I feel sad today. No idea why.

Thanks to: Solar Kitty, PunkRockHolly, Blueberry Absinth, blackteaplease, Beautiful Nightmare07, and LilyGirl101


68. Boundaries

Gin stood in a bookstore, shadowed by a bookshelf. Despite his hair, he knew he would not be noticed by anyone. He had made himself a master of disappearing long ago. Even so, he held his breath when Rangiku passed near him. She never glanced in his direction. Instead, she walked into a café.

She was not meant to notice him, but even so he could not help but wince just a bit. Something in him kept him hoping she would somehow know he was there despite everything.

A moment later, he saw Rangiku exit a café door and sit at a black metal table. She had a cup of tea in front of her, and she was watching the street. Gin sighed. She was coming to meet with him for lunch, she had invited him a few days before. He wanted to sit down with her and laugh with her, see her smile and watch her eyes light up.

He watched as her eyes became more anxious, scanning the people on the street one by one, searching. It was all a part of the game he played to keep her in his life. Then came the moment he hated the most. The little, quiet sigh with a slight lift of her shoulders. Her head bowed down and she sipped at her tea.

She would no longer search for his face in the crowd now. This was the moment she knew Gin was not going to show up. Now, she did not even ask him where he was or why he had not told her he would miss meeting her.

She accepted it as she did his perpetual wandering, as simply a part of who he was. He hated it. It was terrible that she loved him enough to put up with it all. He hated that he hurt her so much of the time. He hated being apart from her even more. He was so selfish, horribly selfish, but Rangiku was the one thing he could not stand to give up.

Eventually, he would have to. Until then, he would play this game so that he could keep Rangiku in his life without drawing Aizen's wrath onto her.

Gin watched Rangiku a few minutes longer. Then he turned and slunk down an alley. He meandered away, just putting one foot in front of the other. He still watched people, but today he did not cause trouble, or draw inferences from them. They were merely people, something that barely distracted his mind. When he stopped wandering, nearly two weeks had passed. He almost felt sorry for his lieutenant, but then he had chosen his lieutenant because he was a capable, hard-working man who would be able to handle the extra work Gin gave him.


Despite the sad, horribleness of this chapter, I actually really like it. Am I weird?