soon as the kid fell into Helena's arms, Batgirl turned and ran back inside the home. Helena gave the kid to a woman and ran inside. She jumped to the second floor.

Shit.

This was not good, Batgirl appeared, carrying two children more with her.

Helena took one and jumped through the window to the grass. Batgirl landed close to her, using her batrope.

"How many more?" she asked her.

"Two or three…. and I need check the third and fourth floors."

"I'll check the fourth," the brunette said, jumping up again.

The place was totally in flames. She rescued another kid and jumped to the uppermost floor again. She heard a kid crying, she had trouble moving on the floor. Iit was really hot and some parts of the ceiling were falling.

Pieces of wood on fire fell around her.

She ran toward the main room. She found a man dressed in black, with his face covered. He had a gas can in his hands. She didn't think twice, she hit him hard in his face and took the gas can, throwing it to the side.

"Why the fuck are you doing this?" she growled.

"Not your business."

"Now is now." She growled and charged toward him, hitting him hard again and sending him against the wall. She wanted to kill him, he had burned the place.

He threw a punch. She blocked his arm and hit him again. The man tried to hit her again, but she was faster and punched him hard in his gut, he fell to the floor.

She heard the kid crying again and turned her head.

It was Justin. She needed to help him.

The man noticed her distraction and he used that brief second to pick up a piece of wood that had fallen from the roof.

Helena turned her head and felt a hard blow against her jaw that made her see stars. Dazed, she stumbled back, the man hit her hard on the back of her head and she fell to her knees. A loud noise was heard and she lifted her head to see a big piece of wood falling over her. She lifted her arm and turned, but it hit her with strength in her side, pushing her against the floor.

Her head hit the ground hard.

She felt was falling in a deep black hole when she heard Justin crying distantly. She fought against the fog that was surrounding her senses. Her head hurt like hel. The smoke was filling the place, she coughed.

Helena tried to opend her eyes, her eyeslides felt so heavy, a warm trickle ran down her face. She blinked and found difficult to see, the blood blurred her vision.

The brunette tried to stand up and it was when she realized the heavy piece of wood was trapping her legs.

The kid still was crying.

She tried to lift the heavy weight off herself, but she felt numb. Her mind was blurred, she felt she would fall unconscious at any moment. She couldn't, she needed to help Justin. She coughed again and tried to push the heavy wood off her, but she couldn't move, she closed her eyes feeling the darkness overwheling her. It was hot, very hot, she felt the fiery heat burning her skin. She tried to turn, but she was very numb and the wood kept her immobilized.

"Justin…" she mumbled coughing and gasping, it was hard to breathe.

He called her by her name. He was calling her.

He needed her.

But she felt so tired, she just wanted sleep.

She had failed him…


TBC